I Was Told There'd Be Cake
I arrived back home at the manor, not quite having recovered fully from the intense date with Mark still. But I had a responsibility to look after Miriam, so I took some deep breaths and tried to not show any signs that I had been crying.
Miriam was already at the foyer by the time she heard the door open, and jumped on me excitedly.
"Shelley! You're back!"
"Good to see you too, sugar. Ready to make some macarons?"
At that, she suspiciously got tongue-tied.
"I.. I need to do.. do some homework! Yeah!", and she pleaded, "But could you please still make them?"
I laughed, "So you just wanted to eat them?"
"Maybe.."
"Alright, how about I make a deal with you, Miri. You help me start with the macarons and then I'll help you with your homework."
"But-"
"No buts! Come on now, don't be lazy."
I started to go into the kitchen with Miriam running and protesting behind me when suddenly I was stopped cold in my tracks.
"What are you doing here?!"
I yelled, startled, as I saw Matthew bending over the countertop at the other end of the kitchen, seemingly measuring ingredients for baking.
"Uhh, I live here, or did you forget that?", he asked with his trademark sarcasm.
"No, I mean.. I was told that you had practice!"
"I had to cancel and look after Miri because I was told that SOMEONE already had plans."
He walked over to me and squinted, "Tsk tsk tsk, someone needs to sort out their priorities. Right, Princess?"
"Okay, first of all, excuse me Genie boy, but I didn't freaking CHANGE my plans just to listen to you tell me how I should live my life."
Our discussion slowly descended into arguing, and a very loud one at that. We were so absorbed in our yelling that we didn't even notice the small figure run in between us, before she started screaming at us too.
"Stop it! Just stop it, please!"
We were instantly quiet.
"When you guys aren't doing that ignoring thingie, you're fighting like babies!"
I looked down in shame, and Matthew also hid his face.
"I thought this idea was a good way to fix your ignoring thingie! But I guess it wasn't such a good idea after all.."
Wait a moment..
Matthew started, "You mean, you told me that I had to stay home and babysit you.. and to make Tiramisu.."
"And me, to make macarons.."
"Just to get me in the same room-"
"And talk to this egotistic-"
"Bookworm-"
"Rude-"
"Plain-"
"Nasty!"
"Loser!"
"Obnoxious!"
"Petty!"
"PRICK!"
"ANNOYING!"
"JERK!"
"PATHETIC!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"STOP IIIIT!!!"
Miriam broke down into tears and started sobbing loudly.
Matthew was distraught
"La mia cucciola.. don't cry.."
The tingly, hot sparks flying in the air with each insult we fired at each other, extinguished almost instantaneously, only to be replaced with a somber shame that hung heavy in my heart.
How did I become so immature as to get carried away like that?
"I'm so sorry we upset you, Miri."
She took another sniff and then immediately fired back,
"I don't care about your sorries!"
.. and went right back to sobbing.
This was terrible.
"What can we do to make you feel better, sugar?"
She looked at us expectantly, "I want you guys to stop fighting, and stop doing that ignoring thingie.."
I agreed, "Of course we'll stop fighting now. Right, Matthew?"
I gave him a look that said 'you better go along with this or else'.
He nodded back.
"Pinkie promise?"
We each did one with her, and she was back to being energetic just like that.
"You know what, guys? I'm really hungry, and I wanna eat your Bechamel Lasagne, Shelley. Pleaase?"
"Of course, sugar!"
She clapped enthusiastically and turned to Matthew.
"And can I still have your Tiramisu, Matthew? Please??"
"Anything for you, Miri."
She squealed, "This is going to be the BESTEST dinner in the whole wide world! I can't wait! But now I'm going to take a nap, cause I'm kinda tired."
She started to exit the kitchen but turned around and gave us one last warning.
"Have fun cooking.. and NO fighting or ignoring each other this time!"
Once she was out from sight, Matthew let out a large exhale.
"That manipulative little pixie..", he sighed. "Well, I'm going to get started if Miriam is going to get some good Tiramisu after dinner."
"Hm, I guess I should start too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We worked on opposite corners of the kitchen, chopping, dicing and shaping ingredients in awkward silence. A few times, I felt his gaze on me, and it made me feel super self-conscious.
I myself couldn't help but furtively glance at him and his handiwork every chance I got. A man who can cook was just.. dreamy. And Tiramisu, too? Miriam either has a very acquired taste or she carefully researched some complicated dishes for us to make in order to ensure we spent quality time in the kitchen together.
I couldn't help but giggle out loud at the thought. Miriam was such a sweetheart.
"And what, pray tell, is amusing you now?"
"Your sister.." I responded with amusement. "I love her."
He laughed back, "She's something else, isn't she?"
"I just had no idea that she could pull this off without us catching on."
"She's brilliant and persuasive, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think I underestimate her cause she's always been my baby sister. You know?"
"I know EXACTLY what you mean! As Steve has gotten older, he's commanded a lot of independence too. Even though it was mostly gradual, when I first noticed it, it was hard for me to allow it, you know?"
