Chapter 9: Ray of Hope
"M-Ma-Marcus Holmes?"
Matthew grinned.
"Bingo, Princess."
"Look, that was a long time ago. We were only kids-"
I wanted to say that it was only 5 years ago, that he should have known better, and that my pain was not to be dismissed just like that. He made fun of my dying mother, for God's sake! I was about to flip out, my pent up rage at my childhood bully at the verge of boiling over.
I was about to explode, but then Matthew had to open his damn mouth.
"Well, I suppose that I'll leave you guys alone. It seems that the two of you have a lot to catch up on."
"Wait."
I barked out the order icily, not liking how smug Matthew was acting. I needed to show him that I wasn't his puppet. He couldn't play the strings and expect me to be so predictable. And besides, grudges shouldn't be nursed. Life is too long to hold on to petty hate.
Time to forgive one of my demons.. but before I could verbalize my forgiveness, something entirely unexpected happened.
"I'm sorry."
Matthew and I both froze.
"I really am, and there are no excuses. It was wrong, it was immature, and it was hurtful. But I promise that I have changed. When I was younger, I was a real asshole to you, and for that I'm sincerely sorry."
Cue the slow but steady thawing of my heart..
"I forgive you."
Mark seemed as shocked as Matthew.
"You do?"
"I do. I'm not saying it won't be awkward running into you, but I respect that you've apologized and that you've changed."
Matthew, at that moment, walked away sighing as if his 'master plan' had fallen through. It was pathetic really.
"Frozen custard date this weekend still on?"
That surprised me. I thought that he would surely reject me now that he knew my true identity.
"Why are you so persistent? I thought I was undesirable. You always mocked me before."
"You're lovely."
"Did you just.."
I couldn't finish my sentence due to my feelings being caught in my throat. I hadn't ever been complimented in this way before.
"You aren't just beautiful. You're funny, natural and you're mature. I think that I could learn a lot from you in life."
I think that tightness in my chest that I felt was half of my heart thawing completely.
"That's.. honestly the sweetest thing anyone's said to me."
"I was just a fool to not see it before, tormenting you instead.", he said disappointedly.
"Come now, let the past stay in the past."
He nodded agreeably and asked if I wanted to be dropped off at home.
"Thanks for offering, but I think I need a moment to think about things."
"I understand. But before I leave, you never told me if our date was still on."
"It is. Pick me up at 5 on Saturday?"
"Deal. Have a good night, Red."
Still?
"It's Shelley, Daffodil!"
"If you say so, Ruby."
He laughed, running away to the entrance and giving me a quick wave and smile before dipping out the door.
It was cute.
And he was really nice. Maybe I should give him a chance. People do grow up after all.. Just look at Matthew. With how he acts sometimes I hardly recognize him.
Except Matthew changed for the worse.. and Mark for the better.
But why then do I feel so strange about Mark? I feel so cautious.. like I'm afraid he'll hurt me again. I suppose time would get rid of this queer feeling in the pit of my stomach.
And I realized that if I dawdled around anymore, I'd miss my last train so I ran to the station and decided to analyze the rest of my confusing thoughts at a later time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night, I had a strange but distressing nightmare.
I was browsing through my computer at school, going on Youtube.. until something caught my eye in the 'Now Trending' section.
I clicked on the video, and what met my eye was shocking.
It was the video Matthew had on his phone where I was confessing my love about him to his sleeping little sister. My stomach turned when I saw the video, but what made me physically sick was the caption underneath it.
In it, Matthew used words to describe me such as 'crazed creepy admirer', 'clingy', and 'probably has a shrine devoted to me'..
There were all sorts of mocking comments ridiculing me.
But honestly, the worst thing wasn't my embarrassment or others' opinions. It was the fact that Matthew took my love for him and turned it into a spectacle. He made fun of it, turned it into a joke. It didn't mean shit to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up in tears, with anxiety clawing at my chest.
"Oh my god."
I bolted awake, but the dread and sickness I felt in my dream was all too real for my comfort. I was already viral for my temper, and I didn't need to be viral for my unrequited love.
I ran to my computer, went on Youtube.. and whew. Nothing. Just a dream. It was just a dream.
I calmed my rapid heartbeat, took a deep breath, and stood up with determination.
I was going to delete that video from his phone even if it's the last thing I ever do. No way is he going to turn me into a bipolar internet meme!
After putting on shorts, I left my room to go up to Matthew's.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The simplistic nature of his room hadn't changed from when I was a girl.
His bed was undone. Lucky me that he wasn't there. Judging from the sound, it appeared that he was showering.
Seeing his bed made me remember when Sunny asked me if he 'got me in his bed yet'. As I considered that statement, I was assaulted with the vision of him roughly tossing me on his bed and then hovering above me.. propped up by one arm while his other arm encircled my waist.
I imagined how time would freeze as his glittering eyes bored down into mine, his midnight hair falling from his face and tickling my cheeks.
Although I would like nothing more than to deny it, that image makes my heart race so very fast.. but I had more important business to take care of.
The coast was still clear, and so I began sifting through his drawer, looking for his phone. After I found it, there was still the case of unlocking it. I tried 1992 for his birth year first, since I was honestly lost about how to go about this. Of course, it didn't work. I really should've planned this mini-mission out better.
I needed to think of a different tactic.. maybe his phone was locked by four letters representing the dearest person in his life? For example, for me, it's 3669 for E-M-M-Y.. I probably should go change that now. Maybe I should change it to 6275 for M-A-R-K just to annoy Matthew if he tries unlocking my phone? Now that would be funny.
