Chapter 9: SAY IT 08 : Where we used to play
SAY IT 08 : "Where we used to play,"
RAY
It's currently our third to the last subject, the subject I hated next to math. None other than Physical Education, why? because I am a walking stick. Hindi ako flexible at madali lang ako mapagod, milagro na lang talaga na mataas ang grades ko sa subject na 'to.
I sat on the bleachers katabi si Loraine at Klein, kasama din namin ang mga nasa kabilang section pero nasa kabilang banda sila ng gymnasium. There's Glenn habang katabi si Wendy na halatang iritable, poor kpoper friend. Katabi niya rin ang naging kapartner niya sa poem making namin dati na si Nine? am I right? ang pagkakatanda ko kasi ay number ang pangalan ng lalaking 'yon.
Ang alam ko ay marami kaming activities na gagawin ngayong araw kaya todo ako sa pag-exercise kanina kasama si Kaze, when I mean exercise ay jogging lang.. yun lang naman ang kaya kong gawin eh, wala nang iba.
I'm not energetic at the same time ay flexible gaya ni Wendy, dati ba naman itong member ng gymnastics club at vice president pa. Eh ako? hanggang literature club lang ang kaya ko salihan kasama ko pa si Loraine.
Sound of a loud whistling echoed through the whole gymnasium, it's our P.E advisor; Mr.Dino,
The whole school knew him as the "Dino-nogko-jowo-kohot-gwopo" well because he really is handsome at kahit na ganito ito ka-gwapo ay wala parin itong girlfriend.
Sayang mukha..
"Before we start, mag warm-ups muna ang lahat for 10 minutes and after that, magsimula na tayo!" he boomed, bumaba na ang section namin sa bleachers saka pumunta sa uhanang part at nagsimula na silang mag warm-up, nasa kabilang part naman ang section ni Glenn at Wendy.
"Hey Loraine--" tatawagin ko sana ito para maging partner dahil by-two's kami nagwa-warm up pero may kapartner na ito, walang iba kundi ang badboy ng St.Celestine na si Ashton. I just gave her a sign of the cross bago umalis, Loraine hated that guy so much gaya ng hatred niya kay Padre Damaso.
Naupo na lang ako sa tabi dahil napag-iwanan na ako, bruhh hindi ko naman din gusto ang subject na 'to kaya wala rin akong pakielam kung wala akong partner.
"Ray! where's Kuya Nash?" oh, the sunshine is here. I can feel him sat beside me, hindi ko naman ito nakita dahil naka-crouch ako. Y'know? mga upuang broken hearted.
"Hey, masama ba pakiramdam mo Ray? sabihin ko na ba kay Sir.Dino?"
"No.."
"Eh bakit parang broken hearted ka diyan?"
"Nothing.."
"Sir--!"
Bago pa man niya matapos ang pagtawag kay Sir.Dino ay siniko ko ito ng pagkalakas-lakas as he groaned in pain, na tumawa naman pagkalaunan. Tch, kambal na masochist.
"Bakit ka nga kasi nagkakaganyan?" pagpupumilit niya, yeah I know he's the sunshine energy pero pwede ba siya manahimik?
"Look at everyone.." wika ko, saglit muna siyang natahimik.
"Ah.. I get it now, wala kang ka-partner?" aniya,iniangat ko ang ulo ko para bigyan siya ng masamang tingin pero no effect ito sa kaniya. As usual..
"Kailangan mo ba talaga ipamukha sa akin 'yan?" wika ko at nagiba ng upo, from crouching to slouching.
Masigla itong tumayo at naglakad sa harapan ko, he then lend his hand to me habang malapad ang ngiti sa akin. He really is the sunhine energy.
"Come." he said but I stayed like that.
"Wag na makulit Ray, tara na kasi! wala naman sinabi si Sir.Dino na bawal maki-warm up sa ibang section diba? kaya tara na." makulit nga ako diba? edi bahala siya dyan.
