Chapter 59: An Irrefutable Fact
Looking down from above, I watched as Huang Qian struggled to peel off my hands from his neck. Now that I think about it again, I don't know what came into me at that time to be able to produce such strength. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush or it could be just my rage speaking. But, my mind was a complete blank at that time.
All I could think about was hurting him. I really wanted to. It was as if something was boiling within me. Like a volcanic magma gurgling under the Earth's curst and as it shot up to the surface, so did my fury booming atop my head. My clutch on Huang Qian's neck became tighter and tighter.
His words. Everything he had said. They all kept on repeating in my head.
But it wasn't just that. It wasn't only what he had said.
A myriad of memories slowly intruded my mind. One by one they flashed like an old film and as if I could witness it myself, as if I was the actor in this movie, tears began pooling in my eyes.
A little boy with unruly dark hair and a pair of sleepy eyes was sitting by the window as he hugged the big teddy bear in his arms.
"Qian-Qian, you need to sleep," came a sweet voice of a young girl.
A hand was extended towards the boy and it landed on his hair. Despite being messy, his hair felt soft and pleasant to touch. The girl's hand couldn't stop caressing it, while the little boy seemed to be enjoying it.
"No..." the little boy refused as he rubbed his tired eyes, "I want to see it together with you, sister."
The girl's hand stop patting his head. A sigh escaped from her lips. "But, I'm not certain whether it'll come or not. I shouldn't have told you about it. What if it doesn't come?"
The girl seemed to have turned her head to the massive window beside them as the view changed into a beautiful night sky filled with twinkling silver lights waving above them.
"It will come!" Suddenly a clear voice fueled with confidence belonging to the little boy resounded from beside her.
The view shifted again to the little boy. There was no trace of the earlier drowsiness in his eyes but just a pair of obsidians that stared back at the girl with conviction and purity.
Not even a second after the little boy's declaration, it came. It was brighter and more beautiful than anything they had ever seen.
"Qian-Qian quick! Make a wish!" The young girl's hand shook the little boy by his arm.
Complying to his sister's request, he hurriedly gathered his hand into a praying stance and spelled it out loud, "I wish I can always be together with my sisters!!"
Then, the little boy turned his head looked at the girl with puppy eyes. "So don't marry a prince and live in a faraway kingdom, sis. You can just marry me if you want a husband."
A series of laughter broke out from the young girl's mouth. Patting the boy's head, she said, "I promise I will never leave you, little Qian. We'll always be together."
The little boy's eyes sparkled and he raised his little pinky finger. "Promise?"
Without any hesitation, the young girl hooked her finger with his. "Promise."
....
Drip... Drip...
'Huh?'
I felt droplets of tears gliding down my cheeks and falling onto Huang Qian's face. I blinked in confusion as more and more tears landed on his cheeks.
When I came to my consciousness once again, I realized the rage simmering within me had long vanished and only left me with a suffocating heartache.
And when I saw Huang Qian had stopped struggling and his eyes closed beneath me, a sense of lost shrouded my entire being. The sadness eased into me little by little, holding my heart in a tight grip.
With the pain and the grief strangling me from within, I found my hands slowly losing their strength and I heard a voice in my head telling me to stop, telling me to let go.
'You're going to regret it, love.'
And so I did. I let go.
Finding the ability to breathe again, Huang Qian heaved a good amount of oxygen with his mouth and that led him to release a series of cough as he tried to haul himself up.
Meanwhile, I slumped back onto the bed, staring down at the white sheet absentmindedly. As my body came to a relaxation point, I felt as if the strength I had performed just now had only been an illusion and the only thing I could feel now was my weak feverish body losing energy.
I raised my head and watched as Huang Qian tried to stop his coughing. I glanced down at his neck. The clutch I had on him earlier left a mark.
"Why?" I mumbled. 'Why do I have to feel what you feel?'
'Do I really have no choice in this life?'
'Am I only meant to live as somebody else in this lifetime?'
'Was my existence only meant to serve as a replacement?'
