Chapter 10: [9] - Confronting The Past
Chapter 9
Kim Eun Ji's personal assistant stands in front of her office door, with a file in his hand, after a few knocks, and after she allows him, he enters the office.
He walks a steady steps and stops a few feet away from the desk, in which Kim Eun Ji is sitting behind looking at a report through her glasses.
"Mrs. Kim. regarding the girl who performed the dance with Jisoo.." he starts in a monotone.
Eun Ji looks up at him from above the glasses without turning her head and nods for him to continue. The assistant steps forward and puts the file in front of her, then he follows, watching her leave the report that was in her hand and lifts the file and opens it.
"Her name is Jennie Hyung Yin, she was born in Seoul but completed her studies in Jeju according to her school profile."
Eun Ji was listening to him and nodding with understanding as he proceeds,
"We looked for her father Hyung Yin but it turned out he's dead. Oddly enough, there is no further information about him other than his work."
Eun Ji furrows her eyebrows quizzically.
"How is that?"
- "All we found about him was that he was an employee of a trading company in Jeju and he died long ago. When we asked his colleagues there, they confirmed this to us in addition to that he had a daughter but no one had ever seen her because he never brought her with him."
She falls silent for moments letting the information sink in her and then nods affirmatively,
"Well.. you can go."
The personal assistant bows, then turns around and goes out of the office room.
She looks at the file in her hand, specifically at Jennie's picture.
This girl, Jennie, met Jisoo when she was in Jeju. Jisoo, who didn't consolidate her relationship with anyone and ignored everyone, returned to Seoul and with her a friend who had suddenly appeared from nowhere.
Quite strange, what this Jennie real intentions are?
Eun Ji rolls her eyes when she realizes she's still thinking about it and is starting to cause her a headache that she doesn't need right now.
She sets the file aside and take back the report to complete her work.
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Half an hour has passed since Lisa and Chaeyoung arrived at the same place the next day and stood in front of the same house. Lisa kept on staring at the said house while making a fist with her hands, as an attempt to encourage herself.
She thought about it a lot yesterday, before bed. What would she start talking about to and what would she ask her. what if she wasn't her real mother and what if she really is?
She was berating herself with stereotypical questions to avoid the real question, which was constantly asking itself in her depths, the real reason for her hesitation and nervousness.
What if she still doesn't want her?
Chaeyoung was silently standing behind her, sometimes looking around the street, and at other times her eyes wandered between Lisa and the house.
She doesn't know what story Lisa has with this particular house, but she can feel the importance of it and the amount of her anxiety and confusion.
"Go." Suddenly, Chaeyoung says as she gives Lisa a slight push on her back, after seeing her prolonged silence.
Lisa turns sideways, looks quizzically at her and Chaeyoung elaborates,
"Whatever you're intending to do, go now and do it." Chaeyoung approaches her, puts her hand on her back, and starts gently rubbing it,
"I will be here. Right behind you, waiting for you."
She finishes with a warm smile that gave Lisa all the safety and motivation she needed.
Lisa swallows with difficulty and nods to her, then turns to face the house. Takes a deep breath and start walking towards the door.
When she reaches the door, she lifts her hand to knock on it, and before she does, she turns her head toward Chaeyoung and finds her behind her at the bottom of the stairs. Chaeyoung gives her a slight nod of encouragement and Lisa returns her eyes to the door.
She knocks on the door lightly at first and when she sees that it might not be loud enough, she knocks again a few times more forcefully and then lifts her hand away and waits.
"Coming!"
Lisa hears the shout from behind the door and becomes more nervous, but she ignores it and keeps herself collected.
Moments later, the door opens, revealing the woman she met that night. And they just stand face to face, staring at each other.
"Can I help you?" The woman suspiciously asks after seconds of silence as she looks at Lisa with confusion.
Lisa opens her mouth several times and shuts it, she tries to say anything, but nothing comes out and the woman precedes it.
"Oh, yes. I remember you!"
Lisa's heartbeats picks up strongly when she hears that and she sees the expressions of assimilation on the woman's face.
Did she remember her?
"Aren't you the girl I met in front of the pastry shop the other night?"
She finishes with a knowing smile waiting for Lisa's response.
'No, she didn't.'
Lisa's face that turned bright for brief moments, drops in disappointment, frustration, and all she does is nodding affirmatively, gaining a cheerful giggle of from the woman. Silence prevails between them after that, and the woman still confused, feels awkward at the situation.
