Chapter 25: The Devil in Me Ch. 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Shay:
Holy hell Baird was a lot stronger than he looked.
He pulled Noah over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
Baird led the way back to the medical center. I just followed silently.
Neither one of us spoke until Noah was planted firmly onto the bed.
My gaze remained on Noah.
"Shay," Baird said, "You need to be careful."
My eyes went to the ginger-haired man.
"There is a lot you do not know," he said, "I know you feel the way that you do, but you need to be more cautious."
I didn't comment. I only nodded.
He was right, and I had no reason to argue with him.
His attention was entirely on me.
"Do you feel a pull towards Noah?" he asked.
I didn't even need to think about it.
I nodded, "And if I do?"
"There is nothing wrong with feeling the pull," Baird stated, "If anything, that is an extraordinary thing."
It was a little awkward with just me and Baird.
I wasn't used to a serious one on one with him.
"Shay," Baird said, "Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?"
I shook my head, "I don't mind."
"This is out of personal curiosity," He said, "Not necessarily for the program."
I mean, I don't think it really mattered to me either way.
"Go ahead," I said.
Baird moved around the room as if trying to think about his actual questions.
I sat at the foot of Noah's bed and crossed my legs.
"Ask away," I said.
"When you first met Noah," he hesitated a little, "What did you feel?"
I made a face as I thought about it.
"If I really think about it," I said, "I felt an instant attraction."
"Could you elaborate more?" he asked.
I hummed as I thought about it.
"Maybe like there was this small spark," I said, "I felt this strange need to stare."
"Do not tell him you think he is pretty," Baird stated, "He had a hard time when he was younger because of his appearance."
I frowned, "I already called him beautiful."
Baird smiled slightly, "That is a little different."
I felt a bit bad anyway.
I gently pat Noah's leg.
"He is beautiful," I said, "But I didn't think other children would be mean to him for it."
"Growing up as a boy," Baird said, "It can be hard when you are prettier than some of the girls."
I nodded.
I felt that.
When I was growing up, I didn't feel like a pretty girl.
I couldn't imagine actually being pretty and then getting bullied for it.
"For my next question," Baird said, "What are you prepared to do if you can not be too far from Noah?"
It wasn't really like I had much of a choice.
"I don't know," I admitted, "I'd like to think I would do just about anything in my power to help him."
He smiled this time, genuinely.
"That is an answer I like to hear."
"Was that some kind of a test?" I asked.
"No," Baird said, "This is me worrying about someone I helped raise."
"Helped raise?" I asked, "Aren't you guys around the same age?"
I saw something in his face change.
"Did I ask something I shouldn't have?" I asked.
"It is alright," he said, "I feel that you are trustworthy."
I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
It wasn't a bad feeling, but a strange one.
Did he not think he could trust me before?
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"I know that we have gone over Alpha Humans having different classifications," Baird stated, "But we never covered them all."
I nodded, "I figured that there would need to be a few if they went to D for Devil."
"Has Noah told you anything about me?" he asked, "About my classification?"
I had to think about that, "No, I thought you were a Devil like the others."
"I am not a Devil," he said, "I am considered as classification E."
Classification E?
"What does that mean?" I asked, "Or am I not allowed to know?"
"E is for Echo,�� Baird stated, "But it is also nicknamed Eternal."
"Eternal?" I asked, "So then you live a long time?"
"In a way, yes," Baird stated, "But we have an ability that keeps us alive longer than the average human."
"Do all Echoes have the same ability?" I asked.
"No," he said, "Some have the ability to heal others, as well as themselves."
"So then you heal?" I asked, "Like a doctor?"
I knew that it sounded stupid even as I said it.
"Well, it is different for everyone," he said, "Some Echoes can heal minor injuries, while others can heal breaks and serious injuries."
"Oh, wow," I said, "You can heal other people?"
He frowned, "No, I am afraid that I can not heal others."
"Then how are you an Echo?" I asked.
"My ability only works on myself," he said, "And it has kept me alive for many years."
"How many years?" I asked, "If you don't mind me asking."
He smiled lightly, "Take a guess."
