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6.45% God among Bugs (on hiatus) / Chapter 2: With friends like these

Chapter 2: With friends like these

"Dude I say old house rules and we go back to everyone bringing their own smoke" Larry complains as he reaches into his backpack and pulls out a little jar with some *oregano* in it and a little pipe in the shape of an elephant.

Victoria stares icily at Larry and in a very low voice threatens "If I have to bring my own smoke your bringing your own snacks" """"whoa whoa hold up!"""" everyone exclaimed and starts to stare at Larry till he caves. "Look I obviously didn't mean you Vicky... I'm just saying it's getting old only hitting a blunt twice when I'm the one who filled it" Larry stammered as he waved his hands and sweat rolls down his back like a waterfall, he looks to Mike for back up. Mike starts reading his character sheet with renewed interest as if his life depended on it.

Larry looks to Mari for a helping hand but she's too busy filling her nails to look at him. Tom finally speaks up "do any of you plan on doing anything or should I just start sending hordes of undead and goblins your way?"

Larry the teams thief and only human player by the name of Lando decides to get the game rolling "fine I start looking around the town for traps and pay special attention to the well" "roll a dex check.." everyone quites down when Tom asked for a check Larry rolled an eleven and grimaces...

"no traps as far as you can tell but you were over cautious and didn't see the pebble you tripped over before falling into the well roll for athletics" everyone starts laughing at Larry's pain as he rolls again and surprisingly lands on the 20 "Hahaha Nat 20 what happened to me oh crypt keeper?"

Lando manages to catch hold of a loose stone preventing a painful fall and begins shimmying his way back up.

An ominous multicolored glow begins spilling out of the well as he climbs over the ledge and the party hears a deep Garbled voice calling out the name of each member in turn "MoRtaLssss... LaNdo The thIEf, CaRl tHe clERic, LERissa the BARd, maLReE thE mOnK, ANya tHe MaGE... YoU HaVe DiSTurBeD YoG-SoTHOth fOr whAt REAsOn ShOUld I nOt tAkE yOur PaTHetIc eXCuSEs of eXiStAnce aNd SHrEd thEM AcrOSS EaCH of tHe PlAnES..."

Everyone begins staring at Toms screen with complete and utter contempt each of them trying to figure out how NOT to get wiped by an Eldritch God... Mari being the only arcana based job class begins to open her mouth before Victoria cuts her off.

"Oh great yog-sothoth, embodiment of time, the gate and the key, we are but mere mortals as you claimed and therefore knew not that you were here else we would have came bearing offerings to appease you milord we are truly insignificant and not worth the billionth of a second of your time it would take to punish us but if you would be willing to take but a moment of your eternity to tell us how we may rectify this mistake we would gratefully go upon any quest or mission you may task us with."

Everyone in the room is quiet before Mike turns to Victoria "what the f∆¢k... you telling me that YoG is a real thing?" "about as real as any other deity.. honestly didn't you plan on going to college for THEOLOGY?? seems like you should know about the bad guys.."

"DO NoT TrY tO FlAttEr Me GliB tOnGue!! BuT SeeINg AS yoU KnOW Of My GrEaTnEss I wILL SeNd yOu oN An ErrAnd" the lights begin flashing sporadically and coalesce into five rainbow colored strings attaching to each of the party members and the voice becomes much clearer in their minds.

"I shall send you to Liavara where you shall complete my ritual of summons so that I may have my vengeance against the Dreamers for polluting my plane with their meager thoughts and prayers" as the Eldritch God finished speaking a large portal appears in the sky sucking the mismatched group of adventurers into an interdimensional rift. "everyone needs to roll an endurance check..."

Mari just stares at Tom for a moment before speaking " So is this an on the fly campaign or have you been holding this on the back burner till we pissed you off? because I'm starting to think this is a death march..." "Roll the check if you live I answer" the sound of dice clattering against wood and two sharp breaths can be heard both Mike and Larry look like they swallowed a live frog.

"Can I cast stone skin to boost my endurance?" Mike says as he begins rolling another blunt. "only if I get greens off of that" Tom replies knowing that the five Mike rolled was basically the sound of his dwarf dying a gruesome death. "Screw it I'm dead and you can roll your own" Mike finished rolling then goes to make some popcorn for everyone while flipping Tom the bird.

"Well I'm dead too may as well enjoy my afterlife" Larry reaches into his backpack and pulls out the bottle of Jack his brother gave him for an early birthday gift last week. "well Ladies you make it to Liavara... all you can find of Lando and Carl is a foot with six toes and some teeth what do you do?"

The popcorn timer goes off as Mike goes into a tirade "F∆¢k you man I had my extra pinky toe removed when I was like six and if that's the most embarrassing thing you got on me then I'll talk about Ashley all night long" Tom looks out from behind his screen and smiles. "Oh I'm gonna resurrect you for that one later, Summer camp was so much fun wasn't it Larry?"

Larry snorts and chokes on his glass of whiskey and Mike starts to run at Tom prompting for a quick chase around the table before Chelsea threatens to nut check the next one to pass her.