"Hala! may ipis sa tabi mo Ray!" but as heard that ay mabilis akong napatayo at napakapit kay Glenn, causing the others to look at us.
"Ouch.. " I heard Glenn mumbled underneath me.
Wait..
Underneath?!
Napabalikwas ako ng tayo nang malaman kung anong posisyon ng mga katawan naming dalawa, I was on the top habang nasa bottom naman si Glenn-- wait! that sounds very GREEN!! nadaganan ko siya! nadaganan!
"Hey Ray-- what the? what happened to you two?" Klein asked at tinulungan ang kapatid niyang tumayo, Glenn rubbed his head harshly, oh my! sana ay walang nangyari sa kaniya!
Bakit ko ba kasi ginawa 'yon?! wait-- he's the one who said na may ipis sa tabi ko kaya ako napakapit sa kaniya.. at na-off balance kaming dalawa. It's his fault!
"What happened?" Sir Dino's voice echoed again dahilan para manigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko.
"Nothing sir, na-off balance lang kami ni Ray habang nagwa-warm up!" sagot ni Glenn, I could feel Sir.Dino's icy glare at me.. tch ano naman ngayon? balibag ko pa siya eh, at si Glenn naman.. napakagaling niya talaga gumawa ng kwento.
Same lang sila ng Kuya niya, tch talk about twins.
"Ipagpatuloy niyo lang ang pagwa-warm ups, aalis lang ako saglit at kapag bumalik ako ay magsisimula na tayo." Sir.Dino said at nagsi-Yes naman ang lahat, when he finally left ay maluwag na akong nakahinga.
"Ayan kasi, napagalitan pa tuloy tayo." Glenn said saka ako muling hinila, I pulled my hands away.
"Ayoko na mag-warm up.." I insisted,
"Ray? you good?" rinig ko namang tanong ni Klein, urgh.. bakit ba ang kulit nilang dalawa?
"Yeah, excuse me." sabay lakad paalis nang hindi man lang tinignan ang dalawa, I don't feel really good after what happened noong sabado.
I saw Moon at hinalikan ko si Klein, the next day ay nag-stay lang ako sa apartment ko at natulog buong araw. Hindi ako kulang sa tulog, I wake up at the right side of my bed, hindi ako gutom dahil nag-almusal ako kanina.
But something is off..
I don't know what it is pero ang uncomfortable ko ngayong araw, I'm being moody and I glare daggers to anyone na makakasalubong ko. Hindi pa naman ako dinadalaw ni Bloody Mary.
What I want now is to be alone and clear my mind, siguro ay stress lang itong nararamdaman ko. Marami-rami na din kasi ang nangyari this past days kaya sa tingin ko ay sariwang hangin lang ang kailangan ko para mawala itong unknown feeling na 'to.
I found myself gazing down habang nakatitig sa magandang view mula dito sa itaas, I was on the rooftop at mabuti na lang ay walang tao dito maliban sa akin.
Finally, I found peace.
Lagi ko pinupuntahan ang lugar na 'to kapag walang-wala na ako, kapag hindi ko na alam kung ano na ba ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. I somehow felt miserable kahit na wala namang dahilan, isipin na nila na dramatic ako but I don't care kung anong tingin nila sa akin.
Masaya naman ang nagdaang araw, well because there's the twins at marami na sila agad na nagawa para sa akin. I have Wendy and Loraine at palagi nila akong pinapasaya, I don't treat them as my friends anymore because they're like a family to me.
"What is it that I want really?"
Ano nga ba? I have friends, family and my dog.
Ano pa ba ang gugustuhin ko? I have Aircon pero wala naman siya ngayon sa tabi ko para palakasin ang loob ko. Wala naman kasi siyang ibang sinabi tungkol sa pagkatao niya.. I'm sure na hindi siya isa sa mga kaibigan ko noon. I only have my two girl-friends and the twins.
