Chapter 36: 19
Chapter Eight
Calista tore out a page from the catalog she'd been frantically flipping through and threw it vengefully across the second-year girls' dormitory. It bounced off the far wall and landed on Olivia's bed. Calista's cat, Yellow, mewed plantively at her from his perch on Calista's pillow. He stretched out a paw and pricked her with a claw, as if reprimanding her for waking him.
It was no use. There was only one way to solve her problem, and that was to get the antidote for the Amortentia she had been stupid enough to make for Olivia - or, rather, clever enough to make. The stupid part had been agreeing to do it in the first place, and Calista was honestly still a little shocked that she'd apparently managed to get the potion right, albeit after several failed attempts.
She patted the cat absently, soothing it back to sleep.
The problem was that the ingredients in the antidote, much like those in the original potion, were not items that were readily available to second-year students. Olivia had gotten her hands on the ingredients for the love potion, but she was refusing to help Calista undo it.
None of the catalogs students were allowed to order from had what she needed, and there was no way she'd find any of them in the stores of ingredients the students were allowed to use in the dungeons.
There was one way Calista could get the ingredients, and when it occurred to her again, she shut it out. No. There was no way she was going to steal them from her father. Firstly, it was completely wrong, and even thinking about it made her feel slightly ill; and secondly, there was no way she'd get away with it. The man knew everything.
The door opened, and Portia and Emily entered the dormitory. "Have you seen Olivia?" Portia asked.
"Not since she shafted me this afternoon," Calista didn't even have the energy to glower. She felt like she was awaiting sentencing.
"Is she still with that Greengrass boy?" Emily wondered, "I don't think that's such a great idea. I mean... he's kind of old. What if she's not ready for... for whatever he wants to do?"
"Oh, I'm only about to get expelled, and I don't even know what my dad's going to do when he finds out. Thanks for asking."
Emily bit her lip, and sat down on the edge of Calista's bed, looking far more earnest than Calista felt like she could handle at the present moment.
"Colin's a Prefect. It would be really bad for both of them if... if something... happened."
"You think I don't know that? If I can't undo this somehow, Olivia and I are both going to be fu-"
"Don't say that, Calista, please don't. It's not funny."
"Why are you taking her side, Emily? I already asked her to help me get the ingredients for an antidote, and she won't help. She said she's going to tell everyone it was all my idea, that I have some reason to want to give him that stupid potion."
"I'm not taking sides, I just -"
"Want everyone to get along, I know. Save it, I don't care right now." Calista huffed out of the room and into the common room, for no reason other than to get away from her roommates.
She was greeted by a tall, thin girl with brown hair pulled into a ponytail, who looked up from a textbook on her lap.
"Hey Snapelet, what's wrong? You're in your second year, you have no business looking like you just failed all your O.W.L.s."
"Kimberly!" Calista's face filled with relief. "I can't believe I haven't already thought to ask you!"
"Uh-oh. Ask me what?"
Calista sat down next to Kimberly, and glanced around the common room. There were two seventh-year students studying together, but they were at the far end of the room and seemed pretty absorbed.
"I need the ingredients for a potion," Calista whispered, "It's a... a sixth-year potion."
Kimberly's eyebrows arched nearly to her hairline, and then she laughed.
"Of course you do. I shouldn't be surprised. Let me guess... Polyjuice Potion? You don't want to mess with that one, ickle Snapelet, trust me."
"Be quiet," Calista whispered, glancing over at the studying seventh-years. "It's not funny. I need... I need gurdyroot, rue, and kneazle claw."
Kimberly's eyes narrowed, and then widened. "Gurdyroot, rue, kneazle claw... and you've already got wiggenweld twigs and castor oil in your potions kit this year... Calista, why in Merlin's name would you need to make a love potion antidote?"
"Please don't ask. Do you have any?"
"I have gurdyroot and rue, but kneazle claws are used in Veritaserum... you have to get a Professor to sign off on it before they'll deliver it to the school... you must know that. Oh!"
Kimberly's eyes grew wide again, and she snapped her fingers. "I just realised... that's why Colin Greengrass has been acting so strange, walking around all glassy-eyed... Bloody hell Calista, did you dose him with a love potion?"
"No, I didn't," Calista replied hotly, "Olivia did. But... I made the potion."
"Now why would you go and do a stupid thing like that? Colin's too old for her."
"No kidding. She told me she needed it for her parents."
Kimberly snorted. "And you believed her? I thought you were cleverer than that, Snapelet. Look, it's not really that big of a deal. Most love potions wear off after a few hours, a few days at most. And anyway, as long as it's not Amortentia or something, you probably won't get in too much trouble."
Kimberly's jaw dropped as she observed Calista's expression. "No way. You did not make Amortentia for your little friend."
"Kimberly, shh!" Calista shot another glance at the seventh-years, who were starting to look a little irritated at the noise.
