Chapter 24: Empty words - 2
April 2015
My heart feels heavy with every greeting I get from other students. It's my graduation and I know I should feel happy like the other graduates but the exact opposite is what I feel now because of two reasons. One is because of Cielle, and two is because of my incoming departure.
"Congratulations on your graduation!" Masayang bati ni Cielle sakin ng maabutan ko sya sa labas ng hall kung saan dinaos ang graduation namin.
She's not with her friends and I feel a little happier when I realized that she's been waiting for me so after I took the gift that she handed me, I pull her in my arms and hug her tight, letting me feel her warmth before I leave the country tomorrow.
"Thank you for coming, Cielle." Pinilit kong ngumiti ngunit hindi kayang itago ng mga mata ko ang lungkot sa nalalapit naming paghihiwalay.
Being the eldest son of Akito Yuga, I am required to go in Japan to take over the handling of our main hotel in Japan. And the day that I needed to go is the day after my graduation. It's a deal I had with my father when I declined studying in Japan before because of Elijah. I need to be there immediately because of dad's health condition.
"You don't look so happy like I imagined you to be." May pag-aalalang puna nya na mas lalong nagpalalim ng lungkot na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Sa halip na ipaliwanag pa ang damdamin na nangingibabaw sa akin sa mga oras na to, ay masuyo ko na lang na hinaplos ang mukha nya habang nakatitig sa kanya ng may pagsinta. Hoping that she will see the emotions I've been trying to convey to her for the past years. This dense woman who gives me both heartache and happiness, I will surely miss her.
"Tonight, you'll be there right?" Hindi ko na nagawang itago pa hindi lang sa boses kundi maging sa mga mata ang lungkot na nararamdaman habang paikli na lang ng paikli ang oras na makakasama ko sya.
"Of course. May free concert ang Elites para sayo. It will be our send-off concert party for you." Matamis ang ngiting wika nya na tila karayom na tumutusok sa puso ko.
Hindi ka ba makakaramdam ng lungkot sa pag-alis ko? Tanong na nais kong sabihin ngunit hindi ko magawang isatinig. I planned to tell her what I feel before I leave and I don't want to do it right here.
I smiled and hugged her again but much longer this time. Wala na akong pakialam sa kung ano ang iisipin ng ibang taong palabas ng hall na nakakakita sa amin. Whenever I'm with her, I don't give a damn to other people around us. I only see her. I only want her. And besides, this is my last chance to let her feel my love. Matatagalan pa bago ako muling makabalik sa Pinas. That's why I will tell her what I feel tonight. And this time, I will make sure that no one will hinder me from doing it so. I lost my chance during the Royal Ball when she was taken away from me by Vaughn, my successor of being King in ADA. And I won't let it happen again tonight.
"You're being so clingy. Nalulungkot ka ba dahil mawawalay ka ng matagal sa dyosa mong best friend?" Tanong nya sa bahagyang naaasiwang tinig. As much as I love seeing her being conscious with my action, her last two words is like a lump in my throat. And so, I decided to just tell her what I feel before it's too late.
I sighed trying to fight back my tears for the title that I never asked her to give me. "Yes I am. Malungkot ako dahil mapapalayo ako sa taong ma-"
Bago ko pa man matapos ang sinasabi ay isang pares ng mga kamay ang humila kay Cielle palayo sa akin.
"Stop hugging her in public!" Vaughn's cold voice and gaze irritates me when he entered the picture once again.
Every single time and chances I have, he's always there. If the words best friend is a lump in my throat, Vaughn Carlo Alcantara III is the reason that I get that label from Cielle.
"It's just a friendly hug." Paliwanag ni Cielle na tila nagiwan kurot sa dibdib ko.
Friendly? How dense are you, Cielle? Tanong ko sa isip.
Vaughn looked at me irritatingly. "I don't care if it's just a friendly hug or not. Nakakahatak na kayo ng atensyon at isa pa nakaharang na kayo sa daan."
