Chapter 82: Chapter 77
"There are some things I can't say to my loved ones." Joy started and took a sip from her coffee to ease her tension even for a bit "like I'm not okay. Help me. You know, trivial things like that."
Bright just looked at her and listened to every sound she made- every cluck of her tongue, even the sound of her fingers interacting with her scalp as she combed them. He had been feeling weird eversince she realized that the both of them are somehow connected bye something he doesn't even know or understand. Joy tucked the sleeves of her turtle neck sweater because they were overlapping with her hands.
"But I think it was my fault because I chose to be like this- to like; shine so bright for the others to see me as a light in the darkness that can beat even the darkest of the dark. I shone so bright that I hid my darkness in my back and no one can see it." Joy said and held her wrists tight as she looked at him with sad eyes and a frail smile that alerted him. "I feel tired everyday even if I just woke up or doing nothing. My thought are also very negative and intrusive that I can almost hear them or see them."
'Joy... The heavens chose you as the person who suffered most pain in your life and to actuallu hear it first hand is so frightening and heart-breaking.'
" You see, my brother, Nana, my dogs, and all my friends are the treasures I value so much in this world. I am endowed with great people and I don't have the right to even feel sadness but my heart is something I cannot really control; it scares me because it hurts so much inside but I feel numb that sometimes I just want to disappear and float freely into the space to feel weightless." Joy said and tears dropped on her coffee. "You see, my father left my mama when I was still small the moment he knew about ny brother's condition. But I knew it was just an aliby because he was sick of us. Everyday, before leaving, he'd punch moma like a punching bag until she bleeds but you know what? I never heard moma scream because she didn't want us to worry about her. She always smiled and wore make up to try to hide her bruises but it was to no avail because I always see how papa beat her. My mama went through hell. When he left for the military, my mama went sick until she dropped dead in front of me in the hospital because of heart failure. I don't even have the slightest lead whether or not my old man is still alive. Then my brother was bullied at school. The children were making fun of him because of his disability- he always comes home with bruises and ballpen marks like come on! Does having a goddamn sickness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain makes him less of a human compared to those children? Then I saw how my grandmother was crying every night until now because she misses my moma so much and she was sad because of my brother's condition. It broke my heart to see her suffer like that because I love her so much and to think that I can't do anything made me so mad at myself. Then my best friend Mari was cutting herself and she was helpless all this time that I didn't have any clue about! I didn't know she was suffering. I didn't know that she was in pain because like me, she was shining brightly."
Bright averted her gaze from her.
" I know my pain isn't too much but sometimes, just looking at the mirror makes me want to puke. I loathe myself. I loathe the fact thay I am still alive. I loathe the fact that I'm healthy and all. I want to die but I want to live long." she said and more tears started to drip on her coffee. "I excell greatly at school because I was born with a photographic memory. At first, they called me the genuis girl but in the end, I received so much hate because of this ability - i don't study much but I can still get perfect marks and because of that people thought I was unfair. I think I'm starting to become crazy because my thoughts are too much I can't handle them anymore it feels like I'm going to explode- my head is going to explode."
Bright looked at her with blurry vision as tears threatened to escape from his eyes. He tried forming words for him to tell her to help remove her miseries but he failed because he knew that no matter what he says, the pain in her heart was already a chasm that can no longer be hidden.
"When I lose someone, it's like I can still see them. My very first dog died when I was 15 and I can still see and hear him beside me that I can't believe he's already gone. Don't get me wrong. I love the fact that I can still see him but I hate it that I can't touch him. You know what? Somewhere inside my heart, I know that I lost someone I can't remember. It's like my mind don't rememver that person but my heart does because i think it beats for that person- my eyes remember because I'm always searching for trails of that person. I don't know anymore. This is all wrong. This isn't normal. This is terrib-" Joy was shocked as Bright leaped onto her and gave her a warm hug that made her feel like she wasn't alone anymore- like someone has already come to save her.