"Uh..um..is there anything you want?"
Lisa nods again ruefully.
"Why are you still standing? Come in! " The woman offers with her bright smile, it doesn't leave her face as she turns away from the door to make room for Lisa to enter.
Lisa doesn't enter and keeps standing in her place, she takes a deep breath and focuses her eyes on women.
"I'm.. Lalisa." She suddenly says in a clear voice when the woman turns around walking in the hallway, her back facing Lisa.
- "Oh, what a beautiful name! Lali-"
The woman stops moving and stops talking and stills, frozen.
Here, Lisa gets her first answer.
She takes another deep breath and elaborates,
"Your daughter."
Chaeyoung freezes in her place too when she hears that. She keeps looking at Lisa, with her jaw dropped, can't understand what she just heard.
Her daughter? This woman is her mother? Weren't she an orphan?
As if a puzzle its lost piece had been found, Chaeyoung begins to understand, partially, the reason for Lisa's isolation in the past days.
. . . .
The woman turns around looking at Lisa with an expression that she really cannot explain. Whether the expression was a surprised one of when you see a loved one, who was absent from you for a long time, or an expression of horror when you see a person you didn't expect to return to your life.
The woman takes wobbly steps toward Lisa, with her hands shaking slightly until she gets near Lisa and holds her hands. She looks at them for a while and then turns her eyes to Lisa.
"Lisa.. Lalisa? Is that really you?"
Lalisa Manoban?"
The woman's voice was trembling as she looked at Lisa with astonishment. Lisa nods quickly, after trying so hard to keep her emotions intact, she becomes unable to hold her tears anymore and she let them fall heavily and carelessly.
Once she does, the woman hugs her immediately and tightly while sobbing sadly and rubbing her daughter's back. Lisa was also crying hugging her back, her fears were unnecessary.
She found her mother! Her mom, who she had waited for a long time, a very long time, is now in her arms!
She was crying because her happiness overwhelmed her and flooded from her eyes.
Chaeyoung on the other side was like a statue, has no idea what was going on or how things have developed to this point.
All she knows is that Lisa seems very happy now. And that makes her happy too.
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"Please, go ahead."
Lisa's mother offers on a nice note, after placing a cup of tea on the table in front of Lisa, who was sitting on the sofa and then she sits next to her.
"Tha- Thank you."
Lisa takes the cup shyly and brings it close to her lips. She can feel her hand still shaking.
Her mother smiles at that and puts her hand on Lisa's shaking hand, that was resting on her thigh, pulling Lisa's eyes to look that at her, and she gives her a reassuring smile. Lisa takes a sip and puts the cup back in place.
She still feels nervous, but this time it was her enthusiasm and her eagerness to flood her mother with questions and to get to know her, trying not to smile as much like an idiot, or like a child who her parents has finally took her to buy ice cream.
Her mother is beside her.. Her mother! Sitting right to next her! And she's holding her hand too!
It still doesn't feel real.
"Are you sure of leaving your friend waiting outside?"
Her mother says nicely, after a prolonged moments of awkward silence between them.
- "Uh- Yes.." Lisa replies quickly.
"OK.."
When their hug ended and her mother invited them inside, Chaeyoung refused sweetly and told Lisa that she would just be waiting outside.
If Chaeyoung is anything, she is certainly not naive. She knows that Lisa needs this time alone with her mother. What confirmed that to her is the tender smile Lisa gave her, as if she thanked her for that.
After the silence reigns between them, her mother looks around a little bit as if she doesn't know what to say in this strange situation and follows with a false eagerness,
"So! how are you? how things are going? Do you live well?"
- "Fine.. Great actually." Lisa answers, after staying silent for seconds, a bit puzzled at her question.
Her mother smiles at her, nodding with understanding, and then removes her hand from Lisa's as she looks somewhere else, feeling uncomfortable.
What is this? Why does she feel like something is not right?
This's not the reaction or the scenario she thought will happen when she finally gets to meet her mom.
Why does she feel like she's one of her neighbors who came by to her to drink tea and chat and then go back home?
Why does she feel like her presence is heavy?
Lisa looks down at her thighs and steals a look at her mother's face. She's smiling but something is off with her expressions.
Doesn't know.. maybe it's just her imagination.
