Chapter 37: confront
I sit there not able to even move. I thought we were over this, she went back and it all would be over. I never thought about Ren or lost connections. I wasn't really sure, what I was more upset about now, the affair? The child? Or the loss of the connection. Ichiru knew this would hurt me, he just also knew, I needed to know.
I sat there and wondered if Zero knew any of this? Did he know this was to make Ren happen? Would he regret and hurt by never seeing her? My mind is everywhere, not even able to stop it.
I get up and walk into the lobby staring at Zero's office. Wondering how he is feeling. What is going through his mind? The last few weeks, he did his best not to bring up Yuki or anything that had taken place. It seems like he was trying to let it go. I wondered if that was the truth.
I walk over to his office and walk-in, Seeing him at his desk doing his work.
"Hey baby, glad you came, maybe we can get some lunch?" Zero asks.
"That would be nice, "I answer still very shaken.
"Babe, is everything ok? You look a little pale? Something happen, that I don't know about?" Zero asks.
I ponder what to say. Do I tell the truth? Or do what Ichiru told me. I just stare at him, his matured gorgeous face, with those lavender eyes that could make you forgive anything.
"Are you really happy here Zero?" I say.
"Of Course, why wouldn't I be? I love you and our son. I have my family. I couldn't ask for anything more." Zero replies.
"Why are you and Ichiru mad at each other?" I comment.
"He feels, I did some things wrong. Which I did. He also seems to like you himself. He is jealous of what we have." Zero responds.
"What do we have?" I ask.
"I know you love me no matter what. To him, you see me as some kind of god, and he can't stand it. He knows that our relationship is strong." Zero answers.
"Is it? Is it just one sided? That I love you no matter what? I know you're not madly in love with me, or at the start you were. I know you will never love me the way you do her." I reply.
"I am very much in love with you now. Once I got to know you, and see how much you really care, I couldn't help but fall for you. I wish you wouldn't think I love her more. When she was here I didn't feel any of that with her. It was nothing like at Cross. I really wish you wouldn't feel any of this. We been together so long now, we have so much." Zero admits.
"You liked her enough to sleep with her. I know you did Zero, no matter how much you want to deny it. It was written all over both of you. Was she all you ever dreamed of? Better than what we share? Worth the betrayal?" I ask coldly.
"Babe please, once we open this door, we can't close it," Zero says.
"Me just wondering won't close it either. I want the truth and from you. Not her or Ichiru or anyone else. FROM you! I think I deserve at least that. I would never sleep with anyone else or even think about it. You know how I really feel about you, I need to know the same." I shout.
"No, it wasn't anything I thought it would be. I regretted it minutes after it happened. It made me see, how much I loved you and not her." Zero admits.
I just sit there staring at him, part of me broken. I knew he did sleep with her, just hearing it made it all too real. Ichiru was right. It was meant to happen. And after everything we shared, he went through with it.
"Did you use anything?" I ask coldly.
"No, I didn't even think about it. I am sure she was on something." Zero responds.
"Really? For who? Kaname is dead and your here. Who the hell would she sleep with?" I scream.
"Babe, please calm down," Zero says walking over to me trying to calm my shaking body.
"You know why this took place?? You're not dumb. You're a very smart man. How could you? I thought we had something special. I gave up everything to be with you. I love you so deeply and you sleep with her. You betray me, even knowing how it feels. You hated when she slept with Kaname, but for you to do it to me, means nothing!" I snap.
"I am sorry, extremely sorry. There was just a pull there. I needed to see what it was like, so I could let go. I know you won't understand that. I didn't mean to betray you. I am sorry. What do you mean why it took place?" Zero asks.
"Because Ren was meant to be born. So not only did you sleep with her, you made a child with her. I know she was born in the manga but you were not with me then. It was special to have your son. To have something of you. Now she will too! You did everything She did to you with Kaname, you did it to me!" I yell.
"I never thought of any of it. Then maybe that was the pull, not really wanting her but just for it needing to happen. It's part of our life there, the child would need to be born. I didn't think Yuki would just come here and sleep with me and go back like nothing ever happened. It was just the way it was supposed to be." Zero admits.
"And you're fine with that? Not wanting that child?" I ask.
"I don't want that life, I am happy here. I know our son. I figured the story would go on and Ren would be there anyway. That never changed me wanting to be here. I know I did something hurtful and wrong. I just need for us to move forward. TO be what we were. I really don't want to lose that. I am also sorry for making you feel like I felt all those years with Kaname. I didn't mean for that." Zero states.
"I don't either, but that doesn't stop the hurt I feel," I respond.
"I understand that. I will do whatever needed to build your trust again. To make you as happy as you make me. Just give me that chance." Zero Asks.
"I love you, that doesn't change. it will just take time." I reply.
"We should have plenty of that," Zero says wrapping his arms around me.
I don't know what to say, I am hurt and lost in so many ways. He just seems to really want to stay here and make this work. We had some hard times and some really great times. Do I give up now? Or just go on? He wants to rebuild trust, the thing is, I already do trust him, with everything but her. She was my only problem, the only thing in my way. If he really felt as he was saying, she would no longer be that.
I know I don't want to lose my family, and I know I am not going to let her win.
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