Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Dedication
Everybody wants to be somebody fancy. Even if they're shy. I have one friend near in our boarding house before who is so shy, she wets her pants if you look at her. She doesn't really wet her pants, but she practically does. She is very good-looking, too, but never goes out because she is so shy. If you didn't know her pretty well, you wouldn't think she wants to do anything but hide in a closet.
You wouldn't think she wants to be anybody people look at, but she told me after I got to know her that she wanted to be an actress. After you get to know her, you forget how shy she is, so I told her to go and be an actress; she certainly is good-looking enough to be an actress. But later on I thought that might not be a good idea, because she'd probably get up in front of people and start crying because she is too shy.
And so, it's time of the year where summer stops and students will go to school again, of course, to step up to achieve their dreams and make some good memories of their youth, or something. I never knew how nervous it is being a first year high school student again, it feels different, the chills, the vibes, even if you just wanted to search your name on what class are you in, it feels different. It's so terrifying. The rule is so simple, if you are tall then you will sit on the back. Intuition is very simple also, if you sit near at the back of the class that means you are one of the motor-mouthed or aloof student in class, and if you sit near in front, that means you are one of the outstanding and active one. Hence, a snappy one. That's, a common accurate tradition as far as I know.
To me, I wasn't on the front nor at back, because I don't attend every first day of class. I was absent, intentionally. I mean, who will give a damn thing to stand for an hours or so just to listen some oddlop introductions? My late Me tells me to ignore it but later on I managed to appear myself as the years passed by in every first day ceremony. The only thing I hate about first day of school is the very tiring opening ceremony and the vexatious self introduction with so many plot twists on it.
It takes me three weeks to find a friend, thankfully by that, I can finally open my screwly side. My classmate, Ron, was the first friend I met during the weekly cleaning group. I bet he was a leader of our group by that time so he decided to approach me about stuffs to do, and that, we two, kinda get along. We have the same road towards our home so we usually talk a lot during the end of the class.
"I never thought you are a funny one, Haru."
"What makes you say that? I am really funny and corny, schools are boring without fun."
"Yeah, It's just that, I thought you were more serious than usual, I'm having a hard time ya'know?"
"Me too, I didn't able to get in touch one of our classmates, they're way out of my league, perhaps for now, for the time being."
"Yeah, we'll get to know each other sometime."
"Well, instead of me, you're fast to approach, way better than mine. You will get into them soon."
"Really?"
Ron laughed while giving me a hang in the shoulder tho..
"By the way Haru, that thing you mentioned lately about a returnee, was that true?"
"Yeah, do I look like I'm lying?"
"No, It's not that. You're supposed to be a 2nd year now right? that means you're the first batch?"
"Well, yes, I stopped going to class around October I guess? then I decided to stop."
"You what? what a waste! so that's why you quietly understand most of our discussions easily. You're a hell of beta aren't ya?"
"Well, yeah, I suppose you could say that. But what choice do I have? and in fact, this will only be on first and second quarter exam, after that I'm gonna be back as a no-brainer again."
I stopped during mid class, because of that parent's quarrel. Although, it ended up being a disaster and caused a one year of rebuilding trust and healing pain for both my mother and brother. I'm not affected at all, because I'm not the cause of that fights and arguments. Maybe I wasn't affected at all, or maybe I was, but my inner self hide it so I didn't able to feel it. But I'm glad I stopped, because due to this I met these awesome guys; Ron and Shin, whom my first and closest friend during my first year in highschool.
There's a time where our professor give us some inspirational story to all of us. How did she managed to achieve her dream, how romantic and tragic her youth was, and lastly, the fulfilment of her hard works. I was surprised when she asked us about how will we spend our four years of being a high school student. To me, she meant it like, how will we cherish our youth, I guess. I didn't put anything much on my paper, because I'm too lazy to put all my thoughts into that at first place, The only thing that I wrote there is some good inspirational words like cherish, or treasure, but I knew youth was something you should probably not once, but thousands of memories to cherish with.
To me, youth is like a rainbow of knit, Everybody wants to be fancy and new. Nobody wants to be themselves. I mean, maybe people want to be themselves, but they want to be different, with different clothes, or shorter hair, or less fat. It's a fact. If there was a guy who just liked being himself and didn't want to be anybody else, that guy would be the most different guy in the world, and everybody would want to be with him. He doesn't value it with that, I'll be certain with it.
But for me, youth is different, it's like we ran to grasp that rainbow that holds all of our dreams, memories, pain, sadness, and all of it. Maybe we will feel hopeless, or indifferent, or out of ease or league to anyone that can make us tell ourselves;
"I wonder if I can reach it someday."
But then that many colors that stacked upon each other, melt together into one. To me, if we knit our rainbow from this place we struggled to reach, surely there's someone there and it radiates abundant light. We'll make a color with no name, a never ending gradation, because that's what's youth are, to me, and without fair of pain, I will open that door and dedicate the days of my youth.
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