"What you are experiencing isn't wrong. That just how you cope with your pain. Don't worry okay? Coping mechanisms to stitch yourself back again isn't wrong and terrible. It's okay to mourn for yourself and for your loss. It's okay... It's okay.." His jacket gave Joy warmth that was more that comforting. Bright hugged her tight like he was afraid to let go of her- the person his beloved brother loved. He does not want to see her in pain because Light's sacrifices would all be in vain. Joy burst into tears and hugged him back as Bright started to hum something that made Joy momentarily stop crying to listen. For some reasons, she was able to recognize that she heard that tone before and she flinched which Bright recognized by mistake as a sense of relief. He lulled her and touched her hair with his bare fingers- but Joy's face looked like she saw terror because she saw a glimpse of something the moment he touched her. She pushed him away and the look of terror that was marked on her face terrified Bright- but a sudden sound of something crashing shocked the both of them- and Joy went running to her Nana's room. She ran so fast with Bright chasing after her. The moment they arrived before the door of her Nana's room, she found it to be locked and she ran towards the keyholders in the kitchen beside their fridge. She dropped the key because her hands were shaking with the sense of urgency building up inside her but Bright was there and he took it then went straight to the door. He was about to open it using the key when it suddenly opened, with her sleepy-looking Nana yawning. She looked at them with a surprised expression on her face.
"What's the matter?" She asked them and Joy immediately went to her and hugged her. "A box just went out of place and dropped. Sorry if I startled you."
Joy sighed in relief as she shaw that her grandmother was alright and Bright returned to the hut. He did not notice that Joy was walking behind him, still terrified with what she saw. Bright heard her approaching and stopped walking. He laughed at his own clumsiness because he realized how he got carried away and he created a grave sin- touching a former chosen. He faced her and saw that she was sobbing. He wanted to go to her and erase her tears but strength had left his legs that he can't move a muscle. Joy was about to say something but Bright smiled at her.
"Whatever you saw, don't tell me about it." He said, went to her and pulled her hand that was wrapped with the cotton sweater she wore.
"You... Why did I see that?"
"Because you are special, Hope." Bright said and sighed.
"In what way?"
"In many ways humans won't be able to fathom" he answered and led her to her position a while ago- on the entrace. He went to the other side with Brennan in their middle who was soundly asleep while calling the name of his dog and touching his pillow as if it was Doggy.
"I don't understand." she said and felt bad at herself.
"You won't. Yet. But remember, everything happens for a reason." Bright smiled at her again, but this time, she knew that it was fake.
Suddenly, Joy started to feel nauseated as she held her head in pain. Bright noticed that and came to the rescue but he was more careful not to touch her with his bare skin again because of the dreading feeling he felt when he saw the look of terror in her face. Joy's ears were red and she was sweating and panting heavily that Bright started to panic. He woke Brennan up and made him call Josephine. As he went, Bright stayed at her side and tried to calm her down by reminding her how to breathe- she followed his instructions and before Josephine could even get to them, the pain became minimal and her Nana pushed her to go to bed. Both Brennan and Bright were also sent to bed by the broth she made.
"What's the matter?" Brennan asked. "What happened while I was asleep?"
"I haphazardly touched Joy's hair and it made her saw something." Bright answered with a sad smile.
"And what is that something?"
"It was the reason why I became a chosen." Bright said.
"She was crying a while ago so why didn't you save her?" Brennan asked but Bright flinched and stopped sipping on the mug of broth.
"It's not the time yet. The moment I save her, she'll remember everything. You saw how broken she is right now right? Remembering everything will just break her more."
"But she will be more broken as time flies by. Wouldn't it be okay if you helped her when you had the chance?"
"No. Just stop." Bright said and put the broth away from him and he prepared to sleep while Brennan just ignored him and looked at his phone and said good night to his wallpaper [his dog] and he was asleep in no time.
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