Chapter 44: The Walls Have Ears:
Chaos reigned throughout after the drawing of the Triwizard Tournament. Much yelling, much screaming, a whole lot of cursing followed, and no one seemed to be speaking that coherently at all. Dumbledore finally cleared his throat.
"It appears we have some kind of problem."
"Yes," Crouch said. "We do...and we had thought that you secured the Goblet so no underage competitors would get into the tournament. And yet we have two. And one of them is a first year."
Bagman almost made a comment about how this student looked a bit too mature to be a first year, but given how such comments made him a subject of a Ministry inquiry in the past.
Karkaroff twirled his goatee. Krum looked around a bit confused at the entire situation. Fleur held her nose up in the air. And Maxime just appeared beyond baffled by the entire ordeal.
"Two champions, Dumbledore?" Karkaroff asked. "I was unaware that Hogwarts was able to get two champions…."
"Don't know what you're complaining about," Harry said. "Given that the two champions are underaged, it should be a walk in the park for the other champions."
"Boy, you should be quiet when your betters are talking."
"Well, if any of my betters ever speak up, I will keep that in mind," Harry said.
"Oooh, burn," Wade said.
Everyone cast the Merc/Custodian one of those looks. Wade just zipped his lips, doing his best impression of his alternate counterpart in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, by not saying anything. At least not for now.
"Do not mind Potter's disrespect, Karkaroff, he has been crossing lines since…."
Snape would have said more, but he had to excuse himself thanks to a sudden itching fit.
"I have at least fifty-three different albi witnesses who can account for my whereabouts during the time which the Goblet was active," Harry told them. "And the fact is...someone put my name underneath a fourth school. Do you honestly think that a fourth-year student can trick one of the oldest magical artifacts in the world to put his name into the tournament underneath a different school?"
"Boy's got a point," Mad-Eye conceded. "It's going to take a very powerful Confundus spell to bewitch an artifact of that power. Dark magic of the highest magnitude...almost like the type of the former followers of Lord Voldemort would be capable of."
Here, Moody's eye, both magical and otherwise, fell on Karkaroff, who frowned.
"I don't like the fact you implicate me in this, Moody."
Moody just gave the Durmstrang Headmaster a crooked grin. "Whose doing the Implicating, Karkaroff? Guilty conscience, eh? Not surprising from when someone sleeps with one eye open, holding their pillow tight…."
"Enter light, exit night," Wade said. Everyone looked at him strangely. "Sorry."
"And we both know the reason why."
"You know nothing about me, Moody," Karkaroff said.
Dumbledore cleared his throat.
"It is possible that I made a mistake with the age line…."
"Dumbledore, please," McGonagall said. "No mistake can account for a fourth champion in a Triwizard Tournament."
"But, it could account for Ms. Black's participation in the tournament," Dumbledore said.
"How did you get in, girl?"
Crouch rounded upon Rebecca a few seconds later. Rebecca did not back off and just stared Crouch in the eye.
She had to keep the Lord Voldemort thoughts shoved to the back, with Dumbledore being so close by. The temptation to divorce Crouch's head from his body almost overwhelmed the Dark Lord
"I put my name on a slip of paper and made a paper airplane," Rebecca said. "It got it over the protections of the Goblet and into the cup."
"You couldn't have done it with magic," Bagman protested.
"Not magic, skill," Rebecca said in a bored voice.
"How did you come up with that idea?" Crouch asked.
Rebecca just fixed a sheepish grin across her face. "I overheard the Weasley twins saying that's how they were going to enter the tournament. They got the idea from Professor Wilson."
"He's no Professor, girl," Crouch said.
"Shut it, Barty," Wade said.
"As a wizard, you should offer me respect," Crouch said. "I can't believe you're allowing a Muggle to work at Hogwarts...how did he even see the place anyway?"
Good question, and one which answering would take too much time away from the lulz, at least Deadpool thought it.
"Wade, could you explain yourself?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well, I only told the Weasley twins because I was well compensated," Wade replied and everyone groaned. "Hey, they're almost seventeen...they're about as qualified as anyone. I didn't expect anyone else to use that idea."
Rebecca just gave a grin and decided to twist the knife in further. "Who would have thought that a first year student would be the most qualified Hogwarts student to compete in the tournament? I was just doing it, for fun. I didn't really want to enter the tournament."
