Chapter 9: The Reason for a Name (4)
She woke up by almost falling out of her chair.
"Wha-"
There was a tantalizing smell in the air. She looked to the table. There was a bowl, covered with a plate, with a spoon next to it. She looked at the door, confirming that it was still locked and chained. She shivered despite the warmth of the room.
"Who could have...?"
Her boyfriend probably never cooked based on her response.
She cautiously approached her table. She lifted the plate off the bowl, almost dropping it because od how hot it was. Steam came rushing out.
"... I don't like curry." But she smiled and ate it anyways.
"I don't think anything weird was put in it..." She glanced toward the clock. "I'm late again... Should I just not go?"
She seemed to be struggling with that decision. She also didn't seem to notice the small note that was placed next to the bowl. I generated a small breeze and knocked it to the floor.
"What was that?!"
She turned around in a panic.
She found the note on the floor after a few minutes. It was a simple note. 'If you need someone to talk to' was written in neat print. Then a phone number.
She looked at it disbelievingly. Then she took out her phone and entered in the numbers, trembling.
I ended my observation there.
...
- She's awake.
"I know."
- She's taking on the phone.
"I know." His eyes narrowed in concentration.
- She doesn't remember at all.
"That's good," he said softly.
- She also doesn't like curry.
"You didn't have to tell me that."
- But she ate it anyways.
"... Shut up." However, he seemed to brighten up a bit.
...
"I'm worried." He suddenly said.
- About what?
"About a lot of things. Can I tell you?"
That was a strange question, coming from him. He used to always just tell me without care.
- Yes.
I was curious.
"Was it my place to interfere?"
A hard question right off the bat. Fortunately, he didn't want me to answer just yet.
"I'm not... a good person. I've killed people. A lot of people. People just like her. What right do I have to decide that she gets to live while the others get to die?
"And don't you think I'm quite selfish? What if I only reached out her to ease my guilt? Isn't that just using her life to suit my own purpose?"
Such terrible questions. I don't understand why he torments himself like this. After all, he should be able to easily find his answers. However...
- You're thinking too much.
Seeing him agitated also bothers me.
"I know that. I can't help it."
- One question at a time.
He took a deep breath. "You're right. Then, I'll start with this one. What right do I have to interfere?"
- Your answer?
"None," he said without hesitation. "I have no right to interfere."
- Then why did you?
"Because I didn't want to see her die if I could prevent it"
- And so you tried to prevent it.
"For selfish reasons." He laughed. "Empathy."
- Then, let me ask you this. Do you believe that doing something for selfish reasons is different from doing it otherwise?
"No, not really... But, that doesn't make me a good person."
- Do you want to be a 'good person'?
"Yes, but that's impossible for me."
- Why?
"Because I've already killed too many."
I don't understand him.
- Then will you stop trying to be a 'good person' because it is impossible?
He couldn't respond.
- What are the qualifications of a 'good person'?
It was a vague concept.
- How do you define 'good'?
He had no answer.
- If you don't know what it is, then why do you want to be it?
Humans... are so very complicated.
...
"Hey."
- Yes?
"Tell me what you think."
What I think?
- I really don't understand you.
I gave my honest opinion.
"Just tell me."
Very well. Perhaps my thoughts could help him as well.
- Your question was about whether or not you had the right to do something. Such a question means nothing to me. The thing you call your 'right,' or perhaps your lack thereof, means nothing to me.
- So I shall answer this way. Knowledge is your 'right.' Because you had knowledge, you were presented with a choice. Knowledge gave you the 'right' to have a choice.
- Strength is your 'right.' Because you were presented with a choice, you had to make a decision. Strength gave you power, which opened to more options for you to decide from. Without enough strength, you would not have had the 'right' to make the same decision that you did.
- This might not have the same meaning as the 'right' you were thinking of, but it is the only 'right' that I know.
- Your next question was about 'selfishness.' Again, such a question means nothing to me.
- My answer can only be this. Does it matter? It seems to for you humans, and I never understood why.
- You are the only one to know what you were thinking when you made your choice. Perhaps even you do not remember clearly. Your choice might have been different for any number of reasons, but you only made one choice.
- Because you made a choice, you have to live with the consequences. What you were thinking or feeling while you made the choice does not change anything. So in my opinion, 'selfishness' is irrelevant.
- And what I believe to be your last question is something about 'goodness.'
- As for this, I am unable answer.
That was both true and false. I could not answer for myself, but I had an answer for him.
- That is something that only you can decide.
No, it is something I wanted only him to decide.
- That is what I think.
So I ended my speech there.
He listened intently the entire time with his eyes slowly widening. Was it that shocking?
"Incredible..." he finally said.
Excuse me?
"Did you really think of all of this?"
- Yes?
"I don't agree with everything, but the way you answered... It all seems so much clearer now."
He seemed to be serious.
- I am glad to have been of some service.
"But why can't you answer about goodness?"
I had already prepared an answer for that question.
- I do not have what many of your kind refer to as a 'conscience.' By your standards, the closest term for me might be 'psychopathic.'
- I am aware of the concepts of 'good' and 'bad,' but they do not make any sense to me. Your dilemmas about 'good' and 'bad' hold as much significance to me as your dilemmas about what you want to eat for lunch.
They were all pointless topics. And yet, something, somehow, made me believe that they were very important, even if I personally could not understand them. This was a major flaw of mine, one I was well aware of but unable to fix. This was why I chose to follow him.
As for him, he seemed to grow a bit more curious about me.
"It's actually quite enjoyable listening to your thoughts," he chuckled. "Is this what you feel like when I'm taking about mine?"
- That may be so.
I admitted that listening to his thoughts was always quite an interesting experience for me as well.
"Then can you tell me, what should I do now?"
- I recommend you find the young lady and decide for yourself whether what you did was 'good.'
"Ah, that's a fair suggestion," he said, smiling and shaking his head. "But what I meant was, what should I have for lunch?"
- ... Was that a joke?
"Probably."
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
matcha_leaf
matcha_leaf this was by far the hardest chapter... out of nine... technically eight and a half...
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