Matthew's eyes lit up in the reminder.
"Stevie-Bear! Oh man, how's my boy doing? He's what.. 12 now?"
"He just turned 13."
Matthew exaggerated his surprise, "He's almost a man now!"
"I know.. I don't want to believe it.", I contemplated whether or not I should carry on talking. "He was all I had after IT happened."
I could feel the atmosphere thick with an awkward sort of tension, and the pregnant silence was broken with Matthew's soft words.
"Right.. that period must have really hurt."
Try not to cry, Shelley. Try not to cry.
"It did. Being back brings back all of the memories and I mostly try to block it out. Otherwise, it hurts too much."
Well, that attempt lasted a grand 5 seconds. I turned away to hide my tears and get it under control.
"Sorry.. just give me a moment."
"Oh, Shelley.. I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine."
There was a shuffle.
Even through my tears, I couldn't help but gasp a little as Matthew rested his chin on my shoulder, hugging me from behind. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my stomach, which jumped 10 metres high, and he just held me still, firmly so that I couldn't move away.
At first, I stiffened.
But I soon relaxed in his comfortable hold, calming my emotions and losing myself in this protective cocoon, full of warmth and care. There were no words that could be said to suggest greater understanding of my grief than this gesture.
This.. this was perfect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had dealt with my grief many times before by myself, not having anyone to share it with at first, when I was in foster care.
And when Jolie and Bella were around, I again grieved alone, not wanting to burden them with my grief.
Whenever I grieved, and especially during the hardest hours, I pretended that I wasn't alone. I pretended that Matthew was at my side, clutching my hand and just being there for me, and that's what helped me get through things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now.. it was real.
He was behind me, supporting me both physically and emotionally.
For what seemed like hours, we simply stood there in comfortable silence, gazing out at the world through the small window over the stove, listening to each other breathe..
If you could ask me three years ago if I would be in the position I am now, I would have laughed at you because it was impossible. Then I would have cried in private for the same reason.
However, the elation and peace I felt at this moment was not meant to last forever, because soon the oven beeped.
But I knew I couldn't leave this position without something for him to remember me by. I turned around and slowly kissed his cheek.
"Thank you, Emmy."
I saw his eyes widen, and that adorable deep blush mount his cheeks.
The old festering awkwardness between us seemed to be thawing, and I was quickly and hopelessly beginning to see Matthew in the same light I did before our.. misunderstandings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so we resumed cooking, this time in a flurry of movements and in comfortable silence, with random gazes and smiles and smirks thrown each other's way.
"Can you try the sauce and tell me if you think I need more salt?"
"Sure."
He raised the ladle delicately to his lips, blowing on it before sipping the sauce and smacking his lips together.
"The salt on it is spot on! But I think a little oregano would be just the thing to make every bite of this creamy sauce even."
"Thank you, Chef Ruscuiti!"
He chuckled.
"I think some pepper would also give some fabulous low notes to finish it off. How's the Tiramisu coming along?"
"It's coming along well. I forgot to brew the coffee, so it'll take a little time. I'm pairing it with Banana Milkshakes.. they're Miriam's favorite."
"Oh! I used to love that stuff when you made it! I memorized the exact recipe you used, and I used to make it myself sometimes. It reminded me of you."
He smiled slightly at that.
We continued to chat about all our favorite foods, and memories associated with them, and the ice cream I had today was brought up in conversation.
"So.. your plans involved ice cream. Were you meeting old friends from San Jose?"
"I met Mark."
I didn't see a point of beating around the bush.
"Oh."
The flustered behavior he displayed on that revelation was sort of cute.
"Are you sure that's such a good idea?"
"Thanks for looking out for me.. but I'm taking this friendship slowly."
I emphasized the word 'friendship' to hopefully get my point across clearly.
"Oh."
The awkward silence was sort of nerve-wracking, and I wanted nothing better than to go into his head and know what he was possibly thinking of.
After a few seconds of just standing around, we proceeded to cook again.
Matthew broke the silence with a question,
"So, it wasn't a.. date?"
"It was.. well, he meant for it to be that way, but I guess we'll see how things go. There's a lot of history we have to surpass even though I think he really likes me."
"I see."
Well, two could play at this game.
"What about Vera? How long have you been seeing her?"
He took a deep breath. "It's.. complicated. Let's just say she's part of my.. image and leave it at that."
So he didn't have feelings for her. And that simple fact made me unreasonably happy.. gosh I am so ridiculous.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so we continued our tasks in the kitchen once again, naturally and comfortably, our movements in tune and chemistry so palpable. Cooking with each other, cooperating, laughing, talking and working in the same room on a platform of tasty ingredients.. it was all so wonderful.
With all of the fun I was having, I could feel myself falling in love all over again.
I playfully splashed him with some rosewater, to which he responded that he'd 'get back at me' for that. And not seconds later, sure enough, he splattered me with sweet syrup, making a corny joke about making me a 'sweet Princess'.
