Chapter 12: Chapter 12
My father doesn't acknowledge me at all before I leave for school. Once the hangover fades, it becomes an uphill battle to not drink, so he just stares at his computer and tunes out everything. I make him a sandwich, dropping it on his desk before walking out the door.
Jordan called me before bed last night. I didn't answer. I debated not going to school today. Everything has just been so... Confusing and embarrassing. Dad woke me up in the middle of the night talking about a rehab program he found that guarantees sobriety results in a year. It broke my heart to tell him in was in Arizona and too expensive.
Slowly, I move to my truck, dragging myself up into the drivers seat. I sit there and try to get the engine to turn over, but nothing is happening. I'm praying the engine didn't die because lord knows I can't fix it right now.
I try again, only stopping when my phone rings, "Hello? Jordan? I'm kind of busy."
"Sorry, I was... I was getting worried. You didn't pick up last night and you weren't at the school when I got here. Is everything ok?"
"My truck won't start, it's happened before but it's really not starting this time."
"Do you want me to come get you? I can be there in... Twenty minutes, give or take."
"I guess, I could just stay home today, it's not a big deal," I keep trying to turn the engine over.
"What's wrong? Are you-- are you nervous about going public? We don't have to, we can take this as slow as you want. Are you sick? Is it something with your dad?"
"Jordan, please I'm tired. I'm fine, really. If you want to come get me then come get me, otherwise I'm going back to bed, ok?" I throw my head back against the seat in frustration as tears well in my eyes.
"I'll be there in twenty minutes tops," His voice is firm.
I hang up without a goodbye, I'm so tired. I couldn't get back to sleep last night and I'm just so emotionally spent. I want nothing more than to sleep.
I stare at the ceiling of my car until I hear a car door close. Looking back I see Jordan's Lexus and him walking to my car. He tries not to look concerned when he gets to my door.
"Are you ok?" He asks as I climb out of the truck.
"No," I admit, "Who knows what's wrong with my truck and how much it'll cost to fix! I'm so exhausted I swear I might fall asleep here!" I gesture to the broken concrete driveway under our feet.
"If you want you can rest after school, I'll take you somewhere and you can sleep as long as you want to. Then we can go get ice cream and I'll take you home. How does that sound?"
I look down, not wanting him to see I'm actually pouting! I nod quickly, I hear him chuckle as he wraps his arm around me and takes me to his car. He presses his lips to my temple before helping me in and taking us to the school. The closer we get, the more my stomach turns over.
Jordan takes my hand, entwining our fingers, "Are you sure you're ready to go public?"
"No," I shake my head, "But I want to be."
He glances at me, giving a reassuring smile. Squeezing my hand, he presses his lips to my knuckles and sets my hand on his knee. I feel a little strange even though I enjoy my hand on him, it's something I'll need to get used to.
As we pull into the parking lot, I see our classmates bustle about. Most are looking on their phones or talking to friends, some are reading or finishing homework. The sheer number of people in front of us scares me. I'm enjoying being in my little bubble with Jordan, it will only take one person who a sharp pencil to pop it entirely.
"I'll walk you to your locker? I have some stuff to do before class but I'll try to be sure to walk you to second period. If you want we can go somewhere for lunch."
"Ok," I mumble as I watch the people around us. I feel my hands start sweating, I wipe my palms onto my jeans.
"It'll be ok, no one will notice. It's not like a new couple is rare, we'll get some passing glances, a couple whispers, a text to get the word out and that will be it."
Sparkling eyes are the first thing I see when I look at him. His deep, blue eyes calm me and I nod. With a quick smile, he jumps out of the car and comes to open my door. As soon as I step out, eyes are on me. People poke their friends to get their attention as they stare at me. Jordan flings his arm around me and gently pulls me to the school door.
"Don't acknowledge them, their vultures, they feed on nervous energy and attention. Ignore them, let them perish," He dramatically waves his fist in the air as he speaks.
I giggle at his ridiculousness, which actually causes more people to stare. I feel myself shrink into his side as we get closer to the entrance. He pushes the door open and pulls me in, once the door swings closed all the beady eyes are gone. Together we lean against my locker, I press my head against the metal as I put in my combination.
"You promise we'll get ice cream later?" I mumble.
He doesn't even attempt to hide his smile, "You are so fucking adorable, you know that? When you pout like that, God it makes me melt. Yes I promise, we will get ice cream."
I flutter my eyelids and smile as I pull open the locker. Jordan takes a glance at all my pictures while I put in my books and folders.