My brows raised on his comment. Pilit kong itinago ang inis na nararamdaman para sa binata pero bigo ako. Yeah, I like him as a person that's why I appointed him as the next King of ADA but I don't like him always getting involve between me and Cielle when he's half-assedly rejecting her. Alam ko naman na may gusto si Cielle sa kanya. And I wouldn't hate him if he only taking Cielle's feelings seriously. I'm not saying that I'll give up Cielle but I don't want her to get hurt because of Vaughn's misleading actions.
I smirked before I pulled Cielle from Vaughn's grasp and back-hug her. "It's just a friendly hug. Hindi to matatawag na PDA. Isa pa, kaninong atensyon ba ang nahahatak namin? Atensyon ba nila? O atensyon mo?" Nang aakusa kong sabi na mas lalong nagpatiim ng tingin nya sa mga braso kong nakayakap sa dalaga na alam kong nagtataka na sa nangyayari.
Wala na akong pakialam kahit malaman ng lahat kung pano namin pakitunguhan ang isa't isa. When it comes to Cielle, we always fight like cats and dogs. Vaughn looked at me with his slightly pissed expression. And to be honest, I'm liking it. Madalas kasi ay ako na lang ng ako ang naiinis sa kanya, pero sa mga oras na to, alam kong matatanggal din ang maskarang suot nya. Maskarang pinangtatakip nya sa tunay na nararamdaman.
"Pano kung ganun nga? Bibitawan mo ba sya?" Matalim ang tingin na tanong nya sakin.
"No."
Hindi ko na ikinagulat ang sunod nyang ginawa. He pulled Cielle away from me but I managed to hold Cielle's other hand. If only he's man enough to take Cielle's hand, I'm willing to let this love go. Dahil alam ko naman kung gaano kalaking puwang ang sinakop nya sa puso ng dalaga. But seeing him hesitating in accepting Cielle's heart, I hate it.
I know Vaughn loves her but because of his damn circumstances, he's making Cielle more miserable by not just rejecting her and letting her go. Ayokong umabot pa sa puntong hindi na kaya pang umahon ni Cielle mula sa pagkakahulog sa kanya bago nya bitawan ang dalaga. Vaughn is a coward who doesn't deserve Marcielle's love.
"Nababaliw na ba kayong dalawa? Anong tingin nyo sakin? Lubid sa Tug of war?"Asar na sabi ng dalaga ngunit bingi ako sa panaghoy nya. I won't let her go to this coward. If I will let her go, I want us to both let go.
"Let her go." Kababakasan ng inis na sabi ko kay Vaughn. Ngunit mas lalo lamang humigpit ang hawak nya sa kamay ng dalaga.
"I won't."
"Mas lalo kayong nakakahatak ng audience sa ginagawa nyong dalawa! Hoy ikatlo! Akihiro! Bitawan nyo ko!" We both glared at Cielle to shut her up.
Madami dami na din ang mga taong nakakapansin sa amin at maging ang mga kaibigan ni Cielle ay naroroon na din ngunit wala naman isa sa kanila ang nagtangkang umawat man lang at tila naaaliw pa sa sitwasyong dinatnan nila. I don't want to let her go, not unless Vaughn will show no hesitation in taking her away from me. I want her to be happy. And if he can't do that, then I will. I will do everything, anything to make her happy. And to make her fall for me.
"Hoy Ikatlo..." Cielle said in a very sweet tone after a long unbearable silence. Nakaramdam ako ng takot sa paraan ng pagtawag nya sa karibal. It's as if she will say something that will make my world fall apart.
Vaughn looked at her with a pissed off expression. "What? Don't ask me to let go of you fir-"
"Mahal kita." Kusang bumitaw ang mga kamay ko sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa kamay nya.
I felt it coming. When she called his name in that tone, with those hopeful expression. I knew it. I knew that I already lose this fight of ours.
"Kung alam ko lang na yun lang ang magpapatigil sa kabaliwan nyong dalawa edi sana kanina ko pa sinabi yung mga salitang yun." Tumatawang sabi nya ngunit kitang-kita sa mga mata nya ang lungkot sa ginawang pagbitaw ni Vaughn sa kamay nyang kanina lang ay mahigpit na hawak nito.
Stop smiling! If it hurts a lot, just say that it hurts! Nais ko sanang isigaw dahil sa lungkot na nababanaag ko sa mga mata nya.