It only dawned on me now that even though Li Fei had died, she was never truly gone. She was alive in every way possible. I wasn't living inside her, but it was actually the opposite, she was alive within me. I was bound by her feelings, trapped by her memories, and lived by her life.
Li Fei wasn't dead. But, Airi was.
That was the irrefutable fact which I was forced to accept.
"Fuck", Huang Qian cursed under his breath. "You really are crazy!"
He scoffed. "I felt guilty at first. But now, I'm glad I chose Huang Kun. Sis, don't blame me for being cruel since the way I see it now, you are far crueler than me."
"You were never there ever since you married away. You left us! Do you know what we experienced afterwards?!" He laughed jeeringly. "No, you don't! You never care anyway. So, why should I care about you?"
Chapter 60: Being Cruel
"You were never there ever since you married away. You left us! Do you know what we experienced afterwards?!" He laughed jeeringly. "No, you don't! You never care anyway. So, why should I care about you?"
"Huang Kun and I can only rely on each other. She's my twin and the youngest among-"
"Am I not your sister?" I muttered absentmindedly. I wasn't intentionally being loud so he could hear it. But, that question just automatically came out of me crystal clear since there was only us here.
"Huh?"
Huang Qian seemed to have be stunned by my question as he went silent all of the sudden.
I raised my eyes and if only I could see for myself how empty they were, it would probably surprise me. I never knew my feelings could be this complicated while facing someone who I didn't know. Someone whom I wasn't supposed to share any care.
But I did. I couldn't avoid the pain, tearing my heart apart. It didn't come as a surprise for me at this point though because it was true, this heart pumping life into this body did not belong to me.
"Am I not your sister?" I repeated the question.
"Y-You-" he stammered as his face going pale.
"Do I not deserve to be protected as well?" I asked again. It all just came pouring out suddenly. It felt like I was losing control of myself.
"It's because I'm the oldest? But I'm your sister too." Tears trickled down my cheeks. But I didn't even blink as my eyes were fixed on his figure. "Is it my responsibility to shoulder everything?"
Huang Qian looked anxious as his body became fidgety. "I-I didn't s-specifically mean that. But if...if you had been h-here-"
"If I had been here, I would have been forever father's target of focus," I continued his sentence. "But you know that already."
He bit his lower lip. "I-"
"Stop," I interjected harshly.
"Huh?" He looked at me in confusion.
"Stop whatever excuse you're going to offer because we both know it's only gonna make you look stupid."
"Sis..."
"You know why I never came back. If you were me, would you return? I'm not gonna act like some saint and apologize for leaving," I said. Then, I stared at him intensely as I shouted at the top of my lungs, "I am selfish! But so what?! I just want live!"
Yeah, this was what Li Fei would have wanted. She just wanted to survive. She wanted to know the joy of living. She wanted a chance to feel love. So, she seized the chance when it arrived before her. Was she wrong? I didn't think so. Because deep down, I knew I would have chosen the same.
"You make all these excuses and blame me for your miserable life. But, what did you do then?!" I yanked the collar of his sweater. "You didn't do shit. You let me handle it because I'm your sister! Fucking think with your damn mind! Why do I have to always be responsible for all the shit that befall you?!"
Shaking his body furiously, I continued to berate him, "You're miserable?! Fucking change things around then! You're not a baby. Why the fuck do you go around blaming other people for your lack of capability to change your fate?! Stop depending on everyone! You're a man! For fuck sake, man up!"
By the end of my ranting, I let go of his sweater and sat down again with my head looking down. My chest was moving up and down frantically as I panted from being out of breath.
Huang Qian didn't say anything afterward nor did he move an inch. We just sat there in silence. I shut my eyes. 'Well, from the start, I didn't expect an answer from him.'
But, I knew what I wanted right at this moment. I wanted to be out of this shit hole. No matter what I had to do, I had to survive. The corner of my lips curved into a devious smile. I thought it right there, if this vessel of hers didn't allow me to hurt this little brother, I would take another course of action then.
