Chapter 16: What do you want?
Frey and Aedrik had talked about many things, they both liked to listen and play music, neither was very good at it, but they both think they manage. As Pan had told her, Aedrik admitted he sang, Frey like too as well, but she seldom did.
They found they were both avid food lovers, Frey liked Loire's complex cuisine, Aedrik on the other hand favored simple cooking as people practiced in the north and in Danan, he was a meat lover though.
They talked about their siblings, and how it was growing up with them. Aedrik was jealous of her being raised so close with her siblings. The imperial family was very close, they were all raised at home until they were nine, then they were sent to different places to learn and understand, they visited home every month or so, but he would have liked to be closer with his siblings. Pan had somehow ended with him from time to time, hence why they were so close.
Aedrik have had an intense martial training, Danan was known for it, even before he chose to be sent to the north to become a norkrieger, and train with Siv, he already had different teachers training him. When he showed promise, the emperor pushed him harder, since it was one of the few things, he truly put effort into it.
"Why is it important?" Frey wondered, for what she had seen from Aedrik, he was not a warmonger or a fight addict, as her father called some knights. He had been calmed and focused on the joust.
"When I was a kid, I liked it and I was good at it, but then I started doubting, the empire was at war, I was not afraid, but I remember the faces on the castle whenever the army sent somewhere. That is why, when I heard about norkriegers, I wanted to become one. Then I met Siv Svenson" Aedrik smile grew wild "She taught me, but I was too stupid and too young to understand her words, properly, only after the orc raid, I started to understand, that's when I truly put my heart into it. There is no certain an answer to your question Frey, it is not, and it is. I am still working on it, Siv said recognizing the question was the first step, the second was knowing it did not matter" Aedrik replied smiling
"What's the third?" Frey asked fascinated by the idea
"I don't know, I haven't reached the thirds step yet" Aedrik shrugged his shoulders, Frey sighed "I believe it has something to do with, when and why it matters, but I am not sure" He laughed of his own answer.
She told him how Lea and Anne had been raised with them in the castle, and how they often spent time at Levale Mont to visit the Beaumonts, or the other way around. They shared a bond much like the one he had with Pan. She told him how as they grew, their difference might be more notorious, she often avoided Danielle and her gossips, but she still loved spending time with her.
Frey told him how the Lunebleau demesne had the best tailors in all of Loire. She and Noelle had been encouraged to understand and respect the trade. Noelle had a bit of talent in tailoring, she often visited and frequent several seamstress and tailors, and even helped with designs. Frey on the other hand, had not a natural talent, but she liked it and learned how to do it. She tried to learn everything she could about it, she took whatever trade lessons she could.
When Aedrik heard about how she had studied the trade, he told her how when he had turned 16, he was forced to take on more lessons on trade and economics. Her mother had allowed him to study the things he liked, he quickly left trade and economics, but when the Emperor found out he made Aedrik continue with those, as he needed to at least 'not suck at it" in the emperor words.
He had taken a liking to farming and shepherding while he was at the north, and he was good, he also had a knack for masonry and construction in general. Frey told him she considered working with Mrs. Ferlin, much to her mother displeasure, she even worked with her for a summer.
"You were good at it, but it was not for you?" His response was surprised her, he had been on point.
"I preferred to be reading, instead. I could not help it" She admitted.
They moved to small things, how her favorite color was silver, much to her mother's delight and her father's sadness. Aedrik said he liked grey and blue, much like the landscapes at the Boreal glades.
They talked nonstop, Frey enjoyed talking with Aedrik, they both wanted to know more about the other, but it felt natural. Perhaps they would still be having the same conversation if Aedrik had only ask to court her. Aedrik had never stopped looking directly at her, by now, she was used to it. True, she knew she was blushing, but it was not embarrassment, she liked the way he looked at her, it made her heart race.
Whenever she left her hand on the desk separating them, Aedrik would grab it covetingly. His touch was warm, gentle, protective, but she lingered too much, his hand would start caressing hers, the problem was, she liked it.
