Chapter 30: Fear.
I sit there and wonder, what Zero was feeling? Figuring, he must have really been upset. It seems to have gotten to him but in a different way, then I am thinking. He came to me, not wanting me to be with someone else. Wanting to make sure, I would only want him. I guess in a way trying not to make things repeat themselves. Not wanting to have another Kaname on his hands. The thing is, he didn't have to worry about that. That wasn't me. I knew, what I wanted and who I wanted. Which was him and only him. It just looks like he felt as vulnerable as I did. I just knew he had nothing to worry about, for me, I always wondered.
If he had the chance to be with Yuki again. Would he take it? If he knew his family would stay alive, and his child would be safe, would he leave me and go back to her? That stayed with me all this time. I couldn't help but think about it. I knew I wasn't his first choice, that all this just happened and he went along with it for some reason. Was it love? I doubted it. How could he love me at the start when he didn't even really know me. It was the life he fell in love with, having his family back. I might have been in love with him, but I wasn't totally blind. I just wanted him so badly, that I let everything go.
THings were harder now, he wasn't just a fantasy or dream. He was real and my husband. If he left me now, it would hurt even more. I had a lot more to lose. If I got to keep our son, I would have to raise him alone, I gave up everything from my other life. I have nothing but what Zero and I have built together. He was the one that could just step back into Cross. Granted that would mean, he would have to leave his family and our son behind. I just didn't want that to be the only reason he was with me. I hoped deep down, he loved me.
I did see that tonight. He had to have some feelings for me. Not wanting me to be with anyone else. Wanting me to only dream and think about him. It made me feel good.
I don't head back to bed. I just go to take my shower before everyone else wakes up. My mind was racing too fast for me to get any sleep. That also meant I was going to have one long day. I would have to try to take a nap when I would put ZJ down in the afternoon.
I go to our room and pick up a clean pair of panties jeans and a top. Feeling I should just get ready for the day. I go into the bathroom and start the shower water, stepping into the tub. I let the warm water run down my body taking some of the stress away.
While I am standing there, I hear the door open. I stand there and peek through the glass door, seeing Zero. I just smile at him and he smiles back. I shut the door feeling, he was just there to probably pee. It wasn't the first time he came into the bathroom while I was in there.
When all of a sudden, he opens the door and steps in butt naked. Even though. I have seen his sexy body a lot over the time we spent together, I can never get enough of it.
"I thought you could use some company," Zero says.
"With you always. I thought you would be sleeping. You need the rest before work."I answer.
"I will be fine. I told you, I was going to make you want me and think of only me. I am not done with that." Zero answers.
Pushing my wet body to his. I kiss him deeply as my hands go up and down his now wet body. I want to touch him everywhere as before I couldn't. My lips can't stop kissing him, as he picks me up letting my legs wrap around him. I wasn't letting go. My hands roam his hair as my lips devour his. My mind is hazy with all the pleasure he gives me. He doesn't make me beg or plead this time. He just enters me fast and hard, he sees that I won't let go and he holds on to me as well. Pushing my body back onto the wet white tile wall for support. He keeps slamming into me, making me moan into his kiss. My hands now going down his back, with my nails running up and down. We break the kiss just to get some air, just to return to it deeper and stronger than the last.
When we let go, the feeling is unbelievable taking over both our bodies. He places my body down into the shower holding me close to him. Both of us trying to catch our breath, as my heart is beating out of my chest. I feel closer to him now than I ever have. I just want to hold him like this forever.
"Zero I love you," I say in a low voice.
"I love you too. I do need to get dressed for work though." Zero chuckles.
"I don't want you to leave," I answer.
"I will be home early. I see my plan is working?" He says with a smirk.
"You don't need a plan. I always felt this way about you. Whatever doubts you have, I want you to push away. I want to be with you for the rest of my life." I respond.
"I was just making sure you still felt that way. That you didn't regret leaving your husband for me. Am I still all you thought, I would be?" Zero asks.
"Even more. I don't regret any of it. I just wish it would have happened sooner." I reply.
Zero just smiles at me, giving me another kiss. We both get out of the shower and get dressed. I go downstairs to start breakfast as he checks on our son. The girls getting up and getting ready for school. It was the start of a regular day. I just now saw that Zero did care, more than I thought he did. He had the same fears and doubts that I had. Just for different reasons.
He comes downstairs to get his morning coffee, placing our son in his highchair. The girls getting their food and lunch before heading to school. Zero just grabs me and kisses me passionately on the lips. I kiss back not wanting to let go.
"Ok, you two that's gross. Get a grip." Briana says, walking out the door.
I just laugh at her statement and so does Zero.
"I will see you later tonight. Keep me in your thoughts." Zero says.
"I always do. Please be safe. I love you." I reply
" I love you too." He answers.
Zero goes to work, taking a seat at his desk. Just sitting there thinking of everything that happened last night. About everything he had read. They just cloud his mind taking over it.
"Hey bro, what's up? You look distracted? Everything ok at home?" Ichiru asks.
"Yea. I read more of the Manga last night. I see that Yuki finally slept with that bastard. He got what he wanted. She kisses me at the ball then fucks him. I just can't seem to get that out of my mind." Zero states.
"Dude reallY? Why do you even care? It's not your life anymore. You have a wonderful wife, adorable son. Everything you could ever want and you care who Yuki is sleeping with? It's only a story." Ichiru replies.
"I do care. It makes me wonder if Alexa regrets being with me? If she rather be with her ex-husband. It makes me think if Yuki really had feelings for me how did she screw him?" Zero rants.
"First off, your wife loves you dearly. She isn't playing or faking it. She doesn't want her ex. If she did she wouldn't have left him. She is nothing like Yuki. Second, Yuki is made up as are we. You have to remember that. I think you should just either read the damn thing fully and get it over with or just leave it the hell alone." Ichiru states.
" I read it slowly because I am scared of what is to come." Zero answers.
"She has Kaname's child. Kaname dies. She is always in love with him but goes with you since your still here. It just takes her a very long time to do so, and your a dumb ass and waits. No one likes the idea of your relationship for many reasons which also keeps you two apart, and also gets you killed, which is when she gives her heart to Kaname and he returns to watch over his daughter and the one you have with Yuki, with both of you dead. No one wins. Its all mixed up and full of shit if you really think about it. I read it a long time ago." Ichiru blurts out.
"Gezz great way to kill a story. Kaname dies?" Zero asks.
"That's the only thing you got out of all that? Not that you do? Not that you had a child? Just that he dies. Do you see something wrong with that? It's not that you want Yuki in this life. Its that you hate him." Ichiru replies.
Zero just thinks about it and is just confused. At the same time, he feels more connected to his real wife and family. Not wanting anything to take it away from him. Was Ichiru right? Was it really just about winning against Kaname? Did it really matter at this point in time? The story was written already nothing was going to change it. He needed to pay attention to his real life. Not just a story.
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