Chapter 16: 16: Laura
Eight months after the divorce, Laura finally gathered up the courage to try to talk to him. Couples therapy hadn't worked for her and Dan because she didn't want it to work. She realized she had never gotten over him. It had colored her whole adult life. She should have been happy. Dan was a loving devoted dedicated husband. Eli had been a loving devoted intelligent obedient daughter. She should have been happy with her life, but she wasn't. She decided the best thing she could do for her loved ones was set them free of her. She still had plenty of life left to live and decided she needed some closure with him if she was ever going to have a chance at a happy life. She had faked it until you make it her whole adult life and it just didn't work. Laura decided who ever came up with that one was full of shit.
Laura found herself sitting in her car gripping her steering wheel tightly with her eyes closed while breathing in slowly through her nose and then blowing out slowly through her mouth as she sat across the street from his house and waited for him to come home. She had checked up on him over the years. So she had known he lived here for the last ten years and that he never married.
A luxury vehicle pulls into the driveway and parks in front of the garage. The vehicle shuts down, the driver's door opens and a long black slack covered leg comes out and the rest of him follows it, all just over seven feet tall of him. A tear rolls down Laura's cheek as she watches him wave to a neighbor. He gets his mail from the mailbox on the front of the house and heads inside through his front door.
Laura takes a deep cleansing breath and steps out of her car. She stands there for a moment before she walks across the street and up to his front door. She raises her hand to ring the bell, hesitates for a moment not sure she should, but she presses the button and the doorbell sounds inside.
"Just a minute!" she hears him call.
Then a couple of moments later, he opens his front door and stares at her in shock.
"Hello, Pharaoh," greets Laura with a nervous smile.
"Laura," responds Pharaoh in disbelief, "Is that really you?"
"Yes, Pharaoh, it's me," confirms Laura. "May I come in?"
"Yes, please, of course," Pharaoh stepping back and swinging his long arm wide to motion her in. "Please, do come in."
"Thank you, Pharaoh," says Laura appreciatively as she steps inside his home.
Pharaoh's eyes move over her as he closes the door behind her. She seems to be even more beautiful than he remembered.
"You have a lovely home," compliments Laura.
"Thank you," responds Pharaoh politely. "It's technically much more house than I need, but… Would you prefer to relax inside or out?"
"Where do you usually relax after you get home from work," ask Laura.
"On a beautiful day like today," shares Pharaoh, "I spend some time unwinding outside on the patio."
"Then that's what we'll do," Laura tells him with a warm smile.
Pharaoh returns her smile. "I'll grab us a couple of ice waters with lemon."
Laura nods her understanding. She wanders over to the French doors and looks out over his pool. A couple of minutes later, Pharaoh returns with two tall glasses of ice water with lemon.
"Thank you, Pharaoh," Laura says appreciatively as she accepts one of the ice waters from him.
Pharaoh opens one of the French doors and allows Laura to step out ahead of him. The patio is well shaded beneath a retractable awning. There's a wicker love seat with round wicker tables at each end. Laura sips her water, sits on the wicker love seat and sits her water and purse on the wicker table next to her. Pharaoh sips his water as he sits next to her, then does the same with his glass.
He compliments her, "You look wonderful, Laura."
Laura accepts the compliment, "Thank you," and shares, "I'm an expert at keeping up appearances… You look wonderful too. Thank you for seeing me. I was afraid you wouldn't. I was afraid you may still be angry with me, that you might hate me."
Pharaoh gently wipes a tear from her cheek, "I could never hate you, Laura. Please forgive me for the way I treated you. I've done a lot of growing up since then. I was young and I was hurt, and I failed to take a moment to consider how frightened you must have been. It took me months to pull my head out of my own ass with some help from my mother who gave me a good ear full. And then I couldn't find you. You were gone. I thought about contacting your family to try to find you. But I was a slave and I would have been punished for having sex with you, possibly even put to death."
Laura holds his hand to her cheek and rubs her cheek into his palm, "I'm so sorry, Pharaoh. I panicked and did something I have regretted every day of my life since. I didn't want that abortion. I wanted our baby. The first thing I should have done when that pregnancy test came back positive was talk to you, but I panicked instead. Then I couldn't take your silent treatment, so I transferred to a different university."
Pharaoh pulls her into his arms. "I'm to blame too Laura. I knew I could get you pregnant, but I didn't tell you. I was afraid you'ld break up with me if you knew I could get you pregnant. Plus, I wanted a baby with you. I have six children I'm not close to. Two were born before I met you. They're by women I was ordered to be with for breeding purposes."
"But at least you do have children," Laura tells him as she clings to him. "I'm glad you have them."
"So you didn't get married or have children," inquires Pharaoh.
"I did get married," shares Laura. "I just got divorced eight months ago."