Our food fight escalated to an extent whereby some of the sauce I was making splattered on my face.
"Now THIS has gone too far, I'm going to have a big ass pimple thanks to you now!", I joked.
And, "Allow me.", was all he said.
My heart started racing again as Matthew walked towards me, with that twinkle in his eye amped up to full intensity. I was startled at first as Matthew kissed away the sauce on the tip of my nose. My cheeks burned and I could hear my heart hammering loudly.
And then I melted in his arms as he kissed my cheek, a sudden fire waking in me as I rose to meet his lips.
Our lips connected once again, and my feelings bloomed with a vengeance, with all of the sparks flying and hearts swelling and stomachs falling. He cupped my face firmly, our hungry kisses urgent and fierce. The surreal reunion of our lips made my heart flutter with an energy, passion and love that I can only describe as the most powerful thing I had ever felt.
Standing against the kitchen counter, surrounded by the aromas of Italian food, engulfed in the warmth of Matthew's hold, I started to become dizzy. My heart was at home, and the only thing that mattered at the moment was the feeling of Matthew's lips on mine.
Beep beep beep
"Just let it burn.."
Beep beep beep
The way his eyes twinkled at that moment put the north star to shame.. I was a goner. And then he whispered huskily..
"I don't think I can do that, Princess."
He went to turn off the oven, and I found myself musing after him.
"At your very core, I don't think you've changed much, Emmy."
"You say that with a lot of hope in your voice."
I was flustered, blushing red as Matthew smirked at me teasingly. Even though I now had a feeling that Matthew liked me too, since after all, he hadn't pulled away from that kiss.. I had the sudden worry that things would once again be awkward between us. I hated that feeling so much.. I hated how my heart would feel paralyzed.
"You look concerned.."
"Well.. I guess I was thinking, and I don't want to push anything, but at the same time I need to know.."
I knew I was circling around my words but I couldn't summon the courage to ask.
"Just spit it out, Princess."
"I don't know how you feel about me." I looked him in the eye. "What does this make US?"
He looked confused.
"Us?"
Cue me slowly falling into the beginning of a breakdown.
"Yeah.. you know, you and me." I tried to keep my breathing steady and my voice level. "What are we, Matthew?"
"I suppose we are.. friends."
.. .. ..
"Friends?"
Oh, Shelley. Poor Shelley. What did you expect.
"Friends.. Friends don't kiss like we did!!"
He shook his head, "So naive. This is the 21st century. Some, in fact, do!"
I felt my heart crumble into irretrievable pieces.
Those words expressed indifference. Everything that stood against what we expressed in our kiss. It stung me to realize that my high hopes, which started blooming ever since I saw my video on his phone, were baseless.
I had gotten played. Again. I was a fool. A hopeless, idealistic idiot, unwilling to learn from my lessons.
"Fine. Be that way." There was poison dripping from my voice. "You're either lying to yourself, or you're a filthy womanizer. See if I care. In the meantime, I'll find a man who respects me, who doesn't play with my feelings and who doesn't play games and push and pull like you do."
He was still grinning. Was there nothing that could shake his confidence?
"So you'll just replace me, huh? Just like that? It already looks like you've started doing that with Ken doll over there." He scoffed. "Some may say we even have certain features in common, like our long hairstyle.."
"You're sick. I'm done here."
I walked out proudly of the kitchen, but only managing to pull myself together enough to last until I reached my bedroom hallway.
After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I decided that from now on I wouldn't waste any more tears on Matthew.
The craziest thing is that deep down, I knew I was hoping Matthew would still change his mind and decide to love me.
Why was I so hopeless? How can I move on from this mess?
But that's beside the point. I should really go see how Miriam is doing. Dinner should be ready soon and I haven't heard a peep from her since she left the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I checked her room and found it empty.
"Hmm.. where could she be?", I talked softly to myself.
I went to the living room to see her sleeping on the floor, looking quite weak. I knelt next to her and touched her face to wake her up, but found that she was running a fever.
"Miriam.. sugar.. wake up.", I nudged her softly.
She coughed in her sleep, and her eyes fluttered open.
"W-what's going on?", she croaked.
"Miriam, are you feeling sick?"
"I was fine before I slept. Just tired. But now I have a headache and I feel really dizzy.."
I felt a pang of sympathy for the little girl and took her hand in mine to bring her upstairs.
"Come on, sugar, let's get you up to your room. I'll make you some soup."
However, the moment she stood up, she started violently throwing up.
"Miriam! What's wrong?!"
When she carried on vomiting, and fell to the floor, clutching her little tummy, my adrenaline finally kicked in.
"MATTHEW! MATTHEW! WE NEED TO HEAD TO THE ER! NOW!"
I screamed at the top of my lungs and Matthew came noisily running in, noticing Miriam's small frail figure on the floor in shock.
"It's hard to.. breathe..", she whispered.
"Oh my god."
I was about to start hyperventilating myself.
"We'll take you to the hospital in no time, Miri-Pie, come on."
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