Chapter 16: Reassurance
Alynna's steps were heavy. She looked at Stella who was happily skip-hopping beside her as she held her hand. Stella let go of her mother's hand and ran all the way upstairs. She waited at the top of the stairs with her hands on her waist, as if she had done something triumphant. She couldn't wait for her mother to get there so she could try to beat her to the bedroom again.
Alynna looked back to where the kitchen was, where Josh was. She half-heartedly wished he would be behind her, following them upstairs but she knew he wouldn't be. She looked at Stella who was now wriggling her hips, waiting excitedly for her mother. Alynna slowly climbed the stairs.
As soon as Alynna got to the top of the stairs, Stella ran again as she had planned, beating her mother to the bedroom. She went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Alynna quickly followed Stella and turned off the shower.
"No, dear, not like that. The water's too cold. Here, let me do it." Alynna adjusted the temperature from the water heater. She tested the water and when she thought it was okay, she called Stella and bathed her.
Stella loved showering at night. It was her favorite bedtime routine. Cleaning up and brushing her teeth meant a story would follow afterwards. She giggled at the bubbles foaming at her hair. And when Alynna turned on the shower, she excitedly watched the bubbles gather at her feet before going down the drain.
Alynna toweled Stella dry. She then brushed Stella's hair.
"How time flies." She thought. "Has it been three years?"
Stella brushed her teeth while Alynna prepared to shower herself. She went in the shower and turned it on. The warm water touched her bare skin. She imagined all the dirt flowing down the drain, off her skin. She looked at her body. She saw some bruises and inspected them. She always tried to remember how many bruises were on her body every time she showered.
"Alynna," Josh called from outside the bedroom.
"Yeah?" Shouted Alynna from the bathroom. "Wait, I'm almost done." She quickly soaped her body and shampooed her hair without turning off the shower. Then she dried herself and put a robe on.
Josh was standing outside the bedroom with Stella when Alynna got out of the shower.
Josh thought she looked beautiful, her cheeks flushed from the bathing. Embarrassed, he quickly looked away.
"I was just gonna say the dishes are in the washer, and I'm done with the rest. Would you like me to do anything else?" Josh said as he stroked Stella's damp hair.
"No, it's okay. You can rest now. I know how tired you are from working all day."
"I'll rest as soon as I'm done with the dishes." He glanced at her, ever so quickly and then went down back to the kitchen.
Alynna put on her night gown and began blow drying her hair. After that, she tucked Stella in and read her a story.
Stella loved bedtime stories. She would choose three books for her mother to read to her but sometimes, when her mother is too tired, they would only read one story and then it's sleeping time.
"Just one story for tonight, okay?" Alynna said as she picked the shortest story from Stella's choices of books for the night.
"Can it be two books, Mommy?" Stella asked, hopeful her mom would agree.
"Sorry, honey, not tonight. Tomorrow, okay?" Alynna smiled. She hated declining Stella's requests but for tonight she had to. She and Josh needed to talk.
Alynna opened the book and started reading to Stella. The book was about a girl waiting for her mother to pick her up from school. Her mother was late in picking her up and the girl started imagining all sorts of things that happened to her mother, like she was taken by eagles or snatched by dinosaurs. Or maybe her mom road a turtle on the way to school because their car broke down. But in the end, the mom finally came and when the girl asked why she was late, her mom told her that the car ran out of gasoline and she had to take a cab.
Stella loved that story. She can't wait to go to school. And she would always make Alynna promise that she would never be late in picking her up from school. And Alynna would always promise that she would be there before class is dismissed. Stella would smile and then go to sleep peacefully.
Alynna kissed Stella's forehead and tucked her in. She turned off the lights but Stella's scared of the dark so she left her unicorn nightlight on. She slowly walked out of the room and softly closed the door.
Alynna walked down the stairs and saw Josh putting the clean dishes in the cabinet. Josh looked tired. He turned around when he heard Alynna walk in the kitchen.
"I thought you're already sleeping?" Josh asked as he wiped a plate dry and placed it in the cabinet.
"Can we talk?"
"Is Stella asleep?" Josh asked again, purposely ignoring what Alynna last said.
"Yes, she is. Can we talk?"
Josh took a deep breath and let the air out through his nose. It looks like he won't be able to dodge Alynna tonight.
"What is it? What's on your mind?" Josh said as he turned towards Alynna. He saw that she was already wearing her nightgown, her frail body silhouetted underneath the thin fabric. Her long wavy hair gathered on one side of her shoulders. She lost a lot of weight since the accident but her beauty is still evident.
"I just want to talk about us, Josh."
"What about us?"
"I mean, where are we headed?"
"I don't think it's the right time to talk about that, Alynna."
"When is the right time, Josh? Tell me. And I will wait until then." Alynna pulled out a chair from the dining table and sat down. Josh knelt in front of her, his hands on her knees.
"When you're okay. When the doctor says you've fully recovered, then we can talk about anything you want."
Alynna eyed Josh, studying him. She hurt so much she wanted to cry but Josh hated seeing her cry and would reprimand her saying she should be strong — not only for herself but for Stella.
She wanted to tell Josh how much she longed for him but Josh became emotionally distant since the accident. He was physically with them but his soul is somewhere else.
"Do you love me, Josh?" Alynna boldly asked.
"Of course I do. I love you and Stella."
"I didn't ask you if you love me and Stella. I asked you if you love me, Josh. ME."
"Frankly, I wish you would just stop asking me that constantly." Josh stood up. "I'm here with you and with Stella. If that doesn't make you think that I love you, then I really don't think I can say or do anything that would convince you. I'm here and that's what's important, right?"
"If you say so, Josh. If you say so, then I believe you." Alynna slowly stood from that chair. She bit her tongue to keep herself from saying anything she might regret later. She was about to walk away but Josh hugged her.
"Please stop worrying yourself. It's not doing any good for you." Josh said as he let go of Alynna.
Alynna nodded, though deep inside her, she disagreed.
"Goodnight, Josh." Alynna kissed Josh on the cheek.
"Have a restful sleep, Alynna." Josh said as he watched Alynna walk out of the kitchen, going back to the bedroom. He then continued putting the dishes in the cabinet. It was so late he thought he would fall asleep before he's finished with his chore.
. . .
Josh was laying down now, his arm over his forehead. He had been so sleepy earlier but was now, lying wide awake as he remembered all the things that happened that day — Meeting Amanda, the confrontation with Lee, the lost documents that were later found, working late with Amanda, Alynna wanting an assurance that he loves her.
"A lot happened today," Josh thought to himself, "but meeting Amanda was the best." He smiled at the thought of Amanda. He couldn't wait to see her at work next morning. He resolved in going to work early, with the hopes of catching her walking on the street to the office building. And since he knew where she parks her car, he thought of waiting up for her there. He thought of what to wear for work. He thought of a lot of things that are connected to Amanda. He used to notice the bumps of the couch he slept on but tonight, the couch felt different — he felt different. Something inside of him lights up every time he remembered Amanda and it made him feel different. He turned to the side, folded one arm underneath his head and closed his eyes, wishing he would dream about Amanda that night.
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