Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Noah followed Raven into her apartment and shut the door with Max on the other side to stand vigil. Wordlessly, she went down the hall toward her bedroom, so he plopped on the couch with his head in his hands. His shaking hands.

Ten years and he'd taken every precaution to avoid this exact moment. Looked like his FBI contact was right. There was a hit out on him. But why taunt Raven by following her instead of just taking a shot? Not that he wasn't grateful.

And he hadn't been with her. Max Gerard was the best, Noah wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't, but shit-he hadn't been with her. That little incident could've been something much more than a tail. Tonight was just a warning. Something could've happened to her, and he wasn't fucking there.

He'd stood in his condo this morning like a dumb fuck and had said nothing as she packed, despite how everything inside his head screamed not to let her walk. He thought he was being irrational, clouding the friendship line with sex, so he'd said nothing. But damn-

He swiped a hand down his face, gaze landing on a small book on her coffee table. Picking it up for a distraction, he skimmed the first page, recognizing her handwriting.

And though all this seems well and good-a rise from poor upbringings-I remain someone of little consequence. I linger in the shadows, letting the artists shine. That is their place, not mine. I merely give them the means. I much prefer it this way, for reasons I dare not pull from memory or I'll sink back into the dark.

The more he read, the bigger the hole in his chest grew.

So when my assistant strolled into my office on the second floor of Elements and set her palms flat on my desk one idle Tuesday morning, I had no way of knowing that this would be the moment everything changed. A series of dominoes tipping with a clack, all leading to an unexpected and crazy end. One I fear I won't ever recover from.

It was dated today. Nothing before it, nothing after.

Raven walked into the room and set down a suitcase.

Slowly, he rose and turned to her. "I'm something you'll never recover from?"

She looked at the book and then him, genuinely confused by his question. She waved her fingers for him to pass it over. He did, and she scanned the page and reared back. "I wrote this earlier today. Honestly, I've never written a journal before. I let my mind go blank and just wrote." She looked up. "Max arrived before I could read it."

For the first time tonight, his gaze took in the dress he'd picked out for her. She was as breathtaking as he'd imagined. Thin straps over her slender shoulders, the material clung to her breasts and flowed like water. Raven wearing red was instant dick CPR. Every time.

But it was more than that, more than the physical punch of lust she invoked. Raven was smart, strong, and compassionate. Elegant and hard-working. The only person who could drag a laugh out of him most days. She made him desire to be something better. Someone who could maybe be the lasting sort. To fall asleep beside and wake up with each morning. Who'd protect her at every turn and put her above all else.

In a way, he'd been doing it for years. Only now, he was aware.

In the journal, she'd said she was of little consequence. That couldn't be further from the truth. It didn't even leave him rattled to discover she was the most important person in this world to him, equaled and comparable only to Aubrey. It pained him to think she felt that way. He hoped to all that was holy he didn't put that view in her head. Didn't she get it? After everything the past month, the past ten years, did she not see his sun rose and set with her?

She made him-feel. After a lifetime of forcing emotion down and welcoming the numbness that separated him from attachment, she'd opened a door. And he was something she wanted to recover from.

He stepped forward. "Answer me. Please."

Tossing the book down, she leveled him with a look that nearly brought him to his knees. Desperation, longing, desire, optimism. It melded together in the span of seconds. Finally, she swallowed, her voice husky and raw when she spoke. "I don't know if it's possible to recover from you."

Just like that, the room tipped. The floor fell out from beneath his feet. The air evaporated. Yet neither of them moved. The clock on her wall kept ticking.

"Sage." It was the only thing he could think of to say, the only thing that seemed to make any damn sense. All things considered, he was surprised he could force the word out.

Confusion wrinkled her brows before they lifted in surprise. Her lips parted in a gasp. "Noah?"

Yeah. He was invoking the safeword. "It appears that you leaving is my hard limit." When she didn't say anything, he took another step closer. "I don't know what in the hell happened, but giving up on us because the time clock punched out doesn't feel right. What could it hurt to try?" He swallowed hard. "Stay, Raven. Stay and see where this goes."

She let out a breath, hand fisted over her chest. "I told you sex would change everything," she whispered, tears clinging to her long, dark lashes.

"You're still my best friend. I'd still do anything for you, anything in my power to protect you. Sex didn't change that. It enhanced it." He closed the distance until they stood toe to toe and she had to crane her neck to look up at him. He skimmed the back of his hand down her arm, linking their fingers. "Sage, baby."

She shook her head, the motion conflicting with the hope in her eyes. "God, Noah. You really want to do this? What do we know about relationships? Hell, people don't get more broken than us."

In his opinion, scars weren't a thing to hide behind. Having them meant a person went through hell and was still around to tell the tale. He dropped his forehead to hers. "If you can honestly say to me you haven't thought about it, that you aren't tempted to try, then I'll walk away. Can you say that, Raven?"

Her eyes fluttered closed, the pulse in her neck beating erratically. "I can't say that because you're right. I have thought about it, about-us."

He cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him. Leaning in, he brought his mouth to hers, kissing her long and thorough and deep. He edged back enough to look in her eyes. "I think it's time you met my family."

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