Chapter 5 : Digging the SOIL
I read again the diary of Red. I cried inside my room. All of his regrets were written and it is too late.
If only he said early that he loves me then I won't be afraid of fighting for our love.
After my worked, I visited him daily. I drive on my own.I touched his hand and stayed for a long time. I decided to nightly visit him and watch him sleeping.
I choose Red, though I also had feelings for Louie.
Yes, Red often makes me feel bad but I loved him so much. He is my world. He imprinted all good and bad memories in my mind. I won't forgive myself if I didn't make any action just to show how much I loved him.
I observed him and prayed for him to wake up. I even helped his parents and relative in taking care of him.
Sometimes I was left in his room and all night be there for him.
I once brought kitkats and eat inside. I cried while eating because it reminds me of him. He loves eating kitkat because it is my favorite chocolate that I often give to him whenever he is sad.
I am so helpless when his family decides to remove all of his life support and will donate his body organs to those who needed. They thanked me for everything and for all of my efforts but their decision won't change anymore.
I nightly cried inside my room and Louie was worrying to me. So he everyday gives me white roses and tries to be funny all the time.
After one week, Red's mother called me and said that Red is now at heaven.
I don't react because he is no longer alive and I think I must burn his diary or throw it to the beach.
I lost him without telling that I love him too and I want to spend my life with him.
It was my fault. I prioritized my pride first rather than surrendering my feelings.
I moved away and ignored him because I want him out of my life.
Now I am blaming myself and can't move on.
I am hurt deeply by what the fate has given to me.So I never talked for 3 days to Louie. I just often sit near our red tree after worked.One day I looked down to the soil and remember my dream. This is my dream when Red is digging the soil and gets a paper.
I dig it and shocked to found the paper in the bottle.
"It was true..." I silently said.
I opened it and saw my handwritten 10 years ago.
It was my Love List for my dream man.
I read it and here's my lists:
Love Lists:
My guy is:
>Sweet
>Kind
>Respectful
>Liked by my father and liked my father
>Loves me so much
>Famous.
>hard working
>makes me feel so special
>gives me freedom
>good in decision making
>never criticize others
>never get angry or hold grudge on others
>Super attracted to me
>Funny
>loves to cook
>Caring
>attractive
>Wants to help the world
>never thinks of cheating
>proud of me
>Adventurous
>money is flowing in him
>Wants to travel with me
>Sexy or good body appearance
>loves dogs
>same energies of me
>never doubt on me
>wear eyeglasses
>Intelligent
>equal or more than 5'7 tall
>pointed nose
>chinito
>good analytical skills
>good in math and verbal
>wants to kiss me, hug me, and touch me
>honest to me
>thinks of me every break time of work
>humble
>wealthy
>when he first saw me, he thinks I am pretty and likes me
>his family was well known and highly respected
>his parents likes me
>spontaneous when with me
>only guy who kisses my hand and touches my cheek
>health conscious
>helpful
>loves giving gifts to me
>strong willed
>take good care of himself
>loves combing my hair and wants me to comb his hair
>optimist
>brings me high
>often gives me roses
>Trust me
>loves the world
>knows how to drive a car
>admired by all
>have formal manners
>loves reading my novel
>good in advising
>white skin
> healthy hair
> loves singing
>supports my dream
>knows to play any kind of instrument
>good in handling money
>balance in work and relationship
>ambitious
>understanding
>same beliefs as mine
>trust me
>loves to paint
>I am his dream girl
>treat me like a princess or his Queen
>family oriented
>good in dealing with people
>doesn't talk so much
>fashionable and neat appearance
>taking care of me
>teach me on beautiful things
>organize on all things
>always find ways to be with me
>protects me
>calls me every night just to say I LOVE YOU
>loves color white
>I am his second and last girlfriend (forever love)
>wants to settle down with me
>Faithful to God
>Highly blessed
>Educated —course related to Engineering/Psychology/Computer/Accounting
>Accepts me for who I am
>Hides my weakness and gives me strength
>Age is within 25 to 30
>he will say that I am his dream girl
>he will say that he wants me to be his lady
>tells me if he is jealous on other guys
Out of 90, he got 17 from the characteristics. Most of them describes Louie but I am not sure if this love list works. I don't care because there is no miracle that will happen even if I read this.
This is only a fairy tale that I had written when I imitate Ophra's advised to order the man of my dream from the Universe.
I wish it was Red but it is too late.
I looked down and tears fall quickly in my cheeks while I am reading my lists.
There was a last sentence written on my wishlist. I read it and became relax for no reason.
"Dear Universe, I wish that this guy exists, so that we can both love and nurture the world together." My last sentence.
"This guy is impossible. No one exist like this." I silently said and wiped my tears.
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