Chapter 5: Chapter Five
I woke up to the sound of somebody humming. My eyes slowly fluttered open and I found myself staring at a a white ceiling with no air vents. Where was I? Suddenly everything that happened before I blacked out came flooding back. I turned my head slightly to the left which hurt for some reason and I saw a Nurse adjusting the tubes that were connected to monitors behind me that were connected to me.
I tried to talk, but I couldn't then the Nurse noticed that I was awake.
She smiled wide "Well howdy Sunshine, it's about time you woke up, how are you feeling?"
I tried to speak again, but it was like my throat and vocal chords weren't functioning.
She shook her head and patted my hand in sympathy "Sunshine, you won't be able to talk for a couple of days possibly weeks. Your lungs inhaled way to much of the gasoline smoke. So far your lungs are cleared, but your throat is swollen badly. You won't be able to eat solid foods, we're going to be connecting a tube is actually where we'll be feeding you liquids through. I'm really sorry about what happened to you, but it truly is a miracle that you survived. My oh my where are my manners? My name is Nurse Nelly and your name, Lily is beautiful just like you are."
I also had a hard time believing that I was alive which made me wonder if there was someone up there watching over me. What I really wanted to know was if Justin was okay.
It was like this Nurse read my mind "As for the young man that was found with you, he's still unconscious. There's a possible risk that he will slip into a coma if he doesn't wake up within the next twelve hours."
What? Then I realized that it was because he hadn't been covering his nose and mouth as long as I had. This was all my fault. I shouldn't have done what he told me to do then I wouldn't be awake right now while he would've been. If I ended up losing Justin over this I have no idea how I was going to live with myself with the guilt that was probably going to consume me.
I just hope that whoever did this to us gets caught and never tries anything like this again. That unknown person almost killed us so this had been the doing of someone who didn't just dislike me, but someone who hated me. I couldn't even begin to think who could've done something like this at least not yet. Nurse Nelly went to get my family saying that she was going to let them visit with me until I fell asleep since my lungs which were worn out were going to make my body feel worn out too.
When I saw my Mom walk in and take my leftJhand in both of hers with tears running down her cheeks I felt my own tears rolling down my cheeks too. I couldn't make a sound, but I knew that my Mom knew how I was feeling by watching me cry. I was angry, frustrated and annoyed at whoever did this. Then the Doctor walked in fifteen minutes later and explained that my left lung was going to need a transplant and if I didn't get one soon we all knew without him saying it that I wasn't going to make it.
So now I was going to have to stay at the hospital for as long as it took for me to get a transplant and until I fully recovered.
FOUR MONTHS LATER
The past four months a lot had happened. I recieved a lung transplant three days later. However because of all of the smoke I had inhaled I now had asthma. So when I was discharged from the hospital two weeks later I had to pick up my prescription which was an inhaler that I would now have to use twice a day.
I kept going back to the hospital every day after school for three hours where I would talk to Justin about my day or do my homework or both. Justin ended up slipping into a coma the day I got my lung transplant so although he can probably hear me talking to him he doesn't respond or move at all. Brenda who invites me to go shopping with her once a week told me that the Doctors don't think Justin is going to pull out of his coma. Brenda doesn't want to disconnect him since she has hope that he'll pull through.
Lately though since I feel like I'm to blame for what happened to Justin I've been stressing out more than usual and I feel like my stress might turn into depression. I just don't know how to help Justin get through this, but I visit him everyday anyway because it's my fault that he's in a coma, it should've been me. During the night I wake up with nightmares about Justin waking up and telling me that he hates me that everything that happened to him was all my fault and then he'd dump me and tell me that he could never be with a girl who almost got him killed. I'd wake up in a cold sweat and I'd have a panic attack with wheezing so I'd have to use my rescue inhaler or if I didn't I'd pass out or worse.
Brenda, Kyle and my Parents were worried about me and I appreciated them being there for me and trying to comfort me, but it didn't make me feel better. I was stressed and depressed for two and a half months. I was pushing everyone away and keeping to myself and I made a promise to myself that once Justin woke up and came out of the coma I was going to break up with him because I didn't want him to get hurt again because of me. I didn't want to be the third girl who break his heart like the other two did, but what else was I supposed to do?
If he died I wouldn't be able to live with myself. The one of my cousins' Myra Winters invited me to go to a Christian church with her. So since I had nothing better to do I went. She told me that she was a Christian-Catholic and I had always admired her ever since I had been in middle school and she had been in high school.
She was kind-hearted and sweet as well as beautiful and she always forgave never holding a grudge. I had always wanted to be like her and I could never say 'no' to her. She drove us there in her silver box jeep and once we got off and entered the building we sat in the last row. The music that was playing was like nothing I had ever heard and the voices sounded like Angels, as one voice there wasn't one voice that stuck out.
As I listened to the words they were singing and to the soft, gentle music I felt at peace. It was like nothing I had ever felt before since my life had never felt so at peace like that moment had. Then the Pastor started to talk about God's love how He loves us and how He always will.
"God loves you and although you feel like you're not worthy of His love it doesn't matter because he loves you and nothing you do will ever make Him stop loving you because His love is infinite which means He will love you forever."
At those words my heart started pounding so hard and loud in my chest. He ended with those words then he said a closing prayer and we exited the building.
Once we were back inside her jeep, Myra glanced at me with a smile "What did you think?"
I turned to look at her "I want to know more about God."
She nodded "So then would you like to accompany me every Wednesday and Sunday?"
I arched my left eyebrow in confusion "Why Wednesdays?"
"We have Bible study group those days, you can learn more about God that way too, whatever question you have the Bible has the answer."
I was intrigued and fascinated. So I spent the next two and a half months going to church and to Bible study with Myra while still going to college and visiting Justin at the hospital. I told Justin everything that was happening in my life and while a part of me hoped that he would be just as intrigued and fascinated about all of this too. The other part was hoping that he's been listening to everything that I've been saying to him because I don't want to keep any secrets from him, the love of my life.
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