Chapter 9: CHAPTER 9
I failed.
I failed as a friend.
I failed to save my friend and the growing life inside her.
Arina took her own life and left a note saying, "I tried all my might to be okay, I'm sorry I failed."
That time, I felt like the Earth lost its gravity and I've fallen into a deep abyss of misery.
That is when my demons started haunting me.
My demons attack whenever they feel like it.
I was devastated and almost lifeless.
I considered Arina not just a friend but also a sister.
An older sister that never made me feel that I was alone even though I am an only child. She protects me like how an older sister protects her younger sister.
A week after her burial, I started to feel the emptiness growing inside of me. I became distant with everyone.
It's like my mind has a body of its own that whenever I feel happy, it automatically reminds me of how that happiness destroyed my being.
Being happy has its consequences and the thought of it scares me.
The cheerful Ellie was gone.
I focused myself on studying to push away my demons.
I graduated with flying colors as a Cum Laude Bachelor of Science Education Major in English but my life is colorless. It is dull and plain.
No matter how hard I try to focus on something, my demons will always find a perfect way to distract me. They became more powerful, they almost succumb my whole being that lead to my suicidal tendencies.
Ironic, isn't it? I used to love life but here I am trying to end my life.
Oh, well. Life is not life without irony.
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