The Devil is a Simp
So at this point, you think I'm probably quivering helplessly from fear.
Right?
Wrong.
I was quite angry that I was in Hell however. I mean, who wouldn't be? I had just killed myself to end my misery and here I am in Hell to endure pain for all eternity.
It was a slight miscalculation on my part.
However, this frustration was not at the forefront of my mind. Instead, I was quite amused. Very amused.
*Chuckle*
The devil perked his eyebrow as he heard a chuckle escape my mouth.
"Why-"
His sentence was quickly stopped short by eruption of delirious laughter bellowing from my throat. A look of confusion appeared on the Devil's face, replacing his triumphant smirk.
"Why are laughing? You're in hell in front of the King of Hell. Why aren't you cowering in fear?"
The devil had raised a good point.
Why was I laughing in the face of despair? Didn't that seem a bit...odd?
Well yes, it was a bit odd, but I didn't care. The irony before me was too hilarious. I had expected that the Devil would just be some red creature with horns holding a large pitchfork. But instead, he looked like some sleazy middle-aged man that tried to make up for his age by spending every last second tidying up his appearance.
"Man!" I managed to spit out by reverting back to insane laughter. "You look too fucking funny!! Yo might be the Devil but you still look like some depressed middle-aged man whose still trying to pick up girls at a night club!"
Unfortunately, the devil wasn't amused at my joke. Instead, he looked quite annoyed.
"My middle-aged complexion was a curse that God has gave me when I forsook him." He stated firmly. "And no, I don't go to night clubs."
I laughed even harder at his response. This was really amusing. Who would've thought that roasting the Devil was so easy?
"Well that's a fucking lie." I finally responded. "You just don't want to tell me about all girls who rejected you."
The devil began scowling in frustration as I said this, but I didn't care.
"You're just a simp Satan." I continued. "You expect yourself to pick up every chick you touch, but who wants to go out with a middle-aged man that just stares at their ass all night. Whatta sim-"
Bang!
A shock of electricity jolted through my body.
"Shut up." The devil stated firmly with rage imbued in his voice.
The devil had smitten me. I grimaced, trying to ignoring searing pain screaming throughout my entire body. Usually, that kind of pain would've killed someone, but hey, I'm in Hell. You can't die twice.
So I had no fear in roasting the devil even more.
"Seems like I hit a weak point." I managed to croak.
Separating myself from the excruciating pain controlling my spiritual body, I slowly lifted up my singed arm and pointed my finger at the devil.
"Simp."
Bang!
Another bolt of lightning struck me where I stood.
"I said SHUT UP!" The devil shouted.
I didn't.
"Simp."
Thump!
This time, there was no lightning to be seen. Instead, the devil had decided to silence me physically, increasing the gravity on my body to point where I laid motionless on the ground.
But I could still speak.
"S-si-im-Aarrgh."
The gravity suddenly increased once again. Insurmountable pain filled my body as I lost the ability to speak completely.
"I wanted to have sensible conversation with you Reed, but unfortunately, your immaturity forced me to take extreme measures." The devil stated tauntingly.
Extreme measures!
What bullshit! You're just a snivelling coward!
I wanted to ridicule the Devil with these words, but his devilish powers had silenced me from accusing him as a simp again, so I was stuck and forced to listen to what he had to say.
"I wanted to initiate a mutual agreement with you Reed, but it looks like your circumstances are requiring me to make the decision myself."
Mutual agreement?
Mutual agreement my ass! If you can play around with me like a doll, then what's the point of a mutual agreement?
"According to the deeds you have accounted during your time on Earth, you should be sentenced to the ninth circle of hell."
The devil paused as if his words would strike my core and send me into shock.
Ha! Bitch please! I'm not surprised I'm supposed to be going to the ninth circle of Hell. Tell me something I don't know.
"However, I have a different proposition for you. According to my research, you have an IQ of 197."
Yes. I do Captain Obvious. 197 points higher than yours.
"Your EQ is also extremely low." He added. "Thus, you are great candidate to join me in quest to defeat God and take the universe for myself."
What? Fighting with the devil?! That's awesome!
"Unfortunately, your physical attributes are so ridiculously trash that you're basically useless."
Well, shit. So I'm being exiled to the ninth circle of hell then.
"Fortunately for you, your physical strength can be improved. Basically, I'll put you through some hellish training and you'll be really strong."
So, am I becoming your right-hand man then?
"When you finish your training, I will assess you once more. Usually, I would ask you whether you want to go through this training or not, but since I was forced by your idiocy to silence you, you're going through the training whether you like it or not."
Well thanks for asking.
But what's this "hellish" training supposed to be. I would prefer to not be searing in hot lava for thousands of years.
"Oh and by the way. You should enjoy the training. It's a setting that I'm sure you will enjoy."
Wait.
Wha-
Before I could gather my thoughts to question the devil's decisions, the hellish world around me disappeared.
Actually, everything around me disappeared.
I went unconscious.
...
So much for a "mutual agreement" with the devil...
...
What a cowardly simp.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Blind54
Blind54 Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
I hope you enjoyed me calling the devil a simp for an entire chapter (yes, believe me, I am also questioning my sanity.)
If you enjoyed my dumb comedy, gimme your power stones and add this book to your collection.
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