"Shit, Snapelet. That's both terribly impressive and terribly stupid. What's your dad going to do when he finds out?"
"He can't find out, he just can't. You don't have any kneazle claws? Aren't you guys making the same antidote this year?"
Kimberly shook her head. "No, Professor Snape took it off the curriculum. We're doing a Draught of Living Death instead, he said that one's been on the exams more lately."
She looked down at her younger friend, and placed her hand on Calista's shoulder. "Listen, I still owe you for that thing with Ethan's sister last year. I can come up with some special research project to do for Snape, okay? I'm in his N.E.W.T. class, so it shouldn't seem that suspicious. I'll say I want to try out a potion I saw in a book, something with kneazle claw, and I'll get him to sign off on it. It's going to take a few days though, for me to come up with something, and for the claws to be delivered. I have Potions on Tuesday, I'll see to it then. But you've got to get your friend to keep away from Colin, and you have to hide him somehow. Walking around the way he has been, it's not going to take long for someone else to figure it out."
"I can't," Calista said, blinking against a sudden stinging sensation in her eyes. "Olivia doesn't want me to undo it. She threatened to tell everyone it was all my idea."
"Wow," Kimberly said, "You really need to find some better friends, kiddo. That one sounds toxic."
"Yeah," Calista replied miserably, "I'll try to remember that in my next life."
Feeling doomed, she left the common room. She couldn't just go to bed like everything was normal, when she was going to be in massive amounts of trouble the next day. For all she knew, she thought miserably, it could be her last night at Hogwarts.
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Calista walked through the castle for well over an hour before Professor McGonagall caught sight of her and told her to go back to her common room. She returned to the dungeons, and without thinking about it, wound up in front of her father's office door. It was magically locked, but she had long known how to open it without breaking the spell. She slipped inside, and crossed the room silently to survey the jars and bottles on her father's shelves.
Her eyes lit on each of the necessary ingredients in turn. Gurdyroot, rue... The only thing that wasn't here were the kneazle claws, but she was nearly certain he had some in the workroom below his quarters. If she could just get a few...maybe she could manage to make the antidote before anyone realised Colin had been dosed...
Her eyes stopped, fixated on a small bottle filled with a clear liquid.
"Love Potion Antidote". It was right there, in her father's familiar handwriting, between "Boil-Cure Potion" and "Re-Ageing Remedy".
She lifted her hand, ran her fingers over the label. It felt rough, dry. Before she could think about it, her fingers wrapped around the bottle. It felt small and cold in her fist. She turned around, took a step towards the door...
Unconsciously, her head turned. She saw her father's desk, and even though it was currently vacant, she could easily picture him sitting there.
She thought of all the times she had been in this office; the arguments, the reprimands, the detentions. And then, of course, there were the times that he had stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning, sitting at this desk and occupying himself with paperwork as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world to be marking essays at three in the morning, so she would feel comfortable confiding in him.
Her heart sped up, and her hands shook, because what she had to do next would not be easy. She tightened her hold on the bottle in her fist, turned, stepped forward, and put her hand on the door knob.
She knew that opening this door could not be undone; she was making her choice, and if it was the wrong one, it would be too late to turn back.
Taking a breath, she turned the knob and pushed the door open.
"Dad," she said, stepping into his study, her voice thick with unshed tears, "I did something I really, really shouldn't have done, and I need your help."
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Severus was reading a wordy and analytical essay in Potions Digest in his study to help himself over the worst of his ire with Lucius Malfoy. It never failed; something about challenging his mind, feeding his hunger for knowledge, always helped him focus.
He glanced up at the enchanted hourglass on his wall. It was getting late. When he finished this essay, he judged it would be time to get some sleep.
He finished the article, and was making note of several of the citations to research later, when he heard the door to his quarters swing open and then click shut.
Calista stepped into his study, one hand balled into a fist. She looked pale, nervous, and about ten seconds from tears.
"Dad," she said, and he could hear those tears in her voice, "I did something I really, really shouldn't have done, and I need your help."
He had already gotten to his feet the second she came into sight looking so distraught. After her declaration, he set down his copy of Potions Digest and the parchment he'd been writing on, and crossed the few steps between them.
"What happened? Are you all right?" He reached for her trembling hands, but she wrenched them away. He thought he felt an object in her right hand before she did.
"No. Yes. I mean, I - I'm all right, but I... you're going to be livid with me, and I might get expelled... I don't know what else to do." He could barely make out her words, her voice was so thick with anxiety. Her eyes glittered, and she bit her lip. He didn't need legilimency to know exactly how she felt just then.
He moved some books from the other chair in his study, motioned her to sit. "Calm down. Tell me what happened."
She sat down on the edge of the chair, and trained her eyes on the floor.
