Chapter 4: Does this count?
There is more to my eldest sister during this time however I feel like that should come up in later chapters.
There is something that has bewildered me children always think they have powers and there are four occasions in my life where I felt scared by what I could do? The first one was at the age of three (this is all real and it could be coincidental however if it isn't I am terrified) I had been going to a sort of child day care place run by the local community my character was very aggressive as I didn't understand who was hurting my sister but I could feel her pain and I would wake up with nightmares feeling the same pain. A child my age came and had a fight with me, he wanted to take a nap I wanted to make noises and play, we were both told of harshly as fights that involved scratching biting and blood were not something our age group should be doing. Severely reprimanded when taken home I was told of spanked lightly and sent to my room to think about it, in there I felt pure rage against the child and started thinking of hurting him (killing never came to my mind I didn't understand this idea yet). The following day I was not allowed to go play with everyone else in case there was another fight and to be set an example of so I. Could only sit and play with the adult supervising us, the boy didn't turn up. This happed for the next three days until I was allowed back in where I was ostracised the daycare people thought it wasn't bad that violence was ousted and left me, I have never any memories of enjoying socialising after this as I was almost always a lone wolf. The child who I fought was brought back in a week later he was crying endlessly ironically I talked to him as no one talked to him, and it turned out in my mind at least I caused it as both his parents had died in a car crash the very night of the day we had our fight.
Another example was in a fight I had in my first school a girl bullied me and I fought her (yes I believe in equality, guys can fight girls just as much as guys can fight guys), we ended up being friend through fighting which was weird I guess it was because we both were outsiders. We were both at the age where we were confused between guys and girls being friends we went to a part of the playground which no one could see, a crack in between two building that was our own hideout and stripped showing each other peeing and touching each other ( it was actually very innocent imagine a scientist prodding a new exhibit to test if the organism can react to pressure on its body and yes I still remember exactly what happened to me surprisingly not her I only remember face and her touch not even her name). Within the following week after we did it two more times and got closer however the week after she told our class who then looked at me weirdly and they all waited at our spot from then on and joked about what we did (surprisingly when I asked one of the people who went to school with me now what happened he just said they were curious about playing hide and seek and didn't even really know what was going on, I think he just remembers wrong) that night I cursed her with my limited vocabulary, she was forced to leave school because of her parents the next day and according to the friends that I met at my next school who went to were she transferred to she was bullied into leaving that school too.
The third one was at my upper school but in the lower years I was much bigger then the rest of the kids despite being the youngest and got in many fight, because of this a whole group picked on me I beat them by biting, pinching, scratching and all the ways I could muster there was one who punched me enough to make my lips bleed. You might think how did the teachers let this happen, well our school before this fight was quite lax in the playground, two teachers for the two sides and if any pupil started talking to them they would not see anything, after this fight though 3 new teachers had to be on duty and they were explicitly told they had to watch out for this sort of thing. You might ask why such actions, when we returned to our lessons all of us had blood coloured teeth, bent noses, clawed knees and covered in blood (take this with a pinch of salt but we were covered in cuts I do remember brushing my teeth with blood coming out after this and finding numerous marks across my body the following day). The person who I hated the most also left the school the next day and the last I heard about him he was being bullied to the point that he had been through 4 schools in the span of 3 months.
The last one that I will mention (there are a few more) happened when I was 13, I used to go to a religious group for people my age at that time and if I am honest I found that quite a lot of the time the leaders where exaggerating bits of the bible and I didn't enjoy they organised activities there, because of this the leader of the whole thing came up to me and told me, if your not going to get involved leave I don't want you here if your going to disturb the environment. I didn't want to go to that thing again and thinking about the so called word of god that he preached (side note I'm not saying that god is real or not I'm saying that these are the things that the leader again not saying names told us about god and about how we should treat other people) he was a massive hypocrite in my eyes, I hated him to my guts j don't know why I got so angry but I did the following day he was caught playing strip poker with some other colleagues (funnily enough I didn't like them either as they were some of the others out of all the adults who were hypocrites in my eyes) they were found so drunk they couldn't tell what was going on and he was stripped of his role in the church thing and put on the sex offenders list as technically the youth area was for children and he was moving around naked (to be honest I'm not sure of why he was put on the list as he was with all adults and they were only naked but this is what the church sent the parents of the youth group which my mum showed me as she was worried I would feel sad and ask why he's gone, I know funny).
These are few examples of what took place and it scares me to say this but not all of these are the most shocking.The reason why I attribute these to myself is they all happened after I got angry at them. The anger I felt was unnatural in all these cases and it happened a lot of times and each time something bad happened to that person.
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