Chapter 16: Chapter Fifteen
Dmitrei shut himself in his room as soon as he got back to the mansion, wanting to keep his icy rage as far from anyone else in the house as possible. It had all been going fine before Aloys had shown up. He could have told Elena about himself slowly. Could have made her smile to see Sebastian better. Could have healed her and told her what he could do for mankind. And then he could have gently told her his one big regret.
It was all coming back to him now. Remembering how out of control he had felt that day. How all the love and happiness inside him had been unleashed on a band of robbers, laughing after murdering children. He had always been so peaceful, so controlled. Healing, bringing rain to dry areas, comforting others. Trying to get the other gargoyles to help.
He was known as the nice one, the kindest to people. But in that kind ness had been deep love that tore him asunder when it was violated. He still didn't know what to do with those feelings. He would always feel guilty for those killings, even though they deserved it, and their deaths were quick and painless compared to the suffering they had inflicted on a group of innocents. It would have been one thing if they had engaged the men of the village in a fight, but they had indiscriminately murdered women and children.
One human in particular had meant a lot to Dmitrei. Rose. He tried to never think of her, but she came to him now. She had been the first to approach him in his cave, not understanding who he was. Bringing bread to what she thought was a hermit. He had gotten to know her and came down to the village to see it in a sorry state. Sickness. Starvation. He had ben able to solve a lot of it. It had been his little experiment, and it was working. He was able to make a difference.
He had been doing back then what the Oracle was trying to get modern gargoyles to do now. He was helping. And then one thing had gone wrong, and he had turned into a monster.
He heard a quiet knock on the door and turned away. It felt like he was once again coated in ice and he didn't want to share that with anyone. The door opened, though, and Elric stood there, staring at him with dark, implacable eyes. He walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, saying nothing at first.
Dmitrei didn't know how to put it all into words, so he opened his mind and showed Elric his thoughts. What had happened with Aloys and Elena. Then he shared his darkest memories so Elric could understand. The village burning. His icy breath bearing down with murderous fury.
Elric looked at him with sympathy in his dark eyes, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"You're sorry?" Dmitrei asked. "For what? For me? I'm a killer. I don't deserve any apology."
"No," Elric said. "I'm sorry about your village. I'm sorry you lost all those people you care about. Now that I care about someone, I can kind of understand how you must have felt."
Dmitrei shook his head, "That doesn't excuse it."
"You know, I think it says something about your incredible love for humans, that even when you were painlessly ending a group of murdering pillagers, you felt it scar your soul."
"It doesn't make me happy to take any life," Dmitrei said.
Elric folded his arms, "And that makes you kind of special. Because I can tell you if someone killed anyone I cared about, I would annihilate them and wouldn't feel bad about it."
"Well, you should. Two wrongs don't make a right," Dmitrei said.
"We aren't perfect," Elric reminded him. "We are gargoyles, and if we are meant to be protectors, we aren't always going to get it right. Feelings get in the way. We aren't machines. You got angry. You did something impulsive for revenge. But guess what? Those men, do you think they would have stopped?"
Dmitrei blinked. He hadn't quit beating himself up about it long enough to think about that.
"One thing you will have to square off with, once you forgive yourself, is being a gargoyle in this world doesn't always mean healing people and bringing rain. Sometimes it means fighting. Hurting. Even killing. Sometimes that's what is required to protect." He put a hand up, "And I know we shouldn't do it in anger. And I know the killing scarred your soul on a day when you were already wounded." He shook his head, "But it's not for us to decide who gets to be forgiven."
Dmitrei nodded.
"One day, perhaps there will be something that makes everything right. Balances things out and decides who is right and wrong and who needs to be punished." Elric raised his eyes to Dmitrei meaningfully, "But that isn't now. Right now, the world needs you to forgive yourself and try to be better every day."
Dmitrei nodded, "I have already changed. I have had chances to kill, and I have shown mercy, but what if something awful happened and I lost myself again?"
"You will be with friends now," Elric said. "We won't allow you to lose yourself."
Dmitrei let his eyes close, tears stinging his eyelids. So much pain. He supposed a part of himself had been berating himself over the killing so much so he didn't have to face the true injury. Failing all those people who depended on him. Who he wanted to protect.