I stared pretty hard at Baird.
It was hard to guess.
"So, your body just heals itself all the time?" I asked, "Or does it only do it when something happens?"
His face changed slightly. I almost didn't catch it.
"It heals most of the time," he said, "But when I am injured, it needs a small break afterward."
That made sense.
I wasn't sure if I could guess.
He spoke differently than most people. I noticed he would say 'do not' instead of 'don't.'
He does that with a few other words too.
"I don't want to guess," I said.
He smiled lightly, "You do not need to worry about offending me."
"Nineties?" I asked quickly.
He smiled.
"Am I close?" I asked.
He only shook his head.
"Higher or lower?"
His eyebrow arched, "That is for you to guess."
I frowned. I didn't want to keep guessing.
"Will you tell me if I guess it right?" I asked.
"I will."
Noah made a sound, and it startled me.
Baird made a face before grabbing his tablet off of the counter.
"The sedatives are not working as well as they should," Baird stated.
It hasn't been that long since he was knocked out anyway.
"I administered the sedatives nearly an hour ago," Baird stated.
I placed my hand on Noah's leg, and he groaned.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
Baird kept his eyes on the tablet. It looked like something is bothering him.
"Baird," I said, "What's wrong?"
He slowly shook his head, "I need to speak with Dr. Olsen."
"Baird," I said, "Please, what is going on?"
"I am not entirely sure," he confessed, "Stay here. I will return soon. Hopefully, with some answers."
I nodded.
I didn't want him to go, but I didn't want to leave Noah either.
Baird turned and left.
I sat there, frowning.
My eyes went to Noah, and I couldn't help but feel bad.
This had to be my fault.
I couldn't help but blame myself for him being in this situation.
He wouldn't be here if it weren't for me.
My gaze went to the door Baird walked out of.
He would be back soon, right?
I got to my hands and knees and crawled up to Noah.
"Are you awake?" I asked.
I only got his even breaths in response.
Part of me felt guilty.
This was all my fault, and I wanted him to comfort me.
I curled up next to him and laid my head on his chest.
My eyes went right to the dark metal chain around his neck.
I have a similar one.
My curiosity got the better of me because I pulled the chain down to get the thin pendant into my hand.
My finger ran over the engraved letters.
Noah's last name is Valentine?
I found myself grinning.
It was weird. I hadn't even thought about it.
It felt like I already knew. I had no idea what his last name was.
In my head, I heard it.
Shay Valentine.
I felt my cheeks hurting because my smile was so wide.
I turned the thin metal over.
11/17.
I stared at the numbers for several minutes.
His birthday is on November 17th.
I laid the metal on his chest, and Noah let out a small sound.
"Are you still sleeping?" I asked.
I wasn't expecting a response.
"Hmm," he hummed.
"This whole time, I didn't know your last name," I said.
It felt weird to say it out loud.
He grunted.
I looked up at him, and it looked like he was trying to force himself to wake up.
I pat his chest, "You don't have to force yourself to wake up."
A small growl startled me.
I sat up a little to look at him.
His eyes were closed, but he fought his drowsiness.
He rolled, and I didn't have time to move. His arm wrapped around me, and he pulled me against him.
He is warm.
I couldn't help but snuggle into him.
Noah:
My body hurt.
It felt like I kept tensing after finally allowing myself to relax.
I felt warm and tired.
The last thing I remembered was Shay changing her clothes.
My eyes opened quickly.
Where was I?
Where is Shay?
I see her this time before I can feel her.
My arms wrapped protectively around her.
This is why I felt so good, despite the pain.
I took in a much-needed breath.
She smelled like me.
It felt strange that I was even excited about my scent all over her.
It meant that she was more mine now than she was before.
I was all over her.
Any other Devil that inhaled her scent would know it too.
A light knock on the door made me frown.
The door opened even without a response.
"I know that you're awake," Dr. Booth stated.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Is your mate awake?" he asked, "I can't see her numbers."
"She is asleep," I stated.
"Alright," he said, "How are you feeling?"
I stared down at the top of Shay's head.
"I feel alright," I said.
