A few hours after Lilli and Emily leave, the nurse is checking up on both myself and Ally, who is still fast asleep.
"You've asked me about Ally, about the two boys in the next room," she says, taking my temperature. "but you haven't even asked about yourself. Wouldn't you like to know?"
She has a point. "Yes, please."
She smiles a little at that. Her face wrinkles, she might be middle-aged. I wonder how long she's worked as a nurse onboard cruise ships like this, how many patients she's met and made friends with and watched leave.
"You were shot, but it only grazed your chest." I raise an eyebrow and she grins a little more. "Well, it was a graze compared to what poor Ally got."
"How long do you think it'll take for me to get better? I'd rather not go home and have to tell my parents that I was shot on a cruise," I say honestly.
"A-Actually, all your parents will immediately be informed when we arrive home tomorrow." I just look at her. "There's no way we can leave them out of this," she tells me apologetically.
"Even if we weren't willingly involved?"
She gets up and heads over to Ally to redress her wound.
"An interview with all of you kids will tell us what happens next."
I frown at that. She's clearly still sceptical about us. But it's fair enough. There was a shoot-out onboard a cruise ship. She has every right to suspect us all.
Silence settles in the infirmary.
I think about what will come next. My parents will know. If the interviews don't go right, I may end up in court and my parents will have to witness that. I can't even think about the expressions that'll appear on their faces when they hear from the police tomorrow. And then there's Harry Evans.
Up until last night, I was a corpse-to-be for him. If it weren't for Ben revealing himself, Harry would've killed me; why else would he have had a gun with him? Which hurts even more, since it was officially our first… proper… date.
I'd pay anything to go back and experience the whole cruise again, without feeling the confusion I did, the anger, the suspiciousness, the weariness.
Somehow, I still wonder if I could go and visit Harry now, before we're taken to hospital tomorrow.
"Hey, um…" I realise I still don't know the nurse's name, and she never introduced herself. She turns her head to me.
"Yes?"
When I don't respond, she stands and comes over. She's close enough now, and I can read her name tag.
"Nurse Liu," I say aloud. I gulp down the lump in my throat. "Would it be possible for me to go visit someone?"
She stares at me for a second, then sits down beside me. I shuffle my legs so she can have more room.
"You'd like to see Harry, am I right?"
"How'd you –?"
"He talks to me about you all the time, and asked me as soon as I met him if he could come see you." She's trying not to smile. "He likes you?"
I flick my head away, but I think she catches my stupid grin.
"I shouldn't like him back."
"Did he…?"
"He didn't shoot anyone!" I yell. Ally grumbles something from across the stale room. I'm still defending him. Somehow. "He protected me." The words come out and I can't stop them. I mentally-facepalm.
"Ah," she says. "I see." She leaves my side again. "Well, you can't go see him now – you're all under some restrictions for where you're allowed to go and who's allowed to visit you. But I can assure you, if what you said is true, that both of you aren't seriously involved and haven't done anything wrong, you'll see each other soon enough."
I wouldn't be so sure.
This final night on the cruise was definitely not what I expected.
Lilli and Emily come back late and bring me way too many snacks from the buffet. Miss Liu only allows me to have the pizza slice, but I'm content that my friends came anyway.
Early in the morning, it's still dark when I wake to sounds of pain. I flick on my bedside lamp and climb out of bed. I try not to grunt as I make my way over to Ally's beside. She's groaning, and I wonder if she's okay. I turn on her light too, and it turns out she's crying. I pick up a tissue on the table and turn back to her. She's awake now.
"Ally," I say. "Are you okay? Do you need me to call the nurse?"
She looks at me, her eyes wide, and mutters two words. "I'm sorry."
I give her a look. "Oh, shut up." She sniffles and I dab at her nose with the tissue. She takes it out of my hand and does it herself. "You were just doing what you were supposed to, right?"
When she's done, she says: "So that means you'll forgive Harry too, right?"
"Why do you care?" I ask a little too harshly.
She rolls her eyes, and my respect for her rises. "Tasmin, he likes you. Like, a lot. A lot, a lot. I could tell every single time he spoke to me."
I swallow. My parched throat stings. "I heard."
"What do you mean?"
I take a breath. "The other day, when you and Harry met up in secret on Deck seven…" She keeps her eyes trained on me. "I was there too."
She smirks softly. "You'd make a good spy."
"Hm. I'd rather not be a spy."
Ally smiles sadly. "Good choice."
Suddenly I feel like talking. And… I wanna know more about Harry.
"Could you… tell me how you and Harry met?"
So Ally and I stay up talking.
