Chapter 79: 79
CHAPTER SEVENTY NINE:
"Mister Longbottom," Severus said softly as the students stood to leave after their meal. "Might I have a word?" He felt a brief pang at the fearful expression of his student, but then the Gryffindor took a deep breath and straightened.
"Yes, Professor?" he asked, clearly doing his best to sound unconcerned though there was an edge to his voice.
Severus flicked a look at the lingering students. "Privately?"
"We'll wait outside the door," Hermione said, as much to oblige Severus as to reassure Neville. "See you later, Severus, Harry!"
"Goodbye Hermione, Mister Weasley, Mister Potter," Severus nodded to each in turn while Harry added his own cheerful farewells. Turning his attention back to Longbottom he suggested they sit, and while Neville appeared apprehensive Harry's presence seemed to reassure him.
"I wished to apologize to you for my past treatment of you," Severus got straight to the point when they were seated, his voice tinged with regret. "I am not aware of Dumbledore's reasoning, but fact is that he had me under a series of spells which included spells forcing me to hate Gryffindors, and especially you and Mister Potter. I realize that there is no pardon for my words and actions, but I ask that you accept my apology with the spirit of regret it is offered in, as well as the knowledge that I hope to treat my students better in the future. As we have already discussed, you will be partnering up with Hermione in class, and my hope is that my teaching style will change for the better. I believe you would agree that you have no great talent for brewing, but your exceptional talent for Herbology indicates to me a certain natural aptitude for Potions; one that I have regrettably stunted with my verbal abuse over the years. It is my hope that we might start anew and bring out that potential, and I would be open to allowing you access to the classroom outside of class times should you wish for private tutoring by either Hermione or me. That is perhaps a ways off still," he conceded, "but the thing I regret most is that in your third year your boggart assumed my form." He allowed his pain to show on his face, knowing he had previously only been angered that his image had been ridiculed but now was deeply hurt that he would be the thing a student of his feared most – more even than the Death Eaters that had tortured his parents into insanity. "For that, I apologize sincerely, and truly hope that when I depart from Hogwarts at the end of this school year we may part on better terms."
He fell silent then, his eyes never leaving the teenager's face as it went through a range of strong emotions, the prevalent one being stunned disbelief.
"My boggart isn't you anymore," the boy blurted out eventually, turning bright red when he realized what he'd said. "It hasn't been since Crouch showed us the Cruciatus curse in fourth year," he admitted more quietly, his gaze on the carpet instead of his teacher. A hand came to rest on his knee and he looked up into Harry's pain-filled face, finding understanding there and swallowing his own pain.
Looking over at his teacher and seeing the man's complex expression he took a deep breath. "I accept your apology, Professor, and though I won't say I'm not still scared of you," he swallowed, "I would like what you described. Parting on better terms, I mean, and learning to brew properly," Neville explained. Visibly shoring his courage he stood and held out his hand to the Potions Master.
"Thank you," Severus said softly, standing and gripping the teenager's hand while Harry looked on approvingly. "I look forward to tomorrow's lesson," he said honestly. Severus would grasp the chance to gain the students' honest respect with both hands, knowing that he only would be teaching for another two and a half months and intending to make the most of that time. He wanted to leave Hogwarts able to expect respect rather than loathing – and he had heard some of the rumors concerning him after Voldemort's demise. Several rumors painted him in a ridiculously heroic light, and though he disliked the fiction he was Slytherin enough to turn it to his advantage. It was perhaps too late to change the opinions of his former students, but the thought that his current students could see him go still thinking him the bastard Dumbledore had painted him to be hurt more than he had anticipated.
"I suppose I'll see you at dinner, Professor; Harry," Neville said in a subdued voice as he made his farewells. The two adults confirmed that they would be there, and once Neville had left Harry turned to Severus with a tender smile.
"I'm so proud of you," he said warmly and hugged his lover, feeling Severus's arms come up around him.
Severus needed a moment before he could speak, Harry's words having evoked a strange constricting emotion he had never felt before. "You are the first to say so to me," he managed to say eventually, the emotion clearly audible in his voice. Harry just held him closer.
"Well, I am. So, so proud. That can't have been easy for you or Neville, and I'm just so proud of both of you." He still had that tender smile on his face when he leaned back to give Severus a deep kiss, affirming without words that he meant it. Severus, still almost having trouble breathing from the force of this unknown emotion, returned the heartfelt kiss deeply, drinking in Harry's honest emotions for him and knowing that he would do almost anything to hear those words again. Gone were the thoughts of the students' respect – he would be the best professor he was capable of being if it meant that Harry would look at him with that heart-wrenchingly tender expression, blessing him with that warm smile and heartfelt words. No one had ever felt pride in him before, and hearing the words was so good that it hurt. Gasping a breath as Harry moved his mouth away to kiss Severus's neck he became aware that he was crying, but Harry seemed to understand as he lowered him to the rug, making sweet love to him in front of the fireplace.
"Take me," Severus gasped as he arched under Harry, suddenly needing to feel this man claim him in a way he had thought he'd never want another man again, and to his relief Harry didn't question it, continuing his ministrations with an added tenderness that made Severus ache all the way into his bones. The new tears that sprung to his eyes at the dull pain and sharp memories were kissed away gently by his lover, and soon he was crying out in mindless pleasure, reduced to a quivering, panting wreck as Harry did everything in his power to please the incredible man he found himself falling ever deeper in love with. Then Severus found release with a strangled cry, and Harry wasn't long after, nuzzling his lover's neck in the panting aftermath.
"I love you, Severus," Harry whispered against the sweaty neck, and Severus gave a breathy sob as he felt the sweet emotion constrict around his heart again.
He couldn't respond due to his suddenly constricted throat and simply buried his face in Harry's shoulder, letting his tears flow. Harry seemed again to understand and held him close, his warm body completely covering Severus's and reassuring him wordlessly that this wasn't just a dream or passing moment, but real and constant, Harry's pride and love more than Severus had ever experienced or hoped for in life but something he now knew he would cling to with every fiber of his being. When his tears abated he fell into an exhausted sleep, his mind and body warmed by the younger man who held him close, watching over him as he slept.
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