Chapter 25: Chapter 24: A Letter From the Deceased
The rain is pouring hard but the moon shines so bright that looking at it caused a a person a terrible pain in the eyes. It was Ajan and when she looked at it directly, she was reminded with how the moon used to look before, back when she still have him... he always used the moon as his metaphor.
She misses him, but she really doesn't love him anymore.. Maybe she loves their memories, but not him... She don't know how it all faded, but everything is gone.
"I swear."
Ajan was writing on her journal when a letter came dashing on her window which contained a very familiar handwriting on the outside. She sneaked into the window and picked up the letter, and she seemed ro be frozen from astonishment because the letter- it was from him. She almost burned the paper in the fireplace, but something inside her told her to read it... Something is wrong. There were 3 periods on the envelope, which was Cammy's trademark or pen name when writing.
"Cammy, why write me now?"
She opened the envelope and saw a light brown paper that were glistening, but when she opened the letter inside it, the inks were distorted and trails of tears had almost erased them.
________
To my Love, Mae Ajan.
Hello, my love. How are you? I just hope that you are fine right now because if you are, then I'd be so happy to know that.
I miss you so much. It's been weeks already, and I miss talking to you... It's really so hard to restrain myself from taking to you because you said you wanted space. I can still feel you near me despite having you away... so away that just thinking about it makes my heart hurt more, because it longs for you... It longs to be with you. Please smile Ajan... You know how I love those smile of yours...
Your smile is a scenery I will never get tired of seeing for the rest of my life... I still hear your voice through distant shores.
I went back to our everything which has now turned to nothing- and realized what I have done to you, my love and I am very sorry for not being enough. I lacked support because I was so busy trying to support myself. I'm sorry if you felt untrusted because you know for a fact that i really don't trust humanity but believe me, I gave my entire trust to you.
Always and forever, I love you and I will forever entrust my heart and soul to you my angel.
I still can't believe that everything we ever had all vanished in front of my eyes in a split second. I just can't believe that you are gone in my life because you are the only person who can replace the sun and the moon I adore- and their beauty combined cannot surpass your beauty. So what is the purpose of my life now? You have been my source of strength, my happiness, my inspiration. This is why I was working so hard, so you can see me succeed, so I could finance you as well and we could succeed together.
I can't write anymore. My arms are numb now but I will still write because there are so many words left unsaid that I don't want to be stored in my heart till my very last breath. I want to pour it all out now, and say my darkest secrets, to you, my favorite human, the only one I trust.
I love you.
I'd like to start from the very beginning- do you still remember, my love when I transferred to your school and saw you? Your name really intrigued me.. Then we talked in our phones 'till 3am until our phones run out of battery. I was the happiest because you accompanied me when I was having a hard time.
Then we began talking at school as close friends... You even defended me from Lem, Lei and Kris when they were bullying me.
Because this is all I am... A nerd. And that's why people kept on hating me because just my very presence is annoying for the competitive people.
But you did not care....
You loved me so much, and you accepted my worst sides.
It hurts me now that it should be written in past tense.... Because everything is all in the past now.
My love, do you remember what happened in August 11, 2016? Something special happened.. You got an award and I was soooo happy for you my heart started to ache I had to take my medicines right away.
Or do you remember September 11, 2016? This is when I confessed my love towards you through a letter and kaboom! I courted you for months and we became a couple everyone envied because we are both at the top of the class.
Still, the 3 bastards kept on bugging me but you were there to support me. The only friend I have back then was you, my lover.
No. My past lover whom I loved the most. Tell me, my love, how did we become strangers when we knew everything to each other? How can our love not last when everyone was adoring how strong we were?
To be honest, i love you more than I loved myself.. You were the one who picked me up from the trash where I was imprisoned. You gave luminance to the sun that once faded in my life..
Because of you, I wanted to live.
I wanted to live....
You are the best blessing I have ever had in my life and I am so proud of you... My heart breaks more if yours does.... So please, refrain from crying. I know you are sad too...
Or at least I hope so. Haha
Maybe we really aren't deserving. I don't deserve you and I don't deserve this life.
I don't deserve a life with you.. But my love, you have accepted every ugly thing about me but why did you leave me because of them? You said you would be with me even if I become an old man. You said we'd have a beautiful family and they will be loved so much.. You said you'd never leave me...
In my dreams, you are mine, but in reality, you are a dream that will never come true. A dream I once had, that will forever lurk deep into my heart.
But if you were a dream, I'd sleep again so I can be with you. Even if it's temporary... Even if all of it is....
Fake.
I will endure it all because I want to be with you. I'm always astound to how one person can become another's entire universe in a span of time.
Before I met you, I was diagnosed with depression and I was suicidal... The thoughts inside me clouded, but when you came, the sun shined, and the darkness ended.
More than that, i have another confession....
I have a heart disease.... And by the time you are reading this, I might have gone from this world... But I have lived my life to the fullest. Thanks to you... My temporary forever.
Goodbye, Love...
I love you. I miss you. You mean the whole world to me... Please survive... Your mental health, please take care of it better, okay? Please take care of yourself okay?
If I ever have the chance to relive again, I would choose to be the rain, because when we are together, it always rains....
And I want to make you happy.
I hope I somehow managed to make you happe even once in my sad lifetime. I was happy to have lived in this world.. I was happy to have you around... Please remember that..
-Cam
_________
"What the actual fuck did I just read? It's so creepy I can't believe he wrote that. I refuse to believe everything I have read.Him dying? No. He is one of the strongest person I know in my life." Ajan told to herself but tears started to make the paper wet in her arms. She had noticed the pain Cammy was experiencing but she never cared to ask because she thought he was strong.
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