Chapter 39: INSECURITY
Running in loop, I don't know why did I suddenly dream about that man again… after so long, his face become a blurry one though the fear that he could make me miserable..
"You should be grateful, that I picked you up."
"Do you think there are any living human male will ever look at you? Or will take you as their girlfriend??"
"You are nothing!!" On and on.. his words that broke my confidence and shatter the core of who I am, haunted me in a limbo of nightmare. I ran and ran and close my ears.
I whimpered and woke up in a start.
Rubbing my face with both of my palm, then staring at it.. my hands trembled slightly. I was breathing hard and sweating like a pig. I don't like this.. I wish there I could just forget about him.. Maybe I should just wiped out the part where he presides in my mind?
"Whats wrong, sweetheart?" A voice shook me out from my thoughts, and I look up in daze.
Kuro had just finished his shower and look exceptionally clean and fresh.
Trying to tamp down my fear and insecurity, I managed to croak out "nothing"
That stopped his movement and his sharp gaze turn to me.
"That doesn't sound nothing" I looked away. Maybe this life is too good to be true.. yes… how could this man, beauty that could ruin a country, caring and loving one would love me? Would accept me.. impossible..
'I'm not worth it' my heart whispered brokenly..
"I need to go" I flipped out the blanket on top of me and stood up. But Kuro appeared in front of me in instant, a citrus kinda smell tickled my nose.
"No. You don't get to run every time something bothering you, my wife.. you need to tell me what's wrong so we can talk this through"
"It's nothing"
"No its not. You're trembling, your face is pale and your beautiful eyes look completely dead…" he touch my cheek and brush it gently.
"Tell me, Iiana.. you are not alone.." he added gently, treating me like a glass that might shatter anytime. Maybe I am a glass for another cracked would end me right there and then.
A tear dropped down my face and I look at him straight in to his eyes.
"Am I worthy to be me? To be my kids mother… your wife?"
"What with this question? Of course you are worthy and more"
"But.."I was exasperated, I didn't want to say it out loud and show him that I was weak, or that how bad my dark past still clung on my mind.
He touched my forehead with his index finger and it glow Blue.. and instantly the whole room temperatures dropped instantly, his jaw was tensed and he was looking over my head..
Is he angry at me? Last time someone show me that kind of face, I ended up with blue face and pain on my neck. Instinctively, I took a step backward. His eyes snapped back at me.
He raised his hand, and I winced, my hand went straight to protect my neck.
He look at me with painful expression, he wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm not gonna hit you. I will never hit you. I would rather cut this hand than hurting you"
He took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly.
"Do not believe what he said. He was a lucky bastard to have you but being a pig he is, he doesn't know the worth of diamonds thrown in front of him"
He cupped both of my face and kissed my nose.
"Darling, believe me… everything about you is wonderfully made. Even your imperfections perfect."
" how would you knOw? my oLd self is nothing like I am right now. I was fat, ugly, and Weak. Its No wonder that he Think like that"
" how about you think about yourself? Don't you ever think that you were worthy to be loved and give love?"
"Darling, I've seen your face and your past life. I think you look beautiful before as you are now. No need to be stuck in on the same place, With the same Ghost. What is important right now is that you were given a second chance chance to Live happy and experiencing On the sides of life. And may I add, Including This too." I was completely off guard when he pushed me down on the bed, and kissing me till we melt and meld.. he grinned and didn't give me a time to push him away nor think twice about it.
"You are mine. And l am yours, iiana. That guy? He is nothing but a shadow that stay behind you. A small tiny spot that appear during the day. While I am your sun, that may burn you and shine you bright, remember that…wifey"
He kissed me with a passionate and crushing kisses.. It make one think that he wanted to leave an imprint on me.. I wrapped my arms around his neck and reach for his neck. Right there, at the crooked of his neck, I left my imprints on him to get even with him. Love bites, no less than three.
" you are killing me iiana.. and it's baffled me that this makes me happy nevertheless.." he laughed drily. "Maybe something is wrong with me.. or maybe, I am just that helpless where you are concern"
Never leaving my side, he had his arms wrapped around me, we lie down peacefully. Not doing anything except cuddle, and just that was enough to still my stormy heart and trembling body. His warmth seep within me, giving me comfort.. shielding me away from the scary big wide world and my last thought before I was lulled back to sleep was
"its so warm and safe.."
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