Chapter 43: Chapter 40: I Am You
Joy cannot comprehend the reason why, but she heard someone shout her name the moment she looked at Ajan- at first it was a faint, inaudible voice that was almost like a whisper, but then it became so clear- there was absolutely no way for her to know where that came from, but one thing was certain- it was Cammy's voice which she can never mistake for someone else. He was crying and pleading for them to help Ajan- the person who is currently looking at her with the rage that can be translated into hate. Joy turned to Light just to confirm if he can hear him too but he was too focused on the crying of Ajan as he tried to console her of her pain. Sooner or later, she became tired of looking at Joy with rage- so she turned to Light and hugged him- still crying- the hug of which Light returned in an instant.
Just then, Joy felt something hard struck her head which made her see her surroundings spin fast, making her unable to feel anything. Joy shrieked so hard and held her head because of the incredible pain which made her feel like it was going to detach from her body and split it in seconds. She tired to cry for help but the two- Light and Ajan seemed not to hear her nor see her as she struggled to catch her breath. She was terrified and confused at the same time that she can no longer breathe- her heart pumped really hard to the point that she can hear her wilding heartbeats.
'Joy... Joy. Wake up! '
'Stop!'
'Come back...'
Everything was spinning as she tried calling for them and begged for their helps but neither of them heard her plea as she fell on Ajan's house's floor.
The last thing she saw was Light still hugging Ajan- then there was this very familiar darkness she was certain that she had already seen before ; so dark and frightening; then it suddenly engulfed her; her very existence.
She looked around, trying to find light as her exit, but she saw only darkness which made her instantly panic until she can no longer see anything.
_____
Joy tried to open my eyes- which was at first very hard but the moment she succeeded, she found herself laying down on the ground.
'Wake up. Wake up! '
A voice suddenly spoke, which made Joy turn around to possibly familiarize herself with the place and find the voice; but she did not see anyone or anything since all there was in that world was eternal darkness.
'Left..'
' Right..'
'At my back? No.'
' Up?'
'No... No one is here.'
"Can you hear me?" A voice which sounds exactly like her echoed in her head- as if unreal... enchanting...
"Where are you? W-who are you?" Joy asked, turning around so randomly hoping to see the person talking to her. "Show yourself!"
"Joy." the voice still echoed and shook her entire footing as she heard footsteps approaching her. "I am..."
A sudden flash of light almost blinded her as the footsteps became nearer..
And nearer.
And nearer.
"Joy. I am you."
Joy felt her hand as it touched hers- it was so cold and freezing- so scary that she didn't have the chance to look at her because she started trembling to hear someone who has the same voice as her.
"Why are you so afraid of yourself?" she asked with a very friendly tone towards Joy.
Joy looked up to see her- she had the same long straight hair falling on her back but uncombed- the same silver eyes that she had- the same face but she looked older and more stressed. She squeezed Joy's hands as she tried to contemplate what the hell was happening and how to give warm to her ice-cold skin.
"What's happening? What are you?" Joy asked her and saw how tears started to form in her very sad eyes.
"Joy..." she ignored Joy's questions to hug her, which made Joy notice the hospital gown she was wearing and the cords connected in her hands.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry Hope Joy." she cried so hard as she hugged her then her body started to disperse in the air- making her glow and fade away.
"No!"
"W-what the hell is happening- one moment, I was standing on the house of Ajan- then I found myself laying down on a dark place- and now, I'm talking to myself and someone who exactly looks like me hugged me and is fading away right in front of my eyes!"
She started to disperse as she hugged Joy- and she totally get what the person was trying to do- it was to comfort Joy or maybe herself, but her coldness wildly spread onto her body and sent shivers onto her spine. Even the person's breathing felt odd. When she cried, it was almost like she was tormented - and the strangest thing was that Joy can feel her every pain- every ounce of it- every bit- and every second of her being near her was killing Joy.
And so she pushed her away.
