Chapter 6: V
Smile
Just one single smile, It's enough.
Smile.
Yes, smile. I rarely put a smile unto my face. Para bang napakamahal ng ngiti ko para ibigay sa kung sino lang. I've been known not just a Miss-Perfect o hindi naman kaya ay Miss-Goal-Oriented pati na rin yata ang pagiging walang emosyon – frigid. I'm not the kind of person na ngingiti lang basta-basta. Well, often times you cannot see any emotion in my face – stoic. Simply, I'm not being raised as one.
Yet, everything turns to sixty-degrees when I was accepted in IHO. I may say, that organization was something. It wasn't a simple club to be called upon, it tells about the value of how to be a family not by blood but by heart. The value of having a companion who would accept who you are and let you realize; life wasn't that bad to remorse with. Mas lalo namang hindi lang din stepping stone ng pangarap, mas higit pa doon. They've made me realize, like them I could do as well. Despised of who I am, and how I act; no excuses to made me feel little – belittle my capability as a person. What others comments about you never defined who you are. It is you alone, God give you your own then improve it. A wide perception told me a lot of beautiful things – bad or good. You don't need to drown yourself in negative thoughts. It marked my whole being.
Especially him. . .
"It's been days na magkasama tayo, but I didn't saw you smile once." Nakalumbaba niyang tingin sa'kin. His forehead creased, it makes him cute. Cute? Where that coming from? Out of nowhere, I won't admit it to him. Nasa loob kami ng library, I was doing my research and he, on other hand reading. Yes, for a guy like him, he's such as bookworm or rather say a wide reader.
"Are you talking to yourself, Mr. Reader?" nakataas kilay ko pang tanong sa kanya. Sa ilang araw, well, four days perhaps na magkasama kaming dalawa; I didn't saw him smile. We were even. That goofy smile he gave me in the first day, was not his real smile either.
"No, I'm talking to you Miss Goal – "I cut him off.
"You know my name." hindi ko alam kung bakit naibulalas ko iyon, noong mga oras na 'yon. I hate it when people called me that name. I felt like I'm my professor's puppet which I don't like.
"You called me names right? So, I did para naman fair tayo." Pangangatwiran naman niya, may punto naman siya. I called him names, he just returning the favor. How brilliant right?
"I don't think that will be a valid reason Mister." I retorted, hindi naman sobrang lakas ng boses namin. We're talking in hush voice. Halos araw-araw naming pagkikita sa libray, naging routine na namin ang mag-usap na ganoon. I've happened, feel comfortable and enjoyed his company.
"I think it is."
"Anong nakain mo? Mukhang mas makulit ka yata ngayon." Hindi ko mapigilang sambit sa kanya. If there's one thing I know about him, he may be a serious-geek, may pagkakataon din namang makulit siya. At simula noong nasali ako sa club, ako na yata ang pinaka-unfortunate na tao. Why? Dahil ako lang naman ang kaisa-isahang tao na kinukulit niya. In fact, his cocky side would always surface.
"As far as I remember breakfast." Hindi ko maiwasang sumimangot. Paano ba naman kasi may mga oras na talaga na nili-literal niya ang mga sagot niya sa mga tanong ko. He loves teasing me until I give up.
"You know what? Magbasa ka nalang." Tinulak ko sa kanya ang librong nakabukas sa harapan niya. It was the book that he keeps on reading noon hindi pa ako dumating. Bukod doon ay pareho kami ng favorite spot sa library. Laging nasa pinakadulong side; in the right corner katabi nito ang bintana.
Nailing siyang tumingin sa'kin at pagkatapos itinuon na niya ang kanyang focus sa librong binabasa niya. And once again, the silence elopes in our atmosphere. You can't really say that everything will result worst. Minsan talaga ay may mga bagay na natutunan mula sa mga desisyon natin.
Pero kung may isang bagay man na dapat nating tandaan, sa anong paraan man tayo natuto, hindi natin dapat ikahiya iyon. when it was those things would resemble us. Am not saying am proud of those. What I'm really trying to imply is the point.
Smile, somewhat brought me hope. Especially him, who taught me to smile in the simplest way. He made me realized, smile supposedly be a way to give encouragement and hope to those who need it as well as others too. Smile is empowerment, which things come easily. I mean, smile can give you a lucky charm of your own. Smile must give willingly not because you need to.
He even quoted; "When you smile give it sincerely, don't give a forceful smile. In the way you smile, people can feel it, it is sincere or not."
I learned to give that smile because he taught me how. He taught me that even at your worst time you can smile to let go. To let go the pain, having acceptance and understanding."
-Sophia Blaire Imperial –
"To let go the pain, having acceptance and understanding." Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang taong bumabasa sa huling katagang sinusulat ko. Isinarado ko ang laptop at hinarap siya.
"Kanina ka pa ba?"
"Ang lalim noon ah." Balewalang sagot niya sa tanong ko. Umikot siya sa harapan at umupo sa bakanteng silya. I just follow his every move.
"Tinatanong kita." I gave him a poker face, kung hindi lang talaga! Naku!
"Chill babes, masyado ka kayang focus hindi moman lang napansin ang pagdating ko." Depensa nito sa kanya.
"What do you need?" I asked him directly, hindi ko alam pero ang hilig-hilig niyang sumulpot bigla. Parang kabute talaga ang taong to, at kung makaupo naman akala mo nasa bahay.
"Ito naman napakamainitin ng ulo." I glared at him, itinaas lang niya ang kanyang kamay. "Pahingi naman ng favor pinsan." I raised my brow, masakit talaga sa ulo to kausap. Pasalamat siya at pinsan ko siya.
"Ano naman ang kailangan mo?" ulit kong tanong. Nasa coffee shop ako at inaantay si Miggy. Isa pa ang lalaking 'yon, ang sabi niya darating siya ng 4:30 PM. I'm waiting for about half an hour wala parin siya. Pambihira nga naman.
"Pwede mo ba kong samahan?" napakamot pa ito sa batok, halatang kinakabahan. Napakunot naman ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. It is a request.
"Saan naman?"
"Sa restaurant na pag-aari ni Olga." Ang weird talaga ng isang 'to.
"Alam mo, kung liligawan mo si Olga, ikaw nalang ang pumunta. Hihintayin ko pa si Miggy." Litanya ko naman sa kanya. Pinopormahan kasi niya si Olga, well that was what I heard. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang estado nila ngayon. Well, it wasn't my life though.
"Hindi pwede!"
"Pinagtataasan mo ba ako ng boses?" may diin na tanong ko sa kanya. High pitch ang tono ng kanyang boses na halatang kinakabahan.
"Hindi." He laughed nervously. "samahan mo naman ako, text mo nalang si Miggy."
Tiningnan ko siya ng mariin, I got my phone; compose a message for the guy who promised to come in time but nowhere.
Magkita nalang tayo bukas. Kailangan ko pang samahan ang abnormal kong pinsan.
I hit the send button. Less than a minute later I received his response.
Okay, take care.
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