Chapter 14: Mating ritual

Alanis.

He parks his car in the parking lot and I suddenly get more nervous. I agreed to this—no I gave him the idea. I craved this desperately and I have never been surer about anything in my life. At this moment though all the nerves have kicked in and uncertainty crawls out like a thief in the night.

Is this the best idea?

I ask myself.

"Should I go book the room?" he can sense my hesitancy. I am just scared that he'd realise that this is a mistake and regret it. I don't want regrets with him. "Okay." I let him go cause my legs are still quivering from the kiss. He smiles and leans forward; his lips meet mine for just a second. The kiss is quick, I almost want to grab him to get more. He winks and runs out of the car. I watch him as he disappears into the building and my heart races in my chest.

My phone rings and for the first time today, I remember Maddie. Shit. She didn't cross my mind. How did I forget that I have a girlfriend? I am cheating on her right now. She has no idea I am with Beau. I run my hands through my hair unsure of what to do.

I can't have sex with him.

I have to end things with her first.

I had a plan; I was supposed to make Maddie my link. What do I do, how do I break her heart now when she has been by my side all this while?

I press the answer button and her voice resonates "Hi babe," she says with an excited tone.

I grimace out my response "Hey."

"Where are you?" this is not an unusual question. She always asks about my whereabouts because if I am not with her, I'd be home. What do I say?

Do I lie or just tell her the truth? I can't tell her the truth. She will be suspicious if I tell her I am with Beau. The last time I and Beau were together, he broke my jaw.

"At home," I decide on lying.

"Oh...can you come over? I miss you" she doesn't suspect a thing and that makes me feel even worse. I hate lying to her. The one thing Maddie deserves is my honesty and I am not giving that to her.

"Not right now," I notice beau jogging back to the car "Look, I gotta go but I'll call you later?" I end the call with her as Beau knocks on the window "I got the room" he tells me with gleaming eyes he looks very excited. He isn't thinking about the repercussions. To him, he just wants this and doesn't care about anything.

"I get down from the car with shaky hands "Are you okay?" he notices my expression. I manage a smile "I'm fine" I lie. I don't want to bring out my insecurities right now. I just want to get lost in him. I want my heart to finally beat for someone. I am tired of feeling lonely. I don't want to be alone anymore.

We get to the room and he closes the door gently. We stand face to face, unsure of what to do next. How do we go about this? Who leads and who follows?

I don't know anything about this.

After a couple of minutes, he decides to take initiative and moves closer to me "I don't know how to do this, but I want to hold you. Can I hold you?" he wants my consent.

I nod. He smiles and grabs both of my hands in his grip. The butterflies dance. My heart does a thump thump thump in the confinement of my chest. This feeling right here is why I will risk it all for him. I will risk losing my family, risk breaking Maddie's heart for this.

"Your hands are so cold." he breathes out.

All I feel from his touch is warmth. He is hot and I am cold, we are complete opposites "It feels nice" he reiterates. I look at his grip and it is not too firm. His thumb brushes against my palm. "Yours is hot" I comment.

"Does it feel good?"

This conversation is weird in itself. We are talking about something so inconsequential but it feels like the most important thing we have to say. "The greatest feeling ever," I tell him honestly.

Can I go back from Beau? I can't go back to hating him; this is the new normal for me. I just have to make it the same for everyone. "We are supposed to have sex during the mating ritual," he says out of the blue.

"Huh?" I mutter confusedly.

"Alby says once we have sex, we are bound forever. It's supposed to be during the full moon. Which is in a month" I am confused. Who is Alby and why is he telling me all this right now?

"Who is Alby?"

"The elder in my pack. He knows about us."

"Uh....okay. So, are you saying we shouldn't do this now?" I don't want him to change his mind. I really want him now. If he goes back on it, I could never push for it. Laughing he shakes his head "No way. Come here" he pulls me into his arms and I rest my face in the crook of his neck. I am not a tiny man, but next to Beau I am small. His body is hard and chiselled like he was sculpted into who he is. Being in his arms feels like home "I want to see this to the end." he whispers into my ears.

I release a soft breath because I feel the same way "I have waited all my life for you" he continues. His voice like a melody on a warm night. It's like music to my ears. The perfect song. "Me too" I have had this emptiness inside of me all my life. Before I became a vampire, I didn't have any family. I was left to die of a sickness that could've been treated. I was saved but I have never felt whole, not until this moment. In his arms, I feel like I can take on the world. I am not scared to fall anymore because deep down in my heart I know he will catch me.

I finally have someone that will love me unconditionally. I pull back and look at him. He has a warm smile plastered on his face "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen" his hands brush against my cheek causing an electric reaction. I shiver beneath his touch, wanting more. Wanting everything from him.

'Can I kiss you" he pleads desperately. I don't answer him, he doesn't wait for my answer and just presses his lips to mine. This kiss is different from the first kiss. There is a desperation in our actions that can't be explained. As his tongue slides into mine and the fire erupts from within. I know where this is going to lead. The urgency in the kiss is unexplainable. We kiss without even taking a breath and as his hands start to pull me to the bed, I don't object. He Is a little rough but it's the good kind. The kind I crave, I have always been the dominant one but Beau screams out masculinity and I just want to submit to him. I want him to completely take over. I fall to the bed with a soft thud and he smirks ready to dive in. Crawling on the bed gently he looks at me "Are we really doing this?" he asks for validation.

I don't know what he expects me to say but I want this a lot more than he does. He has no idea the thoughts running through my head. This is a fantasy that just sprung out of nowhere "What will happen if we do?" I have to know because he talked about rituals and ceremony. I need to know the consequences of our actions because no matter how much I want him, I will not jeopardize this thing between us.

He shrugs and starts placing wet kisses in the crook of my neck. A sound emanates from my lips and I swear to go I don't recognise it. Did that come from me? Beau doesn't stop, he is still kissing me "I don't know. I never asked because I never thought I'd need to but I want you so fucking bad" he tells me in between kisses.

"What if we can't be together if we do this?" I blurt out and suddenly regret it because he abruptly jumps away from me and to the opposite side of the bed.

His hair is a mess, running his hands through it, he makes it messier "Oh, shit. Could that happen?" he asks me. I have no idea. Usually when a vampire Links with someone, they have to turn that person. Is it even possible to turn a wolf?

"There's no mating ritual for us. We just give you our blood and you become one of us" I explain to him.

He furrows his brows "What?" I guess I have completely killed the mood "I don't want to become one of you monsters" he stands up from the bed and adjusts his clothes "Shit, we need to slow down on this. We have no fucking clue what we're doing"

His words are supposed to hurt. He just called me a monster but I know it's just difficult for him to control. Yes, in his eyes we are monsters and it will take a lot of getting used to for him to change his view. I am not going to rush him; I will let him see that I am not a monster.

I sit on the bed "I know, but does it matter?" I question because I want him to go back to his previous mood. I don't want Panic Beau.

"It does, I need to ask Alby. He will explain this to me more. I can't just say F to all the rules. You are right, we shouldn't do this"

I nod "I understand." I say dejectedly.

He notices the expression on my face and walks over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge next to me "This doesn't mean I don't want you. You have no idea how much I want you" he plants a soft kiss on my forehead and I close my eyes as his lips rest on me a little longer.

"We would figure this out," he speaks up again after a few seconds. I open my eyes and he is still watching me. With his kind eyes, I completely trust his words. I know he is sincere, he doesn't plan to hurt me, but I also know that this won't be easy. No one is going to understand, no one is going to accept this.