She fell on the ground, still crying- her hair concealed her face as tears fell down on the floor. She moved and hugged herself in desperation- then placed her hands on her ears like hearing a voice inside her head. After a while, she began to reach for her face and her fingers reached her mouth- she placed two of her fingers into her mouth and formed a smile- matched with the frightening and wet eyes that looked at Joy directly- into the wonders of her soul.
Confused and frightened, Joy stood in front of her like a statue with a frightened posture, then she began to talk.
"I really hate myself that much huh. I guess I haven't changed at all. Ah, no. I have always abhorred myself ever since." She laughed and looked at Joy with dark soulless eyes which reminded her of the darkness that surrounded her at that point. Joy shrieked. It was her first time seeing someone with such eyes- she was already dead inside and her voice was sad whenever she spoke.
"What is more there is to life? You exist, then you die. Everyday is just a problem with how to get by and fight. It is tedious." She continued.
"What are you saying? Stop talking! I don't want to listen to you!" Joy screamed as hard as she could to frighten her a bit- but it was ineffective because she laughed so hard that it reached Joy's nerves and made her shiver with fear. It was as if she knew Joy's entire existence that she looked at her earnestly, still trying to form a smile.
"I'm just saying what you subconsciously think. Joy. Stop trying to play like a happy princess. You know you're not."
"Stop. Please. I don't want to listen."
She paused for a minute, but Joy still felt her near her- her gaze is too frightening that she thought she could see her soul.
"Joy open your eyes and look where you are."
#I don't want to listen. I don't want to hear any word you say!"
"Joy."
Her voice started to echo and clamor into her mind, but she no longer feel her presence.
"Look around."
"NO! PLEASE STOP.... I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN ANYMORE!"
"Joy. Listen to me"
"Joy. Open your eyes"
"JOY!"
That's it. Her patience ran out because Joy refused to respond to her voice every time she called- she felt sorry but she had to endure it because her very existence frightens her. 'What's going on? I want to go home... I want to see Light and save people.'
"I am Joy, the chosen one."
Astound, pain-stricken, wary- Joy opened her eyes against her will, as if her own body responded to the chant she used every time she tend to save people. Everything was blurry at first, almost making her collapse- but she realized something-
She was no longer on a dark place and the person who looked like her was gone- she can no longer feel her presence and her terrifying gaze but-
Joy noticed a very familiar scent going around in the room- it was a smell she abhors the most- hospital smell. There were various apparatuses beside the bed whare she laid down, and familiar layout of cords are connected on her arms. Joy looked around and saw some people in the sofa, sleeping- which made her see things she did not remember having experienced before.
"The heavens heard you."
The echoing voice was there again, and Joy felt a pang in her head that made her fall from the bed she was in, making every person in the room alarmed with her condition- one just ran to fetch the nurse and the others tried to calm her. The voices were very familiar but Joy was not able to look up to see their faces no matter how hard she tried because of the great pain she felt inside her head- like it's going to detach from my body, which made her panic more; and them also.
Joy felt everything spinning- like a nightmare- a sight she never wanted to see, a ...terrible sight!
"Joy!"
'Let me go back please...'
"Joy!"
'I want to go back. Please....'
'Let me go back...'
____________________
Joy felt something move- it was like she was floating in the air in such a position to be held by someone so fragrant and nostalgic- so dependable and charming.
"Are you awake?" A voice called out, waiting for her to respond.
"What happened?"
"You collapsed in the middle of Ajan's sulking, so I left with you. I just saw you laying on the ground like a vegetable, so I panicked the instant I saw you. I wondered how I was not able to see you as you fall since we are on the same place but-"
"but what?"
"no- nothing."
"okay.. I guess?"
He let himself collapse on the floor as he hugged Joy tighter than before- she didn't know how to react when he did that since she's not really used to him being touchy with her- but just then, Joy felt his tears on her head- they are so warm and painful.
"I'm sorry I was not able to catch you when you fell. I'm sorry... I'm -"
He sobbed more and more to the point that he tried talking but no words came out from his mouth- which surprised her due to the fact that it was like he was completely different to who he was when she first met him. He'd gotten softer and softer towards her.
