'No one finds you funny. Everyone thinks you're hollow and boring. Nothing more than bleached hair and painted nails.'
I push the thought away with the shake of my head, knowing that soon, I'll fixate on my own thoughts when I'm all alone, and focused back on my friends. "I saw this pretty little Gucci purse. I'm, like, in love with it already" I gush over enthusiastically to the girls with little to no genuine enthusiasm. They didn't have to know that though.
They all turned to me in unison, almost like they were possessed by the same spirit. "You have got to, like, show me where you saw it. I lost mine last week. I feel like there's a hole in my life without it" Mackenzie, my closest friend out of the group, exclaims over dramatically in her loudest voice, gaining the attention of almost every eye in the cafeteria.
I stared at a few of the people with eyes on us. Their eyes weren't filled with amusement or understanding or anything except annoyance. Frustration. Anger.
It hurt to look at them. But I understand. My friends and I are notoriously known throughout the school as the bullies. I don't know what else they say as my ears, believe it or not, aren't satellites and can't pick up everything. But that's pretty much the basics.
They all rolled their eyes angrily before turning back to their friends and school lunches. Today was meatballs which was one of the best dinners at our school. The rest are all gooey or chewy or stringy or just damn right unappealing.
I turn back to the girls. They're all giving out threatening glares to anyone who dares look towards them. I rolled my eyes as inconspicuously as I could manage so as not to draw attention to my slight annoyance at their unspoken mission: to make everyone hate us.
It's working well. I wish it wasn't. I wish I had ever gotten a choice. But no. It was "Eleanor, do this." Or "Eleanor say that". I didn't even get to decide whether or not I wanted to hang out with them. It was just "Eleanor, you're with us."
Does it make me a coward that I'd rather be the predator than the victim no matter what my moral values scream at me?
It takes strength to admit that yes, it does in fact make me a coward. Or at least I like to think it made me just that little bit braver.
"That emo kid is still staring at us." Megan, another one of my friends say maliciously, snapping me back to earth, away from the black hole that was my thoughts.
'Someday, I won't be able to get out of it. It's only a matter of time' I thought.
Someone clicked their fingers at my face to get my attention. Only then did I realized that I had zoned out again.
"Hello? Anyone in there?" Trixie, the aggressive person in our friend group teased, knocking her knuckles into my head.
I hope she doesn't mean to hit as hard as she does. But I doubt it. My head starts to pound in pain immediately.
"Did you hear us Eleanor?" Mackenzie smirked.
I shook my head no and put on a fake smile, shoving past the pain.
Trixie clears her throat for emphasis before repeating the "thought evoking conversation" that I had zoned out on.
"We thought you should sort him out. After all, he seems to be aiming his creepy staring at you so it's only fair you deal with IT." She uttered the last word in so much disgust that it was hard not to flinch. But I didn't. I never did.
Instead, I grinned evilly for them and put on a show. Not before bowing down to them jokingly as I left for Grey's table.
The walk from my table to his took longer than I had expected: What with the massive crowds and the fact that he hides right in the back of the cafeteria. Hiding....Next to the bins.
Thank god he was only subjected to the recycling bin. The other bin was on the way out of the cafeteria.
When I finally got there, I was appalled at what I saw. Grey used to have dirty blonde hair, but looking at his now dyed black hair, it startled me. His hair was perfect. I used to wish I had his hair. And he just dyed it?
I stomped up to him, suddenly genuinely annoyed. "You dyed your hair?" I exclaimed irrationally with my arms crossed intimidatingly across my chest.
Timidly, Grey nodded his head.
"Why?" I asked exasperatedly, genuinely curious for the first time in a while but I played it off as anger instead of curiosity.
Because what's worse than everybody knowing how you feel?
Grey shook his head this time.
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