"Olivia convinced me to make a love potion for her Christmas gift. She... she told me it was for her parents, t-that they were fighting all the time, and I..."
She took a deep breath, let it go, and met his gaze. He could see the naked fear in her eyes; whether she was incapable of hiding it, or was choosing not to, he couldn't say, and at the moment, the distinction didn't seem important.
"She got me all the ingredients, and I... I made Amortentia in a cauldron in my wardrobe. She g-gave it to a fifth-year boy, and-"
"You did what?" Severus interrupted, certain he had misheard her.
A tear slid down her face, and she turned away, brushing at her cheek roughly. It took her a couple of seconds to recover. "I brewed Amortentia, and she gave it to Colin Greengrass. Now she says she's going to tell everyone I dosed him with it if I interfere."
A moment of silence stretched out between them before she felt brave enough to look at him again. She opened her fist, showing him the bottle.
"I took this off the shelf in your office, just now. I know what it looks like, but I didn't steal it. I couldn't."
Severus stepped towards her, and plucked the bottle from her fingers. "Stay here. I'll be back shortly."
He felt her eyes on him as he left his quarters, bottle in hand. He took a path directly to the entrance to the Slytherin common room, spoke the password to the stone wall, and walked inside. A quick glance around indicated there were only two students in the common room - a boy and a girl, who were snogging very enthusiastically in front of the fireplace.
When Severus entered, the boy glanced up at the noise; he saw the boy's eyes widen, and the two sprang apart, both of them turning, wide-eyed, towards him.
"P-Professor Snape! Is something wrong?"
"Miss Avery, Mr. Briggs," he greeted them, as if he had only walked in to see them studying. "You have classes tomorrow morning, I believe? Perhaps it's time to call it a night."
"Of course, sir," Kimberly said, and she couldn't be out of his sight fast enough.
"Actually, Mr. Briggs," he said, almost as an afterthought, "If you could check in on the fifth-year dormitory and rouse Mr. Greengrass for me, I would appreciate it."
Ethan nodded, his lank blond hair falling forward and partially obscuring his flushed face. "Of course, Professor."
A moment later, Ethan returned, holding Colin's elbow. The latter smiled vacantly, despite being roused from sleep. "Hello, Professor. It's a lovely evening, isn't it?"
"Is he... is he all right, Professor?" Ethan asked, eyeing Colin with raised eyebrows.
"Good night, Mr. Briggs."
Ethan took his cue and went to his own dormitory, casting only a single glance backwards.
Severus regarded the teen carefully, ascertaining the effects of the potion. He cast a Silencing Spell around the two of them, in case any of the other Slytherin students were still awake.
"How are you feeling?" he prodded.
"Oh, very well, thanks. Although, I am a bit lonely now that you mention it. I haven't seen my darling Olivia in... how long have I been sleeping, sir?"
"I don't know," Severus answered mildly, "Is that all? You don't feel ill, or clammy, or faint?"
"Goodness no," Colin answered. "Professor Snape, sir? Do you suppose Olivia would mind if I woke her?"
"I don't think that's the wisest of ideas."
"Oh." Colin's smile faded for the first time since he had entered the common room. "That's a pity. It would be wonderful just to gaze at her beautiful face again."
Severus sighed. "It doesn't appear as if you're experiencing any side effects, at least. Here, Mr. Greengrass. Drink this." He uncapped the tiny bottle, and handed it to the youth.
Colin downed it without even glancing at the label. Well, that saved them both some time, at least. Severus watched, as the dopey, lovesick expression on Colin's face slowly melted into one of horror.
"Oh no," he moaned, "What happened? I... I can't believe I've been acting like such an idiot all day. My friends must think I've gone mental. And - oh my god, I can't believe this."
"My apologies, Mr. Greengrass. I need to know to what extent you've been - ah, involved - with Miss Avril before I can let you return to your dormitory."
Colin brought his hand to his face and shook his head. "I'm so embarrassed. I... I kissed a second year. What happened to me?"
"The second year, Miss Avril," Snape repeated, "I'm afraid I must know, did you do anything else with her?"
Colin flushed a furious shade of red. "Of course I didn't, Professor. I can't even believe I kissed her."
Severus nodded sympathetically, satisfied that Colin was telling him the truth. "I'll let you return to sleep, then. Try not to worry too much. You aren't the first and you won't be the last student to be slipped a love potion. You'd be well advised to keep a closer eye on your food and drink in the future, though."
Colin nodded, face still scarlet. "Thanks, Professor," he managed, before ducking his head and returning to his dormitory.
Severus slipped the empty bottle into his robes, and left the common room.
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When Severus returned to his study, Calista was still sitting on the edge of her armchair, hands clasped in her lap.
"Mr. Greengrass is back to himself, although he is terribly embarrassed. All three of you are very fortunate that nothing worse happened."