"Had you ever considered, what would you do in the future? Prince Aedrik, the farming North Star, perhaps?" Frey asked laughing, Aedrik had told her how the Empress had really been worried about him becoming a farmer, when he started helping with some in the north.
"To tell you truth, I once thought about it, but it is too much work" Aedrik laughed "I confess I am a bit lazy" he smiled apologetically, blushing even "The north is not an easy land, but I liked farming, the work you did made a difference, I had been thinking on some ideas I would like to try out to help the empire as a whole… but I've really spent time thinking about the possibly of dedicating to it, but I don't think I could" Frey was surprised, she had been joking but he had really thought about the idea "Now, to your first question, you want to know what I think I'll do, or what I want to do?"
"Both" Frey replied instantly.
"Before I came here, I would have like to help manage the northern part of the empire. There is much that can be done, the relationship we have built with the orcs is frail, but I think it could become a solid foundation of the empire. The empire diversity is a double edge sword, it separates our own people, but it also allows us to gain so much.
"That is what you wanted to do, before you came here" Aedrik nodded slowly "What is it that you want, now" his eyes glowed, Frey's heart raced in her chest.
"I would love to own this library and manage it with you, Frey. That way I could spent most of the day looking and talking with you" Frey felt her ears burning as her blood rushed "I would love to stay here with you, alone. If food was provided, I would need nothing else…" he grabbed his chin pensive "Perhaps a bath could also be added, we could take one together…" Frey face was burning much to Aedrik's delight "I am sorry, Frey. I can deny I considered these things, but I still want the same thing, but with you" Frey's heart skipped a beat as he looked into her eyes,
"I want to show you my home, I want to talk with you, share with you my ideas, hear yours, I want the exact same things, but only if you are by mi side. I am still me, but you are here" he took her hands and placed it on his chest, above the heart "My heart, my center" Frey felt air was missing, she could see in his eyes, he meant every word he just said.
"Easy Frey, you asked, and I had promised to be honest with you. We are just talking, and I love it" Aedrik smiled trying to calm her down "This is where I want to be, I want you" his enchanting smile flashed full of confidence "And I want you to be here because you want it too, because like me, you feel something burning inside" Frey said nothing, they stood there, his hand on hers, for a moment.
"Now, what I think will happen, has some variables. I can never be grateful enough, I am the fourth in line of succession, the empire as a whole is relatively new, the heart of it is Danan and the Londen Woods, then we could consider Ashran and Rem, the rest of has not fully integrated into it. There is much to be done, the empire is distributed in regions, made in part by the nations that became part of it. Each one has a local council, formed by nobles and officials that tried to conserve as much form their former identities as nations and at the same time, integrated into the idea that is the empire" Frey was listening attentively at him
"The empire is still to far from the idea we have for it. We were sent to different parts with the hopes of serving as bridges, for our differences. We considered that everyone of us heirs could take over one of the regions, worked directly with this councils, to create a high council"
"Much like the dukes with our King, the entire nobility working on their own scales, and as a whole in our council, but in a much larger and ambitious scale" Aedrik was sharing the inner working of the empire, the imperial family perspective, she dared not miss a thing.
"How easy is talking with you Frey" he smiled "I've always liked the councils, but they are still too shallow, we considered the idea of this high council made up of all the other councils, once the emperor passes, but the empire is still not ready. My brother Levi should remain the emperor, we should rework each region government and distribute them differently, break to molds that keep separating us. It is true we heirs could take over each region, but it should be considerate with care. There are still many powerful individuals not happy with the current state of things, they could take any chance and separate us, the empire differences are its greatest weakness if it is divided"
"That is in a general idea the current state of the empire, Frey. I told you I would like to share everything with you, the empire is part of it, for a prince I am. Everything I told you is in part what I want, and in part a plan, but I don't know what the future holds. The only thing I am sure, is that I want to walk it, next to you Frey" he grabbed her hand and gave it a kiss "Will you tell we, what is it that you want?" Frey hesitate only for a second, she smiled and nodded.