Speaking of the twins, when I was about to go home noon ay nandoon si Glenn, he said na may kaibigan siyang idi-dismiss na rin kagaya ko pero hindi niya alam kung nasaang room ito, hindi niya tinanong ang mga nurse sa ibaba dahil nilalandi daw siya nito.
Uhh.. I remember his smiling face. He really has the sunshine energy..
After naman namin mag-usap ay umalis na ako, we meet each other again dito sa St.Celestine, about Klein naman.. he's being protected to me at mayabang din ito, just like Aircon. Pero.. noong nasa park naman kami ay tinanong niya kung sino si Aircon at sinabihan niya pa itong "creepy" at "stalker", he also told me to becareful dahil baka daw masamang tao ito.
There's no way in hell na masamang tao si Aircon,
The both of them always cared for me kaya mahirap para sa akin na manghula, what if naman kung mali talaga ako. What if co-incedence lang ang lahat? Aircon once said na:
"Normal lang sa mga tao na tumulong, it just depends if they will or will not. It's also normal to care for someone dahil.. ang pagkakaroon ng pagmamalasakit sa kapwa ay hindi kinakailangan ng kapalit. You'll care because you need to, but not because you owe them something."
Everytime na naaalala ko ang sinabi niya na 'yan ay napapaisip ako kung teacher ba siya sa E.S.P dahil para siyang ganoon kung magsalita.
I sighed at the thought.
Bakit ko ba naiisip ang mga bagay na 'to? yeah right, it's because I miss Aircon already, I miss his voice,his laugh,his boastful personality, his jokes, his clingy nature.. his everything.
Minsan ko na rin naisip na what if magpasagasa na lang ako ulit, and with that ay bibisitahin niya ako ulit araw-araw gaya ng ginagawa niya dati. I set aside that idea dahil baka dumiretso na ako sa sementeryo kapag nagkataong gawin ko yan, ganyan ako ka-desperate na makita siya. I only knew his voice, pero hindi iyon malinaw. When my whole eyes and head are bandaged, damay ang tenga ko dahilan para hindi ko siya malinaw na marinig.
Napaupo ako sa likurang part ng rooftop, para walang sinoman ang makakahanap sa akin, tago kasi ang parte na 'to at kahit si Wendy o Loraine ay hindi nila iisipin na pupunta ako dito. Sumandal ako roon saka ipinikit ang mga mata, the cooling breeze will hit my face again and again, it helps me relax; with all of the things running through my mind lately it will slowly wash them away.
And with that, I completely succumbed to darkness, drifting off to sleep.
"Hi! what's your name?"
Asked a boy, looking at the girl who's playing alone in the familiar playground, he's always walking around here after school ours.
"R-Raychel..."
"Whoah! ang ganda ng pangalan mo!" the little boy giggled and sat beside her.
"Thank you, ikaw? anong pangalan mo?" the girl asked excitedly, the boy beside her giggled once again before letting out a toothy smile.
"It's ****, nice to meet you Ray!" he said full of energy, Ray giggled at his sunshine like personality.
"So, what brings you here in this place?" asked Ray to the kid, both of them sitting on the swing.
"Palagi akong dumadaan dito kapag uwian.." the boy answered, "How about you?"
"Malapit kasi ang bahay namin dito," said Ray,
"Oh, hindi ka nag-i-school?"
She shakes her head, "Pumapasok naman ako pero hindi dito, sa malayo pa 'yon, nandito lang ako para magbakasyon,"
The boy lowered his head, "So aalis ka din?"
She nodded, "Kailangan kasi eh, pero babalik naman ako kapag bakasyon na ulit heheh.." Ray chuckled.
"Kapag umalis ka.. bumalik ka agad ha! malulungkot ako kapag hindi ka bumalik!" he exclaimed, blushing slightly.
"Oo naman! babalik ako para makapaglaro tayo ulit.. heheheh," she said nervously, unsure of her words.
"Siguraduhin mo lang.."
"Oo nga!"
"Mag-pinky swear tayo.."
"Okay.."