Calista rose, relief flooding her features. "Thank you... I know I'm in trouble, I know you have to tell the Headmaster. I feel so stupid, I never should've let her talk me into it."
Severus regarded her solemnly.
"I cannot even tell you what shocks me more - that you managed to correctly brew Amortentia, that you evidently felt that doing so and giving it to Miss Avril would be a good idea, or that you actually came to me for help instead of trying to hide this from me and fix it yourself."
"I-"
Severus held up his hand, stopping her. "Three things are going to happen. Firstly, you are going to have private Potions lessons every week, whether you want them or not, after your regular class. If you're going to insist on thwarting the rules and attempting dangerous potions, you're going to do it in my classroom, under my eye.
"Secondly, I am going to write to Miss Avril's mother and inform her that her daughter has been procuring forbidden Potions ingredients with the intention of slipping love potions to older boys.
"And thirdly..."
Severus reached out, tapped his finger under her chin. The gesture was gentle, and Severus searched her face when she lifted it. Her relief and regret were both plain on her face. His expression softened.
"You're not going to be expelled. We are, however, going to have a conversation very soon about learning when to say no to your friends."
Calista blinked, unsure she had heard correctly.
"Wait. What about... detentions, or an essay about all the things that could've gone wrong? You're not just going to let me get away with this, are you?"
Severus placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled - there was something about it that was almost indulging. "As a matter of fact, I am."
"What? Why?" Suspicion replaced confusion.
"To be perfectly frank, I'm letting you off because as dangerous and ill-advised as your actions were, I'm pleased that you came to me when you realised you were in over your head. And I doubt you'll be making forbidden potions in your wardrobe again, after this?"
Calista shook her head vehemently, "Definitely not," she said, sincere.
Severus lifted his hands from her shoulders. He knew it was getting late, but she was as emotionally open as he could ever remember seeing her, and he was finding it difficult to send her away now. Perhaps it was only a remnant of her nerves, but Severus hoped that in conjunction with her coming to him tonight in the first place, it was something else.
He felt certain there was a meaningful conversation they should be able to have now, about trust and opening up to each other, but he didn't know how to start it.
Still. How many opportunities had there been like this, where she actually seemed receptive, open? Only a handful, and his uncertainty had caused him to waste each one of them.
"I'm glad you didn't steal the antidote from my office," he said, and then winced inwardly. Probably not the most auspicious start.
"When I grabbed it, I thought I was going to," she said softly, and then, after a pause: "Do you remember when I was younger, and I used to sit in your office and draw pictures, and you put them all up on the walls?"
"I do."
"They were awful," Calista said. "I knew they were, too. Sometimes I made them bad on purpose, just to see if you'd still say they were good and hang them up. You always did."
"That's because I didn't know they were supposed to be cats," he said, and he was rewarded with a small smile. He motioned for her to sit down again.
She hesitated, and there was a moment where Severus feared that simply acknowledging the fact that they were having a real conversation would cause her to end it. But she did sit down again, curling her legs up onto the seat. Severus leaned against the doorframe, facing her.
She was quiet for several minutes, and Severus used the time to consider his next words.
"Aside from myself, you are the only person in the castle that can open my office door without breaking the spell-lock on it. I have it set up that way on purpose, so you can find me if you need me, or even hide if you need some time away from your peers."
He paused, and then: "During Occlumency lessons, I only view the contents at the surface of your mind. I test your barriers beyond that, but I never attempt to see what's behind them, because you trust me not to. If I betrayed that trust, then you would be in your rights to be furious with me, but how else would you feel?"
She looked over at him; the light in the hall behind him was brighter than the light in the study, so she could not see much of his features.
"I'd feel... awful," she said, her voice small. "I think I'd feel like... like I couldn't trust anyone."
"It would essentially be stealing from you. I won't ever do that to you, Calista, and I hope that you would never do that to me."
She moved her arm, wiped her palm across her cheek, attacking a tear that he hadn't even seen yet.
"I won't," she said, and she took a breath before adding, "I think that's what I feel the worst about. That, for a second, I had the bottle in my hand, and I didn't know what I was going to do with it."
Severus nodded.
"Then I don't think we need to discuss it anymore."
He tried another small smile, watched her school her face into composure. She took a couple of deep breaths, and when one of them was still shuddery, she chuckled darkly. "I don't know what's with me tonight."
"It's been quite a night," he said, leaving his post in the doorway. "You can sleep here tonight, if you want to. I'll wake you early enough to go back to your dormitory and get ready before class."
Calista nodded and rose from her chair. She didn't leave the room immediately, though; instead, she paused right in front of Severus and looked up at him. For a moment, they seemed to hover in front of each other, both of them toying with the idea of giving the other a hug, but neither of them quite committing.
"Thanks," Calista said, ending the moment. She managed a tired smile, and then slipped past him, out of the room.
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