"I always hoped to help the Lunebleau dukedom in any way I could, Since I am the third, I would have probably married a lord or knight, and most probably left the dukedom" Frey eyed Aedrik carefully, she had spent time thinking on her future, and even though she still had technically married a foreign lord, she was certain it was different "I think my father would had let me choose who I wanted to marry, he never considered marriage as a leverage for house Lunebleau, but I think any of us would, if it was needed" She paused, Aedrik had come knowing he would probably had to marry, the empire needed the alliance, and he took the duty. Frey touched the ring on his hand gently.
"Frey, I…"
"I chose this Aedrik" Frey heart was burning "You chose as well, did you not?"
"I love you Frey. I will never apologize for it. I did, I was going to say, I should have pushed for a closer date for the wedding" before Frey could say anything, Aedrik was right in front of her. They stood there, alone, until his lips pressed on hers.
"What would have happened then? after you married" Aedrik asked softly, after they parted.
"I hoped to work along with my companion, I would try to make a difference in my new home" Frey was a bit embarrassed, for all she considered herself different than her peer's, her dreams might not be that different "and I would have tried to create a caring family of my own"
"Is that what you thought you would do, or what you wanted?"
"a bit of both I guess, but there are still a few more things I want"
"Tell me about them"
"I want to travel, see and learn from different places and perspectives, I want to understand a bit more about the world" Frey felt like a kid as she spoke "I do not mean to go exploring or something like an adventure, but to have a bigger picture. Tried to find more ways to help my family, land and people, I wondered if I could do something more…" Frey finished embarrassed.
"Noblesse Oblige" Frey opened her eyes wide "Responsibility and obligation, nobility extends beyond the tittle. The term was coined in Loire, the foundation of your lords and knights. You understand and stand behind it, fey believe any nobility should adopt the idea, but you Frey, you care. You wish to help, because you want it too, because it is the right thing do, for this alone I would have fallen in love with you, Frey" Aedrik looked at her enchanted, Frey smiled back at him.
"I had not considered it before, but I do believe is the least any lord or lady should strive, noblesse oblige, but I would hope for them to care. More than a responsibility, it should be a given, caring for their people. I know is idealist, but I think helping hand should be offered because you chose to, besides where it would lead. I apologize I think I got carried away"
"Strive to be righteous and earn the right to be called that. Work for it, even against one own desires or nature. It is not easy, but I don't think it is just idealist. You are extraordinary Frey"
"I don't think I am special, otherwise, how small we all are, don't you think…"
Aedrik stood and sat next to her, he grabbed her hands inside his, his eyes never moving from her "I think most of us travel in darkness, some keep to the shadows, some move trying to find a way, an then there are the rarest, those who light the way. You Frey, you are rarer, you want to share your light with everyone. It is not that we are small, but most people have not seen anything but darkness" his hand gently tucked a small lock of hair behind her ear.
"I am thrilled of tomorrow by your side, Frey. I want to share my life with you, will you walk beside me?" Frey looked at him and nodded.
"I've already chosen" a smile from ear to ear was his response.
"I care for your thoughts Frey, your ideas and your opinions. I wished to discuss with you what had happened in the conference, I want your opinion, your honest opinion, anything that can be gain for both sides, I understand your love for your country, and the empire truly cares for its allies, so you don't have to worry about it. The alliance is a given, the next few days are going to be used to discuss the details about it, trade agreements, border management, and the situation with the orcs to the east. I wished to talk about it with you, but I was also hoping you could join these talks"
"I was not invited to the conference, I am a lady" Frey said confused, Loire nobility was male predominant, ladies did hold and wielded power, but it was rare and frowned upon.
