Chapter 3: Annoying
Beyond knew that sometimes it crossed the line. I knew that from time to time he was very aggressive and overbearing. But it is not voluntary, the boy simply has no control over himself. Or about the things he feels for his brother.
And since Lawliet came out of the coma, the times that happened have only become more frequent.
He had done it again. That thing he swore he would never do and always ended up doing. Birthday had forced Lawliet. Soon L, the person that B should protect.
The kisses, the hugs, the touches, everything had been the basis of violence. In fact, when it came to them, nothing was of their own free will. There was always blackmail, whether emotional or physical. Beyond doesn't even remember when it was the last time they watched a movie together, went out for a walk, or did whatever brothers should do.
Brothers. On second thought, they haven't been brothers for a long time.
Not friends, not boyfriends, nothing.
That's what incest does.
If he could go back in time, the one with the red eyes would never have declared himself. He would remain with his damned feelings inside himself, even if he died inside. For that coldness, that feeling of embarrassment and the looks of fear that Lawliet gives when they are together, is certainly much worse.
And the worst thing that B knew that L was absolutely right to fear. No matter what angle you looked at, it was rape.
"Hmfp," L growled low, signaling that he was waking up. The brunette felt his body ache, especially his head. He sighed, remembering everything that had happened last night. At a glance he realized that new marks were embedded in his skin. Scratches and more scratches. He could also see that the inside of his thighs were all red.
Then it happened again, he thought.
─ Good morning, Lawly. ─ Beyond said quietly, appearing at the bedroom door. L took a "mini jump", startled by the sudden appearance. Birthday had a sad smile on his face. ─ I came to help you get ready for school. ─ added.
─ You swore that you would never do that again. He whispered, without looking at the boy in front of him.
Birthday, however, did not respond.
─ You swore! He repeated, this time a little louder. The wheelchair user's voice went from frightened to indignant and angry.
─ Lawli ... ─ Beyond was somewhat surprised by all the expressiveness that L was exhibiting now. On the other hand, he felt totally horrible.
The silence reigned briefly.
─ I hate you. He said, returning to his expressionless expression.
A shock wave went through B.'s body. He would never expect to hear such words from his brother. The sensation was devastating. It wasn't just about sadness, because anger was also there. As much as all this was happening, Lawliet had no right to hate him, after all, he took care of the brunette since the damn accident. If it weren't for Beyond, L would be dead by now.
How dare he forget that?
─ Do you hate me? - laughed - Do you hate me? Lawliet, let's face it, it was me who lost my life in that hospital. Eight years, EIGHT YEARS waiting for you to wake up. I should hate you. - He smiled sarcastically.
L looked up, finally facing B.
─ You are the worst brother in the world. - proclaimed almost inaudibly.
It hurt.
But it hurt no more than the slap that was delivered a few seconds later.
─ You are not going to school today. - decreed, ignoring what was said and shortly after leaving the room.
[...]
Light was in a complicated internal conflict. His mind and heart were constantly fighting to form an opinion about the event of hours ago.
I still couldn't believe it. He had kissed L. Without any reason or justification. He was just attracted to the smallest little pale lips. He wanted to see what expression the ever-cold face might have, to see if his giant eyes could get even wider.
I don't know, but I wanted that, somehow.
It was a big problem, because his expectation was that his insides would be disgusted with the thought of having kissed a boy. A part of you would really like to dislike that damn scene where Lawliet was blushing. If so, he would be eager to forget, a tremendous urge to walk away. I would conclude that it was all just an impulse in a desperate attempt to show that I would always have a card up my sleeve to win.
But unfortunately not everything in life is how we want it.
This little part that was disgusted with the situation of kissing a boy who happened to hate, was not even half of all the stupidly pleasant sensations that the Japanese had when thinking about the fact. Light fought against it, but he himself knew that deep down, he had liked - even too much - all of it.
If Yagami had two wishes, the first would be to kill Lawliet in the most cruel way possible. And the second
it would be able to kiss him until he passed out.
However, this whole drama is nothing more than pride. Okay, maybe a little bit of fear, but mostly pride. He was frightened by an undeniable and absurdly ridiculous fact;
Light likes L. She likes it a lot.
