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8.69% HEROISM

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Three days until the Practical Exams.

"Are you sure you don't want to use your recommendation to get in?"

A head shakes behind the screen, a soft smile on the other's lips. "N-No, I want t-to earn my spo-spot by my- uh, with my-my own, um, str-stren-, uh, strength."

Nagisa sighed, closing his eyes and nodding in understanding. He let his lips slip into a knowing smile as he leaned back into his chair. He knew he didn't even need to ask to know what his friend was planning. After everything—the blue haired boy realized the soon-to-be-high schooler on the other side of the screen was more selfless and worked twice, no, thrice as hard, if not more than anyone he's ever known, including himself.

After everything—his friend earned this chance, after everything, they all deserved this chance more than most. He supposed he could understand the need to want to prove themself to the world considering where they came from. Still, it was a bit frustrating his friend wouldn't take the chance at a free pass, but who is he to judge? There's no way Nagisa could pass the practical exam. He's heard it was mostly made for flashier quirks. Anyway, he only has to go in for the written portion.

A hum of a chuckle and his snakes tilted their heads, licking the air.

"Alright. Then I'll be seeing you there. You better make top twenty, you know."

A nod. "I-I will."

---

Sometimes, he wakes up with dried, nasty blood caked over his canines and crusted at the corners of his lips. He wonders if he should start flossing before bed more often or if he should get a mouth guard in case it's his teeth clenching at night. He almost doesn't notice the tiny red marks in his bottom lip where his canines latch onto, but he never missed the stinging of it in the morning.

He's a teeth clencher in his sleep, and it hurts his jaw, but there's nothing else he can think of to help stop or lessen it other than biting his tongue or putting something else in his mouth.

Sleep doesn't come to him easily, he finds. The boy's been resorted to listening to sounds of the forest (like the sort he grew to love) in a sad attempt at falling asleep. For the most part, it works, so his only enemy is his mind past slumber.

He feels tentacles curl around his throat sometimes, hissing a dead yet deep accusation, threats of a lifetime full of hell for what he's done—then he wakes up, panting, heart throbbing in his throat and ramming against his ribs while the dream and hot breath against his neck fade into a dark ghost he can't remember. He stays up for three hours after that and doesn't try again to sleep until it comes naturally and unexpectedly.

He finds himself staring out his new apartment window, waiting patiently for his dad to get off from work.

School starts in two weeks.

Nagisa doesn't think he's ready to handle it; handle a new teacher, new students, a new environment where he's going to be ignored again so easily. He can see it now—he's going to sit in the corner of the room, no student will pass him a second glance, no one is going to give him the light of day to talk or make friends, hell, he doesn't even know if Karma's going to even humor his company anymore. What held his little family that was class 3-E together was Korosensei and their assignment, and curse that assignment, curse everything to do with that assignment. He had blood on his hands because of it, and screw it if Nagisa didn't try his best to the point of near death to try and save him time and time again—it was like grabbing at straws that burned away at the touch of a finger. And float away just like Korosensei—

Useless, useless, useless.

And Nagisa claims to want to be a hero? After what he's done—

A frustrated sigh left the ex-assassin as he closed his eyes and turned away from window, rising to track around the apartment. He looked around for his jacket— no, he can't be negative . Korosensei wouldn't appreciate that. Maybe a jog would cool him down. Yeah, that'd do him some good.

Phone and apartment keys in hand, Nagisa pulled his arm through the orange sleeve of his jacket as he made his way to the door. He popped in his earbuds and began down the street, just around the block once or twice. He needed to calm down. Everything would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

---

Nagisa sat between Karma and Rio in an ice cream shop. It was a very nice day and the shop smelled sweet and sugary (it made his snakes drool just a bit). For once, Nagisa felt quite content with himself where he was in the time-space continuum. Although, he could definitely do without the intense stares from his two friends.

With a sigh, Nagisa set his spoon down.

"Alright, what is it?"