"Any residual pain?" Dr. Booth asked.
"Not really," I said, "But my body feels sore."
"That makes sense," he said, "You were fighting the change earlier. Your body put up a serious fight."
It felt strange to hear it that way.
I put up a fight? The change felt like it was kicking my ass.
I remembered every detail of earlier, though.
That much I was incredibly proud of.
"Mr. Baird was worried about you earlier," Dr. Booth stated, "He said that you were fighting the sedatives too."
I frowned.
"I was?" I asked.
"It seems that the only time you can relax is if your mate is making physical contact with you."
My hand went to the side of her face to tuck her hair behind her ear.
I felt at ease just having her near me.
At the same time, I felt this nearly unbearable ache.
"Based on your readings here," He said, "I believe your body goes into a high-stress mode. I'm confident that all of that stress and lack of sleep is the cause of your seizures."
"So, not Shay?" I asked.
"Well," he said, "You being apart for too long, and you not getting the rest you need is a big factor."
"The meetings are always far apart like this," I stated, "What do we do?"
"From what I was told," Dr. Booth said, "Mr. Baird is working on that right now."
It worried me.
Either I was going to be kept far away from her, or I would be able to see her every day.
I personally wanted to see her as much as I could.
"What do you think is going to happen?' I asked.
"Well, it's hard to say for sure," he said, "They will probably recommend that you keep your distance at first."
I frowned.
That was the last thing that I wanted to hear come out of his mouth.
"So, you think they'll separate us?" I asked.
"Most likely," he said, "You've gone this long before without seizures. I'm ninety-nine percent positive that it is because of your mate."
It was just getting worse.
The more he spoke, the crappier I felt.
My hand dropped to rest on Shay's back.
My palm moved up and down soothingly.
I think my brain was trying to mess with me.
Comfort her, and it's like comforting myself.
A small noise escaped her mouth.
"Noah?" she asked sleepily.
"Hey," I said softly.
She lifted her head to look up at me.
She went from half-awake to worried in five seconds flat.
"What's wrong?" she asked quickly.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
She sat up to look towards the door.
"What did you say to him?" she demanded.
Did I miss something here?
"I was just telling Noah that you two might need some space apart while we figure out the cause of his seizures."
"I thought we already knew the cause," she said before pointing to herself.
Wait, she thinks it's her fault?
"It's not necessarily your fault," Dr. Booth stated, "His body is behaving differently since finding you."
She looked down at me, and she looked sad.
I moved myself up to a sitting position.
Dr. Booth looked at me oddly.
What the hell?
Shay's hand gently wiped at my face.
Was I crying? I didn't feel it.
My gaze went to Shay, and for a second, she blurred.
I shut my eyes tightly.
The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of her.
"So, what does that mean?" Shay asked, "What happens if we're separated?"
"Right now," Dr. Booth sighed, "I don't know for sure."
I didn't want to be without her again.
I hated this dependency I felt.
She didn't need me like I needed her.
This felt miserable.
My body was telling me to stay with her.
It felt like I didn't have a choice.
I startled myself when I growled.
My eyes opened to see Shay.
I felt angry at her.
This pain that I felt.
These seizures.
This loss of control.
It really was all her fault.
I knew that I would regret this later, but I couldn't handle it right now.
"Shay," I said, trying to stay calm, "Go home."
She looked confused.
I probably would be too if I were her.
It felt like a switch was hit inside of me.
"You need me here," she said softly.
She must sense that something is wrong.
"I don't need you here," I said flatly.
The flash of pain in her expression made me falter.
Anger quickly replaced anything else on her face.
"I get that bad things are happening to you," she said, "But don't take it out on me. I'm just trying to help."
I frowned at her words.
I knew that already. She was helping.
The fault here is mine. I don't want to depend on her.
I don't want to need her as badly as I already do.
We've only known each other for a month.
This was not normal.
This need.
This attraction.
This desperation that I felt.
None of this is normal.
I glared at her.
"I'm only going to say it one more time," I hissed, "Go home."
Her glare mirrored mine.
"Fine," she said, "Since you don't want me here. I'll leave."