There are a lot of questions, a lot. And one question is screaming at her for an answer.. eating her from the inside.. a question she can't ignore any more.
"Ah..um.." Lisa starts hesitantly, pulling her mother's attention to her.
"Why.. Why didn't you search for me? W- where were all this time?"
She lets her question out carefully and takes a deep breath after for a fear inside of her from the answer.
Her mother's mouth falls open and her expression goes shattered at her surprising question.
"Oh dear!"
She exclaims with a rueful tone as she puts her hand on the back of Lisa immediately and starts rubbing it.
"When I lost you, I became crazy! I looked for you everywhere! Day after day, week after week. I nearly lost my mind!"
Her mother was talking while her gaze was directed to the side, furrowing her eyebrows in sadness and sorrow, taken aback.
Lisa stays silent as she contemplates her mother's answer, staring at a distance thoughtfully.
Lost her? But it was her who left her at the monastery.
She searched for her for weeks? But she stayed in that monastery for months..
She would have found her there if she came back after a week, two, three.. She would have found her if she came back.
Is she lying? or did she really forget?
Does Lisa remember wrongly?
It can't be.
"Why are you lying?" Lisa blurts out in a shaking voice as she gets up and turns to face her mother. Feeling her eyes starting to fill up with tears again.
- "wha..What?"
Her mother looks at her like someone who has been exposed for a scandal.
"Why didn't you come back to take me with you?!"
She asks her again more determined as her fears and pain from years slowly floats to the surface and washes over her.
- "My dear, Lisa, what are you talking about? Come sit down with mom so we can talk this out-"
"No!" She interrupt her loudly, losing her patience, "I was there! You were there! At the orphanage!"
She was looking at her mother with teary eyes and talking while pointing with her hand to emphasize her words, her voice cracks at the end of each phrase and withering between one second and another.
"You were there and you told me.. you told me everything would be fine! And that you will come back! You told me that when you left me there in that place!!" She ends her last sentence losing her temper and waves of tears begin to fall heavily.
Her mother remains stunned, staring at her, she gets up, and extends her hands trying to hold Lisa, but she backs away.
"No. it's not what you think. you.. you remember incorrectly."
- "Stop lying!"
Lisa interrupts her again and then takes a shaky breath as she looks at her with great sadness and melancholia.
"Why?"
Her mother, who also had tears in her eyes, stays silent looking at Lisa carefully, she knows what Lisa meant with her question.
"Why did you abandon me? Why did you gave up on me?"
Another silence..
"Why?!" Lisa shouts impatiently, making her slightly flinch.
"It was.. our financial situation was very bad.."
As soon as she says that Lisa closes her eyes with a great disappointment. She regains her composure as she moves her head backwards a little, as if she had already understood what her mother would say next.
And her mother, knew that whatever explanation she will say will be meaningless and so she defends,
"I had no other choice! I did it for you! You have to understand Lisa!"
Lisa opens her eyes looking cold, ignoring the flood of her eyes, and then looks around the room wryly.
"No.. it looks like you had." Lisa says throwing her hands in the air helplessly, pointing at the house.
Lisa did not lose sight of the modern house design and good furniture..
she did not overlook her good clothes that she's wearing..
she didn't overlook the fact of her having another daughter now..
What she thought was a happy dream and it had come true, turned out to be her worst nightmare.
"Has it ever occurred to you what my conditions were in that place?
What if I was feeling cold or hungry?
What if I needed you?" Lisa continues with her broken expression, and her mother looks at her with great sorrow.
- "Lisa, I.. I.. Every day..I was thinking of you every day! Belie-"
"Oh, really? How nice of you." Lisa says sarcastically with a nice fake tone, smiling bitterly.
her facial expressions straightens and turns serious and lifeless. When she sees that her mother is about to open her mouth and speaks, she turns her face away from her and shoots from the room, on her way to the main door, her mother following her as she calls for her to stop.
When Lisa gets to the door and opens it, she finds Chaeyoung still in her place standing waiting for her, now looking at her worriedly. Lisa gathers her last remaining collected bits of her heart and again turns around to meet her mother, who is standing behind her, at a distance.
"You know what?" Lisa starts glaring at her in anger and distaste,
"I pity your daughter because she has a mother like you!"
She spits every word with so much hurt and sorry she has inside of her.