"What happened," asks Pharaoh hugging her close. "Did he mistreat you? Did you catch him cheating on you?"
Laura shakes her head, "No. He wasn't the problem. He was wonderful, kind, generous, loving, accepting… I met him after I transferred… No, the problem wasn't him. The problem was me because I never really got over you. I've been spending my life faking it, pretending like we never happened, like the pregnancy and abortion never happened… Like I said, I'm an expert at keeping up appearances. So I have no real friends because no one really knows me. And I've managed to alienate myself from all my loved ones… I felt the least I could do for Dan was set him free. He deserves someone that will love him properly."
"How long were you married," asks Pharaoh curious.
"Thirty-three years," answers Laura. "And I wasted most of it micro managing things that didn't matter, making sure that things looked perfect on the surface because I was a mess inside."
"Thirty-three years," repeats Pharaoh awe struck. "So how many children did you have together?"
"Technically none," answers Laura sadly.
"Technically," questions Pharaoh.
"I can't have children," shares Laura. "We have one adopted daughter, Eleanor."
"What do you mean you can't have children," ask Pharaoh. "We got pregnant."
Tears streak Laura's face as she looks Pharaoh in his eyes and informs him, "I tried to tell you what happened at the clinic, but you were so angry… Something went wrong during to procedure. I started to bleed out. They had to cauterize the inside of my uterus to save my life, burn away my uterine lining… I killed our baby, a baby I really wanted and my punishment is I'll never have children of my own."
"Oh Laura," responds Pharaoh as tears escape his welling over eyes. "I should have been there for you and I wasn't because I was too focused on my own pain." Then he kisses her because he needs to kiss her, because he still loves her.
"Pharaoh," Laura informs him softly, "there's more I need to tell you. I need to tell you everything,"
"Well, start with your daughter," request Pharaoh. "You said her name is Eleanor."
Laura nods confirmations and smiles proudly for a moment. "We call her Eli because I complained that she got dirty like a boy when she was little so Dan started calling her Eli in response to my complaints… She's so smart and so beautiful… She just turned twenty-nine and she's working on her masters in anthropology. She got married five months ago, but I didn't go. And she just had her first baby three month ago. Her first two babies actually. She had twins, boys, Xanthus Jr. and Daniel. But I haven't seen them yet."
"Why didn't you go to your daughter's wedding," ask Pharaoh. "Why haven't you seen your grandsons yet?"
"Because I think it's for the best," answers Laura. "Because I've hurt her and the rest of my family enough… Eli is actually my younger sister's child. I'm her biological aunt. And although everything I did was perfectly legal at the time, I stole her from my sister… I lied to Eli her whole life. I let her believe I was her natural mother and I kept her away from my sister and the rest of my family in New Jersey because they wouldn't go along with my lies… If they wouldn't do things my way, then it was no way… Except a little over three years ago, she discovered she's adopted…Of course she wanted to know everything and I stubbornly refused to tell her anything… But thankfully Dan is an excellent father. He had a photo album ready for her and he happily answered all her questions… I felt like they were betraying me… And of course, even though I didn't want her to, Eli just had to meet her biological parents. And I just had to interfere with that too. So after not speaking to my family for twenty-six years, I found myself in my childhood home arguing, trying to justify myself, insisting I had done the right thing. Then Eli stubbed her toe and her biological father, Tin, had her sit down so he could take a look at it. (She sobs softly) He's sitting there holding her foot crying, crying as he said, 'No truly loving parent puts their baby through such an unnecessary cosmetic surgery.' That's when I began to realize the lies I told Eli weren't half as big as the lies I told myself."
"Cosmetic surgery," questions Pharaoh. "Why would anyone perform unnecessary cosmetic surgery on an infant?"
"Eli's biological father, Tin, is an advanced chimp," explains Laura. "Two humans wouldn't have a baby with chimp feet. So shortly after we brought her home, behind Dan's back, I arranged and had the surgery performed so she'd have human feet."
"Oh Laura, you didn't," responds Pharaoh in shocked disbelief.
"I did," sobs Laura quietly. "And that's not the worst of it," and she continues to confess to Pharaoh. She confesses everything and he hangs on every word.
"And there you have it," Laura concludes. "All I've done since we broke up is lie to myself and everyone else trying to forget, trying to pretend we never happened and all I've done is hurt all my loved ones, my daughter Eleanor the most. And I just simply haven't been able to forget you."
The sun is setting and they are now sitting together in Pharaoh's den. Pharaoh kisses her deeply, "I don't want you to forget me Laura. And I don't ever want to forget you." Then they make love.
Pharaoh knows Laura needs more than just him to heal. He is only part of what she needs to heal. She needs her family too. Yet it takes him over six months to talk her into going to visit Eleanor. Even after she agrees, she's too afraid to call and ask. So he calls and ask.
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