Karma was first to respond, shaking his head that was being lifting on the back of his hand, propped on the table. "Nothin', just disappointed."

Nagisa raised his eyes at that, quirking a brow in confusion, and he ignored the way his heart dropped into freezing water.

Rio pointed to him then, eyes still somewhat wide with curiosity? Interest? Intrigue? What, why?? "Your hair," she started to explain, sounding a bit down-put despite the way her eyes lit up with pride. "When did you cut it?"

"What, that's what it is? Why didn't you guys ask that when we met up?" Nagisa couldn't help but smile with amusement at that as a hand raised to his shoulder, somewhat missing the ghosting of his long locks. He didn't at all regret cutting it, though he supposed he kind of missed the way he could easily hide in his hair—but that couldn't compare to the way he felt so- so free when the first locket of powder blue swished to the ground with a shrill snip! How liberating it was to let go of his past self, and he thought cutting his hair was the first step to getting better, freeing himself from his mother's suffocating chains, growing as a person, carrying Korosensei's pride in him as a legacy…

Rio sat straight, brows pinched and lips puffed in a pout, "Well 'scuse us for being distracted! I wouldn't've recognized you if it weren't for Ko and Roka, you know. Looks good, though." Roka tilted her head at the blonde, teasing her tongue out to taste the delight in the air.

The blue haired boy felt his cheeks heat up, a gentle smile poking his lip corners. That's what he wanted as an end-goal, really. It wasn't just so he could feel free, it was a symbol to him. A mark of change, and a promise. Not that he'd tell his friends any of that.

Karma hummed and sat back, crossing his legs and smirking at his shorter friend. "What a bummer, I was hoping to have some fun with my new classmates and you."

Nagisa instantly rolled his eyes at him and Ko hissed at the redhead, to which his host held his hand over the spiny viper's mouth. A strained laugh left the shorter boy, smile twitching. "Hahah, yeah, no, not this time, Karma."

Karma snapped his fingers in mock-dismay.

"Anyway!" Rio clapped her hands together as she leaned forward, seemingly antsy to talk about something else. "You guys got your letters yet?" Her eyes swam from Karma then to Nagisa, and he felt his heart settle just a bit. He was glad he mastered a poker face, and he nodded with a half-genuine smile.

Karma nodded too, giving her a thumbs up. "Locked and loaded. I'll be giving those wannabe business majors a run for their money. I'll be head of the political department before too long too."

Rio chuckled, leaning back on her seat now. Her ice cream cup was empty. "You better, yeah. As for me, I'll be holding the strings for you heroes in the coming years! I hear support classes get to have a hand in costume props." She glanced at Nagisa, who couldn't decide if her grin was genuinely excited or terrifyingly malicious, so he settled for somewhere in-between and a shiver ran through him. "Speaking of, Hero, you've sent your design in for your costume, right? What'dya design? Please tell me it's got something cute or something!"

And that's when Nagisa groaned back into his chair, earning a hum of amusement from the two across from him. "No, absolutely not!" he whined, pushing himself straight. "In fact, there's no color at all. Just plain ol' plain."

Karma raised a brow, along with Rio. "You're kidding."

Nagisa shook his head. "I'm not."

Karma gave a long whistle, propping his head up on his hand again. "No kidding."

"That's what I just said."

"Shut up."

Rio tapped her chin, smiling softly. "You know, I can't say I'm surprised either. That outfit was very you even if I prefer a skirt to anything else." Cue another eyeroll. "It'd be a good homage to him though. I kinda wished made your costume."

Instantly, Nagisa shook his head. "Uh-huh! No thanks, it's fine how it is, thank you! Besides, you'll just add something stupid to it like a skirt or some dumb frills." He knew how she was and if anything, he'd want her far, far away from any of his equipment. He lifted his spoon again and dug into the melting ice cream before sticking it into his mouth, a stubborn expression on his face. A trickle of joy was felt in his heart at the conversation, though he really wished they'd stop poking at him. He was still in the conversation, and they weren't ignoring him, so that was definitely good. He liked that—he felt...important, at least to an extent.