"If you had gotten there sooner, you would have had to kill to protect them."
"They were laughing," he said, his voice hoarse through his tears. "They were laughing about murdering them." He put a hand up to his head, "Why do I have to feel so bad about killing someone when they could just laugh about it?"
Elric moved over next to him and sat beside him, "Because you are a good person, and that is a heavy burden for a good person to bear."
Then Dmitrei let himself cry. Heavy, ugly tears. Turning inward to grieve the people he had lost as their faces moved through his mind. He didn't want to let go of them. He didn't want them to be gone. He hated that no amount of killing could bring them back.
"It's okay," Elric said, patting Dmitrei's back awkwardly.
Dmitrei choked out a laugh, "Is it? Is it okay? I'm a freaking mess. I have lost my mate. I'm only now dealing with my past. And Aloys is out there." He reached in his pocket and handed Elric the card, "He left this."
Elric took it, turning it over, "So, he wants you to find him?"
"Yes," Dmitrei said. "I think he thought if he could break things between me and Elena, I would have no other option."
"I think Elena can still understand you," Elric said. "She might need time, but I bet Aloys made it sound worse than it was. And I bet you didn't correct it, because you're always beating yourself up."
"Elena is an amazing person," Dmitrei said. "She forgave the people who took away so much of her life. She wouldn't understand the kind of rage I had."
"If she's such an amazing person, she probably just neds time to get away from Aloys's mind control. You know how persuasive he is."
"He wasn't influencing her," Dmitrei said.
"Still, he screwed things up, and as you showed me, he also made it seem like you intentionally trapped her, which you didn't. And from what you have told me in the past, Elena really hates when other people make all the decisions."
"Yeah," Dmitrei said, finally calming. "She does. So, how do I fix it?"
"First, you make sure you understand yourself, so when you do go over there, you can explain in a truthful way. Not just a way that gets you beat up emotionally--like you think you deserve."
"Right," he said.
"Repeat after me," Elric instructed. "I'm a good person."
"I'm a good person," Dmitrei echoed, rolling his eyes.
"My love made me angry, but I'm not ashamed of that love."
Tears bit Dmitrei's eyes again, "I'm not ashamed of that love."
"Someday, perhaps there will be a reckoning for my actions."
"Someday, perhaps there will be a reckoning for my actions."
"But for now, I'm going to forgive myself for what I did when I was hurt and move on with my life."
As Dmitrei repeated the last line, he felt lightness inside him. He let out a sigh and stood and stretched. He looked over at Elric, "Thank you. I'm feeling better. I think."
"No problem," Elric said. "I owe you. My whole life, you were always preaching about humans and how they were worth our time. I think perhaps that helped me when I met Ann. For that, I will owe you forever."
Dmitrei swallowed, "And I you."
"Well, you can pay me back by never joining with Aloys," Elric said.
Dmitrei scoffed, "Already done."
"Good," Elric said. "Now, let's get you cleaned up and send you over to get your mate back.
*************************
It was minutes after Dmitrei left before Elena finally let the tears come. She wasn't sure what exactly was bothering her so much. Maybe it was that she had always wondered if it was too good to be true that he had come into her life. Maybe him being some kind of murderer was the only thing that made it better.
She blinked as she realized the warm ball inside her was finally starting to subside. Such an odd sensation, and it had been so weird for him to force a kiss on her like that. Normally, he would have let her go, but he was insistent, almost desperate.
She sighed. One side of Dmitrei was thoughtful, caring, almost too sweet. But there was also the other, angrier side she had seen; scary, intimidating, out of control. Or was he? He had never lost it around her, only protecting her. Perhaps she should have waited to see if he could explain better, but when he hadn't been willing to defend himself at all, it had made her angry. Because surely, if he cared about her, he would give her any good motive he had. So it stood to reason that he didn't have one. Either that or he didn't think he did. She bit her lip as she acknowledged his tendency to beat himself up. She really should have given him a chance to explain.
She hated hearing all about him from someone else. She hated feeling like he had taken her choice away. That almost made it seem like he had done it on purpose. Like he had thought she wouldn't accept him if she knew everything, so he had tried to take away that possibility. But that didn't sound like the Dmitrei she knew. It was more likely that he had gotten caught up in the moment and then been putting off telling her anything because he was afraid. He kept everything inside, to his own detriment; that much she knew about him.
