Chapter 9: New Therapist
Malia was standing right next to her seat where she was going to sit. She was feeling the heavy emotions that she was getting from the wedding. She still had feelings for him but she wasn't going to allow him to know that. He was married to his new wife, while being married to her and that hurted. It was like he didn't care about her, emotions, and all. He was a true gangsta but she was really hoping that he would ruin her life as much as he ruined hers.
The new Therapist walked in. Malia watched the shoes that she wore, a very expensive taste, then watching her walk-in made chills go down her spine. The therapist that was new gave a grin of a smile but then wiped the grin clean once when it was time to be taken seriously. They stood face to face for a second, then they both sat down together still eyeing each other. Both folding their legs as they both gave a glance.
Malia was the first to stop the immediate, intimidating, sex aura looks that she was getting, or perhaps she was sexually frustrated and wanted to express herself with her lustful, short, days with a stranger that she met at the hotel.
The therapist opens up Malia's files, takes a deep breath, and then glances at her.
Therapist
Do you know why your here, Mrs. Williams?
Malia gave a relief, finally having a therapist to actually saying her name right without having to be a kindergarten to spell it. She nodded.
Malia
Not really, when I first got here... The judge told me to get help, or if I didn't. He would have a court order to help me get help and I don't want anybody giving me a fucking court order to get some Damn help, okay?
Therapist
What was the reason why you went to court?
Malia
It doesn't say.
The therapist shakes her head no, giving a frown look.
Malia
Well, let me tell you. My husband came in high, talking all kinds of shit. Then talking about how he wanted to fuck both. His mama and cousin or His mother or brother or something like that. After years, after 20 years of verbal abuse I stood silent... Accepting his mess but If I would've have done that...he would have ran out that door, and I would not talk to him unless a few weeks, and unless he wanted some sex and I was a fool of allowing him into my honeybuns.
Malia laughs, freeing herself. Since he was married to someone else but still being married to her, she didn't feel like she was responsible for anything but still hurt about the 20 years of embarrassment, anger, rage, fiercely murder, and the illegal stuff she allowed in her own home that she brought by herself, while her husband was drugging her money up along with his.
Malia
Can I go now?
The therapist looked at her watch, giving a frown look. No, we just started. I'm here to hear your story and your here to tell it and show it.
Malia was shocked, most of her therapist would have allowed her to leave, despite the money that she was paying for, she didn't know where to start.
Therapist
Start from the beginning!
Malia
Beginning?
Malia rubbed her forehead, hoping not to remember anything, hoping that most of the things that happened, in the beginning, were over, and not brought up again. Even though she didn't forgive anything, she made peace with it and hoping the past made peace with her.
Malia
I was 13 when I met the love of my life... He was 28. He didn't really approach like I wanted him to. That made me feel more angry. I felt like if I was a white woman would I have been fucked up against the wall. Would he ignore the white woman more then he would ignore the black? I wanted his sex, just like I wanted him.... But he was so concerned and worried what the world may have said about him but if I was a white woman, he would have been taping that ass, huh? Racist piece of shit!
The therapist didn't have a record, or she wasn't taking notes. She looked at Malia with pure, honest, empathy. Most of Malia's therapist didn't show that.. To them, it would have been unprofessional.
Malia
Now, at the age of 16. We talked only on online. No physical contact, no anything. I wanted him to show who he really was, and that he did. Doing those three months there was no contact or anything and that made me feel angrier but it was accepted. I was the adult of the relationship and the age of 16. He would always mock about me being a certain age, instead of just saying... I don't want this with a minor... He still went on. Saying how much he loved me, and then when I broke up with him... He was like free. Like I was the one that was holding him back and all I wanted to do was love him. At the age of 22, I saw him again, he approached this time but I acted like I was not interested. I was in law school getting my degree... And that was about it. He would always smile as if he didn't do anything wrong, everytime a man would approach he would get jealous over something that wasn't his.
Therapist
Sounded like you wanted love so young. Weren't you getting love at home?
Malia chuckles.
Malia
Can you marry your parents? Can you fuck your parents? No, I wanted to feel wanted, feel good in their parts where I was neglected in. When I was young... My dad would always say... " you have plenty of time for that" even if he probably fucked women at a young age himself... Did anybody tell him that he was too fucking "young". Men always trying to put women in a box. Fuck'em. The man that I married, acts just like my father but this has nothing to do about my father or his mistakes that I would never forgive.
The therapist looked at her as she got up. Malia stood by the window, looking out the window, trying to control her temper, and praying that the scenery of the world would calm her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched but not too much where she was known. There was not a lot of tears to cry for, the men in her life made their choices and had to deal with them, she felt that wasn't her concern.
Therapist
Show me how you felt, no matter what it is. Breaking things, yelling, no matter your behavior?
Malia
You're asking me to rage out?
Therapist
Yes!
Malia cocked a smile and started with the golf club that was next to. She grabbed it gracefully, looking at but then didn't go along with what she was feeling. Malia sat down on the couch again, and just pulled out her cigarettes and just smoked.
Malia
I don't think you know what your asking me to do.
Therapist
I do. I want you to sit in this pain, allow it to get the better of you, allow it to hurt you, and allow it to destroy you. Allow it to rip all the pain that man couldn't do, that's why people in general laughs at it cause it's too painful, and that's why they have to deal with later on cause they didn't deal with it before. Deal with that pain. Let the blood excitement control you... You will become a Queen that he wish he would have treated right.
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