"I am, Frey. I want you to assist the conference, your thoughts will benefit the conference. I understand Loire for some reason tries to keep power on men, who am I to judge them, but the empire cares only for competence. If you are not certain of assisting because of what other Lorians might think, don't worry, I am inviting you, you would be assisting because your point of view is valuable, but if Loirians can't value it, you'll be there because as part of the Empire, but I don't think anyone would argue"
"But, I am from Loire, how could I be going as part of the empire, I can try and consider what is best for you, but I am going to be biased, it is not fair for you. And a good idea might be rejected just because some lords might be against because I said it"
"Frey, I am not asking you to go into the conference and think as if you were part of the empire, I hope someday you will consider it a second home, but we are not there yet. I truly think your point of view and ideas to be beneficial for the conference as whole, not having them is detrimental and stupid, and if it really worries you, then we could discuss your ideas before the conference and we could present them by someone from our part, if you are there, you could react to whatever they say, and add your thoughts. I hate the idea, but if it is what is needed then we'll do it that way. I would love to be in the conference with you, I dare anyone to dismiss your opinion, but I will take part in the orc discussions"
"Wait, you want me to assist as part of the Fey Danan delegation to the trade conference, and you will not be there?" what was he thinking, his hands held hers tightly
"You are smart and intelligent, Frey, you listen and take into consideration other people's ideas and even though you are adamant in yours, but you are not stubborn, you can change your mind, and that is very rare" Frey opened her eyes wide, how had he… Aedrik laughed at her confused face "You left a deep impression in me, at the library Frey, and Mrs. Ferlin thinks very highly of you, a sentiment we both share" she closed her mouth 'What had Mrs. Ferlin told him?'
"I have to assist the strategy meeting, and even though I would also like for you to assist, I think it would be too much to ask for the knights and lords to hear your opinion, it is stupid, but they are not ready for it, and I don't know if I can remain calm and cordial if they disrespected you" Frey tilted her head slowly to the left "Now, I am sure you don't need me to put anyone in their place if needed be, I saw it first hand whenever you questioned me" Frey opened and closed her mouth
"You are enjoying this, don't you?"
"I enjoy being with you"
"How can you manage to make my heart, beat faster and at the same time want to toss something at your face?"
"I've heard how some people have trouble expressing their feelings, if is a kiss you want, just say it, or lean into me, I'll take the hint" Frey considered kicking him in the shin, but she kissed him in the cheek instead. His confused face was what Frey had been expecting, the problem was, he recovered quickly, before she could part from him, he leaned and kissed her. After a moment they, parted, Frey moved a bit back from him, too aware of their closeness, he hesitated but did not move further.
"I honestly think the trade discussions tomorrow is going to be of greater importance than the strategy meeting, what is settle there will impact both nations greatly. The strategy meeting will be chaotic, I have already suggested to push inside the warring lands, we need a better more defined border, and we should seize the Auverniers"
"That is what we discussed with Mrs. Ferlin at the library, you will truly take the idea to the strategy meeting"
"I've already place for discussion, that is why is going to be the topic for tomorrow"
"How did they take it?"
"I think half of your lords and knights think I am a crazy and ignorant, the other half are split, between considering me a warmonger or a very reasonable, I hoped after the joust some of them might change their mind" Frey felt bad about Aedrik, she could understand the mixed reactions "Still, I presented a general idea, we will discuss it tomorrow and their intervention"
"They accept it, even though they were not certain?"
"I told them about the idea and that the empire was going to pursue it alone if it must, Loire could join, or not, but they would miss on an opportunity, either way, tomorrow we'll discuss the details, we cannot move about the border preoccupied of being shot by a nervous Loirian as we move along the border, but I am sure there are those who would want to join in, there is much to gain, especially for those at the eastern border"
"House Beaumont will accept, and I am sure house Lunebleau would as well, even if we were not engaged" the Beaumont dukedom had already been raided by orcs, they had been pushing for a response on the easter border, the Auverniers are closer to the Lunebleau dukedom, for that alone Frey thought her father and Luka would agree, and now they also had an obligation with the empire, because of her and Aedrik "Does my father, Luka or Percy know about this?"
