Chapter 22: IndoctriNation
"Now, what do you feel about the training you have received so far?" (Otec)
Is this some sadistic trial that this institute is testing me with? My answer will sentence me to either being tortured more, or getting brainwashed. Whatever answer I lead to something, and I do not know what that is. I wish I could still feel fear, so as to help guide me on what I should do or say. It is such a loaded question that I am lost on what to say.
"I will say this now, what we do here, to innocent children, should be considered reprehensible. We break you down so much, that your feelings are lost. You should find us as trash." (Otec)
More so than the question that Otec has previously asked of me, the admission of guilt is harder to contemplate. Him admitting that what they are doing is wrong, is perplexing. If what he is saying is that of the truth, then he is a more vile person than I could have ever imagined. He knows it is wrong, yet he still does it.
Silently I sit there thinking. This is the first time in years that I am able to have a discussion. My words are lost in my throat, along with being scrambled in my head. In all honesty, I want to speak the truth, but I am lost in if I should.
"I...I feel…?" (Rehor)
The words, I want to say, are not coming to me. While for the first time in all the time that I have been here, I am speechless. To this willing participant in my torture, I do not know what to say.
"You hate me, don't you Rehor?" (Otec)
"I don't know. I honestly don't know." (Rehor)
"You should hate me. I have done unspeakable things to you. I have abused you to the point of nearly being wasted. It should be an easy question to answer, you should hate me." (Otec)
Again, silence fills the room where I first met Otec. What had once seemed unadorned, is still the same. Boring, bereft of life. There is no enjoyment of being alive in here. For me, it is the type of room I would have for myself. I do not need the trivial things that others desire. Other than survival, I do not, in all honesty, desire anything.
"I, I should despise you. But I can't do that. You have taken from me the ability to feel. The hate that I should feel for you doesn't exist." (Rehor)
"I see. Now answer me this, what is Putere?" (Otec)
"It is the power the Unleashed use." (Rehor)
"And when did you become an Unleashed? When did you use your power for the first time?" (Otec)
"I, unknowingly, used it went Mother was dying." (Rehor)
"So far, you are speaking honestly. What were you feeling when you healed your mother?" (Otec)
What was I feeling when she was dying? I remember that I felt something when she was laying in bed, slowly dying, but I am no longer able to remember how I was feeling. Was I upset or scared? Was I angry or defiant? I know I had strong feelings at that time, but my now gone feelings confuse me.
"I don't remember." (Rehor)
"Why can't you remember?" (Otec)
"Because I can't feel anymore. I don't remember how to describe what my feelings were at the time. I know I felt something, but…" (Rehor)
"Next question. When do you remember the last time you had some limited use of your power?" (Otec)
Where was Otec leading me with these questions? I have just admitted that I am a shell of a person, now he is dangling out these questions of me having used the power. I have never been able to consciously control my power, I have only ever lashed out with it. Only when I was afraid or angry. Is that he wants me to admit, that I was scared?
"Wh… when I was… angry and afraid?" (Rehor)
"Can you draw any parallels between when you were first using it, and when have used it more recently?" (Otec)
How does Mother nearly dying and my torture relate? Logically, I want to say they are connected by expressing my emotions, but that seems like a shallow answer. Such an easy answer seems to be bait, dangling in front of me, just waiting for me to snap out and bite it. If it is true, though… Again, I am lost.
"No answer for me, BOY? You think that is some game here? Answer me now, or some games will begin." (Otec)
"I am using my feelings when I use my power?" (Rehor)
"Is that what you think, or is that what you are doing?" (Otec)
"It's the only thing I can think of." (Rehor)
"You aren't lying to me, are you boy?" (Otec)
"I don't think that I am." (Rehor)
"You are just giving me the answer I want to hear? You are afraid of me, so you are just giving me some idea that you haven't thought out." (Otec)
"No, I am not afraid of you. I don't want to be abused anymore, but I'm not afraid of you. I can't feel anymore." (Rehor)
I can not even argue with Otec in anger. Even with him attacking me verbally, I can not raise myself to respond in the same way he is doing to me. I want to attack back, but I do not remember how to anymore. At this point I should be scared of my lack of feelings, but even contemplating what I should be feeling brings no reaction to my emotions.
"Do you thing your answer is wrong?" (Otec)
Instead of trying to attack me with his words this time, Otec just asked this question simply.
"I don't know. I have never been taught to use Putere." (Rehor)
"And why do you think that we have not been training you?" (Otec)
"Because all that you have been doing to me, since I have been here, is torturing me. Making me be less than human." (Rehor)
"I see. That is what you believe to be the truth. And if I said you were wrong, what would you say?" (Otec)
"That you are wrong. I have learned nothing since I have been here." (Rehor)
"I'll be frank right now, this is the hardest part of the training. Making you come to realization. We have been teaching you. Everyday." (Otec)
"What, you want me to realize that you just want us novices to become some mindless drone. You want us to do what you tell us to do, without questioning?" (Rehor)
I can not even give at a snarky retort any longer. What should have been sarcasm, has just become the truth of what I think. Lies, at this point, would be useless, so instead I will speak the truth.
"I can't agree with what you have done. As a promise to myself, when I first got here, I will destroy this enclave. But I won't find pleasure in that. You guys have made it that my life is devoid of enjoyment. Why? Please tell me. I am already broken, you can't do any worse to me." (Rehor)
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
ApollyonDais
ApollyonDais I don't know what to say about this chapter. While I had the gist of the idea of what I wanted to do with it, it became more convoluted as I kept on writing it. I hope I didn't dig a hole for myself.
Thank you for continuing reading through the most disturbing, in my opinion, part of the story.
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