Chapter 4: Slow Morning
Kagura's still sound asleep by the crack of dawn. Meanwhile, Hayabusa's already preparing for the day. All the travelling must have tired her out, he thinks, watching her sleeping form as he puts on his gear. As much as he wishes he could just stay in with her, like how they used to do in their childhood when they visited each other's homes, he knows they can't. There's work to be done and a mission to accomplish.
But it sure would be nice, given how serene the atmosphere is and how at peace Kagura looks.
Too bad for her, though, because she needs to wake up now. If this were to happen back in Iga, Hayabusa wouldn't dare touch her as she sleeps, knowing how cranky she can be if someone were to disturb her, but she did choose to follow him here. Now, she has to deal with the consequences, and that includes getting woken up by him when they need to get moving.
He shakes her shoulder gently. Kagura's twitches, and soon enough her eyes slowly flutter open. Her eyes are still glazed over with sleepiness when she glances up at Hayabusa, and a look of agitation washes over her face soon enough.
"Five more minutes," she whines at him, her voice soft and slurring slightly.
"We need to leave soon if we want to cover as much as we can today."
Kagura grumbles, and reluctantly pulls herself to sit up. Her long, white hair is in an atrocious bedhead, making Hayabusa hold back his laughter so as to avoid the brunt of her grumpy mood.
"Do we really have to leave now?"
"This is an urgent mission."
She sulks on her spot, glancing about the room absentmindedly as she tries to sober up from her sleepy state. Even with disheveled hair and a surly attitude, Hayabusa can't help but still find her beautiful. He has to look away from her to hide the smile creeping up his lips.
Glancing back at Kagura, he sees her lean towards him with her arms reaching out.
"Come sit with me for a bit?"
It's a request he wishes he can refuse; he knows he should refuse, if he doesn't want to waste time today. But seeing her arms out to him, imagining the feeling of her holding him close, was tempting enough to make him consider.
Maybe, just maybe, they can dawdle for a little while.
Hayabusa finds himself obliging as he inches closer to her, and as he sits down, he catches a small smile on Kagura's face. She lazily snakes an arm around his waist while resting the other on his lap. Feeling her rest her head on his shoulder, he stays put, letting the feeling of her next to him sink in with all the other things it brings.
When was the last time they did this? Just the two of them, doing nothing in particular but feeling like everything was right at their grasp? They should have grown out of this by now- with new responsibilities that just keep coming with the years, eventually everything has to change and things don't feel the same way anymore. What you used to like won't make you as excited as before, you get more duties that you have to fulfill, and your friends get replaced with whoever you interact with the most at the moment, old friends and acquaintances silently fading into the background of memory.
That's not the case with them, though. Many things have changed with Hayabusa, and he's sure the same can be said for Kagura, and yet here they are. There's still that same feeling of comfort and coziness and security. That same feeling of all his apprehensions and insecurities melting away whenever she's there, however seldom those instances have become now.
That same feeling of home, between them.
They stay like that for a while, silent and at peace. Or, at least, as peaceful as it can be for them. Sure, they have something they can call home in each other, and the mood's just right, but there's still one little problem that wedges in the slightest bit of discomfort; the only thing that keeps this moment from being perfect: the ambiguity with what exactly it is that they are. Being childhood friends are a given, but they're nothing further than that as of now, at least not officially. Part of Hayabusa is scared to admit it to Kagura, but not because he's afraid she won't reciprocate. No, he's afraid of what it could mean. He's afraid of such a change, from best friends to something more, and what it could bring between them. What if they realize they aren't fit to be lovers? He doesn't want what they already have to fail because of that.
Perhaps it's better this way instead, lying in the peace of this silent drama, where everything's set and nothing's at risk of changing for the worse.
He feels Kagura shift, and so he cranes his neck as much as he can to look at her. Her face is still buried in his shoulder, her white hair brushing against his cheek. Hayabusa brings a hand up to gently comb through her hair with his fingers in an attempt to smoothen out some tangled locks. She tugs him closer to her in response.
She's really making this hard for him to stop and get going, he thinks. But he has to, and soon.
"Are you ready now?"
Kagura looks up at the man whose body she's leaning on, her eyes still yearning for sleep, but her expression looking a lot less surly now than earlier.
"We have to go right now?"
He nods. Kagura pouts, and hesitantly, she lets go of him. Hayabusa still sits in that very same spot, looking at her with a tinge of guilt for having to break the moment they just shared.
"Remember when we did this all the time, back then?" Kagura asks.
Oh, does Hayabusa miss those times. So much so that it almost hurts.
"I remember."
"I just missed spending time with you like this."
His gaze falls away from Kagura and onto the floor in front of him, and he nods slightly.
"Me too. But we need to start moving soon." There's a twinge of pain that crosses his heart as he says that.
Kagura sulks a little, but nonetheless scoops Hayabusa into one last, quick hug. "Well, it was short, but I'm glad we could do it now."
He catches her face as she pulls away, a sweet smile on her face, and then she slides out to get ready. She shuts the door to the bathroom behind her, and now Hayabusa's alone with his thoughts. Leaning forward with his arms on his knees, he brings his hands to his eyes and takes a long, deep breathe. One simple gesture and suddenly, the feelings he's been ignoring can't be pushed aside anymore.
It's really no fair, how much she affects him.
Perhaps that's just how love is.
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