A mock-gasp and Rio's hand came to her chest while she backed away. "Why, I never! These accusations are just— appalling! Disgraceful! A menace!"

Nagisa felt the odd sensation of a chuckle rumble his throat and chest at that.

They stayed there for a while longer as Nagisa finished his ice cream and tossed it, then they got up and left to roam the shopping center. The gloom that followed him typically felt gently swiped under a rug for the time being, and he felt calm with his friends around. The half-voice in his head that whispered about being ignored, forgotten, abandoned was quiet for now and Nagisa felt he could smile genuinely for the first time in months. Though, he feared it was only temporary, as all things are.

The face of death still loomed over him and the thoughts of guilt and regret never went away, but for the moment it could be ignored.

"Have you talked with Kaede recently?" came the question from Rio, chin pointing to the shortest boy and he raised his head from his thoughts, and his response was fairly quick with a nod.

"Yeah, but not as often."

Rio nodded with a hum, then she pouted a bit slanted. "Unfair, she never calls me to girl chat."

"Be quiet."

Another mock-gasp. "Will the rudeness never end with you!?"

Meanwhile, Karma made a stop to pull out his phone, and the face he made reminded Nagisa of a frustrated ram for a moment. "Aw, crap. I've gotta head out."

"Aw, why so early?"

"My appointment's in, like, twenty-five minutes. See ya guys—"

"Hey, whoa, wait-" Rio put her hand on Karma's shoulder, a curious sparkle in her eye, glistened with concern. She pulled Karma closer to the two, lowering her voice with a raised brow. "You're seriously taking those classes?"

Ah—that's what it was. The counseling lessons offered and paid for by the government. Nagisa felt his eyebrows furrow just a bit. He hadn't actually considered taking them himself, though it might've made more sense to. He didn't like talking about his emotions, however, so it felt out of the question for him. He dealt better by himself anyways.

Nagisa felt the air shift, feeling heavier at the darkening of Karma's face. Golden hues turned away, but for once he wasn't angry, and that frightened the snake-quirk boy. The horned redhead opened his mouth to speak, and his voice was quiet, harsh, sad, and empty all at once.

"I've seen things no one that age should, you know. We all have," he whispered. "It physically pains me to admit this, but I'm real messed up. 3-E was…" he dragged off and gave a hefty sigh. Nagisa felt his eyes burning, and he glanced away. Rio fell quiet.

"Yeah," Nagisa agreed with a nod. The boy vaguely wondered how bad it must be for the usually prideful boy to actually admit as much. He thought everything would be fine in the end, and he supposed in some way it still would be, but when it's all said and done, who's to say anyone was okay with the end result? Of course, no one actually was.

Rio was made to seem meek at that, frown tugging at her lips as her hands met each other almost shyly. "Ah, yeah. I get that too."

They stood a moment in a sad silence before Karma waved to say good-bye, taking off to catch his meeting. Rio and Nagisa continued down the outlet shops, mindlessly wandering and continuing in idle and half-hearted conversation, but soon enough even Rio had to leave, so he walked her to her apartment before leaving for his own. Even then, he didn't go directly home, instead walking around the nearby park to get lost in his thoughts.

Every bit of his mind wandering came back to Korosensei, though, and he could feel the guilt eating at him, slowly, painfully. He eventually sat on the swings of the park and stayed until the sun set, and a panicked call from his dad, asking if he was safe, where he was, if he's coming home, prompted him to finally leave and get ready for the coming week.

He wondered if he could ever rid himself of this bloodstained guilt.


CREATORS' THOUGHTS
BlackSwanna BlackSwanna

I have no idea if links work on this site but!! I'll link the art I had in the original A/Ns of this fic if I can!

http://blackswanndraws.tumblr.com/post/175092815924/student-910-even-though-he-100-is-not-an-oc

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