She saw Sebastian creep out from behind the couch with a soft meow and she patted her leg for him to come over. She didn't know what Dmitrei was thinking, going to the shelter so early, getting a sick cat out. She grabbed Sebastian when he came close, lifting him into her lap, and gasping when she looked down at his leg. The bump was gone. It was unmistakable.
She ran her finger over where it had been. There was no sign of it. Was she imagining things? No, she had known Sebastian was sick. She had grieved over it. She had seen the X-rays, the ultrasounds. Sebastian looked up at her curiously, as if he wasn't sure what she was getting so worked up about. She remembered Dmitrei had been holding him. She thought about the warmth in her back.
She stood, setting Sebastian down, and prepared to do a move she hadn't been able to complete in ten years. Ever since her injury, she had been able to minimize her pain by delineating specific movements that were and weren't okay. She was going to do one of the not-okay ones. She bent quickly down and then snapped back up, flattening her back.
No pain.
Tears came immediately and she sat on the couch, gasping and covering her mouth in shock. She looked over at Sebastian, now happily hopping up onto a chair and grooming himself. This was what Dmitrei had meant by his powers. She hadn't even given him a chance to show her that side of himself. She had chased him off, hurt by his secrets.
Aloys had said something about the collar being gone and Dmitrei having his powers back. It said something about him that the first thing he would do with all of that power was go to heal a sick little cat. He had probably hoped he could come bring her Sebastian and explain everything. And she had let that evil prick come in and ruin things, when they were so close to their happy ending.
Perhaps there were complicated aspects to Dmitrei, but just as there might be a really dark side to his past, she also knew there had to be a light one. Because his first instinct when getting power back was to heal, not hurt. That was the Dmitrei she knew.
She stood and paced, unsure what to do. Should she go talk to him? Apologize for jumping down his throat? Tell him it had all been overwhelming for her, too? And that she was scared, after all these years alone, that she had been taken advantage of? That everything that felt so amazing would turn out to be too good to be true?
No, she didn't know what to say. Of if he would even want to see her. Or where he was living. He had always come to get her, not the other way around. She sat back down with a huff. Then she heard another knock at the door. She got up hesitantly to look through the peephole, and when she saw the blond douchebag from before, she rolled her eyes and did the deadbolt.
"Undo it," a sharp voice called out.
She gasped as she felt her body move against her will, unlocking the deadbolt, no matter how much she tried to resist.
"Ah, so now you are seeing one of my powers," the voice said. "Now unlock the other lock and open the door."
She did as he ordered, her heart hammering against her chest like a woodpecker.
"Invite me in," he said smoothly, his green eyes glowing like a snake's.
"Come in," she said shakily.
He did so, looking around.
"Where are your goons?" she asked.
He rubbed his hands together, "I only needed them if I was dealing with Ice. With you, I can just ask."
She frowned, "What do you want?"
He shrugged, "I just need Ice to come with me. Unfortunately, I saw he took off for Elric's place, and I just can't have that. Not when he could be so good with us." He eyed her, "So, I have come to the conclusion there is only one way to get Dmitrei to come to us, and that's taking you."
She tried to let out a squeak of shock as he reached for her, but he held up a finger.
"Shut up. Follow me," he said, leading her out of the house. She followed, feeling like invisible strings were threaded through her, controlling her motions.
He opened the door to his car, "Get in."
She did, looking at him in fear.
"Oh, for Pete's sake, I won't hurt you." He went around and got in on his side, doing up his seatbelt. "Now text him. Beg him for help. Make it sound bad," he grinned. "Let him know I have you."
She pulled out her phone, gritting her teeth in frustration as her fingers moved on their own, flying over the keyboard, tapping out a message that would surely terrify Dmitrei.
"Good," he said. "Now, we have got a long drive, so I want you to just be quiet. And no freaking out."
She would have scoffed at that if she could. Ugh. Who did this guy think he was?
"The biggest, baddest gargoyle of them all," he winked at her, answering her silent thoughts. "At least for now."
She rolled her eyes and leaned against the window, hoping whatever happened when Dmitrei got the message, he would be careful and safe.
Weekly Power Status
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