Chapter 26: Something New
Your pov
I was awake from some time now.
But I didn't have the courage to open my eyes. Why? Because I found myself in his arms.
He was hugging me tightly, his hands around my waist as I was all over him. How in the world did I land in this awkward position, I had no idea.
But his embrace felt different. And I knew that it was my bad boy, who without any hesitation had hurt me in a way I would have never expected. Not coming from him. Why couldn't I hate him though? Why instead he was so dear to me?
I must have been really stupid.
I became such an idiot all of the sudden because of this boy.
Making up my mind, I opened my eyes slowly and searched his face which was somewhere buried in the crook of my neck. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should tell him what happened a few hours ago between me and the other him.
No. I couldn't. I was too ashamed of myself and how weak I became in that boy's arms. I was afraid that by telling him, he would hate me. Only the thought of that possibility made my chest tighten.
He was sweet as he held me that way in his arms. It made me feel like needed and I wanted to stay like that a little more, but still, I pulled myself slowly away from his arms as I avoided eye contact. Then sitting up I crossed my legs under me as I started to play with my fingers.
After what happened last time, I couldn't look at him. I didn't hate him or held a grudge or anything. Maybe he was desperate and scared. Maybe that's why he reacted in that way. So I will listen to him if he wanted to talk and explain himself. I couldn't stop feeling hurt though.
"I am so sorry for coming like this uninvited. I hope I didn't hurt you in some way. At least not more than I already did it last time." His voice trailed off. Glancing his way I bit my bottom lip seeing his pained expression as he sat up as well, dragging his knees against his chest before wrapping his arms around them. Why he would apologize for that? It wasn't him who came to my house uninvited. And I wanted him here. It was better him being here than wandering the streets all alone in cold. I would have been worried sick.
My eyes shifted from his face down his white shirt and sweatpants he was wearing. He must have been freezing. Outside was cold, around 10°C at night. It was November after all.
Climbing down from the bed, I quickly took the bag from the nightstand and placed it in Jungkook's arms. Early in the morning before he would wake up, I went to buy some clothes for him. Two pair of Jeans, a blue T-shirt, a black sweater, some socks, and underwear. It was a real pain buying those. It was embarrassing like hell.
That old hag made things even worst. It was like, in her whole fuckin life she didn't see a woman buying men's underwear.
I hope I took the right number though.
As I was thinking that, I wasn't aware of the fact that my gaze landed down his private part and that deep in thought I was staring more than I should have.
"I... I can't accept this." I heard him saying almost whispering, breaking the silence. When my eyes traveled up and stopped on his face, his cheeks and his ears had turned pink for some unknown reason.
"Why?" I blinked confusedly. "This isn't what you needed? Or you don't like it? Do you want me to go and change them with something else? "
Jungkook shook his head quickly as he pushed the bag far away from him.
"I.... I do not have any money to give you."
And my heart started to cry.
"No... You don't have to... "
"I can't. I have nothing to offer you in exchange. I... really do not have anything. Even the clothes I wear aren't mine. Doctor Mingyu was the one who always bought me clothes. I can't understand why though. I am nothing to him." Jungkook said in a low voice as he scratched the back of his head before running his fingers quickly through it, suddenly he looked so tired.
"Jungkook, these are from me. I don't want your money or anything else... "
"I don't want your pity" Jungkook's eyes saddened the moment his eyes stopped in mine. "I wouldn't be able to bare that. Do not look at me with pity after what that doctor said to you about me being abused by my... " He swallowed hard before continuing,
"... because everything is a lie. And I don't want to be a pain to anyone." He said before quickly getting up from the bed.
"I just want to help you. Sometimes you have to let people help you, Jungkook. It's not about pity, it's not about feeling sorry for you, it's...."
"Because of him?"
My lips parted at that. My words stuck in my throat as we were looking at each other.
"What happened between you and... him last night? "
"Nothing." I lied.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow at that.