"Wow, you were so small," His fingers graze over a picture of me and my mom from when I was seven. I was always pretty short so most people thought I was at most five or six.
"She called me her little pint. She would say I was small enough to fit in a pint of ice cream if I tried. I even dressed up as one for Halloween one year."
"I wish I could have met her," He looks over the pictures some more.
"Me too," I close my locker and shove my hands in my pockets.
I jump at the sound of voices, the students from the parking lot are slowly coming in. Some still stare at us, in my uncomfortable embarrassment I look down at my shoes.
"I have to go, I need to go see a teacher. I'll see you at lunch, ok Rhea?" He gently touches my arm.
I nod, smiling as he gives me a fleeting kiss. I stand there and watch as he merges into the crowd of people. Keeping my head down, I adjust my backpack and start making my way to my first period class. I pull out my phone once I've reached my seat. I don't bother opening my texts, Jordan literally just left and Maria hasn't responded to me all week, she's been busy. I pretend to do something on my phone, mostly trying to entertain myself. I have free phone games but they bore me or I just suck at them. I start feeling my eyes droop. Before I know it, the bell is ringing and students are leaving the classroom. Great!
I groan as I pick up an math worksheet in front of me. I have no clue what it is or what we learned today.
Sluggishly I make my way out the door. No Jordan, I keep moving to my next class. I go through the motions of the day. The only thing different about today is people are staring and pointing at me, and I turned in a completed math assignment on time.
I find myself dozing off again when Jordan sits next to me at lunch, "I brought you a turkey sandwich," he says in a singsong voice, "It's nice and full, it's got cucumber and mayo and I snagged you the last of the vanilla pudding. Boom!"
I force my eyes to stay open as I smile and take the pudding he holds in front of me, "Thank you. Maybe sugar will keep me awake. My dad woke me up last night to talk about a program in another state. I get he wants to get better but he needs to pick options within our means, and honestly by the time he starts slipping, he'll insist he doesn't need a program. I was up all night. I'm sorry I didn't pick up when you called by the way, it was just a really intense day. I'm sorry I'm babbling," I shovel the pudding in to my mouth and stare at him.
"I get it, really. And I'm sorry you didn't sleep. Only two more classes and then you can sleep. Eat up," He points to the rest of my food.
The sandwich smells great, and there's a bag of Sun Chips and an orange Gatorade. I feel my stomach rumble longingly. It's embarrassing how quickly I consume the food, but I don't notice because now I'm even more tired.
"Two more classes," I remind myself.
After lunch ends, Jordan walks me to class and I wave goodbye as I enter the God-awful Spanish classroom. It always feels hot and stuffy.
Fifth period isn't too bad, we're playing a review game, watch a couple videos and take notes. I force myself to stay awake and make it to the bell.
Sixth period I find Jordan sitting in the back waiting for me. I slump into the seat next to him.
"I want to sleep so badly," I fake cry as I rest my head on his shoulder, "I don't think I can wait another hour."
"Sure you can. One more hour and then you can sleep."
The tired fog lifts for a moment and realization hits me, "Shit, no I can't I have work. I don't work long today, I get off at five thirty, but I'm so tired!"
"Awe, I'm sorry babe," He rubs circles on my back, "I promise I'll be there at five thirty with a blanket and a pillow in the car so you can sleep."
I groan and zone out, all sound becomes fuzzy as I'm not paying attention. People talk, ask questions, pens make noise against the white board, the projector clicks, the bell rings. All I hear is blurry noise.
I slump out of school. I mull through work, making light conversation with Mr. Marsh. I half-ass my way through homework. I pop my jaw yawning as I clock out at five forty five. Packing boxes takes longer when you're half asleep. Everything fazzes by in a slow blur.
Slunking out the back door I'm met by Jordan's car and a kiss on my cheek.
"Let's get you some rest," He pulls me to the car, setting me in the passenger seat and reclining the chair a bit. He throws a blanket over me before closing the door.
Everything feels so soft, like my entire being is on a brand new pillow. The hum of the car makes it near impossible to stay awake. I barely notice Jordan turn on the radio, I hear myself mumble the words to the songs I know. As we start driving, time passes, and I realize we're on the empty dessert road we took into the city. The sun has almost completely set and I smile at the last few slivers of color in the sky.
"Jordan?" I slur.
"Yes, Rhea?" He responds, I can hear a laugh teasing in his voice.
"I think I might love you."
I fall asleep.
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