Chapter 18: Oh No
I don't know why I worried about this party so much, everything was sailing smoothly. Kaylee adored the play makeup kit and giant fake pearls I got her, the cake was delicious, and I was able to keep up decent conversations with Jon's family and friends. His siblings seemed especially impressed by me, though I honestly couldn't say why.
When the music came on after cake and presents, I danced with Cindy and came out of it with a bad case of sparkles, proving that glitter is contagious. She and I danced the Macarena, the chicken dance, and a slow dance where I held her little body close to me and she lapped up the attention. This was where the majority of the glitter came from. It felt right, having a child in my arms, but I knew it wasn't meant to be for me. My heart was heavy at the end of the dance.
By the time the next slow song came on, I was sitting in a fold-up chair near the fence, watching everyone else.
Jon stood before me offering his hand. "Come on, we haven't danced yet."
I knew I was nervous for a reason. He was going to do something big, I knew it. Why had I ever agreed to this in the first place? Who cared if I'd actually enjoyed myself a little? This was a terrible idea! He pulled me so close that I could hear his heartbeat. Far more rapid than a heartbeat should be. He was nervous too. Oh no.
"Lori…I know we haven't been dating very long, but you mean a lot to me and I'd really like you to be a bigger part of my life."
I didn't like where this was going. My throat closed on me and I barely managed to choke out, "What do you mean?" I was pretty sure I knew what it meant but I needed my suspicions confirmed.
"You keep pulling away from me," he divulged, not meeting my eyes. "I don't know why. But I love being near you…and I want to know everything about you. I want you to know everything about me. I want us to be more than just the friends we've become over the past couple months."
"Jon, I—" I looked down, ashamed. "I don't know if I can be what you want me to be."
"I just want you to be yourself," he said earnestly, tightening his hold on me.
"What if myself isn't what you think it is?" I whispered. Even without my history of lawbreaking, I was broken. I wasn't the Loretta Latham everyone else saw.
"I don't care about that," he said simply. "I want to get to know you. All of you."
I was pretty sure he didn't. "I don't know, Jon…there's a lot more to me than meets the eye."
"Everyone is like that," he insisted. "Just because I don't know all of you doesn't mean I won't like you. What I can see is pretty great. You're beautiful, smart, caring, passionate, good with kids, and willing to help a scaredy cat paint his roof. What's not to like?"
I decided not to push it. I'd gone too far and there was no turning back now. Jonathan genuinely liked me. I couldn't back out at this point without ruining everything I'd worked for. And was it really the end of the world to spend more time with an actually good human being? I'd faked my way through a whole lot in this world, I could do it a little more. Fake it til you make it, my mom used to say. I could fake being in a relationship. Hadn't I been doing it already? I'd passed the family and friends test!
"So what now?" I dared to ask.
"Now I ask you to be my girlfriend and hope you say yes?"
"Was that a question?" I stifled a laugh.
He raised his eyes to the heavens. "Ugh, this is not coming out right. Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes," I murmured. He leaned down and before I could mentally prepare myself, he was kissing me. I did my best to kiss him back but I'd never done this before. I never realized it would be so wet. At least his breath didn't stink.
"Lori why are you kissing Daddy?" Kaylee asked curiously.
We finally broke apart and Jon had a dopey grin on his face. "Lori's my girlfriend, baby. That means we get to kiss whenever we want."
"Cool. I like Lori." Just like that, she skipped away to play with the Harkness kids.
What had I gotten myself into.
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