They both curled each other's pinky,
"Pinky swear, pinky swear, the one who brokes the promise will go to hell.." the boy started,
"Eh? ganyan ba talaga 'yun?"
"Dunno, hindi ko kasi alam yung original version that's why I made this one.."
"That's kinda creepy... ayoko mapunta sa hell," her face saddened making the boy panicked inside,
"E-erm.. then, I'll make you feel guilty na lang if ever na hindi ka bumalik.. okay?" he suggested,
Ray thinks for a minute before answering, "Okay!"
"Well then, let's seal our promise.." he said making Ray curious.
"Paano?"
"By me doing this.." suddenly, he reached for Ray's forehead and pecked it, after doing so, the both of them smiled and giggled.
NILE GLENN
I was searching for Ray dahil bigla itong nag-walk out kanina, bakit kaya ganoon ang kinikilos niya? We didn't see each other yesterday dahil nagkulong daw ito sa apartment niya sabi sa akin ng may-ari ng paupahan. Gusto ko pa naman siya i-invite na lumabas dahila ang ganda ng panahon kahapon,
I was still thinking about what happened noong saturday, I got suddenly bored dahil mag-isa lang ako sa loob ng unit at the same time ay natatakot din ako. I hate being alone, kaya siguro ako nagkaroon ng kakambal, and I was lucky because of Kuya Nash.
He's always by my side, until now.
Sabay sila ni Ray na umalis kaya naman naiwan akong mag-isa, after a minute or so, I decided to go after them only to find him and Ray kissing sa loob ng store..
Yes, I saw them kissing in action.
I also saw Moon na lumabas mula sa store, he looks very angry na sa puntong binabangga niya ang lahat ng taong nakakasalubong, pero hindi ko siya inintindi. Kahit na inaamin kong masama ang loob ko kay Moon ay parang nakalimutan ko iyon bigla..
I was still thingking about Ray and Kuya Nash.
After nilang lumabas sa store ay nagmadali akong umuwi para maunahan sila, ayokong malaman nila na sinundan ko sila because my phobia of being alone is killing me after they left.
Tagumpay ko naman silang naunahan at nagkunwaring nakatulog na lang sa sofa, I made sure na napunasan ko ang lahat ng pawis ko mula sa pagtakbo because Kuya Nash is a big observant pagdating sa mga bagay-bagay, kahit na pinakamaliit na detalye ay hindi niya pinapalagpas.
Both of them came back after a minute or so, Kuya Nash lifted me up saka ako dinala sa kwarto ko, he mumbled a "sorry" bago tuluyang lumabas mula doon.
So he still find out na sumunod nga ako sa kanila and saw them kissed kaya siya nag-sorry. At that day, after ni Ray umalis ay ikinuwento niya sa akin ang lahat kahit na hindi naman ako nagtanong.
He's really great, that's why I idolized him that much. I want to be cool like Kuya Nash.
And I know that will never happen that's why isinantabi ko na lang ang pangarap ko na 'yon.
Sa ngayon.. ang importante ay ang mahanap ko si Ray, I was worried okay? paano na lang kung pati ba naman dito ay pumunta si Moon at guluhin siya? I can imitate Kuya Nash but I don't know kung kaya ko ba utuin si Moon by doing that.
If not then I'll just punch the hell out of him dahil sa ginawa niya sa amin at sa ginawa niya kay Ray.
Alam ko na mayroon akong tinatawag nilang 'sunshine energy' and I'm not gonna deny it, I'm always full of stamina at hindi napapagod, some say na ang bait ko daw at matulungin.. I can't help but to feel happy about it kaya naman ipinapagpatuloy ko na lang ang ganitong lifestyle, kahit na mas dark and grimm pa ako kaysa kay Kuya Nash.
In fact, Kuya Nash deserves that title, not me who's wearing a mask just to be titled with everyone.
