Chapter 1: A Title? Well, I was once called Golden Finger!
The land of the samurai.
There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.
With the arrival of the Amanto from outer space and the Sword Ban twenty years ago, the samurai class fell into decline.
In these hard times, there was one man left with the spirit of the samurai. His name is-
Natural Perm: "Oiiii! All that's already in the synopsis!"
Oni General: "That's right! It's just redundant when you keep repeating it, you begging for word counts??? HUH?!?!!?!?"
Natural Perm: "Besides, the episode where the guy who narrates that is introduced, isn't even here yet"
Oni General: "This chapter's just for opening up the story anyway"
Natural Perm: "The people who come here probably already know what the original source is all about, so why bother repeating?"
Oni General: "This is why fanfic authors shouldn't exist!"
Natural Perm: "They just pop out of nowhere and think that because they know how to use a computer, they can be allowed to post whatever they want on the internet."
Oni General: "Kids these days truly are-"
SUDDENLY!!!
A mysterious and obese penguin like creature shows up and dropkicks the living hell out of Natural Perm and Oni General.
The penguin thing stands up and starts speaking in a deep voice.
???Penguin Hybrid???: "You people weren't brought here to rant about your old men sentiments! I gave life to both of you merely because of the intense boredom!"
Natural Perm and Oni General look up at the mysterious being and their faces turn from irritation because of the dropkick to shock because of a realization
Oni General: "You are..."
Both: "ELIZABETH!!!"
Natural Perm: "But that's impossible! This isn't the episode you were supposed to be introduced in!"
Elizabeth: "And what episode is this?"
Both: "Huh?"
Natural Perm: "Come to think of it this isn't an episode that happens in the anime..."
Oni General: "I don't even exist in the anime..."
...
Elizabeth sighs then stares at the two with a glint in its eyes.
Elizabeth: "This is a mere introduction, well up until you guys ruined it..."
... An awkward silence brews around them
Oni General: "Well... let's just say this chapter introduces our personality to the audience, alright?"
Natural Perm: "That's it!"
Oni General: "Well we might as well introduce ourselves"
Natural Perm: "Eh? Now that I think of it, the name replacements for us right now..."
Oni General: "Oh! This author sure knows how to praise someone!"
Natural Perm: "Oi! Why the heck do you get 'Oni General' while I get 'Natural Perm'? If you were gonna pick a nickname then why didn't you use my cool ones such as 'Shiroyasha' or 'White Demon'? I'd even take 'Jack of All Trades'! Is this bullying, huh!?!?!?"
Oni General: "Calm down, Gintoki. We can just start introducing yourself"
Gintoki: "Hai... This isn't good for my blood pressure..."
Oni General: "I think rather than stress, you should worry more about balancing your sugar levels..."
Gintoki: "Hah?!?! Don't you know about that famous girls saying?"
Gintoki turns around for a moment but when he faces Oni General again, his eyes were sparkling and his face glistening as if he were now a high school girl in her peak!
Gintoki? : "Sweets... they go to a different stomach..."
< [Oni General] takes critical damage! >
< [Oni General] is afflicted with [Minor Petrification] >
< [Oni General] is disgusted >
< [Oni General] is barfi-
(((--------------------------------------)))
Tu Tu Tu Turu
<<<<COMMERCIAL BREAK>>>
It's Baby Anais, the living baby doll
(((--------------------------------------)))
Gintoki: "Oiii, we're not doing that!"
In a corner, Elizabeth is patting the back of a just-finished-barfing Oni General
Gintoki: "We-well, I might as well start introducing myself. I'm Sakata Gintoki! The main protagonist of the anime and manga, Gintama! I have no intention of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream... I have a few hobbies..."
Oni General steps out with a hitai-ate of the Leaf Village on his forehead and wearing a chunin flak jacket
Oni General: "Sensei, you barely told us anything! Besides, the only thing you have in common with him is that you both have whitish hair! It's probably not even the same shade!"
Gintoki: "Oh, buzz off! How bout you do yours?"
Oni General goes back to his usual outfit which consists of a red black-lined shirt with black pants and a black yukata with purple flames decorating the bottom supported by a white belt over it. This, accentuated by his snow white hair, vicious yet always bored looking red cat eyes and a seemingly wooden sword with a guard.
Gintoki: "Oi oi why does he get a full appearance description and I don't?"
Oni General: "Well, maybe it's because I'm just an OC (Original Character) and you're an actual character that people can google search to see a drawing of your appearance while the author has no artistic talent whatsoever"
Gintoki: "Oh. Ah, whatever! Just do your introduction so we can get this chapter over with!"
Kouji: "I'm Shuten Kouji. Some of you may have already notices that my name is derived from the mythical oni, Shuten-dōji. As for what kind of character I'm gonna become... well, let's just leave it all up to fate. My favorite things are gambling, drinking, sleeping and girls."
Gintoki suddenly interrupts with, "Raking up all the vices, I see"
Kouji: "Oi, shut up while I'm speaking here. Anyway, I hate pretenders, headwears and priests. I like nuns though but that doesn't really matter."
Gintoki: "Oh, nuns! I'm more of a nurse kind of guy tho"
Kouji: "That's not bad too, but if we're gonna talk about girls, then side ponytails are a big win"
Gintoki: "Sporty girls are hot"
Kouji: "Then how abou-"
Elizabeth delivers a slap to their faces with a stop sign
Elizabeth: "How long will you two keep messing around?!!?!"
Kouji and Gintoki could only give a dry laugh to that until a question pops up in Gintoki's head.
Gintoki: "Come to think of it, how are you able to talk? I mean, it's actually just texts that the readers see but aren't you supposed to be a mysterious type of character?"
Kouji: "That's right, you shouldn't talk too much or you'll lose your individuality that makes you a good character!"
Elizabeth just stands there menacingly and both Kouji and Gintoki could swear that they're seeing 'Go' Japanese characters behind him.
Another flash of realization happens in their minds as they thought of a possibility
Gintoki: "Wait, could it be..."
Koujin: "You're not Elizabeth but..."
Both: "AUTHOR-SENSEI!!!!"
Darkness looms over the two as their future becomes bleaker that it already was...
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
LifeLessCorpse
LifeLessCorpse Hohohohoho
Just had this idea so I thought, 'why not'
[Joke Explanation for Dummies]
'Golden finger' at the title refers to Taka Kato (Japanese AV Actor) as it is his epithet among 'that' community
The starting sentences come from the early episodes of Gintama
When Gintoki participated in the war, he was known as Shiroyasha or the White Demon
Gintoki is known for liking sweet food such as parfait
'Sweets go to a different stomach' is a saying that frequently appears in anime and manga
The commercial break format comes from 'The Amazing World of Gumball'
The latter part of Gintoki's introduction comes from the famous scene where Kakashi Hatake first introduces himself to Teams 7 in Naruto
Kouji's interests come from the story of Shuten-Doji, who was said to have abducted young girls and to catch him, the warriors dressed as priests and gave him sake that knocked him unconscious before cutting off his head. He says he hates headwear because when his decapitated head tried to kill Minamoto no Raiko, it failed because Raiko was wearing multiple helmets
In the original Gintama, the person inside Elizabeth turns out to be one of the staff of the anime
'Menacing' 'Japanese characters in the background' JOJO, need I say more?
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