"And yet, you will have to compete, as Hogwarts champion," Mad-Eye said. "Pretty convenient….you just managed to circumvent the Goblet."
"What are you trying to say?" Rebecca asked
Moody got into the face of the student. "What I'm trying to say, girl, is that if you circumvented the Goblet to get your own name in, you likely were the one who bewitched the Goblet to get Potter's name in as well."
"Alastor, I'm afraid you can't accuse students without any proof," Dumbledore said. "Innocent until proven guilty."
Dumbledore looked Rebecca straight in the eye and saw nothing but images of unicorns and rainbows. Sugar, spice, and everything nice, everything that little girls should have been made of.
It almost made Voldemort gag to put up such a front for Dumbledore. All for the plan. He would kill him. Dumbledore was going to die, sooner rather than later.
"But, who did it?" Bagman asked.
"Russian hackers?" Wade asked.
Everyone gave Wade one of those long looks and Wade just shut up. At least for the minute.
"It appears that despite the circumstances...Mr. Potter and Ms. Black will have to compete in this tournament," Crouch said.
"We should enter all of the champions, get one apiece, get a fair shake," Karkaroff said.
Bagman's baffled look appeared on his face. "But, Igor, you know it doesn't work that way….the Goblet does not reignite until the start of the next tournament…."
"Which Durmstrang will not be a part of!" Karkaroff said. "I can't believe you bamboozled us to be a part of this Circus….Hogwarts has really fallen in recent years."
As loathe as Rebecca hated to admit the cowardly traitor was right, he had a point. Still one of the ones on her list to kill, right up there with Potter, Dumbledore, Wilson, Umbridge, and Crouch. When the time was right, the Dark Lord would kill them all, each and every last one of them. Vengeance would be hers.
"It appears that we have two Hogwarts champions," Dumbledore said. "I don't know how this could have happened."
Oh, Rebecca knew, oh she knew. When she circumvented the Goblet's security, she also bewitched the Goblet and put Potter's name in under the name of a fourth school. She knew the Goblet would choose her.
So, Moody was correct, although he was always so paranoid that no one took him seriously anymore. Another thing which worked to Rebecca's advantage.
Lord Voldemort would get proving his superiority over everyone. And kill Potter all in the same night. The Dark Lord would rise again and all will tremble at his feet.
Harry Potter walked around the Hogwarts Grounds. He turned around to come face to face with that Deputy Hogwarts Caretaker, Wade Wilson.
"You got a raw deal," Wade said.
"I know," Harry said. "But, there's one thing that doesn't make any sense. How can I entered into a magically binding contract that I never signed?"
Wade just answered with a shrug. That seemed a bit absurd to be perfectly honest, at least to him.
"Well, I bet the contract only kicks in when you agree to compete in the tournament, in the first task at the very least. Granted, I'm not a legal professional, so you should really consult someone who really knows what they're talking about."
Harry nodded, thinking it makes perfect sense.
"I don't know how you got into the tournament, but we're trying to get to the bottom of it," Deadpool said. "And to get to the bottom of it, we have to start with the top of it. And that is the people who helped organize this tournament."
"You mean Crouch and Bagman?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, Crouch just barely kept his job at the Ministry after the entire Sirius Black fiasco came to light," Wade said. "The Triwizard Tournament is one last ditch hope for him to regain the credibility that he lost through that...and his son being sent to Azkaban all of those years ago. He's under the pressure to get a Hogwarts victory."
Harry just scratched his head. "Then, wouldn't ensuring that a qualified champion of age enter the tournament, two of them in fact, ensure a Hogwarts victory even more?"
Deadpool just patted Harry on the head. "Kid, never try and apply logic to anything a politician does. You will run around in circles...and then smack your head into a wall."
Wade and Harry crossed the room, backing off so the Bloody Baron passed. After they stopped short Wade decided to discuss the second man involved.
"Bagman's deep in debt with goblin mobsters."
Harry's eyebrow furrowed. "How do do you know this?"
"One of them came to me during the Quidditch World Cup," Wade said. "But, that's not the point. The point is that he needs gold. I don't see him as a competent wizard, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I suspect that since you're a longshot in the tournament, he might have twisted the Goblet so he can bet on you, in hopes that you win."
"Wouldn't Black be an even bigger longshot, considering she's a first year?" Harry asked. "I don't know...something seems familiar about her...like I met her before in the past."