My parents are already at the hospital when I arrive on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance. They walk beside me, trying to hug me, hold my hand, and I try to tell them that I'm fine, but they're worried sick, even as I'm wheeled to a room for recovery. I don't see Harry at all.
Even though they were informed of what happened, they insist that I tell them again, if I'm well enough.
"Don't force her," my mum says to my dad. Then to me: "Only tell us if you feel well enough, okay?"
"I –"
"The first cruise we allow you on without us and this happens." My dad's shaking his head, and his rough fingers are brushing my hand. "It shouldn't even happen."
"I didn't –" I start. "– I was just passing by when it happened."
"So you don't know who… fired?" my dad inquires.
"I… I –"
"Maybe she doesn't want to talk about that," my mum scoffs, trying to be quiet but I hear all of it. "Taz, honey, we want to know what happened…" She reaches over the sheets and takes my other hand. "... but we wanna know you're okay first."
Both of them just stare at me, looking concerned. I give them what they want to hear, because I'm not ready to recount it… yet.
"I'm okay." I watch them release their breaths, then I say: "I'm really tired though."
"Should I call the nurse back?"
"No, no. I think I just need to sleep a little." I hope they get the message and head out.
They do. And they return in the late-afternoon with take-away food for me.
In the morning, they don't come.
I'm being talked to by the police.
"I'll be recording your answers, but I need your permission as the witness. Is that okay with you, Tasmin?"
I nod. "Yes."
It's a woman in full-uniform, but she wears a smile, and takes notes on her notepad as she asks me the questions I anticipate.
Do I know who Benjamin Anderson is?
"Yes, I know him from primary school."
Was I aware of his intentions?
"No."
Was I aware that the Anderson's changed their surname to Kelly in order to frame you?
"No."
Do I know why Ben shot me?
"Because I tried to save Ally."
Who was Allison Anderson to me?
"An acquaintance." And before the police woman can keep asking me questions, I continue: "Please don't charge her – she had nothing to do with what happened. They forced her to try and kill Harry."
Who forced her?
"Ben… Ben's parents."
Do you know why?
"Harry's dad and Ben's dad are… I'm not sure. They're against each other. But they…" I clench my fists. "... Ben's dad took it out on Harry's whole family. It's the reason his mum is… dead." I look up, into the police woman's eyes, which are glued on mine. "Then they changed their last name and made me the target for Harry."
I hear her scribbling on the paper. She gets up and leaves for a minute before returning with a cup of water. I sip from it, but I'm not thirsty, just thinking too hard, and I'm worried that she can hear everything inside my head, seeping out somehow. I'm holding a wave of emotions back, and I'm not sure what would happen if I let it all out… That's what I'm afraid of.
I look up at the police woman.
"Are there more questions?" I ask.
She smiles at me, but this one seems most genuine out of all the ones she's given me.
"Your answers are valuable, Tasmin," she tells me, and I nod. "But I'm not going to push you."
I swallow. "Isn't this case really important?"
She nods. "It is." I just stare, so she continues. "Our team has been searching for the source of a money launderer. We haven't been able to trace it back… until we suspected Ben's father, after the incident. Do you think he's capable of –?"
"I don't know anything about him." I add: "And if it weren't for Ally stalling the fight yesterday, both Harry and I might be…"
She nods slowly, then quickly in understanding. She stands.
"Get well soon, Tasmin. And don't worry too much, but we'll contact your parents if we need to give you more information, or, if we need to call you back for more questioning. Okay with you?"
"Okay."
She heads towards the door. Then turns back. She doesn't say anything, but then I blurt out:
"Could you tell me what happens to Harry?"
She ponders this for a moment. "I'll let you know what I can, when I can, alright?"
"Thank you."
She leaves.
For some reason, the moment she heads out, I'm overcome by exhaustion. Visiting hours might be soon, and my parents will be here again, but I allow myself to shut my eyes and drift into a dream purely made of the life I wish for Harry, for Ally, even for Ben… and perhaps for me, too.
Harry
This is exactly how it felt.
My mum, my dad, myself.
The room, white, long, wide, made us feel small. And even more helpless than we already were. So familiar, yet not something I want to remember at all.
I sigh at the nostalgic feeling: We meet again...
All we could do was try to remember the things we needed to say before the chance slipped away. And we tried anything but to picture what life was going to be without her.
It couldn't happen. It shouldn't.
I took her frail hand in mine and held tight, not believing, just hoping, that if I held on tight enough, maybe the chance wouldn't slip away, and I wouldn't have to let go, and neither would she.
I let the tears fall then, I let them fall now.
I do what I did before; take her hand, and whisper, oh, so quietly:
Don't go this time. I'll go.
Even though it's Tasmin, it feels like the right thing to say.
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