It was no use kicking the thought away. Yagami was neither stupid nor blind, he knew when it was time to admit things to himself, however bad they were. It didn't make any sense, since Lawliet was totally the opposite of his type. A short, thin, pale boy. So arrogant, boastful, ironic and annoying that he even overcame brown at times.
Someone so opposite. Someone so similar.
It was so bad it was funny. Thinking by some logic, Yagami's plan, which was to attract the Englishman with a false friendship in order to regain his pride, had the opposite effect.
He ended up falling in love with the idiot L, and still not fucking know about him.
Congratulations Yagami, you are a genius.
[...]
[Light pov]
All I wanted least was to have to go to school today. There is the being that I really don't want to see now. In my situation, the best thing to do would be to ignore Lawliet's existence for a while.
And we still have a small detail: he is a boy.
I cannot think about the idea of us being together, it would be a national tragedy. First I would lose all respect from colleagues and teachers, then my parents would go crazy and kick me out.
In the end, my whole life would be spoiled.
But anyway, why am I thinking about it? It's not like he likes me.
However, he responded.
I have to stop thinking about it, definitely.
[...]
In the end, he didn't even come to school. Of course it was a lucky bitch for me.
But damn it, I'm worried. These absences for no apparent reason are practically happening every week.
And besides, I'm sitting with the idiots in my group, and without a doubt this is much worse than staying at home.
[Light POV off]
~ next day ~
─ Good morning, Light-kun. ─ the usual voice entered the brown ears, making him startle slightly.
─ B-Good morning. He replied, without looking the smallest in the eye.
Yagami felt a curious look on him. It was to be expected, thinking that he had never stammered before. The Japanese man was terribly angry with himself.
─ Is everything okay? He asked, placing one of his hands on the older man's shoulder.
─ Everything is great. - scolded, moving away from the other.
─ Hm ... It has something to do with the day we organized the du ...
─ I already said that I'm fine! He shouted, attracting the attention of the entire corridor.
Curse.
─ I have to resolve some things. He resumed the word, quickly getting up and walking hurriedly to the first door he saw.
─ But Light-kun, this is where the cleaning room is. ─ spoke loud enough for the other boy to hear.
─ Of course it is. - snapped angrily, practically running in the other direction.
L laughed briefly at the scene. However, he knew there was something wrong. Light was different. Impatient, anxious, irritable. As if he wanted to stay as far away from English as possible. Maybe it was because of the day they kissed. Maybe it was just the brunette's paranoia. Whatever it was, he had a bad feeling. He wanted the brown man to stay with him, to talk as he always did.
After all, Light is one of the few friends he has ever had.
The class was boring as usual. Not that the English really cared, because all he did was spy on Light from his stall.
The scheme was basically: L looked at Light. Light noticed that L looked and looked back, L pretended not to look.
And vice versa. The whole class.
The break has finally come. And with that, L just got more and more apprehensive. Light didn't even show any signs of life, so he would probably be with those "little friends" that he "likes" so much.
Lawliet knows that brown does not like to be with those people. In fact, anyone who looked at the expression of boredom that Yagami always carried with him when he was in these little groups, could easily say that he hated all that. However, the biggest one was there, leaving L totally alone.
Strange as it may seem, it made English really sad.
And ridiculously jealous.
─ Light-kun. ─ the youngest nudged him, taking courage enough to enter the middle of that crowd of people.
The Japanese man turned towards the wheelchair, his expression was slightly suspicious. She looked at him, waiting for him to speak. All the people around were watching the situation. Those present were the most popular in the school.
─ Well ... Do you want to come sit with me for a while? ─ she invited him, feeling slightly embarrassed.
L felt ridiculous in that situation. But something inside him just didn't want Light to be with those people, even though he had no right over him.
─ Oh boy, why are you
chasing her like that huh? Said a girl, while chewing gum completely indiscreetly.
─ I am sorry to inform you that I was not speaking to you. He replied, without changing his expression.
─ She is right. ─ Light spoke. ─ You don't have to stay behind me all the time. We're just doubles, so call me when you want to talk about jobs. He said, remaining serious. Lawliet looked at him in shock.