"And you know what else? Thank you for leaving me there. Because if you didn't, I wouldn't have met Chaeyoung and her family.
Good thing you know how of a failure you are as a mother!"
With that she spins around and leaves, leaving her mother in shock, speechless.
Lisa descends from the stairs with accelerated steps until she approaches Chaeyoung and throws herself onto her, surrounding her neck strongly with her arms, letting herself pouring all the pain and disappointment inside her through her tears.
Chaeyoung hugs back almost immediately, with the same strength and eagerness, whispering near her ears soft words reminding her repeatedly that she is here with her and for her.
. . . .
"Should we go over to them?" Jennie says anxiously looking at Chaeyoung and Lisa hugging through the car window from far away.
-"No." Jisoo simply answers her looking at them too.
The car was parked at the intersection where the street on which the house that Lisa and Chaeyoung are standing before it and the main street, in a spot that was difficult to notice.
Jennie furrows her eyebrows quizzically as she turns toward Jisoo, and follows,
"Why not? Why did we followed them then?"
- "To make sure they don't get into or are in some kind of trouble, of course."
Jisoo was calm as she answered her, like it was the most obvious thing, watching the situation from afar.
When Jennie looks back at them, she feels worried again for their state and repeats her question:
"Are you sure?"
- "Yes. If they need us, they will come to us."
Jisoo finishes surely with a smile as she ignites the engine and drives away from the street.
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Lisa sits on one of the benches installed in the main street, staring at the ground. Her legs are slightly parted while she bending her upper part and resting her arms on them. She was in another world, thinking. Her mother's matter itself is no longer that important, doesn't take a space of her mind, but what does is the meaning behind what happened.
In fact, she was relieved. As if the hole in her heart had been closed along with some regret for her mother. Like she finally found her closure.
To her own surprise, when she searches her heart, she doesn't find herself hating her, and she does not find herself loving her either.. it's just..
she feels nothing.
Her mother tried to talk to her again, going after her, but she never gave her the opportunity. She no longer wants to know anything nor hear any flimsy excuses. There is no longer any reason.
A hand invades her line of sight, holding a bottle of water, drawing her attention and snapping her back to reality.
She raises her head to find Chaeyoung has come back with a water bottle in one hand, extending it to her, and her other hand behind her back.
Lisa takes the bottle, and then Chaeyoung sits next to her, keeping them in a comfortable silence.
Lisa stares at the bottle a little and chuckles softly, then a short silent laugh as she remembers her first meeting with Chaeyoung. The thing that attracts Chaeyoung's attention and makes her turn towards her looking with wonder.
Lisa looks back and smilies at her, but she doesn't say anything, Chaeyoung does.
"Look."
Chaeyoung starts off quietly as she breaks their eye contact and turns her head to the other side as she takes out a cardboard box and brings it to Lisa.
Lisa takes the box and opens it to see that its contents are a sweets and cake pieces. the same kind that she was going to buy for Chaeyoung.
"As I was returning from the grocery store, I saw them and thought that you might like it.."
Chaeyoung explains eagerly with a smile to see Lisa's opinion as she looks at her with anticipation.
Overwhelmed and touched, Lisa becomes emotional, and the corners of her lips bend down as if she's about to cry, looking at Chaeyoung with a great love. When Chaeyoung sees it, she quickly draws and strains her face, wearing a fake angry expression.
"I swear if you start crying again, I'll go back there and kick that woman's ass!"
She warns, pointing a finger at her, making Lisa burst into laughter.
- "Actually, it's good idea, but not now." Lisa says as she looks at the box in her hand with her laughs stopping. Her smile still present.
"Well then, what are we going to do instead?" Chaeyoung playfully follows, looking at her with admiration.
Lisa raises her head to the sky, like she's thinking of an answer.
"Hmm..
Now we go back to our home."
She says with a smile as she turns to Chaeyoung.
"Great idea."
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Jennie was constantly moving from the kitchen to the dining area, after she had finished preparing dinner, to prepare the table, and Jisoo helped her by making the appetizers and laying the dishes and such.
They hear the doorbell sound, Jisoo declares that she's going to grab the door. After she reaches the door and opens it, she sees that they're none other than Lisa and Chaeyoung.
They stay standing still for a few moments while they stare at each other, and then Lisa gives her a weak smile.
An apologetic one.
"Hi.." Lisa begins sheepishly.
