rwby: The creator

LV 14

FBI_B1TCH

You have a lot to work on. Grammar, capitalization, punctuation; all needs work. Stop with the constant author's notes in the middle of chapters. They are unwanted and unnecessary. One of the most important rules when writing fiction is "show, don't tell". We learn it in elementary, yet I do not see it applied whatsoever. For the love of God, please stop breaking the 4th wall! It is essentially nonexistent at this point. With the amount of times I've seen the pronouns you and your used, I could be fooled into thinking I'm reading a story told in the second-person perspective.

LV 6

Zetheryl

I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `I can only say is that you are a noob writer. ` ` ` ` `

LV 4

oceansage

So far, I find Auther writing style entertaining and story wise, it is good. Since English is not something I am good at, I can't say anything about grammer. But i use @voice app to hear this novel and I can say that, grammer is not that much of an issue compare to how much good this story is. In short, it's a good enough for readers to atleast give it a try. . . . . For auther- World building notes are entertaining but they should be at the end of the chapter and shorter too.