Chapter 20: Saying It

Kelly

The words of that song echoed in my head as Crash held me, standing in the back of his truck. Weeping with happiness. I can't believe he wrote me a song!

In the dark, you're calling me

In my dreams, I'm falling

If you leave it up to me

We'll never be apart.

In the dark.

You're always with me in the dark.

Crash started crooning, singing. To me. And it was on the radio? The chorus repeated over and over until finally it faded with Tommy singing backup and cutting loose on the drums. And inside I felt so full I literally shook with it. I didn't know what to say. But I had to say something. So in the end, I just babbled my feelings like a crazy person.

"I love you, Crash. So much."

He froze. Wondering what might have scared him, I opened my mouth to tell him more, to rush in and reassure him. Then I realized what I'd said. I told him I love him . . .

Adrenaline snaked through me, chilling and burning in my veins. Crap. It wasn't a lie. I did love Chrash! But he hadn't ever said it, and now he was staring at me like—

"Fuck, Kelly. I love you more," he said hoarsely, then kissed me.

My pulse thumped in my ears as he pulled me in. I almost pulled away to make him say it again. Was it true? Had he really said it?

I groaned with the depth of my feelings, but he did too. And his lips were on mine and I was desperate. But so was he. Our kiss was so hard it was a bruising, teeth-clashing, desperate connection.

And I loved it. I loved him.

I loved Crash!

I couldn't stop saying it against his lips. And every time I did, he shuddered and pulled me even closer. Then he'd say it and I'd arch into him.

There was so much and I was so full if we'd been somewhere with a bed and a lock on the door, I would have slept with him then and there. I wanted to. I wanted him!

But instead, eventually, with swollen lips, we pulled back far enough to stare at each other. Both of us panting. Both our shoulders rising and falling with the force of our breaths.

Crash's hair fell into his eyes. But he cupped my face and examined me, shaking his head.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me," he said, not a hint of teasing or flirting in his words.

I put a hand to his cheek, pulled my thumb across his bottom lip. I wanted him to keep kissing me. But reality was already knocking on the back of my mind.

"You're the best thing that will ever happen to me."

His gaze got really dark—near black. Then he kissed me again. For a long time. Until my breath came too fast. Long enough that I was twenty minutes late for work. First time ever. And I didn't even care.

I walked into Grandma's Diner to punch in with a smile on my face. Crash wrote me a love song, and other people will hear it.

At moment I knew I could live through another couple years with Dan, and grow to get past the death of my mom because Crash and I would be together forever.

*****

Crash (present day)

I don't know what she's thinking about, but standing in my hospital room, Kelly's eyes have gone distant, and shiny. She's remembering something. No doubt something I did.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Kelly. So sorry," I murmur. "But I promise the girls in those pictures were nothing but marketing."

"Whatever. You owe me, Crash." She lowers her voice as she glances at the door to Dan's room. She rolls her shoulders back like she's bracing.

"Well, sure, but—"

She raises her chin. "Writing with you guys is the first thing Dan's agreed to in over a year. I've spent enough time by myself in that house. I won't let you being a selfish jerk keep me in prison."

"That's . . . good?"

She nods once, sharply. Like she doesn't want to agree. "So have Tommy tell me when you get out of here and I might come over. Or I might not."

It's a battle not to smile because I can hear her internally berating herself for sounding indecisive.

"And if I have an idea about a song I will tell you because I'm good at that whether you're with me or not."

"Yeah, you are. That song you wrote was incredible."

She nods, but her nostrils flare and her lips are pinched. "I want to forgive you. But this is really hard."

"I get it." I want to say so much more, but then she looks at me and for a split second, it's us again. We know each other. We can read each other's minds. But just when I'm going to open my mouth, she looks away.

"Thank you for helping with Dan." Then she's gone, screeching that curtain aside so my head thrums, and by the time I ease it off, she's down the hall, and Tommy's standing in the door.

We look at each other.

"Prick," he says.

I roll my eyes. "I told you I was—"

"Not that, idiot." He ambles out the door. "She's still in love with you. You don't deserve that." And he walks away again.

I gape at the empty doorway.

Is he right? A thrill fizzes through me. He's right that I don't deserve her heart. But, fuck. I hope he's also right about her still wanting me.

Rubbing my aching head with a sigh, I pick up the phone and open the guitar chord app again. Because she doesn't know everything that happened a year ago. Can't know. But maybe with time, if she still has feelings for me, she might forgive me anyway.

Which means I've still got a song to write.

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