Chapter 12: Zach
Zach was standing right outside the hall when I came out. He stared at me as soon as our eyes met, unmoved, but seemingly asking a lot of questions and telling me a billion things I already knew. Then there was that expression that seemed to tell me he was in pain, that he was disappointed and that he wanted to do something about whatever dilemma I was in.
But I couldn't let him. He just had to learn to deal with the fact that I was young, but I was an adult. I could do both and I was smart enough to do it.
Slowly, I headed down the concrete path that led back to Reagan Hall. He didn't say anything. He just stood there, his hands crossed by his chest, and remained as cold as our relationship had been over the past year.
Is this what you want, huh? Is this what you want? You, crying like crazy each time they leave you? Why do you allow them to hurt you like this? You're not just any girl, Penny!
I could still hear his words back then. It was the night he caught me crying. Valentine's Day. The day I ran away from Matt and he never followed. Zach said he'd had hunches I was dating Matt, but he trusted that I wouldn't date another jock after Scott, so he let it go. He gave me the freedom that I wanted. Clearly, I had disappointed him.
I didn't understand any of it. If at all, what I could comprehend was the unfairness of it. My brother was a jock. He was so much of it that everybody loved him. Why couldn't I date someone like him?
Zach said I shouldn't be dating anyone because I couldn't even recognize a good guy from a jerk. I thought he'd be smart enough to realize that I could. Because I had him and whatever I looked for in a guy, I found and admired first from him.
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