'Don't blame me for being ruthless, Li Fei. You didn't allow me to end him quick so, I would choose another method. One that would cut him deep,' I whispered to myself.
I chuckled. "You won't take back your words?"
I saw his fist clenching then and I could already predict what his answer would be.
"I'm sorry, sis."
I smirked. "Very well then." I raised my head to face him. "Since you have made your move, I would make mine, brother."
His eyebrows furrowed. "What?"
"I can't go soft on you since it will never get into that brainless head of yours."
He scoffed. "Like you said, we just want to survive."
I nodded. "Yes, brother. Very true. My, aren't you a fast learner. So, don't blame me for this, brother."
I leaned forward to his ear and whispered by mimicking his tone, "Please understand."
He shoved me away and stood up. "What the fuck you want?"
I chuckled. "I want you to choose, Brother."
"Choose what?"
"Choose. Saving Huang Kun or saving yourself?"
He knitted his eyebrows. I tilted my head seeing his reaction. Standing up, I inched closer to him and whispered, "I bet Huang Kun doesn't know it yet, right? But, how does her chest and lips feel brother? Is it to your liking?"
He jerked back instantly, staring at me like I was a ghost. I smiled at the horror reflected in his eyes.
"W-What are you talking about?"
I laughed in derision. "You should see yourself in the mirror right now. How could pretend not to know with that kind of expression plastered on your face?"
He clenched his fist and gritted his teeth at the same time. I knew he had become apprehensive now.
"I really don't know what you're talking about." He continued to deny.
"I do want to help you describe the event of that day, but just thinking of it making me want to throw up. So, I'm sorry for not being able to describe it to you." I grinned. "But come now, brother. You do know what I'm talking about since it was the reason why you landed me in trouble and got me locked up in the first place."
As he took another step back, I took a step forward. "You don't have any evidence," he retorted.
I halted my steps and giggled. "See? You know what I'm talking about. Well, how do you know I don't have it?"
"You don't!"
"I do," I directly denied his claim.
But, not being able to accept it, Huang Qian still shook his head and said, "You don't. You're only bluffing."
I raised an eyebrow. "I dare you, little brother. Try and leave things be. Let me land on that old man Bai's bed and see what's going to be on news the next day."
Huang Qian was stumped from my threat. He eyed me anxiously and I could only imagine his noisy heartbeats pumping rapidly inside his chest. It must have been suffocating. But, this was exactly what I wanted. I wished him to suffer, to not being able to breathe nor sleep for the rest of the day.
The smile on my lips turned more devious as the seconds went by. "I fucking dare you now. Choose your move wisely, little Qian."
'Show me this love you wanted so badly to protect. Let me see how you crumble beneath my feet.'
"Please. She's our little sister," he said.
"You're wrong," I sneered, "She's your 'beloved' sister. Not mine." I stressed my voice at the mention of beloved.
"Please...sis-"
"Get out now," I commandee him sternly. "Visiting time is over."
He was dumbstruck and lost his words.
"Go on," I gestured with my head, "The door is right there. Excuse me for not seeing you off."
After that, I turned my back from him and headed towards the french window. It didn't take more than two minutes before I heard the sound of the door being opened and then closed.
I exhaled a sigh of relief and dropped down onto the floor. Burying my head into my knees, a series of thoughts ran in my head.
'Was I cruel?'
'Am I bad person?'
'Mom, dad, I'm sorry. I guess you're very disappointed with my behavior now.'
'Xu Ting. I'm sorry I can't keep my promise.'
In that instant, I broke down in tears. I cried and cried till midnight passed.
'Lian-ge, I'm tired.'
CREATORS' THOUGHTS
Kiiara
Kiiara
Hiya guys! Omg, I can’t wait for the next update. I’ll make sure to upload some tomorrow guys!!
Wooo! It’s about to go down! (｀∀´)Ψ
Btw, I suddenly decided to join the #113 WPC. It was a spur in the moment thing lol. The story is definitely very different than this. But, I’ll appreciate it if you can check it out and show your support. Love you! <3
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