Chapter 7: Having A Car is A Man's Wet Dream
||| ??? Location |||
"Please, help us... That gang is bringing in chaos within the Kabuki District underground business!", a man sobs while kneeling
"Hoh? I don't really wanna get into that kind of stuff... Y'know, all that blood and gore is disgusting", a silhouette of a man could be seen waving off his hand
The sobbing man quickly bows his head till it reaches the floor and begs, "Please! You're the only one we could entrust with this!"
"*sigh* Well what else can I do? Who told me to live in this place... I should've chosen a more high-class area", the nonchalant guy just walks off to leave
"Thank you! Thank you!", he just kept sobbing while expressing his gratitude
||| Yorozuya Place |||
Shinpachi is climbing the stairs while thinking over his decision to join Yorozuya
"Was this really for the best? To work with that kind of guy?", he thinks until he's interrupted by loud voices coming from the second floor
"Gintoki! You... When will you finally pay for your rent!?!?", the voice of Otose echoes throughout the streets
"Ha!?!?!? You old hag, didn't I just fix your VCR the other day? That should be enough!", now it is Gintoki's voice that replies
"We're talking about a month's rent here, you Natural Perm!!!", Otose insists
Gintoki takes offense to it and complains, "Who're you calling a Natural Perm?!?!? It wasn't my fault I was born like this! Do you even know how I feel, having a permanent perm?!?!?"
"Like I care about that! Just pay your rent!!"
Shinpachi sees Otose manhandling Gintoki while silently muttering to himself, "They're at it again? How many time does that make it this week?"
Shinpachi once again doubts his decision to follow Gintoki as he shouts at them, "Hey, can't you guys quiet down? You're being a bother to the neighb-"
And then he collides with Gintoki, who was thrown by Otose in his direction
They roll down the stairs and were about to drop into the ground when a hand catches each of them
"Yare yare daze", a voice reaches their ears
Shinpachi and Gintoki look up to find that they were caught by Kouji
"What in the heck are you two doing?"
>>> Several moments later <<<
"Oh crap, I actually forgot that Jump comes out today!", Gintoki says while riding the scooter with Shinpachi
Kouji was beside them riding a skateboard, "Haven't I already reminded you that it comes out on Saturday this week?"
"You should know that I've already conditioned myself to forget most of whatever you say because of a ton of nonsense that comes out of your mouth! Wait, you knew about it? Does that mean you bought it?!? What am I saying, of course you bought one! Lemme borrow!", Gintoki pleads with one hand while using the other to manage the wheel
"Ha?! No way! Whenever I lend you things, they always reek of curry when you return them! Not to mention you always take way too long to return them!", Kouji turns his face away from Gintoki like a tsundere does
"Please!!! I'll give you 300 yen! Come on?", Gintoki persists
"Absolutely no way!", Kouji was not swayed
Gintoki gives up while saying, "Fine! Should we go back? Yes, let's go back!"
Shinpachi shakes his head, "Forget about it. Who cares? We bought everything for a sukiyaki anyway! What we should care about is..."
He turns his head towards Kouji
"How the heck are you keeping up with us while riding a skateboard?!!?!?"
Kouji blinks for a bit before answering, "Don't you know this skateboard? This was a gadget specially made by Professor Agasa to help me in doing my job"
"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?!?!? EDOGAWA CONAN!?!??"
While they were talking, Gintoki just monologues to himself. "Well, this should be a good time to stop reading Jump anyway. Why the heck am I still even reading jump? What am I, a middle school student? But they do say that a man's body may age but one must never let his soul do. A man must always remain a boy until his death!"
The Retort King doesn't let that slide, "Could you please keep such embarrassing thoughts to yourself?"
Kouji turns his head forward and sees a girl wearing a traditional Chinese cheongsam or qipao
He tries to warn the scooter drive, Gintoki by saying, "Oi, heads up"
Gintoki turns to see the girl and shouts, "Watch out!"
The scooter hits the girl and skids sideways!
When the scooter stops, Gintoki and Shinpachi look back at the laying down body of the girl with incredulous faces
Shinpachi panics and screams to Gintoki, "Gin-san, you hit her! Why the heck weren't you looking ahead when driving! What are we gonna do?!?!"
Kouji also stops his skateboard, approaches them and puts a hand on their shoulders as he says, "Just submit yourselves to the police. It will help make your prison sentences easier. Don't worry. The world may forget you in a few years but I won't. I never will"
"Is this really the time to be spouting out such cool lines!?!?", Shinpachi complains to Kouji
Gintoki puts his head inside the dropping off area of the vending machine while stuttering on his words, "I-It's gonna be fine... Calm down! Don't panic! We're just go-gonna have to find a ti-time machine"
"YOU CALM DOWN!!", Shinpachi really just couldn't help himself
Gintoki stops his embarrassing actions and starts to approach the girl while telling himself, "Everything gonna be alright! I just went to approach a fortune telling hag and she told me I'm gonna have the best luck on weekends! I was even advised to wear a helmet on my head as a lucky item!"
"Isn't that just basically a flag? She literally told you to protect your head! She probably foresaw you having a road accident!", Shinpachi does his thing
Kouji clicks his tongue while saying, "Don't you know helmets are cursed items?"
