Chapter 8: Chapter 7: Finally Visiting
One evening, I was sitting on the couch with Tae and Chim while they were watching something ridiculous on TV. My mind was wandering when I remembered something and I must have made an unusual noise. Both boys looked at me. "Noona?" asked Jimin. "Sorry, I just realized...my mom's death anniversary is in a few days." I said, hugging my knees against me and curling into a ball.
"Are you going to visit her?" Tae asked, gingerly. "I haven't ever." I responded in a small voice. "I didn't want to go because if I did, it meant she really was gone." "Well I think you should. We will all go with you, you won't be alone." Taehyung said, trying to convince me. I nodded, knowing it was probably as good a time as ever and I would have BTS to support me.
I leaned against Jimin's shoulder and Taehyung put his hand over mine. I contemplated for a few minutes about whether I really wanted to go or not. "Okay." I said with conviction before I could try and change my mind. Jimin laid his head on top of mine and Tae squeezed my hand. It was nice having them both here. "We will talk to everyone and arrange it. We have an extended break soon, so it'll work out to go." Jimin planned.
Of course everyone agreed to go together with me and a few days later we were all on a plane back to California. My dad was surprised when I told him we'd be coming to visit my mom's grave but he seemed happy about it. It was the first time in 14 years for me, but my dad visited her every year. The plane ride was pretty quiet. Taehyung was next to me and this time so was Jungkook.
I knew Tae must be having a hard time as well since it had only been a few weeks since his grandma passed but I was also glad that we could be there for each other at times like this. I affectionately rubbed his arm and he gave me a somber smile as I turned my attention to Jungkook who was smashing buttons on his phone and making a face. "Playing a game?" I inquired, leaning over to see. "Yeah, but I'm losing." He said with a sigh. "The Golden Maknae is actually losing?" Taehyung mocked. Jungkook shot him a glare and I laughed, appreciating their banter.
We had landed not long ago and were heading straight to the cemetery in Santa Barbara where my mom was buried. She loved the ocean and wanted to be near there for her final resting place. Like many things that I inherited from her, I also inherited her love of the ocean and beach. My dad was waiting when we pulled in the parking lot and I got out of the car, with all my boys next to me.
"Hi, Dad." I said, simply. "Hey, Fay." He said back just the same. I introduced him to all the boys before we made our way through the cemetery to where my mom was. Dad and I stood next to each other in front of her headstone and I placed a small bouquet of flowers next to it. "Hi, Mom." I said, taking a shaky breathe before continuing. "I-I'm sorry it's been so long. I'm sorry I didn't visit. I miss you...I miss your singing." I babbled, starting to sniffle and a few tears dropping.
Tae put a hand on my back, looking a little teary-eyed and I could hear Jungkook sniffing as well. I turned and gave him an apologetic look because I knew he would cry if one of us did. I took his hand in mine, hoping it would be a comfort to both of us. All the other boys were behind me, looking sad and very serious. My dad said a few words to her and then asked to talk to me by myself for a minute. He stood in front of me looking guilty.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked, a little confused. "Remember when you asked me about when you were little and singing at the dinner table?" He asked me. "Yeah.." I said, looking at the grass. "I didn't mean it back then. I was just missing your mother and hearing your voice made it hurt worse." He said, looking away. "Dad, are you crying?" I asked, astonished. My dad was not someone who cried often.
"I'm sorry I made you think you had a bad voice. It really is just like your mother's..." He broke off with a sob. "It's okay, I guess." I said, hugging him. And it really was beginning to feel okay. I broke from the hug and he cleared his throat. "So, where are you headed next?" My dad asked. "We have a few days break and then we are headed to Canada." I responded. "Okay, well have fun and please call me in a few days." He said, leaving to go back to work.
"What was that all about?" Namjoon asked as I watched my dad leave. "Something that changes everything." I said, smiling wide. "What changes everything?" Yoongi asked, coming up on my other side. "My dad lied. He doesn't think my voice is ugly. He was just hurting and missed my mom so he told me that." I explained. "I still don't think that's okay, but I'm glad he told you the reason." Yoongi said, sounding protective and exchanging a glance with Namjoon. "Yeah, but it's on it's way to being alright." I said, feeling something indescribable.
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