It hurt to hear those words.
"What exactly did I miss here?" Dr. Booth asked.
I didn't even know what to say.
"Noah needs space," Shay said.
She sounded hurt.
"Shay," I whispered.
"What?" she snapped, "I thought this would be different."
I felt the needles pressing hard into my skin as she glared at me.
What would be different?
"I knew this was probably too good to be true," she murmured.
She took in an unsteady breath, and I was on my feet before she could exhale.
My arms wrapped protectively around her.
Her arms were wrapped around her as if she was trying to separate herself from me.
"Shay," I said softly.
"No," she gasped.
I didn't know what to say.
The anger I felt is gone, and I only feel guilty.
She gently pushed at my chest.
I let my hands drop from around her, but she didn't move.
"I told you," she said, "Don't take your anger out on me."
I couldn't look at her.
"I don't know what to do," I admitted.
"You think I do?" she asked.
I met her hurt eyes.
"I'm not even a Devil," she said, "And I feel so many things for you. I don't know what to do."
I wish I had the answers for her.
I wish I knew what the fuck I was doing.
More than anything, I wished that I could be human with her.
For her.
"Lay back down Noah," Shay said.
Why did she sound so tired?
My eyes tried to meet hers, but she only stared at the floor.
"Shay…"
She took in a deep breath before her eyes locked with mine.
She looked angry.
My chest tightened.
The tips of my fingers hurt.
I knew what that meant, and I didn't know how to stop it.
I fucked up.
I didn't think that I would be regretting my words so soon.
"I don't know what tests you needed to be done," she said to Dr. Booth, "But I'm not doing them today."
I wanted to say something, anything. The way she stood, facing away from me, told me she wasn't talking to me.
Dr. Booth's eyes were on me.
"Any particular reason why?" he asked her.
"It's getting late," she stated, "I need to go home."
Guilt settled heavily in my stomach.
What was I supposed to say to that?
"Will you be coming back tomorrow?" I asked.
She didn't even turn to look at me.
"Do you know where my phone is?" she asked.
Dr. Booth looked around the small table near the door before picking up a bag.
She looked at him, clearly confused.
"Looks like we weren't able to find a charger for your phone," he said, "Well, we didn't really have a chance to with everything going on."
She took the bag of her stuff.
Dr. Booth looked like he felt bad.
"Have Baird let me know when he finds out what the plan is, please," Shay said.
Dr. Booth nodded, "I can do that."
"Thank you," she said.
Was she really going to leave like this?
"Shay…"
She held her hand up quickly to silence me.
I felt this itching sensation under my skin.
No, this wasn't right.
Something is wrong.
"I am going home," she said, "And I will not be coming back until Baird calls."
I took in a shaky breath as I nodded.
"Whatever this is," she said quietly, "This is a lot for both of us, clearly."
I didn't like where this was heading.
"We don't even know each other, Noah," she said, "Don't you realize that?"
"That's why we have the program," I said.
Her eyes finally met mine after what felt like hours.
"Do you even know what my name is?" she asked.
I could hear the trembling in her voice.
"Shay Hamilton," I said.
"My real name?" she asked.
I knew I heard it before.
"Shayne," I stated.
She frowned.
I only knew because Dr. Gardiner interrupted our time together.
"I didn't know your last name," she admitted, "Not until I laid down beside you and read your necklace."
I frowned.
Surely that wasn't true.
"When we meet for the first time, we are introduced," I stated.
"We already knew each other," she said, "Baird didn't say it, and neither did you."
I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I genuinely thought that she knew.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She shook her head.
"We barely know each other," she said, "So why do we feel this way?"
I knew for the most part why I did, but why she did… that was a mystery to me.
"Is Eileen your only sibling?" she asked.
I nodded.
I could hear the hurt in her words.
"Your parents?" she asked, "Where are they?"
I only shook my head.
I met her eyes again, and I could see her lips trembling.
Every part of me screamed to go to her, but I know that is the last thing that she wants.
"Both of my parents are gone," she said, "And I have three brothers."
Fuck.
She is right.