"That's news to me!", Shinpachi can't stop
"Don't worry! I'm sure that miraculously, she'll be unhurt and if ever she's in a critical condition, we can just cut to a scene, do a timeskip or let the author pull some deus ex machina on us! After all, this novel's viewer rating is for general audiences! Author-sensei will not put gore or such things here! Maybe... Probably... No! DEFINITELY!", Gintoki nods to himself as he slowly turned the girl's body
Not even halfway in turning her over, he sees blood dripping from her body!
"AHHH!!!!", he screams
Quickly, he and Shinpachi tie the China Girl's body to Shinpachi's back as they ride the scooter and drive away fast! Kouji doesn't follow them but looks over at the direction that the girl came from
||| With Gintoki and Shinpachi |||
"We have to leave this town right away! At this instant!" Gintoki panics at the thought of being caught as a murderer
He looks over his back and asks, "Oi Shinpachi, how is she?"
"Not even a twitch...", the retort guy doesn't have the same energy he usually shouts with
Gintoki pales even further and shouts, "Sunnovabich, we gotta get her to a hospital real fast! But wait, should we cover our faces? We don't want them knowing our identity then catching us, right?"
Before Shinpachi could even retort to that, a black car drives beside them and its windows open to shows a rough looking guy wearing glasses with a gun pointed at them
Instead of the gun wielding guy, the two gawked at something else
On the roof of the car, Kouji is smiling at them while holding his skateboard on his armpits. Kouji pulls his wooden wakizashi sword from his waist and punctures a hole on the car's roof hitting the man with the gun right in his head. He pulls the sword out of the roof and then stylishly enters through the opened window with his feet first, kicking the knocked out man straight through the other door, forcing it open, and making the man roll out on the streets
"And that kids, is how you steal a car", he turns back to Gintoki and Shinpachi while showing a bright and charming smile
The two didn't even have time to react to that as another car follows with another suspicious looking man peeking out the windows who starts to shoot at them with a pistol
*bang* *bang* *bang*
Shinpachi screams like a girl for a while and stops when he notices that he wasn't hurt
Both him and Gintoki look back to see the China Girl, now awake, holding an open umbrella that blocked the bullets
The China Girl closes the umbrella, points it at the enemy car, and then shoots. The umbrella wasn't any normal one. It was actually a proxy gun!
The car that was shot crashes into a tree!
The China Girl pulls back her umbrella and blows out the smoke coming out of its tip
Shinpachi couldn't do anything but gawk at the scene
||| At a random alley |||
They all gather here with Shinpachi looking out for any other danger
Kouji busies himself with his newly obtained car while China Girl and Permanent Per-
"COULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT MY PERM, AUTHOR!!! You're quite frankly breaking my heart here...", Gintoki requests while crying crocodile tears
Kouji busies himself with his newly obtained car while China Girl and Gintoki have a conversation
"Are you all stupid? There's no way I'll die from some little scooter incident! The blood was from when I was being shot at by multiple of those guys. Look, it's already started healing!", She says while pointing at her wound
Gintoki just looks exhausted as he grumbles, "Just what kind of food do you eat for breakfast? Do you think you're some shounen protagonist or video game character that can insta-heal from eating?"
He sighs, "Well, if you're fine then we're leaving. Take care of yourself!"
Gintoki rides his scooter and Shinpachi sits behind him. Kouji also enters his 'new' car, ready to send it back to Old Man Gengai for repairs and upgrades or salvaging if it's the better choice
When both vehicles' engine starts, they found that they aren't able to move forward
"Eh? Shinpachi? I told you not to eat food that you pick up from the floor right? Now, look at you. You've suddenly gained so much weight!", Gintoki says
"AS IF YOU COULD GET FAT THAT FAST! ALSO, I DON'T EAT FOOD FROM THE FLOOR!!!", Shinpachi retorts
Kouji just sighs as he mutters, "It can't even run now... I guess to the salvaging it is"
"I've never seen men abandon a little girl who's being chased around by yakuzas! What kind of heartless people are you?", China Girl says to them
China Girl could be seen pulling at both vehicles with one hand on each
"Well, I've settled it earlier but I realized that I'm actually just a boy at heart. I mean, I still read Jump at this age...", Gintoki argues
"I, for one, have never seen a little girl who gets chased around by yakuzas", Kouji replies to China Girl's previous statement
Gintoki nods his head in agreement, "Also, we don't call someone who can stop both a scooter and a car at the same time with bare hands as a little girl. That's called a mountain gorilla. A level higher than Shinpachi's sister"
Suddenly, yakuzas start appearing
"No matter what kind of vehicles mankind has made, in the end we're still forced to use our own strengths to overcome hurdles", Kouji murmurs as he picks up his skateboard on the other seat of the car
They get out of their rides and start running out
One yakuza gets in their way and shouts out, "STOP RIGHT THERE!"
All he receives is a garbage can to his face courtesy of Gintoki and a kick to his balls when he's down by Kouji
They continue running and Gintoki drops the question on the boys' minds, "Oi China Girl! Who are you and why the heck would any of these yakuza guys go so far to chase you?"
"Ah, could you guys leave the answer for later?", Kouji butts in
"Ha? Why?", Shinpachi asks
"Well actually, the author's tired of writing. Honestly, his arm's about to give out...", Kouji adds
""" Ah """, the main Gintama cast gasps
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
LifeLessCorpse
LifeLessCorpse Honestly, there was an earlier version of this...
I had to rewrite it because Inkstone decided to give up on me. All that writing was turned to waste. The entire Kagura introduction episode should've been compiled into one chapter.
That's all for now! I'll try to make up tomorrow!
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