─ I understand. He murmured. ─ Sorry for the inconvenience. ─ turned and went back to the table he was on, staying there for the rest of the break.
Was it a bad thing to ask Light to sit with him? No, even if it was, he didn't have to say that. It was unlike anything he ever said to English. L felt a hint of contempt there, just as he felt that all his colleagues were treating him.
Lawliet did not face Yagami for the rest of the day.
[...]
Light had convinced himself that he was a horrible human being. I knew very well that it was an asshole saying that. But it was about his precious reputation. Imagine how people would react if they found out that the Japanese has an outcast like L. They would just start ignoring him too.
And Light was useless who can't deal with contempt. I didn't have an ounce of strength to sit alone all day. Withstand the jokes and sometimes even aggressions from your colleagues. Brown was amazed at just such thoughts.
However, he was doing exactly those things. Yagami saw the slightly hurt look that L shot before leaving his presence. Only then did Light realize that he was probably being as stupid as everyone there. Guilt hit him almost instantly.
L came to ask to sit with him. Damn, that was something the brunette would never do with anyone else.
Fuck Yagami, you suck.
Well, there's no point in thinking about it, after all, he was already walking back home.
And as the day seemed to be totally shit, there was a heavy rain just to close with a flourish. Time went from orange dusk to an incredible and sudden gray scale. Thick and aggressive drops.
- Curse. ─ Light says to himself, covering his face with the backpack and looking around at the first place. And finally, a bus stop.
The boy breathes a sigh of relief, sitting on one of the benches and watching the horizon. Deserted street, smell of rain, smell of guilt.
And so the silence remains for long minutes. Damn it, the day was so close to ending. Couldn't it be just for those damn moments to pass?
No, because a phone rang, instantly catching the boy's attention. Light searched the sound source with his eyes.
When he found her, he concluded that fate deserved a death sentence.
Lawliet was there, sitting a bank away. The brunette ignored the presence of Light, and dropped the call, putting the device in the backpack he was holding.
─ Lawliet? He asked, still not quite sure who the boy really was.
The Englishman raised his vision.
─ Ah, hi Light-kun. ─ greeted him. The older boy had the slight impression that he was expecting someone else, but he ignored it. He didn't seem to be hurt or anything. His expression had some kind of feeling that Light couldn't decipher.
No one spoke during the twenty minutes they waited for the rain to pass. Night fell, covered by stars.
─ Finally. ─ Light smiled, picking up his things. ─ So, see you tomorrow Lawliet.
─ See you.
One step, two steps, three steps. A peek at the bus stop. L was still.
Ignore it. You have nothing to do with his life.
But it's dark, and his house is far away. In addition, he is a wheelchair user.
Light returned to the parade.
"L ..." He touched her shoulder lightly, since his head was buried in the backpack. ─ You better go home fast. Perhaps it will start raining again, and it is already late. He warned.
─ I am ... waiting for someone. He stammered, still with his face embedded in the bag.
Liar.
─ This is not a good place to be alone. Then I will wait with you. He curved his lips, sitting back where he was.
L's eyes widened
─ You don't have to, Light-kun. It would be bad for you if a student saw you with me. He commented.
Light felt bad for the comment, because his tone was not sarcastic, it was sad.
─ Everything is fine. Just go home. ─ asked.
─ I don't want to. He said quietly. ─ I don't want to go home.
The Japanese man looked confused. On impulse, Light lifted L's head, and surprisingly confirmed what he was thinking.
L's eyes were puffy. He was crying.
Light possibly never felt a tightening of the heart. I did not expect this, even in the most remote circumstances. She felt an urge to hug him, but she just sighed.
─ You cannot stay here. ─
The other answered nothing.
─ Let's go to my house. - spoke authoritatively, positioning himself behind the chair of
the boy's wheels in order to guide her.
─ Light-kun, I already said I don't need ...
─ And what do you intend to do? Sleep there? He quipped. ─ I know you're not going to tell me anything, but I can't let you be alone here.
Again, the other said nothing. Maybe he had smiled in the least
[...]
─ We're here! ─ The brown man shouted, taking off his shoes next to L.
