Chapter 34: Pick One!
I see Ichiru filled with rage go back to his own office, slamming the door. I know something isn't right, I just don't know what. What could Zero say to get him that upset?
I head over to Zero's office wanting to go in, to see if he is ok. At the same time, a part of me doesn't want to. Instead, I head to Ichiru's office walking in as he is sitting at his desk fuming.
"What happened? Are you ok?" I ask.
"My brother is a self-righteous asshole," Ichiru replies.
"I am not sure what happened, but I am sure it will be ok. What were you fighting over?" I ask.
"You need to talk to him. You also really need to think about if you want to be with him. Is he really everything you always wanted? Are you just blinded because he was some Anime guy you thought was sexy? Or whatever you think of him. He is hurting you with Yuki, any blind man can see it. He has from the start and you let him. " Ichiru snaps.
"I love him, I always have. I was the one to take him away from her. She is the one he is supposed to be with, not me." I answer.
"Maybe that was before, but he has been with you and had a life with you for seven years. He should know how great you are. He should have sent her home as soon as she got here. Knowing how badly it would hurt you. He isn't her's at the moment, in this world, he is your husband and father to your son. You opened new doors to him, gave him a life. A real life and he left here yesterday with her." Ichiru replies.
"I thought about that all night," I respond.
"Why are you leaving this choice up to him? That it's all ok even if he wanted to leave with her? Or if he doesn't. You need to stand up for yourself. Would you do this if it was your first husband? You told me you didn't have the worry in that one, that you felt normal. What would you do with him?" Ichiru asks.
"I would have kicked his ass, and told Yuki to get a fucking life of her own. If I would see he was in love with her I would of just let him go." I say.
"What's so different this time? Why let my brother win? Let him get away with it?" Ichiru snaps.
"Because my feelings are way different. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to lose what we have." I respond.
"What do you have? Is it all true? You know he didn't love you at the start. I don't want to hurt you but its true. You should know. He came here to get away from Kaname and Her because they left. Then we were here and he stayed. It wasn't love." Ichiru comments.
Hearing it out loud hurts deeply, I take a deep breath before answering.
"You think I didn't know that? That I didn't realize it? That all these years, I didn't realize how he thought about her? Or wondered? How I was always second place no matter how hard I try?" I answer with tears in my eyes.
"Damn it why? You deserve better than that. He needs to grow up." Ichiru states.
"I know this hasn't been easy on him. He is in a new world. One very different than the one you came from. We had to go through a lot to be together. We got through all that. He has to care in some way to go through all that. He has never mistreated me. I can't expect him to be madly in love with me when it's written he is with her." I respond.
"Fuck that. If he can't see how much you care, what all you would do for him. Then he doesn't deserve you." Ichiru replies.
"Does anyone deserve someone? I know I am blinded when it comes to your brother. I have been from the start. I don't regret it though. I just wish she wouldn't be part of our life. I guess now it will be either way." I say. Walking out the office door.
Ichiru just sits there and takes a deep breath, still not understanding how she can let Zero get away with all this. She is such a smart woman and when it comes to Zero, she can't see.
Zero sees me coming out of Ichiru's office. I see a panic in his face, one I never really saw before.
"What did he say? Are you ok?" Zero asks.
"He didn't say anything I didn't already know. And no I'm not ok. He brought up a lot of good points that I am just trying to keep to myself. Where I should just let you have it." I answer
"That's my dear old brother. Stirring the shit. You know he likes you himself, don't you? That he wants our life?" Zero says.
"At least someone sees what you have and wants it, without having to think about it," I reply
"I know, all this happened really fast. Neither of us had time to breathe, but its either you like your life with me or not. Its either you have feelings for me or you don't. We have been together for the last seven years as a family. Either you treasure that as I do. Or you don't. If she means more to you than we do than maybe you should go with her. Maybe your not the man I really thought you were or wanted. Maybe I am just too blinded to see it. I know your hiding things from me, that happened yesterday. I'm not that dumb. I know when you're keeping something. I know you're not madly in love with me, but you should have some respect for me. At this point, its either Me or her. You need to pick one and stick with it."I say. Walking away.
Leaving him to think about things. Ichiru was right about a lot of it. I should do what I would really do, not just let him get away with it. Not so worried he would leave me, I would stay quiet just so he doesn't. I am a person with feelings. He didn't like when Kaname was with Yuki, he was jealous. It just seemed that it was fine to do to me. I couldn't put up with it anymore. Granted he stayed with me all these years, never really seeing her in person, but there was the manga he would read and get a tizzy over. He would think about her here and there. A lot he did hide to keep me happy. It just not what it should be. Either you want me? Or you want her? If he picks her, Then there wasn't anything I could do. I just hope with whatever choice he makes he will be happy with and able to move on. With either one he makes I have to be happy and move on also. I couldn't help but still leave the choice up to him. Even though Ichiru was right. I couldn't let go.
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