"She is a bit odd...but she lost her parents," Wade said. "And Luna's befriended her."
"Something's changed about Luna Lovegood this year too," Harry said. "But….I don't know...there's just a lot of weird things going on in Hogwarts. Even for a magical school."
'You can say that again, kid.'
'There's a lot of weird things going on at Hogwarts, even for a magical school.'
"You didn't hear this from me, but the first task might involve a certain animal...who our good friend Hagrid adores," Wade said. "Something with scales, teeth, spikes, and everything, that can shoot fire. You know what I'm saying."
Harry nodded slowly, getting the measure.
"And technically, I've had a lawyer friend of mine read the rulebook of the Triwizard Tournament," Wade said. "And it only requires a champion to show up at the task and make a token effort...but I'm sure that you can do much more than that. Because, the rules state, no witch and wizard can intervene in a task to assist the champion."
Wade winked three times.
"No witch or wizard can intervene in the task, to assist a champion," Wade said. "Get it."
"Yeah, I understand," Harry said.
Casually, Harry fingered the watch that he was wearing.
'Wait did we just encourage someone to cheat in a sports competition?' a voice in Wade's head said.
'We'll show whoever is behind this who the boss is.'
Rita Skeeter, of the Daily Prophet, attended the Weighing of the Wands Ceremony. She intended to drag Harry Potter off into a broom cupboard. Not for those reasons, maybe in a couple of years, Rita would consider it. But, after spending a lot of time and energy and gold debunking those sexual misconduct allegations, Rita did not need any more trouble.
Still nothing compared to the reporter who kept flashing his penis through the Floo of random coworkers.
She had found herself yanked into the broom closet by a strange man in a masked, wearing red, black, with coveralls over the top of this.
"What is the meeting of this?"
"Rita Skeeter, from the Daily Prophet?" the man asked.
"Yes," Rita said. "Why did you…."
"Don't want to be overheard," Wade said. "I'm Wade Wilson, the Deputy Magical Caretaker of Sanitation, Hogwarts Grief Counselor, and Honorary Chairman of Food and Beverage."
'You're not the Honorary Chairman of Food and Beverage,' one of the voices in Deadpool's head thought.
'Fine, I steal food from the house elves.'
"Is it really stealing if they give it away?'
"I was hoping to talk to Harry Potter," Rita said.
"As his unofficial unpaid agent, I'm afraid I cannot allow such a thing to occur," Wade said. "Instead, I will give you a story which will blow the lid off the Daily Prophet."
Rita's journalism sense started to tingle.
"It's about Hogwarts," Wade said. "Because, as a member of staff...I see a lot of things involving Albus Dumbledore."
Here Rita practically tingled with excitement.
"And I know a lot of things involving this school," Wade said. "Perhaps you would want to talk to me about it…"
"Yes, yes, go on," Rita breathed.
"Well, I can tell you about all of the unpaid work the teachers of this school are forced to do."
"Oh, yes, more, more, more!" Rita breathed.
"And I can give it to you hard."
"YES GIVE IT TO ME HARD!"
From outside of the closet, Dumbledore stopped and heard the sounds of the shifting coming through the closet. Wade, and what sounded like Rita Skeeter was inside of the closet.
"Oh, yes, more, more, more!"
Rita's heavy breathing came even harder.
"I can give it to you hard."
"YES, GIVE IT TO ME HARD!"
"Oh, my," Dumbledore murmured.
"Are you sure you want it?"
"Yes, I want it! Right here...right now! Don't hold back, I'm a big girl."
Dumbledore backed off from the closet, putting a silencing charm on the entrance.
"I'm afraid I can't Ms. Skeeter," Wade said. "At least not now. The walls in this school, they have ears."
Wade pointed over her shoulder and Rita turned around to see a large ear jutting out of the wall, listening intently to everything they were saying.
Only in Hogwarts.
"We'll make arrangements to speak away from prying eyes...or ears," Rita said.
She had been left hanging and Rita never liked any time where someone had left her hanging.
The closet door opened up, with Deadpool leaving, and Rita walking out, in a daze. Just in time to come face to face with Dumbledore.
"That was quick," Dumbledore said.
"What are you trying to say?" Wade asked.
Dumbledore offered a knowing smile and a twinkle in his eye. "Oh, nothing."
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