I knew about the two for sure, and there had been mention before about a third. I had no idea if there were more of them or not.
"Do you ever feel lonely when you have a minute to yourself?" she asked.
I shook my head.
I didn't feel lonely.
I liked being alone.
Well, at least I used to.
"No," I admitted, "But that has changed since I met you."
She glared at me.
"What do I like to do when I'm sad?" she asked.
How was I supposed to know that?
"I don't know," I said.
"That is my point, Noah," she took in a shaky breath, "We don't know the important things about each other."
I frowned.
It looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn't.
"I know enough," I said, "Does that not matter?"
"There are things we're supposed to learn by having that time alone together," she stated, "This program lacks the most important part of genuinely getting to know another person."
"It wouldn't be safe," I sighed.
It was like I was programmed to respond that way. I didn't even have to think about it.
It was true, though.
I could have hurt her so many times already.
By the grace of God, I hadn't.
"In all fairness," I said," You and I have had a pretty fast start."
"How does that explain how I feel?" she asked.
"I don't know," I admitted.
"Why do I already need you?" she asked, "Why do I already know that I have found my soulmate?"
Her words made my heart pound.
"You know?" I asked her.
"I don't know how," she said, "But yes. I know."
I wanted to wrap my arms around her.
The second I took a step forward, her arm came up to stop me.
Her palm was to me, and I didn't want to listen.
I didn't want to stand here while she was trembling like that.
"I am going home," she said, "You need to get some rest."
As if I could actually sleep.
"Mate," I said.
"I can't stay," she said, "Or have you forgotten about the fact I can't tell anybody about this program?"
I honestly never thought about it.
I just thought about her being here.
"I have people to look after," she said, "And I can't even tell them about you."
It really never crossed my mind before.
Plenty of humans went through the program and seemed perfectly fine.
Did I really not pay attention?
"I'm sorry," I said.
I wish I wasn't this Devil either.
"We need to slow this down," she said, "My heart can't take it."
"Okay," I said.
Her words hurt.
Fucking hell, they hurt.
"So, as I keep saying," she said, "I will see you next time."
I wasn't expecting her to remove my shirt.
My gaze went to the ground.
I felt the air from the motion of her tossing the shirt onto the bed behind me.
"Are you sure you don't need a shirt?" Dr. Booth asked, "It's chilly out."
"I will be fine," she said.
I didn't hear anything else from her. Just the receding sound of her footsteps and the door clicking being her.
"Noah?" Dr. Booth asked.
I couldn't breathe.
I turned away from him as I tried to calm myself down.
I couldn't do it.
"Noah," Dr. Booth said, "You need to calm yourself."
I found myself crouching by the side of the bed.
Tears blinded me.
I wanted her to be wrong.
She was right, though.
We barely knew anything about each other.
I wanted to know those little things about her.
I wondered what she did with her feet when they were cold.
Did she just put on socks and bear it?
Did she find a blanket and snuggle with one of her siblings? By herself? With Jody?
I didn't want her to feel the way that she did. I wanted to tell her everything would be alright.
What the fuck did I know?
I tried to muffle the sound of my sobs.
Dr. Booth thankfully got the hint and just left the room.
If I were human, I wouldn't need to stay here and wait for her to come.
If I were human, I could be with her every day.
If only I were.
A light knock on the door suddenly pissed me off.
"Can't I have one fucking minute?" I growled.
I heard the door click as it opened and again as it shut.
I recognized the scent.
Raisa stood with her back pressed against the door.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Was that your mate?" she asked like she didn't even hear me.
I glared at the woman.
"She is a pretty little thing, isn't she?" she cocked her head sideways.
"Raisa," I had to take in a breath so I could repeat myself calmly, "What the fuck do you want?"
"What do I always want?" she asked.
The last thing I wanted was this fiery bitch anywhere near me.
"Clearly, she isn't taking very good care of you," she said, "You aren't the first sexually frustrated Devil in the program."
What exactly is she trying to get at, other than me.
"I can take care of you," she said seductively, "Until she can."
My entire body flinched at her words.
I stood up and turned to face her.
"Take care of me how?"
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