Nakaramdaman ako ng galit ng makita ko ang pag-aalinlangan sa mukha ng binata. It's the reason why I'm taking the risk of my friendship with Cielle, because of his cowardice. Hindi nya kayang panindigan ang nararamdaman.
"Stop saying such empty words." Malamig na sabi ni Vaughn na unang nakabawi sa kabiglaan. Nakaramdam ako ng inis sa katangahan nya.
It's not as empty as you think it is you fool! Sigaw ko sa isip ngunit sinarili ko na lamang iyon. If he's not taking her seriously then it's fine for me.
Isang mapagkunwaring ngiti ang muling namutawi sa mga labi ni Cielle bago mabilis na nagpaalam sa aming dalawa. I could feel her heart breaking into pieces. I could cause it's the exact emotion I have right at this moment. I thought that hearing the one you love confess her feelings to other guy is painful but seeing her in pain for not being taken seriously is more painful to see. Kaya naman nagdesisyon na akong tapusin na iyon. If he won't take her, I will.
She was about to go with her friends when I grab her arm again. Matiim ang tingin ang binigay ko kay Vaughn na tila hindi nagustuhan ang pagpigil ko sa dalaga.
"Ano na naman ba to? Tama na Aki-"
Cielle stopped when she saw the way I look at her. Kung nakikita nya na ang emosyong pilit kong itinatago sa loob ng ilang taon ay hindi ko alam. Right now, at this moment, I want to tell her my overwhelming feelings, everything. This is my limit.
"I love you Cielle." Mahinang wika ko ngunit sapat na upang marinig iyon ng lahat. Her friends gasped. They knew about it and they are actually helping me on how I will confess to her tonight. We've been planning about it for a week now to make it more romantic. Kaya alam kong ikinagulat nila na sa ganoong paraan ako umamin ng nararamdaman ko para sa dalaga.
"W-what?"
"Gusto ko sanang mamaya pa sabihin sayo ang nararamdaman ko pero ito na siguro ang tamang panahon at tamang pagkakataon. Mahal kita Marcielle Anne Arciega. Not as friend like you always thought. I love you and I mean it." Seryoso kong sabi bago muling tumingin kay Vaughn na tiim ang mga bagang lang na nakatingin sa akin.
I don't expect Cielle to answer but it's still painful for me to not hear anything from her. Hindi naman ako nagkulang sa pagpapakita at pagpaparamdam sa kanya. I just said it. I just named it. Pero tila hindi man lang sumagi sa isip nya na maaaring magkaroon ng 'kami'.
""That's why I'm telling you to let her go. Kung hindi mo sya kayang hawakan ng mahigpit, wag mo na syang subukan pang hawakan. Kasi alam natin pareho kung sino ang higit na masasaktan." Seryosong sabi ko kay Vaughn na nanatili lang tahimik sa kinatatayuan bago ito tumalikod at iwan kami.
Cielle looked at him but all she could see is his back. Nakuyom ko ang kamay ng makita ko ang pagdaan ng lungkot sa mga mata nya.
I'm here. Why don't you look at me instead? I said to myself while watching her watch him leave.
Akala ko ay wala ng isasakit pa ang pagpili ni Elijah kay Shiro noon. Hindi ko akalain na mas masakit palang makita ang taong mahal mong may lungkot ang mga matang nakatanaw sa isang katotohanan.
Katotohanan na hindi ikaw ang nais nyang humawak sa kanya ng mahigpit.
Katotohanan na kahit ang mga katagang binitawan ko sa kanya kanina ay tila hindi man lang makakarating maski sa pintuan ng puso nya.
"It's not empty as I think it is, right?" Tanong ni Cielle na may lungkot ang mga mata na pilit tinatabunan ng isang ngiti ang ekspresyon nyang nakatingin sa akin.
"It is not." I said honestly. "And I know yours, isn't as empty as he thinks it is. That's why. I won't let you give me your answer now. I will wait. Until those words you told him a while ago will be an empty one." Seryoso kong sabi bago sila iniwan ng mga kaibigan nya.
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