Chapter 36: A New Friend?
"What the f*** are you!?!"
As soon as I exclaimed my question, the mushroom looked at me with both annoyance and amusement.
"I am a truffle, and my name is Shiitake. Please remember that."
"Shiitake? Like the mushroom?"
"Indeed. Truffles are not known for having the best naming sense, so we just name ourselves after a random mushroom. I'm just glad I wasn't named something like oyster or milk."
The truffle shuddered at the idea.
"Yeah, that does sound a bit degrading."
"it is. I knew a few truffles who were unlucky enough to be named milk."
"Sucks for them. Anyways, Why shouldn't I touch this thing."
"That 'thing' is called 'Crabulon', and it is extremely docile until you touch it."
"What happens when you touch it?"
"It goes into a murderous rage."
"Okay, point taken. Don't touch the insane mushroom crab. Why do you even know this?"
"why do you think I am alone?"
"Oh."
"Everyone else ran away."
"That is much better than my thoughts."
"What, did you think they all died? Only half of them did."
"And I was only half correct then. How long ago did that even happen?"
"I believe over a century ago."
"You believe!?"
"I have been in a cave all my life. The daylight cycle is a bit out of my reach."
"Wait. If you have been alone down here for 100 years, how old are you?"
"A little over 400."
"How are you not dead?!"
"I am a plant. Plants age very slowly. And I am only middle-aged in comparison to my lifespan."
"Man, your life is really boring if all you know is this cave."
"I believe my life to be entirely normal. Your life is just too chaotic compared to mine."
The gods decided to drop in some wisdom to let me better understand Shiitake's lifestyle.
{Truffles are known to live extremely isolated lives, only knowing other truffles that are part of their colony.}
"Thanks, Gods."
Shiitake looked at me with confusion due to my words.
"Why did you suddenly thank the Gods?"
"They are using my head as a place to entertain themselves."
"Oh, so you are insane."
"A bit blunt, aren't you?"
"But you are insane, yes?"
"I am not! I only hear voices... In... My head. Dear Gods that does sound like I am insane."
"You tend to word things in a way that creates misunderstandings. If you are trying to say that you communicate with the Gods, then say you are an oracle. It is as simple as that."
'An oracle, huh? That could work.'
{It is the first time we have had an 'oracle'.}
'Really? I would think that you would love interfering with the mundane world.'
{We prefer being the viewer, not the director of the story. Although we do enjoy sowing a bit of chaos from time to time.}
'What do you consider 'sowing chaos'?'
{Blowing up a few planets to make some conspiracies that would devolve into an evil cult of world-destroying aliens.}
'Is that cult still around?'
{I do not know since the ways of the cult began to be boring after a few hundred years of mass murder and sacrifice to their 'alien overlords'.}
'I don't like not knowing anything about an evil cult.'
And then Shiitake cut me from my internal conversation.
"Hello? You have been blankly staring at the wall for the past few minutes. Can I know why?"
"Oh, sorry. I was just talking with the gods about an ancient alien worshipping evil cult."
Shiitake looked at me with some skepticism.
"Are you sure that you are not insane."
"Mostly."
"Only mostly?"
"I am doubtful about me being entirely sane since I have made some questionable decisions in my life."
"May I know what decisions they were?"
"Fighting a king slime, knocking on a giant clam that was obviously dangerous, and jumping down a hole that did not have a visible bottom are some of the latest bad decisions."
"Those do indeed make you seem less than sane."
"I'm not helping my case, am I?"
"You are not."
I decided that I should change the topic before I make my sanity seem more questionable.
"Anyways, what do you do down here? It seems a bit empty for someone who has been living for 400 years."
Shiitake looked at me with a look that told me he knew why I asked, but he still answered my question anyway.
"While there is indeed little to do here, I tend to do what our race knows best: Farming."
I looked at him(?) skeptically.
"Farming? Really? I was not expecting that."
"How do you think these mushrooms grew so large?"
I looked around the cavern once more, noting the size of the fungi.
"Those are some pretty big mushrooms..."
The truffle looked down and mumbled something, barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Too bad this place is too small to make them larger..."
I looked at the mushroom, only to see him looking me in the eyes with barely disguised emotion.
"Are you... Trying to guilt-trip me into taking you out of this cave?"
The truffle mumbled something once more.
{They said, and I quote: "Damnit, he figured it out. I guess I will have to try a different method. Maybe seduction might work..."}
I looked the truffle straight in the eyes and said one thing:
"You are NOT going to even attempt seducing me, and if you do, I will stab you."
The truffle started mumbling again.
{They said: "Maybe I should just ask him since he didn't say that he wouldn't take me out of this blue hell." This truffle is funny to listen to.}
I decided that I should just agree to take him before he gets any more weird ideas.
"I'll take you, but on one condition."
The truffle was excited, but I could see it tense when I said that there would be a condition.
"Really? What's the condition?"
"Make a mushroom grove aboveground. I'll give you an entire area to f=grow them too."
I watched as the truffle deflated at the condition I gave, relieved that they would only be doing what they always did.
But then they looked in my eyes and asked one thing:
"Can you complete my request before we leave?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Kill Crabulon."
"Why?"
"He killed half of the people I knew, and I still resent it for that, even after a century."
"Alright, I'll kill him for you. Just leave the cave before I enrage him."
The truffle smiled at me with gratitude.
"Thank you."
And so the truffle left, and a 'crab' woke up.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Cold_Housefire
Cold_Housefire And now we have introduced the truffle, and Crabulon is on the track to destruction.
What happens next?
Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!
I hate what I just wrote above this, but I thought about it and decided to add it to the thoughts.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
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