"They were there when I presented the idea, but we did not discuss it long, it was passed for tomorrow, your father, Luka and Percy were naturally invited to the strategy meeting since its their territories that made the eastern border, I was hoping on discussing this with them at the state later, but I wanted to hear what you think about it first"
"I think Percy will agree, my father and Luka will as well it is just that…" it would mean sending their people to fight. She looked at him, and she felt like a hypocrite, he was willing to place him and his men on the line, because he believed the idea was worth it,
"There is much for the empire to gain, our easter borders needs a way to deal with the orcs, as much or maybe even more than house Beaumont. I understand your concern, it is not easy to put your people in danger, but believe me, I think it can be done, without risking or wasting many live, but we need to act quickly" She looked at him, and she knew he could see she was worried for her family and her people. She had not wavered when he told her the empire considered marching alone if needed be.
"Aedrik, I am sorry, I am a hypocrite" she said ashamed and upset with herself. She had felt grand with the idea of noblesse oblige, she talked as if she understood, but she had hesitated when it was her family and people that would take a risk.
"Frey, you care, you truly do" Aedrik took her hand in his again "If you felt otherwise, then you would be a hypocrite, but you worry for your family and people, and you feel ashamed of not worrying for us Feydans, that is proof that you care, that you worry about it. Don't be hard on yourself" she felt his warm hands holding her tightly, it calmed her down, how incredibly.
"You should talk with them later" Frey answered certain and calm.
"Thank you Frey" she considered taking her hand back, but she did not want to "What do you say, would you assist the conference tomorrow?" his eyes were pleading.
"I would love too, I had been wanting to speak with you or my father about how had the conference been going, but with everything happening so quickly I hadn't gotten a chance" Aedrik smiled and placed the bag of holding he had on the table, he started taking several pieces of parchment and placing them around the desk.
"These are the notes on what it had been agreed on the conference, and what else is still in discussion, and the expected topics for tomorrow, these are my notes as well, and the information we considered necessary for this" Frey looked at them for a moment and was impressed by how thorough the information was.
"Did you know I would agree to this?" Frey asked with her eyes wide, impressed.
"Did you know I would say yes?" Frey asked curiously.
"I hoped you would, hence why I prepared this information. I could not sleep yesterday Frey, I had many thing on my mind, I worked on this, hoping you would agree" Good, she was not the only who had not sleep then "I want to present you to Lord Finean, for all I am prince, regarding the trade agreements I am not the one in charge, still my votes weight heavily, I'll let him know, you will use my vote, and to revise everything with you, before the conference if you are agree"
"Wait, why would he listen to me? This is too sudden how could I use your vote on this, I am not impartial Aedrik, this is not…"
"Frey Lunebleau, I will never made you do something you don't want to. What do you want?" his words hit right at home. His touch reassured her, she had already chosen, she wanted to be there, she had the chance.
"I want to go to the trade discussion" She tried to be as calm as possible, but she felt her voice missing a note, he smiled at her and kissed her forehead, it was so warm.
"I hate to say this, but I think we've been here for too long, I do not want to make your family, or Mrs. Ferlin worry" Frey nodded, they had been talking for hours… but it was not enough,
"There are still many things I want to talk about, and some we need to" She had been carried away, and there was still so much more things she wished to talk with him, but they should have start talking about their wedding.
"I know, but we have time" Aedrik replied smiling "But you are right, we should at least be clear about certain things regarding the wedding, have a common front, otherwise your mother will assault us with question, and I for one would love to be able to decide some things just between the two of us" Frey smiled and held his hands tighter. There was so much to know about him, about them, so much she wished to tell him, but for now this would do.
"I consider my self a gentleman, but I can guarantee I would not try kissing you again if we are alone and this close together" He smiled, her face was red, but she did not backed away.
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