"If you fucked him just like the rest of those sluts did, I will start hating you, Y/N." He bit his lip as his eyes held mine.
"No. Nothing happened, I promise."
"Please don't disappoint me. After all his body is my body, remember that. And I don't... I can't... Please don't put me in this kind of situation. I will go crazy. Just, please. I am sorry for what I have done to you. I didn't mean all of that. The only thing I could think back then was how to run far away from everyone. I am sorry I kissed you. I don't know why I did that either. Maybe I was afraid that you will scream or something. I will not disturb you anymore with my craziness. I will leave now. I am so sorry again. I feel so ashamed." Jungkook turned his back on me ready to use the window which was still wide open.
_
"And where will you go Jungkook? " You found yourself asking.
"Where? You don't have a house. You don't have anyone.
Outside is cold. Look at you and what you are wearing. And you have no money to buy food and clothes."
Jungkook turned his face towards you a sad smile made its way to his lips, his eyes gentle, as he was looking at you. "Maybe it's something I deserve. I will not mind if I die or anything. Actually, I would feel relieved."
Your stomach turned upside down, and inevitable tears started to make their way on your cheeks. Tears of frustration. It wasn't fair, you thought for yourself. Jungkook was in that situation because of the misfortune of being born in a family like that with such a scumbag of a father. If he can be called a father at all.
Why did he have to suffer? Why being pushed away and locked up by society? Even if he killed the whole city, he was just a 14-year-old boy drugged with force by someone else after being abused and beaten.
And you wanted to help. You weren't living with your parents anymore. That's why you took a job. You wanted to be independent and take care of yourself. Besides, you have always wanted to leave your parents' house. They were still together, but it wasn't a very good atmosphere around them to live with. They were always fighting and you always found yourself between them trying to calm things down. This until to the point you couldn't do it anymore.
Leaving and moving in this small apartment all alone, it was like you could breathe again. Sometimes your mother would come to cook something for you or stay with you for a night or two, sometimes your father would call just to make sure you are alright or if you needed something. They were good parents somehow, but they would be better alone and divorced.
"You will stay here with me. I will not let you leave anywhere." You grabbed his arm suddenly and pulled him towards your bed forcing him to sit down, you hands grabbing his slim shoulders tightly, pinning him there like you didn't want to lose him.
He let out a short laugh after waking up from his shock.
"You are such a stubborn girl after all. Do you want to die that bad?"
Jungkook bit his lip troubled and ashamed as well, he couldn't look in your eyes anymore.
"I am bad. I could hurt you more than I already did. I am not good when it comes to people." Jungkook added, his body stiff as he tried to ignore the feeling of your hands on his shoulders.
"I will teach you. You will not hurt me anymore and besides, I am a good girl. So why would you hurt me?" You grinned widely. "I will make you loosen your guard a little and stop being this cautious around me. Because I would never harm you or your heart. I want you to understand that."
Seeing you smile so happily down at him, eyes warm, Jungkook couldn't do anything but frown.
Looking at your face and exploring every inch of you with his gaze, Jungkook felt how he was falling in depression.
You were right, he knew that. He didn't have anywhere to go. He didn't have a home. Not like he ever had one. He was cold. He was hungry. He had forgotten when was the last time he had eaten something.
You saw Jungkook nodding his head slowly, his lips twisted with distaste.
Being once again aware of his powerless state and realizing how useless he was, wasn't something easy for him to swallow. Jungkook once again understood how much of a nobody he was in this world he will never fit. Looking back at you, in your shining eyes, he knew, he knew why were you doing it. Why you wanted so much to help him. Not because of him and who he was. Not because he was someone important. But because you were in love, in love with his other side. And it hurt. It hurt. Because it always was impossible for him to be accepted and loved. It was always something he struggled to give up trying and just accept the painful truth. The truth that love, in any of its forms, just wasn't for him.
He felt so disgusted with himself.
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