I found myself walking on the stairs papunta sa rooftop, there's 0 chance na makikita ko dito si Ray dahil hindi naman iyon pala-akyat sa rooftop gaya ng mga main characters sa anime.
With cold hands, hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang railings dito sa may rooftop. This sounds very crazy but I was planning to yell Ray's name from here.. why? gumagana 'yon sa mga napapanood kong anime.
Malalim akong huminga and was about to yell nang bigla akong makarinig ng kalabog sa likod na bahagi ng rooftop, I froze at the thought na mag-isa lang ako dito tapos biglang ganoon..
I gulped bago sinimulang lakarin ang part na 'iyon ng rooftop, laking gulat ko na lang nang makita ko si Ray doon habang mahimbing na natutulog, I walked our distance saka ito sinubukang gisingin.. but she just won't.
Oh I see.. so she's a heavy sleeper.
Inayos ko ang higa niya para naman hindi siya ubuhin at hindi rin sumakit ang katawan kapag nagising na, I used my P.E jacket bilang sapin at ikinumot sa kaniya ang jacket niya saka ipinuwesto ang ulo niya sa hita ko as her pillow, we stayed like that.
For some unknown reason, I feel great habang kasama si Ray dito nang kaming dalawa lang, no Kuya Nash no Lili and no Moon around. It's just me, Ray and the relaxing cool breeze na tila ay pinapawi ang lahat ng problema't insecurities ko sa katawan.
She slightly moved and mumbled something,
"Of course.. babalik ako para makipaglaro sa'yo ulit.. promise yan,"
My face immediately softened after hearing those words coming out of her, so she's dreaming about that . Mas mabuti sana kung maaalala niya pero hindi e, wala siyang naaalala na kahit na ano.
That thought makes me feel very sad,
I run my fingers through her hair and smiled bitterly while watching her sleeping figure,
"I'm still hoping for you to remember Ray, to remember those good old days at the playground where we used to play.. "
"Glenn, wake up.." I heard Ray's voice waking me up and as I opened my eyes, ang mukha ni Ray ang una kong nakita.. napakalapit ng mukha namin sa isa't-isa.
I groaned saka nag-unat bago tumayo, kinusot ko pa ang mga mata ko dahil nanlalabo pa iyon, I also fixed my hair too.
Did I just fall asleep?
Nang mai-ayos ko ang posture ko ay may iniabot sa akin si Ray, my P.E jacket.
"I can't believe you managed to found me out here, and by the way, thank you for.. staying," tugon niya habang pinapagpag ang kaniyang jogging pants.
"You're always welcome, Ray."
"Sorry din pala kung ngayon lang kita ginising, in fact, kakagising ko lang din," wika niya saka mahinang tumawa gaya ko, she still looks good kahit na bagong gising.
Not to mention her hair na naka-ponytail, it looks really good on her.
"O, ilang oras na kaya tayo nakatulog? dala mo ba ang phone mo?" tanong niya sa akin, hindi ako makapagsalita dahil sa nakikita ko sa aking harapan.
How the sun reflexes its light to her, how the wind flows and her hair will follow it, seeing those is making me hard to breath.
"Glenn? are you alright?"
Bakit ba ako hindi makapagsalita?
"Uy ayos ka lang? natulala ka na dyan."
She's the reason why I can't talk right now.
"Glenn! hey! can you hear me?"
"I.. I uhh.."
"What? what is it you wanted to say?"
"I-I.. I l.."
"Hmm? hindi kita marinig pwede mo ba pakilakasan ang sasabihin mo?"
"I.. l-lov.."
"What?! umayos ka nga!"
"I love--"
"Ray! Nile! finally! kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap na dalawa!" Kuya Nashs' worried voice interrupted, dahilan para magising ako sa katotohanan. Anong binabalak kong sabihin kanina?
Am I still dreaming?
I shake my head at malakas na ini-untog ang ulo sa may pader, making the two panicked and rushed to me. A loud thud could be heard after the impact.
I just want to make sure na gising na ako.