She was ashamed of herself because she knew that she had not been herself in the passed few days and that she was out for long hours without giving her any explanation, which makes her feel guilty.
Not like Jisoo would say or do anything but still..
"We are back." Chaeyoung adds with the same tone.
Jisoo does not answer them and only gives her a warm smile and opens the door wide and stands aside with her arm stretched toward the apartment.
"Welcome back."
Their faces lights up and they enter quickly, happily, and start taking off their coats and shoes, and head straight to Jennie's side to help her, too.
Throughout their dinner period, Lisa was comfortable, bright, full of laughter and warmth, feeling herself getting better and better being with them over the seconds.
She knows that her mother will remain as a scar deep inside in her heart, or even an open wound, but she also knows that she has them, her newfound family.
And it's enough.
They're enough.
She realized then that it was not about the biological ties at all, nor about the spent years of being with one, and that in fact what you are born with is just a small part of your personality. Your life you're living and the people you live with forms the rest.
And just as it may appear for us that the healing of our hearts may lie in our closeness to some, sometimes it lies in being away from them.
And what she's experiencing now.. in this moment precisely, in the midst of their laughter and happy expressions, and what she feels and how she makes them feel, is what she really is and this is what she chose to be from now on.
. . . . .
"Can I get your attention?" Jisoo calls them to gather putting three phones, one by one, in order on the table, standing in the middle of the sitting area.
With a surprised expressions, the girls come and gather at the sitting area. Chaeyoung and Lisa sat next to each other on the sofa, and Jennie sat on the other coach armrest . They look at Jisoo curiously, wondering why she called them.
After seeing she had gotten their attention, Jisoo takes one of the phones and pass it on to Jennie, then the second one to Lisa and the third to Chaeyoung.
"These are your phones, and you will keep them with you all the time from now on. On each phone, each other's numbers have been registered, my number included." She tells them firmly.
While Jennie was still puzzled, Lisa and Chaeyoung were in amazement, and their eyes wide open from excitement, very giddy that they got a phone for the first time ever.
"Wow.. is this ours? I mean like.. ours ours?" Chaeyoung begins with great enthusiasm.
- "We have our own phone now? Woah!" Lisa chims in matching her friend enthusiast as they both make squealing noises and small jumps on the sofa.
"Well.. why now?" Jennie quietly asks.
- "Actually, I should've given it to you way before, but since we were always together, it slipped my mind. Also.." Jisoo pauses for seconds before she elaborates,
"Starting tomorrow, Lisa and Chaeyoung will go back to their studies, so-"
"Wait wait wait.. what? We will go back to studying?" Lisa interrupts her in a horror, looking at her with terrified expression.
- "We thought we're already done with it!" Chaeyoung whines reluctantly.
"Of course you're going to complete it! The only thing that made me remember this now is because I was so busy with the dance thing." Jisoo retorts, "Anyway, I also have to go to college, which is why-"
"College? Did you say college?" Lisa cuts in, and excitement is back to her again.
"Oh my God! you mean the one that cool people go to?" Chaeyoung squeals shaking her hands in the air.
"Can you two let her finish her words!"
Jennie snaps at them impatiently but it doesn't stop them, too far gone with their excitement, and look at Jisoo, who's staring at them blankly, as they keep looking with sad and reflective eyes.
"Can we go with you? We can study there." Chaeyoung suggests in a pleading tone, showing her best puppy eyes.
"Yes.. please please.. let's go with you.." Lisa says matching her friend's tone and expression.
Lisa was intertwining her fingers together, lifting both hands in front of her dramatically, and so was Chaeyoung.
Jisoo remains silent, staring at them as if to think about it, and Jennie is the one to break the silence.
"How will you study there? It's college, both you and the students are studying something completely different. not as if they are going to give you a special room just for you!"
Jennie says sarcastically and she can see that she managed to make her point to them because their contemplative expressions had completely disappeared and turned into defeat. She turns her eyes to Jisoo and finds her looking at her and smiling devilishly, making her question her previous words,
"Right?"
"Actually.. that's not a bad idea." says Jisoo, nodding slightly with admiration and putting her hands on her waist.
Life returns to Lisa and Chaeyoung upon that, and they return to their previous state, looking even more excited.
- "What?" Jennie asks quizzically.
"I'm taking you with me to college!"
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To be continued
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Weekly Power Status
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Ranking 
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