"I don't know why you're complaining, so far I'm the only victim of the night" Chelsea mumbles under her breath as Tom picks up his phone and changes the BGM to something along the lines of future techno music. "And since you survived the portal yes this is a on the fly game"


CREATORS' THOUGHTS
Sum12hate Sum12hate

chapter 2 man gotta love redbull TM... I don't own that trademark either but I love it Blueberry flavor is the best and I dare you to find a better flavor, also I work third shift almost every day generally I spend my lunch break reading novels on this site while eating junk food from the vending machine

Chapter 3: Portals, porno, and parenting

"As your party of three walk through the streets of a strange new land you notice that almost everyone you see is asleep, you begin to feel drowsy make a saving Int roll" Victoria and Chelsea cheer as Mari groans.

"quick this planet is heavily covered in Ley lines drag me somewhere with less magic and wake me up" "no no no your sleepy... roll a Wis check to see if your words came out right.." Mari rolls a 7... "the dice seem to hate you today Mari"

Tom laughs at Mari's struggle "you mumble something about less magic and nod off, you start talking in your sleep about lesbian threesome's and fish" The table becomes dead quiet and the three girls stare at Tom with fire in their eyes Victoria speaks up first with a voice that could freeze hellfire "I dare you to say that again..."

Tom opens his mouth but before the words can come out Mari screams "You f∆¢king pig!! if you dare repeat those words I'll spread rumors all over school about you having a baby d!¢k!"

Chelsea blushes, Mike's jaw hit the table, and Larry just sat there and began looking back and forth between Mari and Victoria.. Larry being the 'Genius' of the group asks "what has you two so pissed?"

Victoria cuts her eyes at Larry before explaining. "I borrowed my older brother's laptop so Mari and I could work on a biology project about zombie movies and he didn't close all of his browser tabs... Tom was helping us come up with a way for the 'virus' to spread and opened the browser to Google how many different parasites transfer bloodborne pathogens... the video started playing instantly and it was disturbing for everyone.. never ever ever repeat this conversation unless you want me to give you a second circumcision"

Mike finally regains the ability to speak again " but why fish?" Tom starts to cry from laughing too hard and barely chokes out "just look up Ef∆ckt and you will become the most enlightened man on earth my friend" As Mike and Larry pull their phones out Chelsea walks away saying something about needing something to eat and runs up stairs to raid Tom's fridge.

Moments later she runs back down the stairs almost breaking her neck "Tom's dad just pulled down the driveway!!" ""shit!!"" "everyone grab a Febreze! Larry put the bottle up, Mike light a black&mild NOW!!" Tom runs upstairs while spraying himself with axe before he goes to stall his dad at the door.

"Hey Pops! you're home a few days early did they cancel the conference?" Tom's father Richard is a giant of a man, he works for NORAD as an analyst in the anti-drone security defense force so most of his work can be done from home on his computer, with the odd conference every couple of weeks.

"Actually Tommy I'm going to be out of town for a while they gave me some time to get things settled for you while I'm away... so we are going to have to talk about the game nights you and you're buddies been having in the basement.. by the way if a cop just rolls down the driveway I hope you're smart enough not to open the basement Windows I could smell the reefer the second I opened my car door.."

"uh father I know not of what you speak? I would never allow drugs in the house the D.A.R.E lion taught me better than that.." Tom stammers out causing his father to frown...

"Listen son I'm not yelling at you.. hell I would prefer you do these things at home where I don't have to worry about you getting arrested, just listen to me for a few minutes then I'm going to go inside pack a few things and leave there has been an issue and I'm going to be gone for a few months"

Richard pushes a debit card into Tom's hand "Now look I know you practically raised yourself after your mother passed.. and I basically let you do what you want so long as you stay alive and out of trouble, your grades are good and you rarely skip school but I'm going to need you to be even more responsible I'm going to be gone and I can't tell you exactly how long because I don't even know.. just know that I love you and I will try to reach out to you when I can"

Richard pulls Tom into one of his patented spine crunching hugs ruffles his hair and runs inside to grab a few things, as he walks back out he gives Tom his lucky charm.. a Green colored stone with a few words carved into it hanging on a leather thread... it was the first gift he ever gave to Tom's mother. this all happened so fast Tom couldn't even speak, his father never mentions mom and that's the most he's said at one time for as long as Tom could remember.

Richard Lanier was a man of few words and became a man of no words after his wife, Tom's mother passed away so when he held an actual conversation with him it felt almost surreal. As his father's truck rolled back down the driveway Tom just stared blankly until he felt a light slap on the back of his head and an arm wrap around his neck in a poorly executed choke hold as a certain girl with a slight French accent whispered into his ear "are you ok Tom? everyone downstairs is freaking out and I don't see your dad's beat up Ford?"

Before she could react Tom reaches back and tickles her sides forcing her to let go so he could wipe his face quickly.

"Yeah my dad just left.. he's gonna be gone for a while so we can get back to the game" As Tom heads inside he remembers the stone in his hand and reads the phrase carved into it 'though you shine brighter than the sun you will never burn'.

"You know what? let's just start a do over I don't feel like killing all your characters tonight.." The boys begin to cheer when they hear the good news and Larry pulls his bottle back out "Let's get HAMMERED!"


CREATORS' THOUGHTS
Sum12hate Sum12hate

hope you're still with me here sorry about the language but I did put this as adult content so blame thyself if you are offended. kid stay away from Efuckt... grown ups well it's your call but know this I will judge you if you can actually find the video I'm talking about and for the love of God no links please I finally burned most of that filth from my brain

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