I could feel a warm liquid flowing down at dumaan pa ito sa mata ko. Non-other than my own blood.
"Glenn! what are you doing?! are you crazy?!" Ray yelled habang hinahawakan ang balikat ko,
She's right, what am I doing? ano nga ba ang ginagawa ko? am I crazy? maybe I am.
My whole world suddenly goes black after seeing Kuya Nashs' worried face and Rays' crying face.
I woke up inside an unfamiliar place, oh sa tingin ko ay alam ko kung nasaan ako, right. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay nasa infirmary ako.. I tried to sit only to feel a sudden pang of pain in my head, napasandal na lang ako sa head board ng kama at hinawakan ang ulo, I'm sure na may bendang nakapaikot doon.
I hissed in pain nang sumakit iyon bigla, fvck.. ano ba ang nangyari sa akin? I can't remember at all, my mind is fuzzy at ang labo din ng paningin ko.
I heard the clicking sound of a door being opened then a girl suddenly rushed to my bed, hindi ko malinaw na makita ang mukha nito an another figure was standing behind her, it was a guy's figure.
Who are they?
"Glenn! how are you feeling?" asked the girl, her voice is clear as a water flowing down on a river. Her voice is sincere at puno ng pag-aalala.
Just who is she..?
Her voice is so familiar, but I couldn't see her face nor the guy behind her. Just who are they?
I rubbed my eyes at lalo lamang lumabo ang paningin ko making me mumble a cuss, I hate this, I hate being vulnerable infront of someone, I.. I need to be the guy who has the sunshine like energy not this piece of shit!
"Glenn! can you hear me?" asked the girl again, I looked at her direction kahit na malabo, I think I knew her.. I can't identify her by voice well maybe by her scent I can. I have a keen sense of smell after all.
"Who.. are you?" I asked, she gasped before she silently let out small sobs.
"Nile, do you not recognize us?" asked a manly voice, so it was the guy na kasama ng babaeng umiiyak sa tabi ko.
"I can't clearly see the both of you.." I answered looking at my hands only to find a blurred picture of it.
"O, I see.. Ray, come on Nile needs to rest more,"
Wait.. Ray? Is this girl Ray?
"No!" Ray said loudly and hold my left hand, her's is cold at medyo nanginginig pa.
"Then I'll be leaving you two alone, nasa labas lang ako if ever that you need something," If this girl is Ray.. then that guy is maybe Kuya Nash. How could I forget his expressionless way of speaking?
"Ray?" taka ko, her face is blurred but I managed to cup her right cheek using my right hand, she's till holding my left with both of her's.
She nuzzled her cheeks on my hand, only to feel her warmth.
"So you do remember me? akala ko nakalimutan mo na ako," she said, kahit na hindi ko nakikita ay alam ko parin na naka-pout siya.
O, I suddenly remember what I did.
Mahina akong tumawa, "Uhh.. sorry if pinag-alala ko kayo ni Kuya Nash,"
She held my hand tightly na para ba akong mawawala kapag binitawan niya 'yon,
"It's fine, mabuti na nga lang ay gising ka na.
Wednesday na kaya ngayon you stupid, you're asleep for two days!" panernermon niya, o, ako na nga ang biktima dito.
"Sorry na po, but why is my vision blurred?"
"I don't know, Nurse Anne said na mawawala iyan kapag nanatili lang na bukas ang mga mata mo," So all I need to do is to open this all day..
"Ray.. can you come closer? I wan't to see your face up close," wika ko, she scooted closer hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang paghinga niya sa mukha ko.
This is perfect.
And with that, I quickly pecked her lips as fast as I could dahil limitado lang ang kaya kong gawin, everytime na gagalaw ako ay sasakit ang ulo ko that's why.
I don't care if she was stunned for a bit or she frozed after I did that, ang mahalaga ay nagawa ko 'yon.
"Glenn.. w-what? why did you?"
"Now, me and Kuya Nash were even, thanks Ray."
♡
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