─ "Are we there yet?" ─ Dona Yagami replied confused, until she got close enough to notice the other boy's presence. She made a surprised face, but then smiled kindly at the smaller boy.
─ Mother, this is Lawliet. I'm sorry I didn't warn you earlier, but I invited you to sleep here. He proclaimed, pointing to English.
─ Oh, no problem, but unfortunately we have stairs all over the house. He looked at the Englishman's wheelchair.
─ Okay mom, I'll take him upstairs.
─ Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Yagami. Thanks for receiving me. ─ he bowed briefly.
─ You are welcome, dear. Your parents already know, right? He interjected.
─ Yes, they know. ─ Light replied. ─ Mother, we are going up now, okay?
─ I call when it is time for dinner. ─ She gave a last smile and went back to the kitchen. The boys were alone.
─ Thank you, Light-kun. He smiled.
Yagami smiled back.
─ Come on. He announced. ─ Hm, hold my neck, okay?
Lawliet nodded.
The Japanese man bent down to pick up L. He put one arm around his knees and the other behind his back, holding him like a princess.
It is so light.
They went up the stairs with their cheeks slightly flushed.
Light deposited the other on his bed, leaving for the wardrobe wanting to get something that would suit L.
─ Why do you have to be so small? ─ complained, hunting for something relatively old, which would probably fit L.
─ Excuse me, fireman's ladder.
─ Better to be a fireman's ladder than a garden dwarf. He countered. ─ Although with your skin and hair, you are more snow white. He laughed.
L showed his tongue to Light, who threw some shirt in the boy's face.
They both laughed.
─ This is the smallest I have. I'll get you some things to take a shower.
[...]
─ L, are you okay there? He asked, knocking on the bedroom bathroom door.
─ Yes, Light-kun, I'm leaving now. He announced, opening the door.
The pajamas got huge. The white shirt went to the middle of the thighs, and what should have been the shorts was almost a pair of pants. The sleeves were exaggeratedly large, passing the boy's hand.
He was clumsy with so much cloth, trying all the time to roll up his sleeve, which always fell again.
Light couldn't help thinking, he was so cute.
[...]
─ Draw again. ─ Light announced, moving his last piece in the checkers game.
─ Of course it would be a draw, you steal all the time. ─ L stated.
─ Ah, enough, let's go up. ─ he was irritated, removing the oldest from the living room sofa. ─ And by the way, mother, where's Sayu? He asked, already with Lawliet in his arms.
The mother looked a little disgusted at the scene of seeing her son carrying another boy so naturally.
─ It has been on the computer since it arrived from school. He replied, turning his attention to the magazine he was reading.
─ I know. ─ walked again.
─ Your mother made a funny face. ─ L whispered in the older man's ear, still being carried by him. Light shivered at the warm air in contact with his skin.
─ L, I don't want to meddle in your life. He said as he went up the stairs. ─ But isn't anyone worried about you for missing one night?
Lawliet hesitated before answering.
─ I really don't want to talk about it. He admitted.
Light sighed.
─ You should tell me if you have a problem. He suggested, stepping on the bottom step.
The two boys lay down on their respective beds. Yagami stayed where he usually slept and Lawliet was lying on a mattress on the floor.
Much time has passed in the dark room.
─ Light-kun, thank you for letting me sleep here. ─ He thanked him, turning his back to the other. His voice was choked with sleep.
Yagami was not sleeping, but he was sleepy. He just watched Lawliet. And his head was immersed in curiosity. And also in concern. More than anything, the Japanese just wanted to be able to make the brunette feel better. A feeling so strong that it surpassed his pride surprisingly.
─ You are annoying. He crouched down enough to kiss the other's cheek, which was still on his back. L gripped the pillow a little more, squeezing it and consequently shrinking. Light smiled and rolled over to the other's mattress, denting next to the smaller one. He hugged him from behind.
─ Don't cry like that again. He whispered, without receiving an answer.
─ Lawliet. He called.
He received a strange noise in response.
─ Lawliet. He repeated a little louder.
L slowly managed to face the youngest. The pale face was slightly pink in its area.
─ What is it? ─ said a little thickly.
─ I think I like you. ─ smiled, kissing. ─ Have I said that you are annoying?
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