Chapter 12: Regrets
January 12, 2019
I dunno how to write this story, because up until now, I still can't even fucking move on about what happened. I wanna slap myself so hard that my soul will get out from my body and transform into an alpha male. Before going on my ultimate disappointment at myself, I wanna tell the whole story.
It all started when we got to a bus after our 2-day Baguio vacation with friends. In the bus, I saw my church mates. I was shocked and thankful that I had to be with them, unlike my friends Choco and Morty, who were standing. Since the bus was full, I was forced to sit with a random stranger. Let's call her Cristine.
The first convo started when I started watching Kimetsu no Yaiba. It was good anime shit.
She asked me, "Are you watching Demon Slayer."
I responded, "Yes."
And then she just nods.
Conversation ended.
THAT. WAS. SO. FUCKING. AWKWARD.
I really hate myself for not doing the thing that was planned in my head, to talk to her thoroughly. I was supposed to respond on how I appreciated Kimetsu no Yaiba's animation and story, but fuck, I was a weak shit. I planned to make the conversation longer, but my fucking ego can't talk straight to a woman. I dunno why, but in my imagination, I can fucking talk to her. At that time, I was so disappointed at my self while watching the whole episode of Kimetsu no Yaiba. She may thought that I'm not interested to talk to her, but that's really not the case. Why didn't I talked to a hot girl on the bus who is also interested in Kimetsu no Yaiba? I dunno either, only my fucking ego knows.
Uhhhh, I know it's petty for some, but I still can remember perfectly all the things that happened at that moment. I want to be a sociable person this 2020, but why can't I still fucking do it. Last year is my learning year. This year is my application year. But fuck, I still didn't manage to talk to her. My fucking ego discourages me.
My negative thoughts always portray that woman should be of the first approach, but no, I'm done. I don't want women to adjust for my satisfaction. I want to pursue my goal. If I really wanna talk to someone, then, as Shia Labeouf said, just do it.
Ok, I lost today. I hope it won't happen again next time. Please, I want my ego to learn this shits. I want this shit to be my last dumbass of 2020. Ego is my greatest enemy when it comes to conquering my fears. Even I responded with "yes", I managed to fucking stutter. That so shit head of you, Greg.
Anyways, no more wasted opportunities. I promise, and I will fulfil it. After my finals, I wanna start my gym journey near my place. Fuck, I need to build these muscles. I ain't good looking, but maybe my body can be.
I think I need to go to sleep to forget these things. Maybe when I woke up, I can forget the biggest regret of my January 2020. Hopefully, this shit won't happen when I study at San Pablo. I wanna be a full-equipped and well-prepared college student. No more regrets. No more mistakes. No more missed opportunities.
Anyways, I'm not still done with my chapter coz I fucking missed my Gregoritas. Next chapter will be heading soon, coz this Jennifer has reached my maximum temper, just now. Fuck, I was so mad at her tonight that she destroyed my night worse than Cristine. See you later, my Gregoritas.
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