But enough daydreaming.. I needed to work quickly! I didn't have much time left. Based on what I know of Matthew, the dearest person in his life I guessed was Miriam so I input 6474 for M-I-R-I.
It worked!
Gotta work fast. Now, let's see.. notes, email, calendar.. Aha! Photos.
He had his pictures and videos organized into two categories. 'Disposable' and 'Never Delete'. I checked Disposable first but didn't find much of interest. So I moved on to the latter, which made sense since, if he wanted to make me a spectacle after all, then he would never want to delete this video.
I opened the Never Delete folder.. only to find that he has another set of subfolders!! Agh! When will it end?! This guy is an organization freak!
I first went through a folder titled 'Funny videos'. I was sure I would find the video of me in there. But surprisingly, it wasn't there. I skipped the one called 'Event videos', and went to the third folder..
It was titled 'Precious - watch when you feel sad'. When I scrolled through it, I found many many videos of Miriam. She was either kissing his cheek at his high school graduation ceremony, baking a cake, having fun at the beach, or playing fort with Matthew. My heart was warm with love and affection for this side of him, the side I couldn't let go of.
Ugh, he probably deleted the video of me. There was no way I would find it here. And yet, just as I was about to give up, when I scrolled to the bottom..
I found it.
I tried to ignore the moisture that built in my eyes as I stared disbelievingly at the video. I played it, and a few rebel tears leaked from my eyes as I recognized the feelings I had, still firmly lodged in my heart.
..'Precious videos - watch when you feel sad'..
I can't delete this if it makes him happy.
Did this suggest that I mean something to him? Deep inside.. did my feelings matter?
I wiped away my tears, trying to crush the painful hope that blossomed inside me, the hope that.. maybe, just somehow.. Matthew could care for me too.
Just then, the shower went off, stopping me in my tracks. I quickly left his phone where it was and covered my tracks.
As I was running out from his room, I bumped into him in the hallway.
"Shelley?!"
Oh no, I hope he didn't notice that I was in his room just now!
"What are you doing up? Don't you have to leave early for the lab tomorrow?"
Oh phew.
"I do. But I couldn't sleep."
"Are you alright? Why are your eyes puffy?
My heart raced as I saw him raise his hands to wipe away my leftover tear stains on my cheeks. I quickly raised my hands to cover my face and stepped away from him.
"Don't."
I turned away from him, my voice thick and quivering with unshed tears that threatened to spill out.
"Just.. just stop it. Please."
"What's the matter-"
"You! You're what's wrong! Sometimes you're the nicest thing since apple pie but other times you're like the devil incarnate! I can never figure you out!"
"Look, I don't know what happened but-"
I decided to be blunt.
"Why did you take that video?"
"Which one? The one that's viral now had nothing to do with me-"
"Not that one. I'm talking about the other one."
He crossed his arms, "Give me more details."
"The one where I was with Miriam."
His stupid smug smirk was back at it again.
"I don't know for sure which video you're talking about.. you're going to have to be a little more specific."
"The video in which I said I love you, you jackass!"
He laughed right at me.
"Now, was that so hard to say?"
"Music to your ears, huh?"
"Something like that."
"You never answered my question! Why were you taking that video?"
He shook his head, "I was concerned."
"What?"
"When Miriam storms off like that, I always check on her.. make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Like run away."
"Why would she ever do that? She loves you and her family."
"Yeah, but..", his voice suddenly quivered with anger that faded away just as quickly, "but- It doesn't matter."
There was something he wasn't telling me.. but I didn't feel like pushing it.
"Even though you went to check on her, I was concerned, so I followed you after a while. When I saw her sleeping on your rug in your room, and heard you humming to her, I was going to leave. But then you stopped humming. You started speaking and when I heard my name I couldn't move away. I was just too curious."
"That's fine and all, but why would you record it?!"
"Wouldn't you? Wouldn't YOU want to start recording if you found someone declaring their undying love for you?"
"No. I wouldn't. I would go up to them and tell them I appreciate it."
He shot me a playful grin, "Who said I don't? I'm flattered."
My stomach was doing somersaults and I felt uncomfortably warm again. I couldn't explain why I was so stupidly happy to hear that.
I shrugged, "Well. At least now I can sleep easy knowing that there aren't any secret camera laying around in this manor."
I looked down as Matthew walked closer to me.
"Nothing else you'd like to share, Princess?"
I stubbornly kept my gaze down, and I couldn't move, as though I was frozen in place.
But then he lifted my face with his fingers with the gentlest of touches and I was forced to look into his twinkling eyes.
I gasped.
Those intoxicating, fathomless pine green eyes.. intensely searching my own bewildered pair. I couldn't stop blinking as my face flushed red, and my heart started pounding uncontrollably. His face was just so close to me, his nose barely brushing against mine. I was reminded of that kiss in the pantry.. and my entire being shivered with anticipation. For seconds that seemed to stretch into hours, we didn't move.
"The way you feel about me.. it's different from anything else I've known.."
"D-different?"
I was whispering, my throat tight once again with a dryness that threatened to suffocate me.
But I got no response.
My eyes traveled from his lips, to his unblinking eyes and back to his lips. I held my breath, waiting for the spark that would set me on fire.
Abruptly, he released the gentle hold he had on my chin, and stepped away, his gaze heavy and the twinkle gone from his eyes.
"Good night, Princess.", he said solemnly.
And he walked away.
I was a mess.. every point in my body was tingling, my heart was racing and my brain felt fuzzy.
What was that?! How could he just do that and move on?
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