"Hope... I'm sorry..... I- I'm (sob) sorry (sob).. I was (sob) so.. afraid.. I thought I'd lose you..." he continued to sob, and it silenced Joy.
'There is no doubt that I love this man, but seeing him cry shattered my heart into pieces- I always loved his seldom smiles, his affectionate gestures and assurances, but his cry of pain- that I can never love.' Joy thought. "Stop now, Light please... I hate seeing you cry."
"No.. Hope, I have left you on your own.. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that!"
"Light.. please.."
"Joy, I promised myself never to leave you as long as I can... I want to be strong so no one can harm you or hurt you and so that I can be strong for you the moment you feel weak. I want to see you happy. I never want to see pain or sadness in your face. I don't want anything to make you sadder than you are now. I want to make you happy every moment of my existence. I want to make you happy as long as I'm alive- as long as I can walk, I'll walk with you. As long as I have eyes, I'd look at you... and as long as I have a heart, I'll love you with everything that I have. I live only for you. You are the goal of my life, the only one who can enchant me just by looking at me- the only one who can replace the beauty of the sun and the moon. Never mind the stars because I have you, the only star in my world. As long as I have you, I can have the world because you are my world. Hope. I don't want to see you like that. You have absolutely no idea how scared I was to see you laying on the ground, unconscious and saying things that you've never said before.
"Hope Joy... Please promise me never to scare me like that again."
Light looked at her with his wet, golden eyes which reminded her of a sun as it rained pleading for her to get immersed by the coldness and the sadness mixed together to form something unforgettable- love.
Joy placed her hands on his cheeks and tried to wipe out his tears which made him stop crying.
Relieved, Light sighed all of his worries away.
"I swear... By the moon and the sun... Include the stars even- You will never lose me and nothing bad will happen to me." Joy told him as tears fell at their eyes together with the rain Joy have always loved...
Here is a picture of the two people sitting in the middle of the rain: they are enduring the sting of coldness, or maybe the two are just particularly numbed by something- a feeling greater than pain, which we will suppose as love.
The girl with almost porcelain skin have long black hair that reached the ground- she is held by a tall, fine young man who have a silver hair and golden eyes- which if you would look long enough it would enchant you as it largely reminds people of the bright burning star that watches everyone- golden and warm- the sun.
But that warmness does not have anything to do with this, since the weather is cold and it's raining.
The man was crying and the woman was deeply in love.
If one would look closely, they will see that the both of them possess necklaces- which have: the same size- same shape- but different color. The other one's necklace is a bright red whilst the other one's almost darker than blood.
After watching closely, the man started to lift her again and have decided to walk out of the rain- which favored the one narrating this right now since she cannot watch anymore without being wet and cold. Like them. Like the two protagonists.
They walked as it rained- it was like seeing a scene from a movie coming to life- a lovely part on a book taking place in a real life setting.
The girl was like a princess held by a knight in shining armor. It looked like that- even better!
Their surroundings paled into insignificance as they walked. 'The world is only about us.' That is what they thought. But how about their mission, and their lives?
Their lives....
Their lives....
Let us just take a moment of silence to ponder that.
Their lives or just mere existence?
Both of them are chosens- they have the same roles but different fates. How pleasant it is to live in a world with chosens who saves people who wants to kill themselves! Maybe that is what other people thinks.
But no. Having chosens means there are a lot of people in pain, in desolation- in suffering.
In depression.
Fighting their battles with all their might, or maybe others ceased to fight like the one soul who suddenly popped out a while ago on a mansion we all know. He cried and cried cried as he hugged someone who cannot see him or even feel him. He looked so desperate and sad- seeing someone he held dearest in his heart starting to be doomed by that one thing that killed him- depression.
Let's go back to the two walking around just now. They have completely gone back to the house of the other- making the other one leave with a heavy heart- with a longing to be near her again- with an urge to stay because of worry.... and fear of being forgotten.
The time is limited- he knows it but the question is- does she know it?,.
Maybe yes, maybe no.
But I suspect she does- because this is her world and she is Hope.
Joy?
Whatever her name is.
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